#        YOU ARE WHAT YOU DO.

By [GRBN](https://paragraph.com/@grbn) · 2022-12-06

---

I want to share with you one of my endless worries. This is a fresh pickle of thoughts from my head, but this time not about the eternal.

Returning to the rhythm after the lived cycles of life began causing problems. Tendencies to laziness, poor sleep, a lot of wasted time. Procrastination is a type of self-destructive behavior in which a person mostly engages in self-examination, with an accompanying tendency to idleness.

But there is one "but". I'm not a procrastinator, I just don't give a fuck. My problems with idleness and laziness are connected with the fact that it is very easy for me to let go of the reasons to do something and completely forget about them. This was reflected on the inability to focus on one thing and do it for a long time. All the hobbies that I had - I gave up. The desire to do it disappeared and I stopped liking it. At some point I started to ask myself what this is related to. The question came to my mind out of nowhere, as if a thought had been shoved into my head.

They didn't put a thought into my head. It's just that every time I was faced with the realization that I wasn't ready to spend my life on what I was doing before. I've always wanted to fall head over heels in love with one thing and do it for the rest of my life. This is the only way I want to move - in one direction, thousands of hours on end in an endless rhythm, without regret that I once turned somewhere wrong.

I had to dig into my childhood, work in a team, and finally understand who I am and why I am needed. Finding your own business means spending time on things that may eventually disappoint you and let you down. But if you don't try, then you won't know. It comes to people mostly in old age, when an understanding is formed that maybe "it was necessary to take a risk."

It's been three years since I started doing what I like. Anyone crawls at the start. It seems like you're not even going anywhere. But it's not like that, you're moving, but so far slowly. It becomes more interesting when you feel the ground, find the trajectory and calculate the force to make a breakthrough.

---

*Originally published on [GRBN](https://paragraph.com/@grbn/you-are-what-you-do)*