# Vega Day

By [Green Soul](https://paragraph.com/@green-soul) · 2022-12-23

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I go to eat vegetarian food.

I ask my doctor a thousand questions and have a thousand more and I'm trying very hard to feel strong and in control and strong and in control and strong.

And I'm so very tired.

There's only one thing I know to do. I spend that Saturday and Sunday with no schedule, sleeping very little.

There's one problem, though.

By the end of Sunday, I'm starving. I haven't eaten in four days and I have no food and I need food.

And when I'm hungry I'm craving vegan food.

But there's no vegan food to be had.

My sister has her birthday dinner the next day at the famed Babbo in NYC and the idea of the food she and her husband will eat, and the food that she will eat alone with me, and the food I will eat, and the food I will eat alone with me is unbearable to even contemplate.

And by Monday I'm no longer able to spend my time alone with any calm or cool feelings. The truth is that I'm lost.

Lost in the middle of all of it.

So, that's where I am right now.

Still lost.

Lost in the middle of food.

Losing some of the strength and feeling in my body that I worked so hard to gain.

Lost in the middle of the confusion that is food.

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*Originally published on [Green Soul](https://paragraph.com/@green-soul/vega-day)*