# The Children... By [Ram](https://paragraph.com/@ram008) ยท 2023-08-27 --- While watching Game of Thrones and House of the Dragon, I often got reminded that it is all about the children. Wars are fought for children, friendships and alliances are forged for children, principles are bent for children, and lives are sacrificed for children. When it comes to the children, everything is fair game to give them what they need, even more than they need it, before they need it. As parents, we first-generation Indian parents to be, are trained and shown examples of parents who never let children fail, and do whatever it takes to make them win, even at the cost of our own careers. But if or when the stage comes where the kids do not take advantage, do not work hard enough, do not show motivation, and do not show effort despite everything parents do, it is such a difficult pill to swallow. Listening to spiritual discourses from greats like Radhanath Swami maharaj, you learn that we are but the servant of the servant of the servant. We are speck of dust in the cosmic universe and have no control over anything. To expect anything is attachment, to start off with a certain outcome or return in mind is attachment to that outcome. However hard it is, we are but the companions and guides of our children. We have a role to play, to serve, to provide, to enable them to navigate and to give them all the tools to become successful. However, what the success means, or how they accomplish it, and when, is beyond the best of our control, no matter what we think. Doing any of these things is not a favor, but in fact it is a privilege. However, it takes a great deal of spiritual maturity not to get sucked back into the feelings of expecting a return on investment, expecting a certain degree of effort. ChatGPT gives the following explanation for kids not doing their part 1. **Developmental Stage:** Adolescence is a period of significant physical, emotional, and cognitive development. During this time, individuals may experience shifts in their priorities, interests, and motivations. They might be exploring their identity and experimenting with different behaviors. 2. **Lack of Interest:** If a task or goal doesn't align with a child's interests or passions, they may be less motivated to work hard on it. Finding ways to connect tasks to their interests can boost motivation. 3. **Overwhelm:** The pressure to excel in academics, extracurricular activities, and social interactions can lead to feelings of overwhelm. Some children might withdraw or appear unmotivated as a way to cope with stress. 4. **External Pressure:** Constant pressure from parents, teachers, or peers to perform exceptionally well can lead to resistance and rebellion. Children might respond by avoiding or underperforming to assert some control over their lives. 5. **Lack of Autonomy:** If children feel that their choices and decisions are constantly controlled or restricted, they might rebel by not engaging in activities or setting goals. 6. **Fear of Failure:** A fear of failure or not meeting expectations can discourage children from trying their best. They might avoid setting goals to avoid the possibility of not achieving them. 7. **Low Self-Esteem:** Children with low self-esteem might believe they are incapable of achieving their goals, leading to a lack of motivation to work hard. 8. **Digital Distractions:** The presence of smartphones, social media, and other digital distractions can impact children's ability to focus and engage in goal-setting activities. 9. **Mental Health:** Mental health challenges, such as depression or anxiety, can impact a child's motivation and energy levels. 10. **Need for Instant Gratification:** In a world of instant gratification, the effort required for long-term goals might seem less appealing compared to immediate rewards. All of these are good reasons and could have driven the outcome today. But I am most concerned about things we can control as parents. Perhaps we are not giving them autonomy enough to do what they are most interested in, or even figuring out what interests them. Harnessing that interest into doing something that is better suited to avoiding digital distractions, is less overwhelming. I began starting the day to spend it in entirety with my kids, away from digital distraction and being device free, being present for them. But the opposite happened, here I am on my 3rd post of the day, venting out to whoever will listen or not. Lost the opportunity to go out on a long run, to spend the last weekend day in a couple of weeks at home peacefully and with the kids. Such is the amount of control we wield on our lives or even on how a day goes. This has been a poor day where the one thing I could control, my reaction to challenging circumstances, I miserably failed to. Back to trying.. --- *Originally published on [Ram](https://paragraph.com/@ram008/the-children)*