# Why do you allow strangers to succeed, but you can't stand the prosperity of people around you

By [隔哈哈](https://paragraph.com/@0x9d8d21d419fcbe6bc299a87ac7b27090ad84122c) · 2022-04-28

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The new year is coming again, and the blessing SMS is about to be bombed. Please protect yourself, cherish your mobile phone and protect your mind from being dazzled by all kinds of fake mass messages. If you say hypocrisy, someone must scold. But don't worry, please listen to me. The reason why we say false is that we have no imagination and hope others can do well. You said in the mass text message, friend, I wish you a fortune! But if the other party is really rich, you will feel particularly bad; You said to your best friend on wechat that I wish you marry a prince charming who is rich, talented and beautiful! But if the other party is really married, you will feel that nothing is right. People are such hypocrisy. Compared with the developed people around us, what we subconsciously desire is to see them gray, poor and weak. Anyway, we can't compare with ourselves. "When you sleep" is such a story. The hero is bald, fat, single, poor, ugly and frustrated. In a word, it is the kind of old loser that we can't see directly. Of course he's not happy. Therefore, he couldn't stand the happy people around him, so he tried his best to destroy the happiness of others and let everyone assimilate into a dark and depressed species like him. He broke into private houses, stole, threatened, killed cats, raped, killed people, gave birth to children by belly... Everything is extremely important. For a person who feeds on hate, all youth, joy and peace are the objects he wants to devour. So the question is, why does this best scum do this? In April, I watched the play "amber" at the Friendship Theater. There was a line used to explain the most accurate: "there is only one thing that can make us equal, that is pain." I suspect that the protagonist of let you sleep takes it as a motto and practices it all the time. This "if you are not happy, I will be happy" behavior is not only bred in the film, but also gave birth to children all over the world, across the sea, land and air, Europe, Asia and Africa. In the legend of the beauty of Sicily, the women in the small town were always angry with the radiant Malena until her long hair was cut short, fat and mediocre, and became no different from them, so the women in the small town accepted her. Empress Lu held a grudge against the beautiful lady Qi until she became a human being. In your life and mine, there are many examples that can only allow you to fail, but can't allow you to succeed. A few days ago, I talked with a writer about being scolded. She said that she found that it was not others who scolded her the hardest, the most persistent and the worst, but the people in the circle she had just got rid of. I'm laughing. You're really late in learning. You just found out! That's common sense, okay?! Who doesn't know that criminals are mostly people around them, and people's most unbearable are relatives, friends or close friends. Gulong said that the closest person is often your enemy. She talked about some things in the past and said that when she was disheartened, she had a good friend around her. I once stood together at dusk and asked her if the porridge was warm. The relationship is also close. However, she vaguely felt that good friends should not cry in the long night, but should run together at dawn. However, the other party is a typical resentful woman who wants to live a superior life without paying medium labor. She only knows to live and die, die and live in the lowest lust. She gradually became tired of this kind of relationship. She was tired of "do you say he loves me or not", "will he divorce because of me", "I heard that Wang Huayue's gun was known by his husband, this woman is really speechless"... And so on. She drifted away intentionally or unintentionally and focused on what she was doing. Three years later, she traveled all over the world and was admired by thousands of people. Her works were like snow, and she lived the life she had been looking forward to. One day, she suddenly found that her former friend turned the spear and said evil words to her, and there was no more good words. How much love you used to have, how fast you turn your face now. How good it used to be, how rude it is now. How close they used to be, how cruel they are now. "But you can't even tell her that I'm not like this. What you said was the opposite... You just sneered and strengthened the truth that 'friends must have the same three views and similar wealth and status'." What can I say? Only silently praise in my heart. Living in the world, you have to compete for resources with others. Such as wealth, power, spouse. Therefore, everyone around us is a competitor. This kind of involuntary competition brings endless social comparison. Appearance, ability, mind, background, wealth... How much you have determines your status. But this comparison also selects objects. We don't compete with strangers because they are not a threat because of different groups. No matter how beautiful Fan Bingbing is, he won't rob Wang Er next door with me; No matter how rich Li Jiacheng is, he will not drive Rolls Royce to work in our company every day; No matter how big Edison Chen JJ is, he won't let me wear a bright green hat. We will only fight with the people around us all our life and challenge silently. Their situation has also become the source of our self-concept. Please see the following figure: The two middle circles are the same size. But we will think that figure 2 is larger and figure 1 is smaller. This is the cognitive fallacy of comparison. The same is true in social comparison. Handsome people make us feel ugly; When the people around you are fools; We feel smart; When the people around us are low, we feel tall. give extended application. If they are strong, you will feel weak; If they are powerful, you will consciously fail; If they are Superman, you will realize that they are worms and pigs; They LV today, Hermes tomorrow, and a dozen Prada the day after tomorrow, you will feel very poor; They try to counter attack and become masters, and you will consciously do nothing and waste food. This is relative deprivation in psychology. That is, when people compare their situation with a certain standard or a certain reference and find themselves at a disadvantage, they will have a sense of deprivation. This feeling can lead to negative emotions, which can be expressed as anger, resentment or dissatisfaction. Strangers have nothing to do with us. Their promotion and development have little sense of relative deprivation. Therefore, we will accept their success. Friends are different. They are all people of the same status. Suddenly, a person is unattainable and looks up from head to head. Of course, a strong sense of gap will make another person unhappy. "When your friend fails, you will be very sad; when your friend succeeds, you will be even more sad," said Bollywood That's the truth. Beggars never envy rich people, but they envy beggars who do better than him. Ugly men never envy beautiful women, but they envy ugly men who marry better than her. Therefore, the protagonist in "when you sleep" finds that only he is unhappy and has a strong desire to destroy when compared with the people around him. Therefore, under her success, the writer's friend saw his incompetence and laziness, had a strong jealousy and said all kinds of bad things behind her back. There are two ways of jealousy attack: one is lust and the other is injury. The eroticism here is not fantasy, but an Ah Q attack. For example, when your beautiful classmate drives a BMW and lives in a luxury house, you say behind your back that the scheming bitch and white lotus definitely use the hidden rules. If I were as shameless as her, I would earn millions a year. One of your friends is very successful, so he said, it's not a spell father. If it weren't for the background, could he be today? If I had such a father, let alone the general manager, I would be the chairman. The reason why people are so sour is that they see the gap, but they can't eliminate it. They can only belittle each other's achievements and make each other lower, so as to achieve inner balance. When the other party is pushed into an unnecessary pit in your mind, you have to look down on him, then you will be calm and continue to be lazy. Therefore, the direct impact of this lust on oneself is to refuse progress. Over time, you become a resentful woman and a "few people without disease" Cai HuanGong. If anything happens, you only know to find problems from others, not from yourself. Of course, although this state is despised, the good thing is that it does not hurt others, which is not too much. But when it comes to the implementation stage, it goes beyond the bottom line. Injury is divided into language injury and behavior injury. Language injury refers to the harassment of the male owner to the female owner in "when you sleep", the rumor attack of the writer's friend, as well as all kinds of rumors, slander and slander. Behavioral injury refers to killing cats, killing people and adultery in the film, causing real harm to others. At this stage, it will be suicide. After all, we still have the legal system. Everyone has jealousy. But the reason why we didn't become a dark resentful woman is that there are other things like ropes that pull ourselves out of the shadow: upward power, from good instinct. Because we are upward, we face up to the gap and try to get close to our idols; Because we are good, we have enough conscience not to hurt others. If you are still jealous and can't get rid of it, please try to find your self-worth. She is good at singing and dancing. You can write and draw; She is good at socializing and you are good at making money; She will seduce men with her thighs, and you will conquer the world with your talent. Guo Furong said it well. The world is so beautiful, but you prefer comparison. It's not good, not good. Indulging in comparison will lead to great internal friction. It threatens self-awareness and puts us in the illusion of inferiority at any time. In order to resist this kind of injury, the psychological defense mechanism starts by itself, resulting in restlessness, anxiety, irritability and depression day and night. The essence of life in the world is not to compare with the people around you, but to prove your self-worth. When you know why you came to the world and where your direction is, life is anchored. It is difficult to fluctuate and lose your original heart in the comparison of multiple patterns. It's useless to worry about the success of a friend all your life. Time is still wasted and mental strength is still wasted. It's better to lower your head and start planting for yourself in the soil of life. Only when you open branches and leaves, produce flowers and seeds, can you see your rich life in autumn.

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*Originally published on [隔哈哈](https://paragraph.com/@0x9d8d21d419fcbe6bc299a87ac7b27090ad84122c/why-do-you-allow-strangers-to-succeed-but-you-can-t-stand-the-prosperity-of-people-around-you)*
