# Undiscipline

By [jer979](https://paragraph.com/@jer979-2) · 2025-08-11

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Every now and then, I “break ranks.”

It’s a source of (perhaps egotistical) pride that I have strong self-discipline.

But, sometimes, that discipline just goes entirely out the window.

Well, maybe not entirely, but pretty far.

It used to be that this would happen and, while it was happening, I would constantly berate myself for the fact that it was happening…which made it all the worse.

While I’m not 100% okay with it, now I’m slowly starting to realize that, on occasion, these moments can be healthy. Even necessary.

That’s not to say that it happens across the board. I mean, it doesn’t include cheating on my wife or suddenly thinking that it’s ok to steal.

But in other, less extreme areas, I am _slowly_ beginning to accept that it is possible that this is part of the path to balance.

I’m not sure I like it yet. I fear the “slippery slope” of descent with no return, but, at the same time, I’ve known myself for a while now and I have a high degree of confidence that, soon enough, that discipline muscle-which is signaling that it’s tired-will be refreshed and renewed and will be back in action.

There’s a feeling in my body when it needs a break, when it needs some “undiscipline.” I can’t quite place it yet, but I am starting to recognize that it is indeed there.

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*Originally published on [jer979](https://paragraph.com/@jer979-2/undiscipline)*