# Marriage should follow the heart By [BrianJulie](https://paragraph.com/@brianjulie) · 2022-04-15 --- Everyone has expectations for love, and you can let others wake you up at the critical moment. Everyone should have heard of the “double reduction” in education. Reduce students’ homework burden and reduce the burden of students’ extracurricular training. But marriage is “double minus”. Have you ever heard of it? Big data survey shows that the number of marriages and divorce cases are also gradually decreasing. Taking the data released by Jiangsu as an example, in the past year, the number of marriage registrations decreased by 5.16% over the previous year; Among them, many are remarried. The number of divorces is also declining. Zhejiang registered 5554 pairs of divorces last year, a year-on-year decrease of 37.76%; The divorce registration in Shandong decreased by 43.8% compared with that in 2019, and the divorce registration in Fuyang, Anhui decreased by more than 50% year-on-year…… Behind the “double reduction” of marriage and divorce data is that only when you are in it can you understand the truth of middle-aged marriage life: I can’t live without it. I can’t live without it. The average age of divorce registration is 38 In the divorce data published everywhere, there is a similar commonality: The average age of couples registered for divorce is 38 for men and 37 for women. The average age of first marriage registration is 28 for men and 26 for women. This means that many marriages tend to fall apart in about 10 years of marriage. After three to five years of marriage, all novelty and love have become daily necessities. Since the birth of the child, the topic of two people has become business. Even sharing one more mood will be rejected and there will be a lot of nonsense; One person is at home with his children, and the other is busy outside. Everyone feels that he is the most wronged person, and no one can understand who. After five years of marriage, daily necessities have become a chicken flying dog jumping. In order to reduce the conflict and friction in life, the two people began to live their own lives. They didn’t talk and slept in separate rooms. They couldn’t see each other for a few days. Chatting with friends is more comfortable than chatting with partners. They have company outside, and their relationship is not as good as renting roommates. At least share a roommate and sometimes take the garbage downstairs for you. South Korea’s “sweetest sister and brother love” couple, Ju Huishan and an Zaixian, are a true portrayal of this cooling of feelings. Fall in love at first sight and decide to marry each other at first sight. After marriage, the two began to quarrel immediately. Because of her career, she often didn’t see her face and no one did housework. Gu Huishan began to complain. Why should she bear all this alone? Anzaixian spent less and less time at home and didn’t accompany her. He also said “your nipples are not sexy”. But an Zaixian couldn’t help fighting back and revealed a lot of inside information about marriage: You Huishan is a mind controlling partner in love. She would lose her temper if she didn’t let him talk and asked him to come back every second. But she never asked herself so. Throwing dirty water on each other and tearing it to pieces, people reach middle age and get married. Younger people will feel that such a life is too depressing. Why not divorce? People who have been married for too long can only smile helplessly. In addition to the cooling off period, there are too many reasons to be inseparable. How to divide the house, who will recite the mortgage last, and whether the name on the real estate certificate can represent the ownership of the house? Who does the child live with? Does the child prefer his father or mother? Should his predecessor visit him after separation? How to deal with common property? If the quality of life drops sharply after divorce, how should we bear it? Can you meet the right person after divorce? Won’t he dislike his second marriage? All kinds of worries contribute to the most helpless outcome. Thought, he didn’t mean to live with you and want to leave, but divorce was not so understated. Those who do not divorce must have figured out these three things When marriage is in a mess, do you have to hold your nose and bear it silently? Some people will take very positive measures. For example, in the first half of my life, Luo Zijun didn’t dare to be angry when he knew that his husband had cheated. But try to coax her husband to be happy, put her position very low, and want to wait for him to change his mind. She cried and said, “as long as you are willing to leave that woman, I can give you time, three or four months, I can do whatever I want.”. But Chen Junsheng didn’t need her at all. He just looked at her tears indifferently and felt that Luo Zijun was a dispensable burden. In the face of a broken marriage, it is actually a bad policy to belittle yourself. I want to say that those who are not divorced or uncomfortable when their feelings are broken must have achieved two words: self consistency. For them, marriage is not all the values of life, but what they need. First, partner marriage. In house of cards, there is a couple, Claire and frank. Both of them know each other very well. They are soul mates in life and career and help each other in life. But they are actually masked couples. Claire is out there with lovers everywhere, and Frank is not willing to be weak. When I go out for a tryst, I will tell my partner that I don’t have to leave my meal tonight; If there is a need for career, the husband will personally send his wife to someone else’s bed. Many people can’t accept such an open relationship. They obviously don’t have love. Why do they stay in marriage? But this couple is actually the most sober. Their career, property and reputation are tied together. The combination of strong and strong can obtain more benefits. Once divorced, they will fall out of that circle. What’s more, Claire is an ambitious woman. She couldn’t stand washing her hands for soup, and Frank was a rare man who could respect his career ambitions. One minute with others, the next minute to go home for dinner on time, do not have to endure the anger and grievances of running in with your partner, and do not need to explain your choice with anyone. The efficiency is too high. Second, close Neptune marriage. The Oscar nominated film “marriage story” tells the whole process of a couple’s divorce. They are together because of the satisfaction of intimacy needs. Nicoloe is an actor who often performs everywhere. She needs a partner who can be her support; Charlie often meets many temptations because of work needs. He needs a wife who can forgive his sea king. When they can also provide intimate value to each other, marriage is very happy and have a baby --- *Originally published on [BrianJulie](https://paragraph.com/@brianjulie/marriage-should-follow-the-heart)*