# And... here we go. By [ThrowsAxe](https://paragraph.com/@throwsaxe) · 2022-08-05 --- I am here for a reason that I don’t completely understand. I have decided to spend time each day to write. Why? Something feels wrong. I feel I’m behaving against my better interests and I don’t know why. I do things, knowing I shouldn’t but like an addict I do it anyway. I’m not talking about anything really serious, like self harm, drugs or excess alcohol - which is probably why I don’t stop myself - it’s little things. Staying up to 2am every night gaming or flicking across various dumb Youtube channels. Just one more video… Just one more… Just one more… Knowing full well I’m a product of social media algorithms. Waking up feeling like shit. Unmotivated. Wasting hours away each day. Looking for excuses to not work. Finding reasons to not socialise. Overeating shitty food. And then feeling like shit looking back at my day and realising I achieved nothing. I never used to be like this. This isn’t me. It feels like something I need to snap out of. A few nights ago, I came across a video by Jordan Peterson explaining benefits of writing. How it allows you to better formulate ideas, organise your brain and become a better communicator. It reminded me of my early career in sales and business where we would teach trainees to write down their goals and daily affirmations because it helped to maintain motivation and drive better performance. It also reminded me of the philosophy books I own. Particularly Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Every knows the name. A legendary emperor of Rome way back in the day, he wasn’t known for his writing but Meditations is one of the most popular philosophy books today. What is so profound about Meditations is that it is nothing more than a collection of random thoughts. Marcus Aurelius would write his thoughts down for his own benefit. He didn’t intend them to be read by others and certainly never envisioned his entire writings to be collated into a book 2 millennia after his death. It’s a book that you just open up to a random page and read. It gives you insight into the mind of a man in charge of millions of people, giant armies and uncountable wealth yet remains humble and uncontaminated by power and luxury. Every time I pick up Meditations, I find the content inspirational and thought provoking. But, also I think about the fact that this man, the leader of the civilised world, would take time out of his day to contemplate and write down his thoughts and reveal himself to be vulnerable, troubled and as human as anyone else. Maybe writing is a good way for me to unfuck my brain and start getting my shit together. So… here I am. Each day I’ll take some time to write stuff down. Think out loud. Make some effort to change. Get more sleep. Get back to working towards worthwhile goals. Tonight I will go to bed early, read a bit from an actual book and get a proper night’s sleep. See you tomorrow. --- *Originally published on [ThrowsAxe](https://paragraph.com/@throwsaxe/and-here-we-go)*