# HOW TO LOVE

By [tsaml](https://paragraph.com/@tsaml) · 2024-12-23

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I have a client who once made three agreements with his fiancee: "After we get married, I need a lot of free time. I want to spend a lot of time with my friends and have my own space. So, if I marry you, I won't make any changes for you. Can you accept that?" The fiancee loved him very much and accepted his "terms of investment".

After getting married, he didn't do any housework at all. He often went out to play with his friends for several consecutive evenings, leaving his wife alone at home. After the child was born, he didn't take care of the child either and lived as freely as a bachelor. The wife was very angry: "You leave me at home to do all the housework by myself! Is it only my responsibility to educate the child? Don't you have any responsibility?" He was also very unhappy: "Look, I told you before we got married that I wouldn't change. Why are you going back on your word now?"

I believe that if a person doesn't change at all before and after getting married, it is equivalent to not getting married. Because the symbol of marriage is change, and in order to maintain an intimate relationship, one may have to sacrifice some autonomy.

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*Originally published on [tsaml](https://paragraph.com/@tsaml/how-to-love)*