# Day 2: The Shedding By [raye](https://paragraph.com/@raye-2) ยท 2022-03-24 --- "The Shedding" they called it. The time in your life when you shed the person you were to become anew. Where you lose the person you thought you were to become the person you never thought you could be. "You're going to lose a lot of people," they said. How many sheddings have I already endured? How many people must I lose? How many versions of myself are no more? I lost my Orthodox community, my ex-love's community, my New York community, my location stability. Who will I lose now? The shedding births life, but it comes with cramps. Constant pangs of anxiety and doubt - will I ever stop shedding? will I ever be enough? "You just want to be understood," they said. "You want to be the vehicle for which people understand themselves" Im tired of feeling different - but at the same time I can't do anything else. They quit a six figure activism job so they could have time to think and pay attention. It's the decision that led them to the success they have today. "It never would have happened if I didn't have the energy to think. A job even if its 9-5 takes up too much mental energy." Is this my next shedding? My parents raised me to believe a stable 9-5 job is everything to strive for. They never had that. They carry the fears from their parents who spent frivolously and ended penniless, who worked towards their pensions but died without fulfilling their dreams. Every day you don't follow your passions you're abandoning a little part of yourself. "You're going to find your audience," they said. I won't die without knowing I tried. A wave of knowing pain crashes over me. I've felt this before, it's getting all too familiar now. Knowing that I'm going to follow my instinct, my gut, my wisdom shouting that you must try because you can't live with yourself if you don't. Knowing how challenging and dreadful the road will be ahead but there's nothing you can do to stop driving. --- *Originally published on [raye](https://paragraph.com/@raye-2/day-2-the-shedding)*