# Sunday

**Published by:** [lane riley ](https://paragraph.com/@laneriley/)
**Published on:** 2022-01-09
**URL:** https://paragraph.com/@laneriley/sunday

## Content

1.9.22 I am always introspecting sitting with the part of me that is looking for a corner to cut the lazy part the part of me that is used to handouts I am Being forced to sit with that part of my artistry / mySelf my Saturn return is breathing down my neck n I want to get rid of everything is there a way to Be nakeder? it feels like the other side of this is so powerful I am a lil scared of mySelf I have so many resources so much help so many safety nets there are multiple hands outstretched when I ask am I focusing on the ways that I have victimized mySelf? why am I afraid of my own success? n others Seeing it? who made me that way? how do I See this from a Higher vantage point? can I? do I want to badly enough? & for the “right” reasons? all of it is performance I didnt realize how angry I have Been about the last 3 years leaning into my gifts has turned my Life upside down my conscious evolution alongside / within(?) web3 is something so overwhelming it makes me want to break things I think the grief of the awareness of so much possibility is consuming me Time wasted on anything but Love confuses me why do I want to understand? how do I focus my awareness on the future without Becoming disemBodied? how do I build in hyperspeed without neglecting the people still back on Earth? is it my responsibility to care? why does the rejection hurt so much if I Know my Heart? if I Know the contents are gilded? how do I continue to align with others when we all have the same trigger finger(s)? everyBody is jus trying to Be the first one out the door climbing over each other its all Become a game somewhere along the way I guess I consented to play but I am revoking consent from the competitive cycles I jus want to exist to create to Love n to Be Loved! not fight I cant keep fighting people who do not want to find peace I find mySelf meeting others on Timelines of chaos because I can what kind of reverse saviorism is that? sacrificing yourSelf so others dont feel a way? I leave it all on the page on the blockchain writing all my pain transmuting alchemical potential creating more space for Living in reverence to Dying I am bowing to the consequential nature of Time in Real Time I am anciently futuristic as I create in Service to Life in Service to the God(dess) I See my energy returns back to me from across all space & Time I call the pieces of me back to me my breath covers me toroidally I am that I amdear 33 year old Selfwe did itin gratitude, R

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