# Who am I without crypto?

*I have no idea.*

By [Higher Highs](https://paragraph.com/@higherhighs) · 2024-06-19

existential crisis, crypto

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Since 2020, the core of my personality has been built around the conviction that I am a future crypto millionaire. For the last four years, all my decisions have been based on the _'fact'_ that I will undoubtedly at least 10x my net worth in the next bull cycle..

Earlier this year, I began my journey as an airdrop hunter, expecting to at least 100x my net worth by the end of the year. For the last six months, I have lived with that expectation, I strongly believed in that, which is why I've been literally working 18 hours a day..

This clear vision of my future self has been encapsulating my core personality - everything else stemmed from it. In my mind, it wasn't a matter of "if", it was a matter of "when".

In the last two days, the whole world turned upside down to me. I realized I will likely not become a millionaire this cycle - altcoins are -70%, and the airdrop meta is dead. Breaking even will be good enough by itself.

All my hopes, goals and dreams dissolved like snow in hot water. I don't know who I am anymore without that vision - who am I? What are my aspirations, goals, hopes and dreams today? I have no idea. I draw a blank when I think about my future. Crypto felt like my last chance, my last hope and I don't have it anymore. I feel empty, disappointed and ashamed of myself. The belief in me finally becoming financially free this year was giving me strength in the darkest of days - I don't have that privelege anymore. I feel fragile; I feel naked; I feel exposed. The impending and innevitable draft doesn't help much either (yeah, I'm from Ukraine).

I am not leaving crypto and airdrops, but now I need to figure out who I am without crypto, who I am without the millions of dollars I thought were waiting for me in the not-so-distant future.  

P.S. If you have a movie, book, video, or song on the topic of losing or redefining yourself to recommend, I'm all ears.

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*Originally published on [Higher Highs](https://paragraph.com/@higherhighs/who-am-i)*