# Struggling to Survive My Life Until I Die



By [Error404](https://paragraph.com/@error404) · 2025-07-13

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Living is slowly torturing me to death.

Driven by hope for a brighter tomorrow, a better life, I keep going.

That one small word — _Hope…_ The driving force behind it all.

But hope is deceptive. Maybe even cruel.

They say, _“Just keep hoping and you’ll achieve anything.”_

So I hoped.

Naive and full of belief, I tried. Again and again.

At first, it was for the dream — the status, the freedom, the promise of “more.”

But after every try became another failure… I did it just to survive.

And the more I failed, the more that hope — once my fuel —**burned my worth to ashes.**

It shattered my belief in myself. It turned my purpose into dust.

My whole existence became _survival._

I kept trying and kept failing.

Until the hope that once gave me fire… turned into rage, regret, and hate.

I hated that I still hoped. Because hoping meant I kept trying. And trying meant I kept showing up. And I believed — _deep down_ — that something would change.

And eventually, something did.

**I changed.**

I became bitter. Angry. Every failure cracked me open further, but I kept moving,

I was shattered… held together by hope that refused to die.

Some days I feel nothing at all. Empty. And I think the fire has gone out.

But then somehow, hope rises from the ashes and sets me on fire again.

And then — another failure. Another hit. Another wave of rage.

And so the vicious cycle continues.

The torture goes on.

Days blur into months. Seasons change. My struggle stays.

And the fire?

It still burns.

Sometimes with rage so strong it paralyzes me. Sometimes, with flickers of hope.

But today, I’m publishing this on the blockchain.

Not for attention. Not for pity.But because maybe — just maybe — someone out there knows what it feels like to be **buried alive inside your own story.**

If this post finds you — and if you _feel_ it — mint it. Not as charity.

But as **proof that I existed. That I fought. That I _tried._**

This is my lifeline. This is my final match.

**The blockchain is my witness.**

If I burn — let this post be the smoke signal.

— Just another soul, struggling to survive her life until she dies.

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*Originally published on [Error404](https://paragraph.com/@error404/struggling-to-survive-my-life-until-i-die)*