# Progeny By [Musings of a Professor in Name Only](https://paragraph.com/@professorstam) · 2022-02-20 --- _(Spoiler Alert: tried and true clichés incoming)_ When your significant other is expecting, the comment you will hear that is as inevitable as death and taxes is “Having a kid will change your life”. With both reluctance and pride I would say I agree. Reluctance because my pre-father self had my doubts that were proven epically wrong but with pride because I believe that I have become a better person since helping to bring life into this world. And really, it should be expected that having a kid will change your life. After all, if you are willing to stick around (as we all know there are those who do not), life is no longer squarely focused around you, but the attention, emotion and care must shift to provide and nurture the growth of another. It’s impossible for it not to change your life. But it’s not a wholesale replacement, but rather a very, very large addition, kind of like living in a pool house and then constructing multiple additions tripling its ‘size. Yeah, its still technically the same property and your house, but things have DEFINITELY changed, and there’s a lot more work and upkeep to keep it all together. I used to live a very independent life. I moved out of my parents house after high school and only really even returned for regular visits and holidays. I was ready to go explore, build something for myself, and I was loving it. My early to mid twenties was a rash of work, parties, girls and basically doing whatever I wanted. Last minute trip to Atlantic City with the boys? Lets go! 9PM text from a friend to meet downtown for a drink? Just send me the address. Hey, I worked hard, I made good money, I can do what I want, that’s the American Dream! I think that’s an important thing to experience, its a part of a natural progression which is really quite elegant, because many around you in your peer group and age are largely going through the same transformation. But inevitably I met my now wife, shared some incredible experiences and decided we would spend the rest of time together. Pretty standard stuff, and really with every phase shift, it was a slightly different variation on the theme. When you get married and move in, things become more communal, you learn to share more, however that sense of personal freedom and independence still resonates. Life is still about you and the people around you. However, as foreshadowed, having a child changes the game significantly. I want to preface this next section with the statement that I love being a Dad. I love my son, its tough for me to imagine life without him, even though I had already written 31 years of my story before he entered. That statement in of itself I think is emblematic of the transformation you go through as an individual. You see, even in the moments leading up to when my wife had Roman, I was oblivious to how different my life would flip in literally an instant. Once he came out, and I sat there meeting him for the first time, there was a part of my heart that was unlocked. My capacity for love expanded three sizes, [Grinch-style](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGSs33DQ1F0). It’s not something that can be explained. I’ve counseled numerous friends and family on this very point multiple times, but it’s impossible to grok until it happens. But I always circle back and ask what they experience, and the answer inevitably is always the same “I never knew I could feel this way”. This is not to say that raising a child is always rainbows and butterflies (and honestly I’m in the early innings here myself). As an infant, they are little bumps on a log that require detailed assistance for everything from eating to pooping to sleeping. In fact one of the craziest things to think about is that babies struggle to go to sleep _because they haven’t learned how to!_ You are their shepherd, their life is in your hands (no pressure!). That takes a lot of work, you can see very quickly how the days of independence and partying slowly fade into distant memory. Merely leaving the house is a ten minute adventure, making sure you have ample diapers, wipes, snacks, a change of clothes, preparing for whatever may happen that could derail the activity you are trying to accomplish. Your capacity is all of a sudden constrained. Work, hygiene, health and all of the other aspects of your life have not magically gone away. You must now find a way to fit everything into a 24 hour day, and that leaves to sacrifices. Sacrifices in free time, sleep, sometimes your sanity (I kid but not really)! It’s all worth it. In fact, I think the parents get the better end of the deal. I’ve personally added a massive wing to my own pool house. Over the last three years, I have found myself to be more compassionate, more emotional, more willing to listen and above all, truly filled with so much more love and appreciation for those around me. It’s helped me to focus my life and purpose on providing and caring for my family, because after all, it’s not all about me anymore. There are these little things that I can’t help to shake. I tear up now when watching a movie where a child loses a parent. I now take notice of parents with their kids when walking down the street and smile as opposed to just obliviously strolling by. Watching my child experience things for the first time gives me the most overwhelming feeling of joy that is indescribable. All of this may seem like obvious side effects of becoming a parent, but it further supports my point. The part of you that is unlocked when raising a child is such a gift, that you become more than willing to put that past life in the rearview and do everything for them. So really, for all future parents out there or those thinking about it, if you’re worried about no longer having time for yourself, don’t. It’ll be in a slightly different way, but you’ll find a way to make time. If you’re worried you won’t be a good parent, don’t. Humans have an innate instinct to nurture and bring life in the world. Give in to those instincts and you will be fine. After all, we’ve been doing this for thousands of years. If you’re worried your life won’t be the same, don’t. It won’t be the same, but as I just outlined, that’s because it’ll be enriched and expanded in ways you could never have imagined. I believe you will look back years later, on all the love, dedication and work it took to be a parent and come to the conclusion: It was all worth it. \- Prof Stam --- *Originally published on [Musings of a Professor in Name Only](https://paragraph.com/@professorstam/progeny)*