# 1.2.6 How to strengthen your core By [Jordi Kidsune](https://paragraph.com/@web3titans) · 2022-12-29 --- _"The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well."_\- Ralph Waldo Emerson Are you feeling disconnected from your core values and strengths? It can be easy to get lost in the day-to-day and lose touch with who you truly are. But it's important to reconnect with yourself in order to live a fulfilling life. In this chapter, we will explore exercises and strategies for building and maintaining a long-term connection to your values and strengths. You will discover: 1. The power of naming your strengths and values out loud 2. Techniques for visualizing and practicing your strengths 3. The importance of seeking support and aligning your actions with your values and strengths. 4. How to use your values and strengths to make a positive impact in the world. 5. How to reconnect with your true self through music. ### 1\. Create a long-term connection to your values and strengths **Here are 4-things you can do to make sure your core values stick:** 1. Talk and think about core values ALL OF THE TIME; 2. Role model the core values for other people around you; 3. Create consequences for not sticking to the core values; 4. and Get re-buy-in on a regular basis. Let’s look at each in more detail… 1. **Talk and think about core values ALL OF THE TIME.** If you’ve followed the instructions above then you should feel pretty confident that your core values represent the whos, whats and hows that matter to you more than anything else. Result? You shouldn’t feel afraid to evangelise them ALL OF THE TIME. DON’T relegate your mission and core values statements to your archives or a part of your company’s career site that nobody ever visits. DO look at them EVERY SINGLE DAY and/or put them EVERYWHERE that you (personal values) or your stakeholders (company values) can see them. Start every meeting with them. Review them whenever you make minor or major strategic decisions. Use them to evaluate your employees. Use them to triage potential-employee résumés. There should be nothing in the world more important to you than delivering your mission and living by your values. (TIP: If there is, why aren’t those things on your core values statement?!) If not, if they don’t feel motivating, or you’re ashamed to share your personal core values or the core values of the company you work for with the world, with your friends, with your family, with your friends, with your clients – something’s wrong. Either quit and go work for somebody else or go back and redraft them again. **2\. Role model the core values for other people around you.** Behavioural change – in a company, a family or any other group – always begins at the top. If the leaders of a group don’t follow the company values, nobody will. * If you’re a leader: make sure you role model the values you want others to live by; * If you’re a follower: judge your leaders by what they DO not by what they say. If you’re working for someone who can’t follow their own rules you have three choices: 1. Call on them to change their bad behaviour; 2. Agitate for a change in leadership; or 3. Go work for somebody else. Everyone makes mistakes. But leaders who consistently fail to role-model core values, or who punish those who call out bad behaviour that goes against the organisation’s guiding principles are leaders you don’t want to follow. **3\. Create consequences for not sticking to the core values.** Right now, I live in Bali, Indonesia. And every day I watch hundreds of people drive motorbikes too fast, without helmets and even up on the sidewalk to skip traffic. Why? Because despite Indonesia having laws against all of those dangerous behaviours, nobody ever gets punished for breaking the rules. The same goes for core values, if there are no fair and equal consequences for transgressing the company’s core values then they might as well not be there in the first place. For personal core values, that shouldn’t be an issue. Just acting in a way that’s not aligned with the things that you value will create a feeling of guilt and/or disconnect that will automatically make you feel awful. For company core values, it’s essential that review, governance and reporting systems all prioritise core values. It’s also important that the consequences for consistent transgressions are clearly, consistently and fairly applied through the company’s evaluation, reward and disciplinary systems (i.e., they must apply to EVERYONE in the organisation). I know this sounds like hard work, but at the end of the day – nothing should be more important than the things you’ve decided are the most important. **4\. Get buy-in on a regular basis.** Especially in group situations, it’s important to make sure you get buy in and re-buy-in to the core values of an organisation on a regular and meaningful basis. That can be as simple as asking the whole organisation (or even just yourself) to “re-sign” a copy of the core values statement on an annual or semi-annual basis. Or it can be as complicated as revisiting and redrafting a company’s core values as fast as you or your company are changing (i.e., more change needs more frequent adjustments). Why? Because it’ll make sure that everyone has recently looked at and signed up to living by the company’s core values. Which means everybody knows what’s expected of them. And nobody can claim they didn’t realise what they were doing wasn’t values-driven if they decide to go break a few rules. To build and strengthen your connection to your core values, other helpful exercises: 1. **Name your strengths and values out loud**: Recognize and embrace your strengths by naming them out loud to yourself. Identify your top five character strengths and notice any tendency to doubt or criticize them. You can also name a specific situation where you used that strength. For example, instead of saying "I have a sense of humor," you might say "I made my colleagues laugh at a meeting." To take it to the next level, discuss your strengths with people you trust and who have your best interests at heart. 2. **Watch out for your mind**: Your mind may try to hold you back by throwing in doubts and criticisms. This is your ego trying to protect you, but like an overcaring mother, its methods may not always be helpful. Your mind is a powerful tool, but a terrible servant. 3. **Visualize**: Deepen your connection to your strengths by finding a moment in your life where you felt joyful or fully engaged in your actions. Picture the moment as vividly as possible and identify the core quality from your top five that is present. Notice any thoughts that might prevent the core quality from coming in, such as self-criticism or fear of judgment. Recognize and acknowledge these barriers, then try to let the core quality in and experience it in your mind and body. Notice how your body reacts and name the effect of the core quality on yourself and your environment. 4. **Practice**: Research shows that the benefits of identifying strengths can quickly disappear, so it's important to put them into practice to maximize their benefits. Choose one of your core qualities that you want to use more often and think about how you can do that. 5. **Help others**: Consider how you can use your strengths to help others. Imagine using your strengths in this way and notice how it makes you feel. Are you energized? Find your passion and set your heart ablaze. 6. **Write down your values and strengths**: Take some time to reflect on what matters most to you, and what you are naturally good at. Write them down in a journal or on a piece of paper that you can refer to regularly. 7. **Take time to reflect**: Make time for regular reflection on your values and strengths. This can be done through journaling, meditation, or even just taking a few minutes each day to sit in quiet contemplation. 8. **Make connections**: Think about how your values and strengths align with your goals and aspirations. Are you living in a way that is true to who you are and what you stand for? If not, consider how you can make changes to align your actions with your values and strengths. 9. **Seek support**: Surround yourself with people who support and encourage you to live in alignment with your values and strengths. These can be friends, family members, mentors, or even a therapist or coach. 10. **Take action**: Use your values and strengths to make a positive impact in the world. This can be through volunteering, supporting causes you care about, or simply being a positive influence on those around you. > ⚡️Flashcard Q: What are some strategies for building and maintaining a long-term connection to your values and strengths? A: Some strategies for building and maintaining a long-term connection to your values and strengths include naming them out loud, visualizing moments where you felt fully engaged and joyful, practicing using your strengths more often, seeking support from others, and aligning your actions with your values and strengths. ### 2\. Example 2: Start a journal Writing about the way your events and experiences made you feel can help you identify and accept your emotions. Writing down your thoughts about current events or what happened to you that day can help you clarify your opinions. Writing down your ideas can make them stronger, use it to discover what you know about yourself. The benefits of journaling go beyond how to connect with yourself. It can help you ease anxiety, improve your memory and transform your mindset. It can help you focus on the positive. It can even help you achieve your goals. Starting a journal is as easy as gaining confidence and grabbing a pen and a journal – but it takes commitment to build any new habit. Set time aside each day to write, even if it’s only for five minutes. You can start by recording the day’s events and how you felt about them, writing down things you’re grateful for or using a pre-made journal, like the Five Minute Journal. Anything that prompts reflection can help with self-connection. ### 3\. Example 3: Ask the right questions The difference in the quality of people’s lives often comes down to the quality of the questions they consistently ask themselves. If you ask a disempowering question, such as “Why does this always happen to me?” your mental computer will look for an answer. To answer the question, your subconscious may even make something up, such as “Because you aren’t good enough” or “Because you are not smart enough.” This negative self-talk will only prevent you from uncovering how to reconnect with yourself. But if you start asking yourself empowering questions, such as “How can I use this experience to appreciate myself more?” your brain will look for answers to this question and often come up with an answer that not only makes you feel better, but allows you to celebrate and reconnect with your true self. This is why making the shift toward quality questions is so important. Because quality questions create a quality life. They direct our mental focus and ultimately determine how we think and feel. The key is to develop a pattern of questions that empower your true nature. For example, focus on quality questions such as: * What am I most happy about in my life now? * What am I most excited about in my life now? * What am I most proud about in my life now? * What am I most grateful about in my life now? * What am I enjoying most in my life right now? * What am I committed to in my life right now? * Who do I love? By making quality questions part of your daily ritual, you will be able to access your most empowering emotional states. And over time, as you consistently practice doing so, you will be able to create mental highways to happiness, excitement, pride, gratitude, joy, commitment and love — which is who you are at your core.Example 2: Connect with who you really are – and what you really want It’s easier than ever to get lost in the day-to-day activities and stresses of the external world. Work, relationships, errands – our focus is almost always on anything and anyone but ourselves. For so many of us, it’s a constant effort to please others or be who we think we have to be in order to get the love, respect or appreciation we are after. The question we must all really be asking is how to reconnect with ourselves. Living without discovering how to connect with yourself is a game of stress and frustration. Because it’s not what we get or how we are perceived that makes us happy. It’s who we become – how we live our lives and who we are as a person. People can take away all of the “things,” but no one can take away who you are. Falling in love with yourself is vital to living a fulfilling life. Self-connection is not just something you “should” do, it’s something you “must” do. If you want to reconnect with yourself, your life is likely less than fulfilling right now. You might be stuck in an unfulfilling job. You might not feel supported in your relationship or friendships. You could even be experiencing anxiety or depression. These are all symptoms that are telling you it’s time to discover how to reconnect with yourself. ### 4\. Example 4: Find your voice According to Edwin Coppard, a renowned international voice coach, our voices hold the key to authentic self-connection. As children, our voices were raw and unfiltered, but as we grew older and internalized societal expectations, we began to suppress our natural voice in favor of a socialized one. This disconnects us from the power and energy of our natural sound, causing us to represent ideals and personas that align with society rather than the true self. Coppard believes that by embracing the power of song, we can rediscover the beauty of our "wild voice" and reconnect with our inner child. He suggests singing along to your favorite songs, creating your own songs, learning an instrument, and allowing music to wake you up to your true self. [![]({{DOMAIN}}/editor/youtube/play.png)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69VIzcXgqIQ) > ⚡️ Q: What is the main goal of building and strengthening your connection to your core values? A: The main goal of building and strengthening your connection to your core values is to live in a way that is true to who you are and what you stand for, and to maximize the benefits of your strengths. ### Conclusion ### Quiz 1. What is one way to reflect on your values and strengths? A. Write them down in a journal B. Meditate C. Sit in quiet contemplation D. All of the above Answer: D. All of the above 2. What is NOT recommended as a strategy for building and maintaining a long-term connection to your values and strengths? a. Naming your strengths and values out loud b. Visualizing moments where you felt fully engaged and joyful c. Practicing using your strengths more often d. Ignoring your mind's tendency to hold you back with doubts and criticisms Explanation: The correct answer is d, Ignoring your mind's tendency to hold you back with doubts and criticisms. It is important to be aware of your mind's tendency to hold you back with doubts and criticisms, and to recognize when it is trying to protect you, rather than ignoring it. 3. What is the main benefit of building and maintaining a long-term connection to your values and strengths? a. It helps you to live in a way that is true to who you are and what you stand for. b. It helps you to make better decisions. c. It helps you to be more productive. d. It helps you to improve your communication skills. Explanation: The correct answer is a, It helps you to live in a way that is true to who you are and what you stand for. ### How to apply this in your life today? Take a moment to review your list of top 20, top 10, top 5, and top 1 virtues. Consider whether these values truly reflect your identity and resonate with you. How do you feel when you read your list of virtues? Does your inner voice try to criticize or rearrange the list, or do these values fill you with joy and energy? It's important to pay attention to your self-talk and recognize that the thoughts in your head are not necessarily your own. Take some time to reflect on the voice in your head and how it may be impacting your relationship with your values. Write down any thoughts or observations you have as you go through this process. ### Food for Thought 1. Are there any specific moments in your life where you felt your natural voice was suppressed? How did that make you feel? 2. How do you think reconnecting with your natural voice can improve your overall well-being and connection to yourself? 3. In what ways do you currently use music or singing as a tool for self-connection? Can you think of any new ways to incorporate it into your life? 4. How do societal expectations and ideals play a role in the suppression of our natural voices? 5. How can we teach the importance of reconnecting with our natural voices to future generations? ### Expand Your Understanding 1. Recover the you’re meant to be: podcast Tony Robbins and Russel Brand to discuss recovering your true self. [Source](https://www.tonyrobbins.com/podcasts/recover-your-true-self/) 2. "The Power of Strengths-Based Development" by Robert J. Biswas-Diener and Todd B. Kashdan 3. "Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment" by Martin Seligman 4. "The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work" by Shawn Achor 5. "Values in Action: Classifying and Measuring Strengths of Character" by Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman 6. "The Six Human Needs: A Guide to Living a Balanced and Fulfilling Life" by Tony Robbins. --- *Originally published on [Jordi Kidsune](https://paragraph.com/@web3titans/1-2-6-how-to-strengthen-your-core)*