# Disentangle your worries By [lungan](https://paragraph.com/@lungan) · 2022-11-21 --- ![](https://storage.googleapis.com/papyrus_images/1e51ec2c6263fe0570745e0480e7c0806c8c284560fb8d15197eb82f8d30b83a.png) Disentangle your worries, remove your emotional ambiguities Cognitive ambiguities come from within, emotional ambiguities come from outside. People face all kinds of troubles every day, but most of them are used to passive suffering, few people are willing to take the initiative to face. Bert Hellinger, a German psychotherapist, once described people's attitude to trouble in this way: It is easier to suffer than to solve problems, to suffer misfortune than to enjoy happiness. This is very much in keeping with the human nature of not thinking. Because it takes brain power to solve problems, it takes brain power to balance delicate relationships to enjoy happiness, and it takes brain power to stay stuck in pain. Although passive suffering also costs a lot of energy, people are genetically programmed not to use energy actively, so Meituan founder Wang Xing's statement resonated with many: Most people will do anything to avoid real thinking. But avoiding the pain doesn't make it go away. Instead, it drives it into the subconscious and becomes a vague feeling. And once the specific event is blurred, its boundary will be infinitely expanded, and the small things that are not difficult will also become difficult to solve in the fuzzy subconscious. It feels like listening to the sound of "countless frogs" in the pond, which makes people very upset. When you really can't help it, you go to have a look, only to find that there are only a few frogs. The real difficulty is much less than imagined. The root cause of procrastination, confusion, fear and fear is often not the difficulty of the task itself, but the blurring of the inner thoughts. Just as the nameless fear that makes us shudder before the 3K test, we find that the 3K test is no more than that once we start running and have to confront it head-on. If we can be more positive and learn to look at it, unpick it, and see it from the start, maybe that tension won't bother us and we can even "enjoy" the game. But some things, once in the subconscious mind, can be difficult to erase. For example, bad experiences from childhood, long forgotten by the conscious mind, remain in the subconscious mind and secretly influence our character and behavior. Some patients with severe depression or mental disorders sometimes need to undergo hypnosis therapy, and all the methods used by psychohypnotists in the treatment are really only to achieve one thing: to awaken the subconscious painful events, so that the patient can face it again, see it, and thus completely resolve it. Remember, no painful event, no matter how small, will go away. The only way not to be troubled by it is to face it, to see it, to unpick it, to dissolve it, not to give it a chance to enter the subconscious, not to give it a chance to blur; Even if it's already in the subconscious, find a way to dig it out. So when you feel that unexplainable, unexplainable feeling in your heart, sit down and ask yourself a question. · What makes you irritable? Is it getting up on stage to give a speech, meeting someone, or just having your head in the clouds? · What specifically makes you fearful? Is it a lack of ability, preparation, or fear of something happening? · What can I do in the face of difficulties? What can't you do? What's the worst that can happen if you fail or screw up? Dig down one layer at a time until you can't dig any more. Open acknowledgment and acceptance of unmentionable thoughts makes emotions extremely transparent. While confronting your emotions won't make the pain go away, or even worsen it in the short term, it will allow you to take control of the situation, or at least not be intimidated by your emotions. Fear is a bully. If you avoid it, it will open its teeth and claw. If you face it, it will show its true shape. Once you see it clearly, the emotion will slowly dissipate from your subconscious mind and your life will feel better. ![](https://storage.googleapis.com/papyrus_images/62ac21aa4bda1efb6d5049ee25cd17dedea54e0d9a34565b29d4a048566c696d.png) Clarity of perception, peace of mind, and ultimately firmness of action. Many people attribute low motivation to environmental interference or weak willpower. In fact, the real cause of low motivation is vague choices. Ambiguity is our inability to make a clear, explicit choice when faced with many possibilities. It's very common when you have a lot of desires, a lot of threads in your head, or a lot of free time on your hands to get into the "I want to do this and I want to do that; "You can do this, you can do that," is like being at a crossroads all the time, but not knowing where to go, thus plunging yourself into a kind of uncertainty. Choosing vagueness is a kind of uncertainty, and humans will unconsciously escape from uncertainty, because in ancient times, when our ancestors saw the grass moving but could not know what was in it, they would have a strong psychological stress response to guard against the lion that might jump out at any time. It's written into our genes to "avoid uncertainty" in order to survive, so when we have a lot of vague options in our minds, we automatically choose the one that's clearest, simplest, and certain. In other words, when we don't have clear instructions or goals, it's easy to choose pleasure over the mind-burning options we should be sticking to. --- *Originally published on [lungan](https://paragraph.com/@lungan/disentangle-your-worries)*