# Desperation Casts

By [jer979](https://paragraph.com/@jer979-2) · 2025-09-15

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I feel a need come on.

Unmet, it becomes a focus.

Over time, still unmet, it becomes an obsession, a desperation.

Eventually, it seems like it is all-consuming.

It’s not I can still function, but it feels like it takes up a disproportionate amount of mental energy.

Not only that, but it leads me to discount all the things I do have.

It’s the reverse of gratitude.

And the feeling?

It’s like a plaster cast around my torso, constricting me, leading me down a path of bitterness, resentment, frustration, navel-gazing, self-centeredness and ego.

I imagine a saw cutting that cast, freeing me, and the doctor saying, “you don’t need this anymore. You can move freely without it.”

While it might be there, I don’t feel the freedom. Don’t believe it’s there and certainly am not comfortable with it yet.

It’s like I’m scared of what it means to not have that support.

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*Originally published on [jer979](https://paragraph.com/@jer979-2/desperation-casts)*