# Be yourself and don't care too much about the eyes of others

By [奥特曼](https://paragraph.com/@0x76bc1458da85c2cd53051d9502943320be041f71) · 2022-03-16

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Do you remember what you expected when you first went to college? When my parents set foot on the way home and left me alone on the campus of Nuo University, I only expected to be as calm as the senior students. It was so simple. But in fact, no matter how mature I feel, when I first entered the campus, I still think all the time: I am a freshman and I know nothing about it. Compared with the seniors and sisters, I am obviously childish. I was walking on the way to the dormitory. I felt that everyone on the road was looking at me and whispered: look at that freshman, how overwhelmed! I have only one idea in my mind: go back to the dormitory quickly and don't make any mistakes. Thinking and walking like this, every muscle on my body is tight and holding the university map tightly in my hand. I spent an afternoon looking for all the classrooms I will have classes in the future. I don't want to ask for directions. I want to make a gesture of knowing the school like the back of my hand. When I walked through the school playground, I subconsciously glanced. I saw a member of the school football team running on the playground, with strong muscles, mature temperament and confident light. This makes me feel ashamed, sad and even anxious. I'm a freshman. I seem to be good for nothing. It was in that afternoon that I found my classroom in the first class of the University. Another question came again. Where should I sit? The freshman Handbook suggests that we sit in the first row near the desk, because in this way we can show our talents, knowledge and vitality to the lecturers and professors. After consideration, I chose the most side position in the first row. Yes, I am indeed in the most prominent position, but I am almost in the blind spot of the teacher's attention. I am afraid of being called by the teacher to answer questions I can't answer. I opened a brand-new textbook of selected American literature, and then the teacher came in, a kind and gentle old professor. "Welcome to biology 101 class." The professor began his class. A cold sweat came out of my back and ran down my back. I quickly turned out my timetable. The classroom was right, but I went to the wrong building. What should I do now? Get up and leave? Will the professor stop me angrily? I would never raise my hand and say in full view that I was a stupid freshman and went to the wrong classroom. I decided to stay. Assuming I was a biology student, I took notes desperately and cursed my stupidity in a low voice. I even think the specimens of wall snakes are a hint of how stupid I am. Finally, after class, my stomach and nervous system were in urgent need of food comfort. I ran to the cafeteria, filled the tray with sandwiches, and walked to the salad. Suddenly, I was slipped by a pool of ketchup under the ground. I tried to keep myself upright, but I couldn't do it at all. When my ass landed on the ground, the food in the tray spilled on me. The past passed by like a lantern, and the last picture was the embarrassing first lesson in college. I sat on the ground with a blank mind, but I was still hoping that no one would notice me, but the whole restaurant stood up, laughed and even clapped. I think I will never forget that scene. After that, I put on my wet clothes, cleaned up the debris on the ground, and then sneaked out. I didn't dare and didn't want to look back. For the next three days, I didn't dare to go to the canteen where I fell, for fear that others would recognize me and laugh at me. I ate junk food with humiliating and shameful memories. On the fourth day, I finally couldn't stand these fried and oily food anymore. Maybe three days is enough for everyone to forget me who fell in the canteen. When I got to the door of the canteen, I walked past the food table, took simple food, touched the ground with my toes, and walked gently to the table. Suddenly I heard a familiar sound. I raised my head and saw a poor man experiencing my nightmare. He fell to the ground and struggled to get up with some spaghetti hanging on his chest. He looked up and I saw that the poor man was the confident and sunny football player I had seen before! Everyone laughed, but I was full of sympathy. Such a seemingly perfect person would even share this kind of thing! I thought he would sneak away like me, but he raised his hand over his head, made a victory gesture and grinned. Then he picked up another tray and reselected the food. At that time, I suddenly realized that I just maliciously interpreted a happy moment for others. Maybe people here have had such a humiliating moment. I care too much about other people's views. In fact, who cares if you drop a tray and laugh it off at most? Who cares where you sit in class or even appear in a class that shouldn't appear? no one. Because this is the University, a place where we can be ourselves at will. We don't have to perform ourselves every day, which will never be discussed and ridiculed by others. I'm me. I'm just myself. Nowadays, social tools such as microblog and space are emerging. After visiting the circle of friends, I feel that everyone has had a wonderful life and experienced a lot, but I am not indifferent, because everyone seems to be working hard to show others, which is also a criticism of social tools. We use our hair state to constantly revise other people's views and impressions of us. Why not just be yourself? Life is your own, and life is your own. People live for themselves and be the most real themselves.

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*Originally published on [奥特曼](https://paragraph.com/@0x76bc1458da85c2cd53051d9502943320be041f71/be-yourself-and-don-t-care-too-much-about-the-eyes-of-others)*
