# First of all

By [tsaml](https://paragraph.com/@tsaml) · 2026-01-13

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First of all, one must know oneself. What needs and desires do I have? Why do I like this person? What about him attracts me? What psychological deficiencies of mine might this be due to? Knowing oneself enables one to pay more attention to one's own feelings and not easily become infatuated with the other person. Secondly, one must see the other person clearly and not idealize him. What kind of person is the real him? How does it feel when he interacts with me? What does he need? To what extent can I meet his needs? In a romantic relationship, one should love the real other person; in marriage, one should live with the real other person.

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*Originally published on [tsaml](https://paragraph.com/@tsaml/first-of-all-3)*