# I'm writing my book

**Published by:** [Ria](https://paragraph.com/@ria/)
**Published on:** 2024-06-24
**URL:** https://paragraph.com/@ria/i-m-writing-my-book

## Content

Lately, I've been wondering, 'How did I change so much?' I used to live with self-hatred for a very long time. I hated the way I look and my personality as well. ​ I was a person who was particularly bad at expressing my emotions, but what was surprising was that my friends around me had no idea that I was that kind of person. ​ The reason is that the self-image I created was that of a ‘independent and determined’ person. ​ At that time, my image to others was that of a person who was always confident and clear in what I had to say. ​ To some extent, this is true. ​ I quickly become friends with everyone, I like joking around, and I tend to make decisions quickly. ​ However, I couldn't express it in any way when my heart was truly hurt, especially when it was hurt by someone close to me. ​ I just suffered alone and endured it. ​ It's like I let others hurt me and did nothing to protect my heart from suffering. ​ For such a long time, I lived completely ignoring myself. ​ I was a coward who pretended to be strong. I was such a small person. ​ Because I thought of myself as a small being, I did not want to seem easy to others. ​ That’s why I pretended to be more decisive. I've been living my life pretending to be smarter. ​ I didn't want the world find out that I didn't actually love myself. ​ I look back and think to myself how scared I must have been every day. ​ I want to give a hug to myself in the past. ​ In fact, in the process of healing myself, I really embraced my past self a lot. Even now, when I tell myself the words that I wanted to hear, tears rush out of my eyes immediately. I am still in the process of healing myself, but the difference is that now I truly know how to love myself. ​ There was a lot of study, practice, and training to get this far. ​ I plan to write this entire process in a book. ​ I would be truly happy if my story could help people with broken hearts truly realize their actual value. Everyone deserves love just by being themselves the way they are.

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