# No need to please everyone By [Russell](https://paragraph.com/@russell-6) · 2022-03-06 --- Throughout his life, don’t be a pleasant supporting role and ruin your own play. A few days ago, I went to a friend’s house for dinner and ordered a roast duck for takeout. After a while, the delivery clerk called: “Five minutes later, you come to the door of the community and pick it up. I can’t find your building.” The friend sighed and began to wear clothes and shoes. I turned around and asked: isn’t your house right at the door of the community? He squeezed out a smile: it’s all right. I’ll go down I don’t know how many times it happened to him when he wronged himself and flattered others like this. The words of rejection were clearly on his lips, but he couldn’t say anything. Some people praise him for his kindness, good temper and tenderness, but only he knows how wronged he is. If “ingratiating addiction” is a disease, you in front of the screen can also check whether it is a ingratiating personality according to the following diseases: It’s not difficult to refuse others. The difficult thing is to face the reaction of others after being rejected. In order to avoid seeing each other sad, disappointed and angry; No matter how difficult things are, they all “uh huh” promise. Only you know how tired it is to live as a “good man” in the eyes of others. Never trouble others for what you can do yourself. If you have to ask for someone, you want to be a cow and a horse. Because you can’t determine the relationship between others and yourself, you are afraid of being disturbed and disturbed; So I often feel that I don’t have any friends I can really rely on. Used to listen to others, follow the crowd, and dare not express ideas; Afraid that what you think is different from what others think, you will be isolated; Not to mention how strong you can be after being wronged, you always say “it doesn’t matter”. Be very curious and mind what others say about yourself. Once you send a circle of friends, you will repeatedly click in to see some praise and comments. When you receive a little negative evaluation, you begin to deeply doubt and reflect on yourself. Inferiority to the dust, often feel that they are good for nothing. “Why can’t I help trying to please others?” I also often receive such readers for help. If you comfort them with kindness, friendliness and other qualities, there is no way to explain why they suffer. In fact, all human actions are motivated. The motivation of most flatterers to show infinite kindness to others is to achieve reciprocity. Expect the objects they please to give them corresponding returns: I’m so good to you, you should be good to me. However, in fact, the other party often thinks they are easy to bully and make it worse. In the last episode of the female monologue “hear her say”, Yang Mi plays a robot. She is impeccable and omnipotent. It is specially made by scientists to benefit mankind. However, her unconditional obedience made her suffer. She is regarded as a vent tool by the buyer. She is fragmented, but she will not resist. Anyway, engineers will always repair her and send her back to the buyer. Once the memory is deleted, she will forget what others have done to her. Should she escape, but she wasn’t installed at all. The buyer’s evaluation directly determines her survival. She will never find herself. The short play of just 20 minutes gave me a deep feeling. “She has been pursuing perfection, but her life is sad.” This is not a true portrayal of the flattering personality. In communication, there is a theory called “I in the mirror”, which says: In interpersonal communication, everyone knows and grasps himself through the evaluation of others. But the truth is that most people can only see your side. People who have been helped by you may think you are friendly; People who are treated by you may think you are generous; People who have seen you lose your temper may think you are emotional. Whether the evaluation is positive or negative, it can not fully represent you. But the friendly illusion you deliberately forge may kill your true self. I’ve seen a Japanese award-winning short film attitude doll. Ellie was addicted to flattery since childhood and became a girl who can only laugh. Later, he was discovered by a star scout and became a star attracting worldwide attention. Until once she stood on the stage, in the spotlight, she could no longer stand her hypocrisy. She smashed the microphone into her face, trying to smash the smile mask on her face; At last the mask broke, but her face was empty. In this world, there are always people who measure people with a ruler and make conclusions. We can’t cover their mouths, but we can look directly into our hearts: Do you want 80 points of happiness or 100 points of pain. I appreciate Samantha in sex and the city. She has been with her boyfriend for a long time. When she found out later that this was not the life she wanted; She resolutely terminated the relationship and said to her boyfriend: “I love you, but I love myself more.” Get rid of the habit of trying to please others, if you are hated; So congratulations on seeing your relationship. Finally, I want to say that people’s communication depends on common attraction, three concepts fit and comfort. I have never seen a reliable relationship that is flattering. Life is short, you don’t have to please everyone; Throughout his life, don’t be a pleasant supporting role and ruin your own play. When you realize that your energy is limited, you won’t pay too much attention to unreasonable requests, annoying relationships and bad evaluations. You really don’t look good by pretending to be humble and agreeable. --- *Originally published on [Russell](https://paragraph.com/@russell-6/no-need-to-please-everyone)*