This morning I almost missed my son’s therapy appointment.

Not because I forgot it existed. Not because I don’t care. Because I have ADHD, and Thursday looks exactly like Wednesday in my brain until something catches it.

What caught it was a task reminder. Thirty minutes out. A sound. Chaos Gremlin (one of my sound characters built in) yelling out I had 30 minutes. I glanced at the time, saw 07:45, and my brain went... wait. Why am I leaving at 08:15? That’s later than usual. Then it clicked. Thursday. Keegan’s got therapy before school. Shit.

Day saved. Scheduled appointment kept. Spiral into “I’m a bad Dad.” avoided. Not because I suddenly became someone who remembers things. Because I built a system that remembers for me.

That’s NeuroRythm.

You can see how this all started in my first blog post - 663 Apps Couldn’t Fix My ADHD Brain So I Built NeuroRythm.

I Built It For Me

Ten months ago I started building a productivity app. Not because I had a business plan. Not because I saw a gap in the market. Because every tool I tried assumed my brain worked a certain way, and mine doesn’t.

208,000 lines of code later, living in a converted bus, raising my nonverbal autistic son on my own... here’s what I actually built and why it exists.

It’s no longer just an “app”. I don’t even like calling it a “productivity” system. Because it’s more than that. It’s an ADHD Optimisation System.

The Problem With Every Other System

You’ve probably tried the productivity apps. The habit trackers. The to-do lists. The time blocking tools. And at some point, you’ve sat there thinking... why does this feel like it was built for someone else?

Because it was.

Most productivity tools are built on the assumption that you can just decide to do something and then do it. That motivation is a tap you can turn on. That a streak counter will keep you going. That seeing forty-seven tasks listed out in front of you is motivating rather than paralysing.

That’s not executive dysfunction. That’s not a character flaw. That’s just how ADHD brains work, and most tools completely ignore it.

So I stopped trying to fix my brain and started building tools that work with it.

The Tools That Actually Give a Damn

I’ll tell you about a few of them. Not as a feature list. As problems I had that I built solutions for.

The projects panel exists because I have more ideas than I have scheduled time. Always have. Always will. Instead of letting them live in my head taking up space, or dumping them into a notes app I never open again, they live in NeuroRythm. When I have a time block scheduled to work on something, I work on it. When I don’t, it waits. No guilt. No pressure. Just a list of things I’m actually going to get to.

The Dopamine Switch exists because some mornings I sit down to work and my brain just says... nope. Doesn’t matter that I planned it. Doesn’t matter that I want to do it in theory. My brain has decided today is not that day. Old me would have pushed through, got frustrated, achieved nothing, felt like shit. Now I hit the Dopamine Switch. It shows me my projects and asks which one my brain actually wants to work on right now. Nine times out of ten, there’s something on the list my brain goes yes to. And I get stuff done. Real stuff. Not the stuff I planned, but stuff that moves things forward. That’s a win.

The Curiosity Pivot is the same idea for learning. Got a course scheduled? Brain says no? Instead of doom scrolling for an hour waiting for motivation that isn’t coming, you pivot to a different course or resource that you’ve already said you want to learn. Your brain gets what it wants. You still get something done. Nobody loses.

The Task Pool exists because not every task has a deadline. You know that thing you want to do but don’t have to do yet, so it doesn’t make it onto your list, so you forget it exists, so it never gets done? That’s what the task pool is for. Tasks sit there until you’re ready for them. And when you’ve got a window of time... say three hours before you need to be somewhere... you can filter the pool for tasks that fit that window. No decision paralysis. No wasted time. Just a task that fits your reality right now.

Task Roulette is for when even that feels like too much. Can’t choose? Stuck? Brain completely frozen? Spin the wheel. It picks for you. You get three spins, so you can take that chance again, the third and final time. You just have to do the thing it lands on. Sounds stupid. It works.

The Short Time Shift (This Is One Of My Favourites)

You’re running late for a time block. Not catastrophically late. Just late. Old you either blew off the block entirely because you’ve already “ruined it,” or spent the first twenty minutes of the block beating yourself up about being late instead of actually working.

NeuroRythm gives you a short time shift. Fifteen minutes, thirty minutes, forty-five, an hour. You pick. The block moves. Your reminders move. You’re no longer late. You’re just starting slightly later than planned. And your full block is still intact.

This morning I got home, saw the “you’re block has started” alert, hit short time shift, moved it thirty minutes, and started fresh. My day wasn’t “ruined”. It was just adjusted.

That’s the whole point. Life happens. Plans shift. The system shifts with you instead of making you feel like you’ve failed.

The Wipe Slate

Some days aren’t a delay. Some days are a full reset. Maybe something happened. Maybe your brain just isn’t cooperating. Maybe you’ve got a sick kid or a life event or you just need today to not be a scheduled day.

Wipe Slate cleans your blocks for the day. No reminders. No notifications. No system poking you about things you’re not going to do. Just... space. To deal with whatever is actually happening.

You haven’t failed the day. You’ve acknowledged reality and made a choice.

Why This Matters

I’m not going to tell you NeuroRythm will change your life. I’m just going to tell you what it did for me this morning.

My son got to his therapy appointment. Because a sound went off at the right time, and I’d set up recurring tasks beforehand that knew to remind me. I didn’t have to be a different person. I didn’t have to remember harder. The system did the remembering.

If that’s the only thing NeuroRythm ever does for you... catches the one thing you were about to miss today... that’s enough. That’s a win.

Everything else is a bonus.

Where We’re At

NeuroRythm is in private beta right now. Small group (there’s still room). I want real feedback from real people, not polished testimonials. If you want in, the community is the place to start.

NeurorRythm Community

And if you’ve read this far and you’re thinking... yeah, that’s exactly how my brain works... you’re not broken. You never were. You just needed tools built for the way you actually think.

So did I.

Private Beta closes this weekend.

Originally posted on NeuroRythm Blog on 16Apr2026

Nine months ago I started building a productivity tool for my own ADHD brain. Living in a converted bus, single dad to Keegan, no formal coding background, and 663 apps on my phone that had all failed me. Not metaphorically. I kept a count.

203,000 lines of code later, NeuroRythm is going into private beta.

If you've been watching and waiting... it's time. And I want you in it.

(If you want the full origin story, it's all here: 663 Apps Couldn't Fix My ADHD Brain. So I Built NeuroRythm.)

What You Actually Get

This isn't "sign up and get a newsletter." This is you running the actual program, on your actual life, and telling me what works and what doesn't.

You get direct access to me. Not a support ticket system, not a community manager... me. If something is broken, confusing, or just feels wrong, I want to know about it.

You get free lifetime access. Not a discount. Not a trial. Free. Forever. Because you're helping me build something that matters, and that deserves more than a coupon code.

And through FeatureShift, our community roadmap, you get a real say in what gets built next. Not a survey that disappears into the void. A visible board where your ideas sit alongside everyone else's, and the community votes on what comes next.

Windows Only, and I'm Not Going to Pretend Otherwise

Right now, NeuroRythm is Windows only. PC or laptop, Windows 10 or 11. I'd rather be straight with you about that than have you download something that won't run.

Your brain doesn't have to have a formal diagnosis. Suspected, undiagnosed, "I've never been tested but everything I just read described my entire life"... all of that counts. If the tools built for neurotypical brains have never worked for you, you're in the right place.

We don't gatekeep here. If you read the 663 apps article and something clicked... you're welcome.

What's Actually in There

I'm not going to list everything. That's what the website is for. But here's what I think will actually matter to you.

Projects Panel

Your projects live here. Not your tasks... your projects. The things you're actually trying to move forward. NeuroRythm tracks which project your time blocks are linked to, so at the end of a week you can see where your energy actually went. Not "I was busy." Where. You. Actually. Put. Your. Time.

Learnings Panel

You pick what you're learning, link it to your learning block, and the system holds the thread. Courses, skills, whatever you're developing. It doesn't nag you. It doesn't guilt you when you miss a day. It just waits for you to come back.

Task Management (The Way Your Brain Actually Works)

You've probably felt that moment where you open a task manager and immediately want to close it again. Forty-seven things staring at you with equal urgency.

NeuroRythm doesn't show you a list of tasks. The dashboard shows you nothing until you need to see something. When a task is coming up and you've set reminders, a popup appears... the task name, the time, any notes you added. That's it. No list. No flood. Just the thing that matters, when it matters. If you want to see everything, you open Manage Tasks or Task Pool. That's your choice, not something forced on you.

And when you genuinely cannot decide what to work on... Task Roulette. Tell it how long you've got. It picks something from your task pool that fits. Done. No more decision paralysis.

Brain Dump

The thought that just fired while you were in the middle of something else. The thing you cannot lose but also cannot act on right now. Brain Dump catches it. Text or voice. No formatting, no category to choose, no system to maintain. Get it out of your head and into somewhere safe.

Adaptive Tools: When Life or Your Brain Interrupts the Plan

This is where NeuroRythm is different from anything else I've tried. And I've tried a lot.

Life doesn't care about your schedule. Your ADHD brain definitely doesn't. So we built tools for that reality.

Running late and your whole day is now wrong? Short time shift. Slides your current block forward, adjusts everything linked to it automatically. No broken plan. Just: here's where you are now, here's what still works.

Brain won't cooperate with the project you're supposed to be on? Dopamine Switch. Flip to something else. No guilt, come back later. You still built something. That's still a win.

Something properly blew up your day? Life Pause. Hospital, emergency, mental health break... whatever it is. Pause the whole system. No shame, no interrogation. Resume when you're ready and the system asks how it went and adjusts.

Every single one of these records what happened. Not to judge you. To build your patterns.

Your Data Stays on Your Machine. Always.

This is what all of it builds toward.

Every time you use an adaptive tool, complete a block, switch projects, pause your day... NeuroRythm records it. Quietly. On your device. You're not filling out forms or rating your mood on a scale. You're just using the app.

Your data stays local. Always. NeuroRythm doesn't send it anywhere or store it on a server. It lives on your machine, and over time Patterns and Insights starts showing you things from it. When your productive hours actually are. Which tools you reach for most. What your real rhythms look like.

Not what a productivity book says they should look like. Yours.

I wrote about the architecture that makes all of this possible here, if you want to see how deep this thing actually goes: What 7 Months of ADHD Hyperfocus Builds

How to Join

If you're already in... you'll hear from me directly with install instructions very soon.

If you're not in yet and want to be, fill out the beta form here: Join Waitlist

I'll review applications personally. I'm keeping the group small on purpose so I can actually support everyone properly.

Windows PC. ADHD brain (or adjacent). Willingness to tell me when something is broken or confusing.

That's it.

Nine months. 203,000 lines of code. Built in a bus, for brains like mine.

Let's see how it runs on yours.

I can't code.

That's not false modesty. I have no formal training, no computer science degree, no background in software development whatsoever. I'm a Navy veteran, a published horror author, and a neurodivergent single dad living in a converted bus in Perth, Western Australia.

And I just spent seven months building a 170,000 line Python application from scratch. I got the concept, ADHD Hyperfocus kicked in and away I went.

So when a tool called GitNexus let me visualise the entire architecture as a knowledge graph... I wasn't expecting what I saw.

I need to back up a bit.

NeuroRythm exists because 663 apps failed me. Not metaphorically. I actually kept a count for a while. Productivity apps, habit trackers, task managers, focus tools... every one of them designed by neurotypical brains, for neurotypical brains, with a neurotypical assumption that you just... do the thing you're supposed to do.

My brain doesn't work like that. ADHD means the standard "just make a to-do list" advice isn't unhelpful, it's insulting. So I decided to build something that actually worked the way my brain works.

Which meant building something I had no idea how to build.

AI made it possible. But not in the way people think.

Vibe Coding Has a Ceiling

Everyone's talking about vibe coding right now. Drop a prompt in, get an app out. Look ma, no hands.

Look, if you want a basic note-taking app or a Spotify clone... sure. Maybe. I'm not going to completely dismiss it.

But the second complexity enters the picture, vibe coding falls apart. Not a little. Completely. The tools are trained on millions of examples of simple, isolated, well-documented code. They're incredible at that. NeuroRythm is none of those things.

NeuroRythm is 578 files where everything talks to everything else. Systems that have to know about each other without directly depending on each other. An error reporting architecture that has to be completely separate from the debugging architecture because they serve fundamentally different purposes. One is for the user, one is for me. A language system that rotates through ten distinct personalities and has to stay coherent across 69 message types.

There is no chance... zero... that any current vibe coding tool could have built this.

I tried some of them early on, for a far easier project. I know.

AI Is Trained on Lazy Human Code

That's the first fight I had to win. The second one was subtler and honestly more frustrating.

AI is trained on human code. Human code, broadly speaking, is full of lazy patterns. Not because developers are lazy. Because certain patterns become habits, habits become conventions, conventions get reinforced across millions of repos, and then AI absorbs all of it and presents those patterns back to you like they're gospel.

Backward compatibility assumptions nearly broke me.

I'd ask for implementation of a new feature and get back code with compatibility layers baked in. Deprecation warnings. Fallback handlers for older versions of data structures that had never existed in the first place.

NeuroRythm is version one. There are no users yet. There is nobody to maintain backward compatibility for. There is no legacy data. The entire premise of "we need to make sure older versions can still..." mate, there are no older versions. This is the first one.

I had to fight that instinct out of every significant implementation. Over and over. Explicitly telling the AI: stop catering to users that don't exist yet.

Print statements were another one. I hate "print('got here')" scattered through production code. It's lazy debugging. NeuroRythm has a proper error reporting system. If something breaks, I want to know about it through the right channel, not because someone left a throwaway print statement buried in a function three layers deep.

Every time I turned my back, they'd reappear.

The Fight to Keep Two Systems Separate

The debugging and error reporting battle took the longest.

These are two different things. Error reporting is a feature. It's how I know what's happening in production, what users are experiencing, what needs fixing. Debugging is a development process. It's how I understand what broke and why.

They should not live in the same system. They should not share logic. They should not be aware of each other except through clearly defined interfaces.

AI disagreed. Repeatedly.

Not because it was wrong about everything. Merging them is a common pattern. It's in a lot of codebases. It reduces apparent complexity. But apparent complexity and actual complexity are different things. Separate systems means separate concerns means I can improve one without breaking the other.

I held the line. Every time it tried to collapse them back together, I pushed back.

That stubbornness is now baked into 170,000 lines of code.

Then I Saw the Graph

GitNexus builds knowledge graphs of codebases. Nodes are files and functions. Edges are connections between them -- calls, imports, dependencies. The denser the graph, the more interconnected the system.

I ran NeuroRythm through it at four points in the build. This is what I saw.

July 2025

This isn't the graph. This is July 2025, about six weeks in. Everything living in one flat directory. No systems architecture. No organisation. Just a pile of Python files sitting next to each other like they're equals.

That's what the start of a hyperfocus build looks like.

August 2025

August 2025. 2,268 nodes. 5,036 edges. Around 40,000 lines of code. No error system yet. No debug system. No backup architecture. What you're looking at is the raw connective tissue of something that didn't exist six weeks earlier.

I had no idea what GitNexus was going to show me when I ran it the first time. I just knew I wanted to see it.

So I looked at it for a while. Then I wondered how newer builds would look in comparison.

December 2025

December 3rd, 2025. 3,246 nodes. 9,459 edges.

Same tool. Completely different picture.

The August graph was dense but anonymous -- a mass of connections without much visible structure. By December you can read the graph. Named systems sitting in the cluster. "checkin_system". "dialog_system". "conflict_system". "language_system". "timeblock_system". The flat pile of files from July had become something organised enough that GitNexus could show you where one system ended and another began.

978 new nodes. 4,423 new edges. In four months.

That's not lines of code added to a file. That's architecture being built. Systems talking to other systems through defined interfaces. The kind of growth that only happens when someone has stopped throwing code at a problem and started designing how the pieces fit together.

I didn't have a formal plan for that. I just knew when something felt wrong and pulled it apart until it felt right.

The graph confirmed the instinct was working.

January 2026

January 5th, 2026. 5,525 nodes. 13,586 edges.

Something changed in the shape.

The December graph was a dense ball. January has these blue cluster masses forming around the edges -- systems that have grown complex enough to develop their own internal gravity. You can't read the folder names in the overview anymore. The graph is too dense.

Zoom in.

Now you can see them. "errorreport_system". "debug_system". "language_system". "patterns_insights_system". "graph_system". "sound_system". Systems that didn't exist at all in August. Some that didn't exist in December.

2,279 new nodes. 4,127 new edges. In one month.

That's what happens when an ADHD brain locks in.

March 2026

March 24th, 2026. 4,957 nodes. 17,168 edges.

Quick note on the numbers. Fewer nodes than January, more edges. That's not regression -- I finally buckled and put the code on git so I could use GitNexus properly, which meant a .gitignore finally existed. The logs folders, build artifacts, backups -- all excluded now. January's graph was counting that noise. This one isn't.

So the node count is cleaner. The edge count tells the real story. 17,168 edges. That's 3,582 more connections than January. More interconnection. More systems talking to more systems.

Zoom in.

You can't read this graph at full zoom. Too dense. But zoomed in you can see what it's actually tracking now -- not just folders and files but named classes. "MorningPlanningManager". "TaskReminderSystem". "DailyReflectionDialog". "MultiDeviceSyncManager". "TimeShiftManager". The architecture has gotten specific enough that the graph is mapping individual components.

And somewhere in the middle of all of it... GitNexus itself. "gitnexus-exploring". "gitnexus-debugging". "gitnexus-impact-analysis". The tool I used to analyse the codebase, sitting inside the graph of the codebase it analysed.

I thought that was worth pointing out.

The Sun in the Middle

Then I clicked on "handle_error".

Every line in that graph is something that calls it. Every single system in NeuroRythm has a direct connection to the error handling function. It looked like a sun. Everything orbiting a single point.

That's not an accident. That's a design principle made visible.

Error reporting is a feature. Fail loudly. No silent failures. No fallbacks that hide problems. I want to know about it through the right channel, not because someone left a "print('got here')" buried in a function three layers deep.

I baked that into 170,000 lines of code. The graph showed me I actually did it.

The Architecture Looks Like My Brain

The thing about building something this complex without a formal background is that you don't always know what you're doing while you're doing it.

I built instinctively. I knew what I wanted the system to do. I've lived inside my own brain long enough to understand what it needs. I knew what patterns felt wrong when AI suggested them. I knew when systems were getting too entangled and needed pulling apart.

What I didn't know was whether that instinct was producing something architecturally coherent or an absolute mess held together with wishful thinking.

The graphs answered that.

An ADHD brain builds like an ADHD brain thinks. Dense. Interconnected. Everything affecting everything else. No clean neat separation between systems -- because that's not how the real problems present themselves.

The architecture of NeuroRythm looks like my brain.

And instead of fighting that, I built something that works with it.

Seven months. A kid to raise, a bus to live in, about nineteen other projects running in parallel. Built this anyway.

Developers will get what those graphs mean. They know how hard it is to build something that dense and still have it hold together.

So I'll leave the images here and let the graph speak for itself.

NeuroRythm is currently in pre-beta. If you're neurodivergent or you suspect (we don't gatekeep), our private beta starts soon, and if you want early access, join us @ NeuroRythm Community.

GitNexus is a free, open-source tool for visualising codebase architecture available on Github. Discord Community. Created by Abhigyan Patwari

Why I Stopped Trying to Fix My Brain (And Built a Second One Instead)

663 apps on my phone.

Not a flex. Not a joke. An actual count I did recently, sitting in my car, staring at my phone thinking... how did it come to this?

Todoist. Notion. Evernote. Motion. ClickUp. Asana. Fabulous. Brain.fm. Headway. A Kickstarter app called Focky. Level SuperMind. Brainscape. Headspace. A habit-building app whose name I literally cannot remember right now, which, honestly, tells you everything. And probably sixty others I've forgotten entirely.

I wasn't collecting them.

I was desperate.

The Graveyard

Every app promised the same thing in a different font: this one will fix you.

And every single one failed. Or more accurately... I failed them. That's what it felt like, anyway. Broken streak notifications. Red indicators. Little digital monuments to everything I couldn't follow through on.

I tried Evernote. Feature overload nightmare, all I wanted to do was take a note. Todoist lasted the longest. Then a tech issue wasted half a day, their support took three days to respond, and the solution was "have you tried resetting your phone?" I'd fixed it myself by then. Out of pure frustrated spite.

The subscription fatigue alone is enough to break you. Every app with its urgent countdown timers and scarcity tactics and pricing tricks. All of it designed to take advantage of exactly the kind of brain that's desperately seeking a solution.

I knew I had problems with focus. Consistency. Time. Following through. I'd known for years. I'd raised it with doctors before and got told it was PTSD from my accident. Maybe. But I knew it was more than that. I just couldn't prove it.

So I kept downloading apps. Kept trying. Kept failing. Kept hearing that voice, the one built up over decades of people asking "what is wrong with you?", "why can't you just focus?", "why can't you just do the thing?", getting louder every time another streak broke.

The Script That Changed Nothing (And Everything)

At some point I got frustrated enough to build something myself.

I used Python, badly, slowly, with a lot of help, to create a simple script. Connected my Google Calendar. Added my projects. Every morning at 9am, a text window popped up showing the day's calendar and a few tasks for Be Strong Coaching and Writers Without Walls.

It worked perfectly.

I still didn't use it.

Every morning I'd look at it and think "yeah, that's great.", and then not do any of it.

And that's when something started to crack open. Because I'd built the thing. The information was right there. And my brain still wouldn't cooperate. This wasn't laziness. This wasn't lack of effort or motivation or discipline. I'd built the tool and it still didn't work.

So what the hell was actually going on?

Recognition

Around the same time, I was deep in research. Not about myself, about my son Keegan. He's autistic, nonverbal, nine years old, and brilliant in ways that most people don't have the patience to notice. I was reading medical journals, following creators with lived autism experience, mapping everything I could find.

And I kept hitting this crossover. Autism and ADHD. The overlap. The shared traits. The patterns.

I started to think: maybe.

I went to my new GP, someone who'd actually had time to know me over six months. Went in hesitant, half-expecting the same dismissal I'd gotten before.

I said "I thought I might be, you know, maybe just a tiny bit ADHD."

She didn't hesitate.

"There is no doubt in my mind whatsoever that you're ADHD."

I wasn't ready for that. I'd braced for an argument. Instead I just sat there going... wait. What?

That was the recognition. Not a diagnosis on paper, just someone finally seeing what had been there the whole time.

I opened up to her about my substance use over the years. The drinking, the self-medicating, all of it. Things I'd carried shame about for a long time.

She didn't blink. She said: "Of course. You've been self-medicating your whole life without knowing you had ADHD."

I felt seen for the first time. Like, genuinely seen.

The Reframe

What happened after that wasn't dramatic. It was quiet. Gradual. A slow unlocking of things I'd spent decades treating as character flaws.

The jobs, for a start.

I didn't leave them because I was unreliable. I left them because I'd fixed them. I'd go in, see the patterns nobody else could see, make the big sweeping changes, get the place running properly... and then there was nothing left for my brain to solve. The novelty was gone. The dopamine was gone. The reward that came from making things work had evaporated because things were already working, and my brain interpreted that as: nothing here, move on.

Everyone around me thought things were going great. That was exactly the problem.

The relationships were harder to look at.

I'd always go all in. Every single time. Too intense, too all-or-nothing, too everything. And when things got difficult, when we needed to actually talk something through, I'd freeze.

Not because I didn't care. Because I cared too much and it broke the circuit.

My exes would say: "Just talk to me."

And those four words would send me somewhere else entirely. Mouth completely silent. Brain absolutely screaming.

Say something. SAY SOMETHING. Say literally anything.

Nothing came out.

From the outside it looked like I didn't care. Like I was checked out, stonewalling, refusing to engage. The reality was the opposite... I was so flooded, so overwhelmed, so desperately trying to find the right words that the whole system locked up. And the harder I tried to force something out, the more locked it got.

I've heard "just talk to me" more times than I can count. Every time, the same freeze. Every time, the same shame afterwards.

That's not a communication problem. That's a brain in emotional overload with no off-ramp.

Then there was the hyperfocus. Disappearing into a piece of writing, a new idea, a project, falling through a hole in the universe and genuinely losing track of the fact that time was passing, that other humans existed, that sixteen hours had gone by and someone was sitting there wondering where the hell I'd gone.

I wasn't ignoring anyone. I just... wasn't there. Not in any way that had anything to do with them.

Coming up for air genuinely confused as to why anyone was upset. Which, from the outside, probably looked worse than the disappearing.

None of it was wrong. It was just different. Running on different fuel, responding to different signals, operating on a different map to the one everyone assumed I had.

The things I'd been most ashamed of looked completely different under that light.

The pattern recognition I'd had since childhood, spotting connections others missed, seeing what was coming before it arrived... that's not some quirky bonus feature. That's the ADHD brain doing what it does. Taking everything in, because it doesn't filter the way a neurotypical brain does.

We don't have a filter problem. We have a world built for filters problem.

And I'm raising a kid whose brain works even further outside that world. A kid who's been told, implicitly, explicitly, by systems and structures that were never built for him, that the way he experiences reality is the problem. He's nine. He's already navigating that.

So yeah. The anger got redirected.

Why the Apps Failed (All of Them)

Once I had the framework, once I understood what was actually happening in my brain, I could finally see why every productivity app had failed me.

They were all built by neurotypical brains, for neurotypical brains. With an "ADHD mode" bolted on as an afterthought. Different font. Gentler colour scheme. Same guilt engine underneath.

And they all made the same fundamental mistake: they picked one pain point and called it a solution.

Task management. Time blocking. Habit tracking. Pick your poison.

But ADHD doesn't work in neat categories. You can't separate I forgot to do the thing from I didn't have the dopamine to start the thing from I lost track of time doing something completely different from I'm too overwhelmed to figure out which thing to do first from life happened and now I'm three days behind and the shame spiral has started.

Those aren't five separate problems. They're one problem with five faces. And they're all connected.

Fix the task list without fixing the time blindness and you've fixed nothing. Fix the time blocking without fixing the shame around broken plans and you've fixed nothing. Build a streak system for a brain that experiences shame as a complete shutdown trigger and you haven't helped anyone. You've just built another monument to failure.

The apps weren't neutral. They were actively harmful. Every abandoned app is more evidence for the internal critic. More proof of the story you've been told your whole life.

What is wrong with you?

Nothing. The system is wrong. The tools are wrong. They were never built for us.

So I Built One That Was

Living in a bus. Chronic pain from injuries that should have killed me once. Single dad to the most important human I know. Amazon Flex deliveries to keep food on the table while building something that might actually matter.

150,000 lines of code. Seven months. No formal programming background, just Python, Claude, and a very specific kind of anger at being failed by tools that were never actually designed for brains like mine.

It's called NeuroRythm.

(Yes, that IS how Rythm is spelled. Because our neurology dances to a different Rythm.)

Not a productivity app. Not another task manager. A second brain, built for a brain that was never broken. Just running a different operating system to the one all the tools were designed for.

When you hit the Time Shift button because school drop-off ran long, your whole day adjusts. No shame. No broken plan. Just: here's where you are, here's what still works.

When the dopamine says not that project today, the Dopamine Switch doesn't punish you for it. It says: fine, what does your brain actually want to work on? And you follow the dopamine. Because you still built something. That's still a win.

When life happens, and it always does, the Life Events system pauses everything. Not you failed to keep up. Just: life happened. We held the fort. Come back when you're ready.

When you can't choose between tasks and the executive dysfunction kicks in and the choice itself becomes the wall... Task Roulette spins the wheel for you. Three chances. Third spin is final. The decision gets taken out of your hands, because sometimes that's the only way through.

Everything in NeuroRythm is connected. Because our pain points are connected. Because we're not a collection of isolated symptoms that each need their own app. We're a whole brain, a brilliant, chaotic, pattern-spotting, hyperfocusing, all-or-nothing brain, and the system should reflect that.

Who This Is For

If you've got 400 apps on your phone and none of them stuck... this is for you.

If you've been told to just focus, just try harder, just be more consistent, and you've spent years believing that was a you problem... this is for you.

If you're not formally diagnosed but you read this and something clicked, you're welcome here. We don't gatekeep. One person with ADHD is not the same as the next, and one person with ADHD is a different person the next day. The system is built to flex around that.

If you're raising a kid whose brain works differently, and you're watching the world try to sand them down to fit, and that makes you angry... yeah. I get it. That anger goes somewhere useful here.

Private beta is coming. Early access means real benefits, and it means you helped build something that actually gives a damn about how your brain works.

Sign up here.

Join our NeuroRythm community here.

JD Armstrong

NeuroRythm founder, 663-app cautionary tale, single dad, professional oversharer.

NeuroRythm.com

Who I Am

I’m just an average guy from Australia, but I’ve always been an advocate for standing up against abuse. Growing up, my father taught me that you don’t hit girls, and as I got older, I learned that violence isn’t the answer in any situation — not even with other men. This belief shaped my early years and led me to look out for women who were being harassed at clubs or pubs. Throughout my life, many of my friends have been women, and I’ve always listened to their experiences, which has deepened my understanding of the challenges they face.

I’ve also been on the receiving end of domestic violence in two significant relationships. My first marriage, though short, escalated from emotional to physical abuse. Years later, I found myself in a far more severe situation with my son’s mother, which left me as a single father. These experiences, along with listening to the voices of women who share their stories on social media, have driven me to speak out, share my experiences, and help others become more informed about the realities of abuse. Unmasking abuse so people can recognise it earlier.

Over time, I’ve noticed that many abusers follow a similar, predictable pattern — almost as if they’re reading from the same playbook. They’re not as smart as they think, and their tactics become obvious once you know what to look for. That’s why I’m writing these articles and hosting Zoom calls — to help people spot the early red flags, understand the escalation of abuse, and recognise the manipulation that continues even after someone tries to leave.

I want to arm survivors and their supporters with the knowledge to see through these tactics and take action before it’s too late. My ultimate goal is to compile these insights into a book — because while the abuse may take different forms, the abuser’s methods are often shockingly similar. Together, we can expose their playbook and support those who need it most.

Domestic violence (DV) is more than just physical harm. It encompasses various forms of abuse, each designed to control the victim in different ways. From emotional manipulation to financial control, the methods abusers use can vary, but their goal remains the same: power and dominance. In this article, we’ll explore the different types of abuse victims face, and introduce the idea that many abusers follow similar, predictable patterns of behavior.

The Many Faces of Abuse

Abuse takes on many forms, each affecting the victim in unique but devastating ways. Recognizing these types of abuse is the first step toward breaking free from their cycle. Here are the most common forms of domestic abuse:

1. Physical Abuse Physical violence is often the most visible form of abuse and includes hitting, kicking, pushing, or any act intended to cause physical harm. However, it can also include actions like blocking someone’s exit or restraining them against their will.

Example: An abuser slapping their partner but dismissing it as “just a one-time thing.”

2. Emotional and Psychological Abuse This form of abuse involves constant belittling, humiliation, threats, and verbal attacks. Psychological manipulation, including gaslighting, undermines the victim’s sense of reality, making them question their own thoughts, feelings, and perceptions.

Example: Telling the victim they’re “overreacting” or “crazy” when they express concerns about the abuser’s behavior.

3. Financial Abuse By controlling finances, abusers can limit the victim’s independence. This includes restricting access to bank accounts, preventing the victim from working, or controlling every aspect of the household budget.

Example: The abuser gives a minimal allowance to their partner, forcing them to ask for basic necessities.

4. Sexual Abuse Sexual abuse includes forcing or coercing sexual acts, often as a way to assert power. It can also involve manipulating reproductive rights, like sabotaging contraception to control the victim’s choices.

Example: Coercing a partner into sex under threat of violence or emotional punishment. Threatening to go outside the relationship if denied sex.

5. Social Abuse (Isolation) Abusers frequently isolate victims from friends, family, and support networks. This isolation makes the victim more dependent on the abuser and less likely to seek help.

Example: Convincing the victim that their friends and family are against them or don’t care about their well-being.

6. Digital Abuse In the modern era, abusers use technology to stalk, harass, or control their victims. This includes monitoring phone calls, social media activity, or tracking the victim’s location.

Example: Constantly checking the victim’s social media and demanding access to all their online accounts.

Introducing the Abuser’s Playbook

Although the methods of abuse may differ, many abusers follow a disturbingly predictable pattern. Their behavior often aligns with what’s called the “cycle of abuse,” a repetitive process that keeps victims trapped and controlled.

The Cycle of Abuse: A Predictable Path

Stage 1: Idealization (Love Bombing)

At the beginning of the relationship, the abuser showers the victim with affection, attention, and promises of a bright future. This “honeymoon” phase creates a deep bond and emotional dependency. The abuser often portrays the perfect partner — someone who seems to fulfill the victim’s deepest desires and needs. This creates a powerful emotional attachment and sets the stage for future manipulation.

The Mask Slips: Mourning the Illusion

While it’s normal for people to put their best face forward early in a relationship, abusers go beyond this, creating an extreme version of the partner they believe the victim wants. Once the relationship progresses — often after the first few months of living together — this false persona starts to fade, and the real, controlling nature of the abuser emerges. The victim is left longing for the partner they thought they had, trying to “fix” or return to that idealized version, not realizing that it was an illusion all along. What they mourn is not the person, but the idea of the relationship they were promised — a dream that never truly existed.

Stage 2: Devaluation

Once the abuser feels secure in the relationship, they begin to criticize and belittle the victim. The victim is made to feel as though they can never live up to the abuser’s expectations, which keeps them off balance and more easily controlled.

Stage 3: Control, Isolation, and Manipulation

As the relationship progresses, the abuser tightens their grip. They begin to control the victim’s movements, finances, and relationships. Isolation from friends and family makes it increasingly difficult for the victim to seek help or gain perspective from outsiders.

In this stage, abusers often ramp up their manipulation, provoking what’s known as reactive abuse. They intentionally push the victim to an emotional breaking point — whether through relentless criticism, gaslighting, or other forms of psychological abuse. The goal is to provoke the victim into lashing out in a moment of frustration or distress. When the victim reacts — perhaps by yelling or even pushing back — the abuser seizes this moment, isolating it from the context of ongoing abuse, and then pointing it out to friends, family, or authorities as evidence of the victim’s instability or “craziness.”

This tactic is part of a larger strategy known as DARVO:

• Deny the abuse,

• Attack the victim’s credibility, and

• Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender.

By painting themselves as the victim, the abuser shifts blame, further isolating the real victim from their support system. This confusion makes it even harder for the victim to recognize the truth of their situation or for others to offer help.

Stage 4: Escalation (The Crisis)

Abuse escalates to more intense forms — this may be physical violence, severe emotional abuse, or other coercive behaviors. The abuser frames their actions as justified, often blaming the victim for the escalation.

Stage 5: Reconciliation (Honeymoon Phase)

After an abusive incident, the abuser apologizes, promises to change, or manipulates the victim into believing that they are responsible for the abuser’s actions. This temporary peace lulls the victim into staying, as they hope for a return to the loving behavior they experienced during the idealization phase.

Understanding these predictable steps is crucial. When victims can recognize the signs of abuse early, they can begin to see the broader pattern and take steps to protect themselves. By exposing these tactics, we empower victims to recognize the dangerous cycle they are in and seek help before it escalates further.

Abuse is not always obvious, but by recognizing its different forms and understanding the abuser’s predictable patterns, we can bring light to hidden abuses. This awareness is the first step toward breaking free and finding safety.

In our next article, we will explore how to identify red flags before abuse escalates, helping others recognize the warning signs early on. We’ll also discuss steps you can take to protect yourself at each stage.

I have a public group on Facebook, as well as a private group. Anyone is free to join the public group where we can discuss any questions either amongst the community or with myself. 

Follow me at Be Strong — Coaching.

Private Group at Be Strong - Community.

There will be absolutely no sales talk whatsoever. The articles and the private group are part of the free resources I am developing because I believe these important subjects have been kept in the dark for far too long.

Written by JD in The Abusers Playbook,

The Truth About Writing

I know what you are thinking. Oh god, not another article on writing by a writer. Well, technically, yes this is another article on writing, by a writer. This one is a little different.

If you’re looking for another “How to Make $10,000 Writing” article, you’re in the wrong place. This is about the real truth of writing – it’s hard, it’s confusing, and there’s a lot of conflicting advice out there. But don’t worry, we’re going to cut through the noise.

Let’s address the elephant in the room: the internet is flooded with writing advice. You’ve probably seen it all. I spent months reading all those articles on writing. How to make $10,000 a month. How to make $1000 a month. How to do this and how to do that:

• “Write every single day without fail!”

• “Don’t write every day – you’ll burn out!”

• “Write what you know!”

• “Know your audience!”

• “Find your niche. Then super-niche!”

Sound familiar? The problem isn’t just the overwhelming volume of advice; it’s that much of it contradicts itself. While these articles rack up clicks and engagement, new writers are left more confused than ever.

Written by the same writers over and over again. When their profile states they have a passion for something else. Yet every damn article is the same. They found something that gets a lot of clicks. Earns them some money, so they just keep on milking it. It works because there’s always that new person, who wants to earn money writing on Medium. So while most of us are sick of it, there’s still enough lapping it up.

The best writing advice often comes from authors who don’t make their living selling writing advice. Look for writers who primarily create content about other topics but occasionally share their writing wisdom. These gems of knowledge tend to be more authentic and practical.

Writing is hard. To quote the famous L. Simpson, “Writing is the hardest thing ever!” Season 23 Episode 06 “The Book Job”.

As simple as it sounds, the most important step is to start writing. Here’s why this actually works:

• It helps you discover your natural writing style.

• You learn what topics genuinely interest you

• You develop your own workflow without pressure.

• You build confidence through practice.

Remember what Lisa said? “Writing is the hardest thing ever!” She wasn’t wrong. Like any skill worth having, writing takes:

• Commitment.

• Perseverance.

• Practice.

• Patience.

Here’s the truth that many writing advice articles won’t tell you: your first pieces might not make money. They might not get many reads. And that’s completely okay. Success in writing isn’t about overnight victories – it’s about consistent growth and improvement.

Instead of getting caught up in the endless cycle of writing advice, focus on:

• Finding topics you genuinely enjoy writing about.

• Developing your unique voice.

• Building a sustainable writing routine that works for YOU.

• Creating content consistently, whether it gets immediate traction or not.

If you want to write, then write. Don’t let the overwhelming amount of advice paralyze you. Start creating content, learn from your experiences, and keep moving forward. The only way to become a better writer is through actual writing – not just reading about writing.

Remember, every successful writer started exactly where you are now. The difference is they kept going.

What’s your experience with writing advice? Have you found yourself overwhelmed by conflicting suggestions? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Ready to connect with fellow writers who understand these challenges? Join the Writers Without Walls community on Patreon. Get access to exclusive content, writing resources, and a supportive network of writers who are on the same journey.

Join Writers Without Walls on Patreon

Together, we can navigate the writing journey and create something amazing.

Written by James “JD” Armstrong
Founder, Writers Without Walls

Feature Photo by Johnson Wang on Unsplash

Recently I had a mental health crisis, which I discussed in length on my podcast JD's Rants. Episode 5 - A Personal Journey Through Pain and Resilience. I share a deeply personal story that's both harrowing and hopeful. This episode, which I've decided not to paywall because of its importance, dives into my ongoing battle with chronic pain—a result of a near-fatal motorbike accident in 2015. I discuss the physical and psychological toll it's taken on me, including my struggles with pain management and mental health. Most importantly, I talk about a recent scare with medication that led to severe depression and how I navigated back to a place of hope. This isn't just a recount of my struggles; it's a call to everyone dealing with pain or mental health issues to advocate for themselves and always hold onto hope. My aim is to remind everyone that while the journey is tough, you're not alone, and there's always a reason to fight through the darkest times.

Yesterday was all about reclaiming my power and getting back on track. I began feeling better and decided to go for a walk, for my mental health as well as physical. If you don't know the mental health benefits of just going for a walk, they're indisputable. Not just from a scientific perspective, from a personal experience perspective.

Today as I set out to go for my walk, it started to rain. Instead of letting this stop me, I embraced the challenge, thinking, 'A little water never hurt anyone.' By the end of my walk, I was completely drenched, but I felt invigorated. After my rainy adventure, I shared a video about my experience (which you can view on Facebook or TikTok).

But the day's achievements didn't stop there. I took my first cold shower in nearly two years, reigniting a practice I had maintained for a long time before. I've missed the boost and the positive effects that cold showers gave me, both mentally and physically. Initially, I had started with a 30-day challenge, which I extended to two years, documenting my journey daily.

Now, I'm excited to start again and share my experiences. For my first day back, I managed a five-minute cold shower. It's still winter here, with temperatures around 15 degrees Celsius, and it's raining - definitely not warm! While I initially aimed for ten minutes, I'm proud of lasting five. It takes time for the body to readjust to this practice.

This journey is about more than just cold showers or walks in the rain. It's about pushing my limits, embracing discomfort, and proving to myself that I can overcome challenges. As I continue this path, I look forward to rediscovering the benefits and sharing my progress along the way.

As I continue on this path of rediscovery and challenge, I invite each of you to join me in a journey of your own. Whether it’s taking that first step out in the rain, or the plunge into a cold shower, or just starting the daily practice of taking a walk.

Let’s challenge ourselves to step out of our comfort zones together. If you’ve been hesitant, let this be your sign to start. As I always say, stepping out of your comfort zone is where the magic happens, and we were put here to create some damn magic.

Join the conversation and share your stories of resilience and recovery. You can follow my Be Strong Facebook page and join our free Facebook group to connect with a community of people who are all striving to overcome their own obstacles. Tag me in your posts or videos on Facebook and TikTok, and use the hashtag #BeStrongWithJD. Let’s build a community where we uplift each other and push the boundaries of what we believe is possible. Remember, it's not just about enduring the tough times but transforming them into stepping stones for growth and hope.

Stay strong, stay hopeful, and let’s make each day count towards a healthier, more empowered self.

Originally published here

Episode 4 - Listen Here.

In this eye-opening episode, JD confronts a shocking statistic revealing deep-seated issues within our society. A recent study highlights that a significant percentage of Australian men hold aggressive anti-feminist views. JD delves into the implications of these findings, not just through statistics but through real-life interactions and reflections.

With his characteristic fervor and unfiltered style, JD challenges listeners to examine the roots of these attitudes and the pervasive culture that fuels such beliefs. This episode isn’t just a discussion; it's a call to action for understanding, change, and respect.

Tune in as JD breaks down complex social dynamics with the passion and insight only he can deliver. This episode is a must-listen for anyone ready to confront uncomfortable truths and advocate for equality.

Radical anti-feminism a prevalent form of violent extremism.
Man attacks shop clerk he thought was a feminist.

Audacity - The free, open source, cross-platform software for recording and editing sounds.

TurboScribe - Free plan gives you 3 transcribes per day. Very accurate, even with the Aussie accent. Each transcription can be up to 30 minutes long.

PodMatch - Join a community of podcasters supporting podcasters. PodMatch Automatically Matches Podcast Guests and Hosts For Interviews! It works just like a dating app, but it matches you for podcast interviews.

Episode Three

In this raw and powerful episode, JD tackles a disturbing issue that hits close to home. He reacts to a troubling post circulating online, which glorifies the intimidation of young women. With his characteristic no-holds-barred approach, JD unpacks the deep-seated issues behind such behaviors and calls out the toxic mindset that underpins them.

This episode is a passionate call to action, urging listeners, especially men, to stand up and confront these destructive attitudes. JD challenges everyone to rethink their role in perpetuating fear and to actively participate in changing the narrative around women's safety and respect.

Tune in for a compelling discussion that's not just about ranting but about sparking real change. JD doesn’t just share his thoughts; he demands action, making this a must-listen for anyone ready to confront the uncomfortable truths in our society.

An article you should read - Fearless She Wrote

Tools I use for my podcast - (no referral/affiliate links)

Audacity - The free, open source, cross-platform software for recording and editing sounds.

TurboScribe - Free plan gives you 3 transcribes per day. Very accurate, even with the Aussie accent. Each transcription can be up to 30 minutes long.

In the ever-evolving landscape of digital writing, maintaining the integrity of content and safeguarding the originality of ideas is more crucial than ever. Enter the SensAI Triad, a suite of AI-powered tools designed specifically for writers, ensuring ethical and transparent support without compromising your creative process.

At SensAI Triad, we understand the importance of your privacy. Our AI models are built with a strict policy: we do not store any user data, train on writers' content, or write/rewrite for you. You are the writer, you write. These tools are genuinely designed to assist and coach writers, providing valuable insights and feedback to enhance their craft while keeping their original work untouched.

The flagship tool of the SensAI Triad, StorySensAI, is more than just a tool—it's your personal literary coach. This advanced AI provides in-depth analysis and feedback on your narrative, helping you refine your storytelling. Whether you're looking to improve narrative structure or enhance your writing style, StorySensAI is there to guide you every step of the way. StorySensAI isn't your family or friends that say your writing is amazing because they have to. StorySensAI will be direct with what you have done well, what you can improve on, what needs urgent attention. Remove the doubts from your mind, silence the Imposter Syndrome with StorySensAI in your corner.

Working seamlessly with StorySensAI or as a powerful standalone tool, SummarySensAI helps you craft compelling summaries of your work. Perfect for promotional purposes or giving readers a glimpse of your story's essence, SummarySensAI ensures that your summaries are concise, engaging, and true to your original narrative.

ConceptSensAI is your brainstorming partner, offering strategic direction and new angles to explore in your writing. Whether you're developing a new story or refining an existing one, ConceptSensAI provides innovative suggestions to push the boundaries of your creative expression.

Join the revolution of ethical AI tools designed for writers. Sign up for free and discover how the SensAI Triad can elevate your writing process without compromising your creativity or privacy.

Explore the SensAI Triad at SensAI Triad.

View my demo on how to use these tools. More tools to come!

In this episode, JD dives deep into the troubling history and ongoing impact of labelling women as “crazy.” From ancient medical misconceptions to modern-day gaslighting, he unpacks how these harmful stereotypes have been weaponised to undermine women’s credibility. JD calls for action, urging listeners to rethink their language and stand up against these damaging narratives. Tune in for a passionate rant that challenges societal norms and advocates for change. This is an episode you don’t want to miss!

If you have a topic you think needs a good rant, hit me up here on Substack or email me at JDs-Rants@writerswithoutwalls.com.

Credit — Refinery29 — What Does it Realy Mean to call Someone Crazy

Dive into the inaugural episode of "JD's Rants," where your host, JD, takes no prisoners in his quest for candid discussions and raw truth-telling. Broadcasting from Perth, Western Australia, this podcast isn't for the faint of heart or those easily offended. JD's naval background and no-holds-barred approach promise lively debates and passionate rants about society, life, and everything in between.

In this first episode, JD sets the stage for what listeners can expect: a space where every opinion counts and no topic is off-limits. He challenges societal norms with a critique of popular opinions on maturity and parenting, questioning conventional wisdom with his unique, unfiltered style.

Prepare for a journey through controversial terrains with a host who's lived through extraordinary challenges and doesn't shy away from telling it like it is. If you're looking for a podcast that mixes humor, honesty, and thought-provoking insights, then you've just found your match. Tune in, join the conversation, and maybe even change your perspective. Maybe even change JD’s.

Welcome to "JD's Rants"—where every voice is loud, every rant is valid, and the only rules are - To keep it real. And as Buddha said, “Don’t be a dick.”

Have you ever found yourself screaming at the news, ranting about social media posts, or just generally feeling like the world has gone mad? If so, you're not alone. And that's why I'm launching JD's Rants, the podcast that turns my frustrations into fuel for unfiltered, unapologetic commentary. Maybe you will relate to them. Maybe you will call me out when I am wrong. I hope so, as it is bound to happen. I’m not scared to be wrong. I’m not scared to admit when I am wrong. I’m not scared to say sorry. I’m not scared to change my mind. For that to happen, you better bring authentic receipts.

The idea for JD's Rants didn't come from some grand epiphany or a burning desire to become a podcasting guru. It was born from countless conversations, online debates, and one too many encounters with entitled writers and blatant plagiarism (but more on that later). But mostly, it was born from conversations with friends, when suddenly, JD (that’s me) would launch into a rant, either typed or voiced. I’d maybe realise a few minutes, or more, into it. I’d stop myself and say, uh, sorry about the rant there. The amount of times they’d say, don’t say sorry, I love your rants. You should do a podcast.

Wait.. What? Nah, I’m not wanting to go viral, or even try. Because….

I realized that I wasn't the only one who felt this way. Many of us are fed up with the hypocrisy, the double standards, the sheer absurdity of the world around us. And sometimes, the only way to cope is to let it all out in a good old-fashioned rant.

JD's Rants will be a hybrid podcast, at least to start. I'll kick things off with a few hand-picked rants on topics that are guaranteed to get my blood boiling. But after that, it's up to you. The best rants are unscripted, off the cuff, full of passion. The first few, will be from the ones like that recently, however I prefer to be authentic. So, eventually, I want you, my potential listeners, to trigger me.

I want you to be the catalyst for my rants. Send me your most infuriating news articles, your most ridiculous social media screenshots, and the things that make you want to scream at the top of your lungs. The one that triggers me the most will be the next episode, with credit to the person who managed to trigger me. Then I’ll let the rant flow. I'll take your frustrations, make them mine, add a healthy dose of sarcasm and colorful language, and turn them into podcast gold. Oh, and apparently I also need to mention I have an Australian accent. I don’t have an accent, you do.

Think of JD's Rants as a cathartic release, a safe space to vent your frustrations and know that someone out there feels your pain. But it's also more than that. It's a community, a place where we can connect over shared grievances and maybe even find some humor in the chaos.

I'm still finalizing the details, but you can expect the first episode of JD's Rants to drop soon, within the next week or two, once I get all my ducks in a row. First, I have to find my ducks, I didn’t even know I had ducks, let alone I had to keep them in a row.

In the meantime, you can subscribe here at JD’s Rants.

You can submit your rant triggers here - JDs-rants@jamesdalearmstrong.com

Don't miss out on the unfiltered, unapologetic podcast that's all about you, me, us. Get ready to rant with me!

#JDRants #RantWithMe #Podcast #Unfiltered #Unapologetic

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one".

You’d expect me to attribute this to Albert Einstein. I won’t though, because that is not what he said.

"For us believing physicists, the separation between past, present and future has only the meaning of an illusion, albeit a tenacious one.” ~ Albert Einstein.

That’s too much of a mouthful for our ever-shrinking attention spans, right? It’s been changed over the years, as most quotes or sayings have been. Another such saying that just never sat right with me.

“Blood is thicker than water.”

This is interpreted as family over everything else. Even if they are a toxic family member or an abusive family member, we are expected to be there for them. To pick up the pieces or fix the mess. Over the years, I learnt what the actual saying was.

“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” ~ unknown.

This has the opposite interpretation. It speaks to the blood spilled on the battlefield, those bonds created in those moments are stronger than any family bond. Forged back in the days of actual blood spilled on battlefields. Battlefields have changed, literally and figuratively. I’ve always believed in choosing my family. My people.

Another one. Jack of all trades, master of none. It has mainly been used to put down someone and make them feel inferior. The actual saying, however -

A jack of all trades is a master of none but oftentimes better than a master of one.

This certainly changed my perception of things. However, I’m not here to discuss the sayings; I just wanted to point them out, as they bug me.

There are more. That’s an article for another day. There is also this perception that Albert Einstein said that we create our reality. The closest saying of his to that -

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”

Close enough, really, and he’s right. I’ve had people argue that we don’t create our reality with our thoughts. If I think that wall isn’t real and try to walk through it, I’ll find out it’s pretty real. I’d counter that a part of them was still convinced it is real, and therefore, it was.

How do we convince ourselves that the brick wall isn’t real, though? 100% believe it’s not real. We’d think that there would be some sort of delusion going on.

Anyway, that’s not what the saying is even trying to convey. Our thoughts create our reality. These thoughts are based on our experiences in life and our emotions. If you believe you can’t, you are right. If you have negative emotions attached to certain things, you will always perceive them in a negative way. This will cause you emotional pain. We are hardwired to avoid pain. People say we are wired to seek out pleasure and avoid pain. The truth of the matter is that we are only hardwired to avoid pain at all costs.

Addicts will seek out their chosen vice to avoid pain. While knowing fully that their vice will cause them pain. Their vice doesn’t give them pleasure; it increases their pain. Their guilt and shame. Their financial and family struggles. It gives them a temporary escape from their pain. They know this, yet they repeat the cycle. Instant gratification. Instant avoidance of the pain they are running from.

Now, I don’t really like the term hardwired. This indicates that we are unable to rewire this pattern. I believe we can, but let's start with something a bit smaller.

Our perceptions create our reality. We’ve all experienced buying a new car, or something new. Thinking, oh wow, I’ve never seen this car or this car in that colour. So you buy it and immediately see that model car, even in that colour, everywhere.

The car was always there, even in that colour. You just didn’t see it. Your brain wasn’t focused on it, so it didn’t register when you saw it. Your perception, after buying the car, had changed. Your brand-new car was front and centre in your mind.

When people say that after hurting themselves in a specific spot, Take your thumb, for example.

“Ugh. I keep hitting the same damn spot. Why?” Assuming it’s because they’ve hurt it, they are suddenly constantly hitting it on something.

You’ve always hit yourself in that spot. You are knocking your thumb on the kitchen counter, the door handle. Whatever it is. It just didn’t hurt then, so you didn’t notice it. It was a nothing event. However, when you’ve injured yourself, your perception of this pain is heightened, and every little bump is registered.

A few days before Christmas last year. (2023 for future generations to read my brilliant takes. I’m joking.) I developed an extremely sore throat that lasted about four days. The simple act of swallowing my saliva felt like glass shards coated in hydrochloric acid. I didn’t want to swallow, yet my body would keep performing this act.

I would have yelled if it didn’t hurt to breathe. Why in the hell am I swallowing so damn much? So I jumped onto chatgpt.On average, a human swallows around 15-25 times an hour when they are not eating or drinking. This frequency can vary based on individual habits, level of saliva production, and other factors. When people are awake and not actively eating or drinking, the swallowing rate can decrease to this range primarily to manage saliva.

Wow, so when eating or drinking, this rate increases. When unwell, this rate can also increase. I wouldn’t have thought we swallowed just when sitting around doing nothing, nearly once every two minutes. When you feel like you are swallowing glass shards coated in hydrochloric acid and chasing that down with tequila shots with the lemon and salt. You are very aware of every single one.

My rate of swallowing probably increased because of the sore throat as well. My perception of how many times was certainly heightened. My response to Chatgpt’s answer was, well, shut up then, who asked you?

These examples highlight how our emotions and experiences shape our perception of the world around us. The good news is we can alter our perceptions for the better. There is immense transformative power in changing one's perspective.

One example of this was back in my late twenties. My relationship had fallen apart; my wife had left. I had lost my job due to the number of times I’d taken off work, as I hadn’t heard from her, and I feared the worst. For context, she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and suffered severe depression. That’s a story for another day.

Anyway, this resulted in me being unable to afford rent, so I didn’t renew the lease when it was up. I packed my belongings into my car and lived in that car for a week while trying to find another job. It was winter, and the car leaked. It also didn’t work. I could feel myself spiralling, thinking dark thoughts. Who wouldn't be right?

I decided on Thursday night to gather what I needed the next day and end things Friday night. Only, I woke up on Friday morning in a damn good mood.

Why? I didn’t know, and I wasn’t asking. I was just rolling with it.

Shortly after, I got a call to start a new job on Monday. Shortly after that, a friend drove past where I had parked, saw me and pulled over.

After the usual greetings, he asked, what the hell was going on? I told him. He called me a dumbass for not asking, as he had a spare room, and he towed me to his place then and there. To be fair, this was before social media. It’s not like I would text every person I knew if they had a spare room. Plus, I’ve always had an issue with asking for help. I’m getting better at it. Slowly.

Now, this didn’t solve all my problems instantly. I had to buy a bike to ride to work and back daily. It was only 15 minutes, but did I mention it was winter? Strong headwinds, storms, hail, cold rain. Almost daily. It was a struggle, and I did not want to get out of bed every morning.

Every morning, I forced myself to get up early. It might have only been a 15-minute ride, normally. The adverse conditions usually meant it would take a lot longer. Plus, I wasn’t enjoying it at all. I’d have to get to work, shower and change into my dry work clothes.

So, my mental state was still suffering. This routine quickly beat out of me, the good mood from Friday morning. I was struggling. One morning, I had my earphones in as usual. I was listening to whatever music I had on there. Beautiful Day by U2 came on. Really? Is the universe mocking me now? It was a pretty crappy day, raining steadily. I was cold and tired.

Or was the universe mocking me? I thought to myself.

Wait… what? What the hell am I thinking? It’s the opposite of a beautiful day.

Is it?

At that point, I focused on a raindrop, about to drip off my helmet peak. I felt like time suddenly slowed as this droplet of water elongated to the point of no return, and dropped. The sun's rays, even though muted, still hit this drop of water and refracted the colours of the rainbow. My own personal little rainbow in a moment of time. A simple second of time that felt longer.

It was at this moment that it hit me. There is beauty all around us, in every single moment. Sometimes, we have to look a little harder. From that day on, my perception changed. It took effort to remind myself. Which I did every morning when I’d set off in less-than-ideal conditions, saying to myself,

“It IS a beautiful day.”

Whenever I falter, focusing on what’s going wrong in my life, I refocus and look for the beauty in anything. It’s always there.

I remember one time in particular, a few years later. I had a different job. I’d taken a break from being a manager, as the last workplace almost caused complete burnout. I worked, on average, 12-hour days, six days a week. That was after I’d fixed a lot of issues causing everyone to work crazy long hours. My first day there started at 6 am, and at around 5 pm, I asked the guys how much longer they usually worked for.

They laughed and said they usually finish around 9 pm on a Monday night. When I finally got out of there at midnight. Yes, a solid 18 hours with one 30-minute lunch break and two 15-minute smoko breaks. I was like, nope, I’m fixing this. I still had to do 12-hour days, as I was the only one to let the truck drivers in at 6 am and the only one to lock up when the rest of the guys finished. Which never went past 6 pm after I’d implemented all my changes. As a result, I saved the owners a tonne of money, and my reward? They cut my hourly rate from $30 hourly for every hour I worked. To $25 an hour.

Yes, that’s against the law, as many other goings on there. It's no surprise that that company is no longer in business. But after that, my confidence in my abilities had taken a hit, so I took a simple forklift loading job at a timber company.

I appreciated the change in pace, but after a while, I wanted more. So I was starting to get a bit negative about my situation. I was in the warehouse most of the day, shifting around massive packs of timber with the forklift, ranging up to about the two-tonne mark. It was dark, dirty, smelly, and just an unpleasant environment.

At this point, a Flutterby landed on a pack of timber I was moving into its place. Yes, I call them Flutterbys. Seriously, who named them “Butterflies”? A butter… fly? That sounds disgusting. I picture a scientist out there, and this beautiful little creature FLUTTERS BY them, and they think, oh yes, we will call that a butterfly. What?

Anyway, this Flutterby flutters by me and lands on this pack of timber. I stop the forklift instantly and just sit there, watching this pretty Flutterby in the most unlikely places. I reminded myself that beauty is everywhere; we just have to be open to seeing it. Change our perceptions, our moods, and our thoughts. Change our reality.

So, I challenge you to seek out the beauty that is all around you. It is a simple step to change your perception.

So like most people, we’ve had someone let us down more than once. Some more so than others, and we get to a point in life where we can start to feel pretty cynical about it all. As I started in my early to mid-30s.

I’ve always been the guy to jump in and help out. If a workmate needed a hand moving their house on the weekend. I’d be there to help out. Needed to borrow some money for lunch, or even more to pay some bills? If I had it, it was yours. Needed to borrow my car? Sure thing. A place to stay? We’ve got a spare room.

Now, I’m not saying I’ve not had people help me out from time to time at that stage of my life. It certainly wasn’t family that came through. After I had joined the Australian Navy at seventeen, they even forgot my birthdays as the years went on. I got used to that. But as I said, in my early to mid-30’s, I’d started to feel that things were lopsided. Things felt one-sided.

I didn’t like this feeling. I actually enjoy helping people out in any way I can. A friend once described me to their friend as “He’d give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.” Their friend needed a place to stay, and I had a spare room.

So, after months of struggling with this back and forth in my head. Between not helping anyone anymore and not allowing the actions of people to change who I am, I settled on no longer having any expectations of people.

I mentioned this to a friend one day, and their response surprised me.

I’d said,

“People will invariably let you down when you need them the most. So I’m just going to stop having expectations of anyone.”

“That’s a really negative outlook to have, man.”

“Wait, what? No it’s not.”

“Is it?” I thought to myself. I needed to think about this some more. I don’t consider myself a negative person. In fact, I tend to temper my positive outlook with some realism. I prefer balance in everything if possible.

So I pondered on what my friend had said while still retraining my brain to have no expectations. I remember the very first time I was disappointed. Where I had felt let down, short-changed, so to speak. I was fifteen years old, and Christmas was just around the corner. I knew that we were struggling financially as a family.

It was the late 80’s, and interest rates on home loans were crazy high. 17% on a mortgage. Dad was working hard and a lot. But he had five kids to provide for. My step-mum didn’t work at the time; I mean, it was the 80’s. Also, five kids! I was the oldest at fifteen. The sixth child was still two years away.

As a single dad, having the one to care for is a full-time job. I honestly don’t know how my parents did it.

So, leading up to Christmas, I said there was only one gift I really wanted. The dancing Coca-Cola cans had come out that year. That’s all I wanted.

Christmas morning, that was all I got. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed as I watched my brothers and sisters open present after present. It took an effort to hide. I was disappointed; I suddenly didn’t think the dancing coke can was so great. After some reflection and some self-talk. I realised I got exactly what I asked for. I asked for this to take the pressure off my parents. I sacrificed a little so my brothers and sisters could have a Christmas they’d remember as happier times.

Fifteen years later, I realised what my expectations were. My attachment to material possessions had stolen a happy Christmas occasion from me. That’s when I started to realise the balance between expectations and joy.

Other examples presented themselves to me. I have always been the guy who would randomly buy his partner flowers every two to four weeks. Just because I liked making her happy and because flowers brightened up a room. The act of giving makes the gift-giver happy as well. Win-Win.

After a while, though, I noticed that she wouldn’t be as happy when I gave her flowers. It wasn’t the only thing I did for my partner, but it was the one I noticed most. Eventually, the flowers wouldn’t even end up in a vase. Just plonked in the sink to be done later. Then it got to the point I’d fish them out and put them in a vase myself. Neither of us was getting anything out of this act anymore.

Hearing and seeing how entitled kids were getting as well. Not getting the latest gaming console for Christmas/birthdays and throwing a massive temper tantrum, young kids through to teenagers. when they do not get the car bought for them when they get their licence.

It’s not just the parents’ fault; capitalism and marketing campaigns are relentlessly bombarding us all. Children are more susceptible to the tactics used as well. So the expectation is set, every Christmas, despite the empty threat of “If you are naughty”, more and more presents under the tree. Parents bend over backwards to try to give their kids a great Christmas or birthday, even when they can’t afford it. The insinuation is you are a bad parent if you don’t.

So we grow up expecting gifts. We get accustomed to the flowers or treats, and we start to expect them.

Then what happens? If you get the gifts. Cool, thanks for that. Appreciate it. If you don’t, you are filled with disappointment. You feel hurt. Neglected. Forgotten. Unappreciated.

So, having gone through and retrained myself not to expect anything. If I don’t get anything, it’s not even a thought. Someone finds out it’s my birthday and says Happy Birthday. It makes me smile and appreciate it.

Suppose someone goes out of their way to help me. Or they do something for me. It’s unexpected. I’m genuinely surprised, and I feel true joy. I wasn’t expecting that simple gesture, that little gift, of that offer to help. So, I truly appreciate it, and I express it.

This is where the joy gets doubled. The person who is doing it sees authentic pleasure and gratitude. This gives them the joy of giving.

I genuinely believe that many people are missing that genuine feeling of joy, and practising the mindset of not expecting anything will change your life and the lives of those around you for the better.

So, no, it’s not a negative way of looking at the world. Because there is a balance to it. If I only focused on “No expectations” because people suck. Sure, that is negative and would lead you down a cynical, grumpy and resentful path.

In discovering the flip side to that coin. The balance that there is in everything has truly turned what could be a bad day or week if I’d let it into a happier, more meaningful existence.

Others might misunderstand your approach as apathy or detachment, especially if they interpret your lack of expectations as a lack of interest or investment in the relationship. So, while the mantra of “no expectations” is simple yet meaningful to those who choose to practice it. It’s vital we explain it in full to those we care for so that they see the balanced nature of this approach.

Having no expectations can reduce personal disappointment, but it might also lead others to take your generosity for granted, especially if they perceive it as a lack of boundaries. Having no expectations of others does not mean having none of yourself. Set healthy boundaries for yourself and respect them. If you don’t respect your boundaries, no one will. Part of mine was with lending money. If the person didn’t pay me back when they said they would or didn’t communicate with me, they weren’t going to be able to pay me back at that time. I would no longer lend them money, even if they eventually paid me back. It’s a matter of respect and being true to your word. That is when having an expectation is different. They’ve set the expectation on themselves and expressed it to you. Of course, you expect them to follow through on that.

A big part of setting those boundaries was having children. My children come first. So beforehand, if someone needed $20, it was my last $20 until I got paid in a few days. I’d give it to them, no issues. Now, I wouldn’t. It’s my just-in-case buffer.

While it’s beneficial not to expect anything in return for your actions, it’s also vital to ensure that relationships are reciprocal and healthy. A lack of balance in giving and receiving can lead to unequal relationships. Remember, no expectations of other people. The expectations you have of yourself are yours to control. Not having those healthy boundaries in place can lead to a lack of balance, and this will lead to resentment.

Some might argue that certain expectations are a natural and healthy part of emotional connections. They can foster a sense of belonging and mutual respect as long as they’re communicated clearly and are reasonable. Remember that your emotions are YOUR emotions. You control them; they don’t (shouldn’t) control you. This is not to say you become an emotionless robot that you don’t experience your emotions. This is about emotional intelligence, understanding why you are feeling a certain way. As I always tell people, if you are angry, ask yourself the following.

Why? Is your anger matching the transgression? Is this event the true source of your anger? Asking yourself these simple questions prevents you from losing your temper and taking it out on the wrong person, usually someone you love. If you answer yes to those questions, then you have a right to be angry. There is such a thing as righteous anger. It’s controlled, and it’s expressed clearly with no abusive or inflammatory language. Effective communication is key.

We must manage and align “no expectations” with reality and ensure they don’t overshadow the many reasons we have to be grateful and happy in our relationships and lives. What’s crucial is finding a balance that allows you to enjoy life and relationships without being burdened by unmet expectations.

So what do you think? Are you willing to try the “No expectations” approach? It takes time and persistence to retrain your subconscious and conscious mind to think this way.

I believe it is worth it.

For some, it's to work hard your whole life and retire after 40-odd years with a gold watch. That’s success. Told to us by our fathers and grandfathers, as had been drummed into them by their employers. My Dad was that man, and I was damn proud of him. I still am, and I hope to be half the man he was every day. Striving to be better than I was yesterday. But was he successful? I don’t know. I never got to ask him that. It was more important to tell him that I was proud to be his son, and I said to him that if I ended up half the man he was, I’d be damn proud of myself. I knew he heard me. I also knew he loved me, and he was damn proud of me.

So, in my younger years, success was the work ethic my dad had. I strove to be that guy, and I was that guy. I was working myself into an early grave, just like my dad did at 61. Suddenly, that wasn't a success for me anymore.

Don’t get me wrong. Everyone has different passions, interests, and responsibilities. So sometimes, you make your success with what you have. Doing the best you can in your own personal situation is another form of success. Making the most of the situation you are in. I understand that, as I am currently homeless, but I am still grateful and blessed. I have a roof over my sons and my head. I bought a bus that’s decked out like a campervan. I have a car. I can do some work. There are people in worse positions than I am in the current environment.

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Sometimes, just putting one foot in front of the other is a success. Always celebrate the wins, no matter how small.

Others have it drummed into them that they have to get good grades, get into University, and become that Lawyer, Doctor or whatever to be successful. Because that’s what their parents wanted, they want it for the children. My dad was also that man. He tried really hard to get me to want that. He insisted that I would be finishing High School and going to University.

The problem there was that I hated school. Don’t get me wrong, I love learning about anything and everything. To this very day, I still love learning. I got good grades without trying, but I never studied. My teachers and my parents were constantly telling me to “TRY”. So I could get great grades. I would, at the beginning of every school year, try. To make my dad proud. It would last a few weeks at most, and my grades were always in the top 90%, still without studying. I’d just put in effort.

The school system just wasn’t for me. Especially High School. I started “wagging” (skipping school) school from the first year of high school, when I was not even 13. Up until the end of the second last year. Year 11 here. In Year 10, my report card to Dad said, "66 days absent." I squeezed in a ½ between the 6 and the days. I told Dad that it was 66-half days of absence. You know, when I’d miss the bus and get there late.

A couple of years later, I told him I was worried about my sister wagging school. She had already been kept back a year. I was worried Dad didn’t know. How naive of me.

He looked me dead in the eye and said,

“Your Principal called me every single day you weren’t at school. As he does with your sister.”

Wait. What?

Every single day. Dad never said a word. I asked him why, as early on, I’d get punished.

“I wasn’t worried about you. I knew no matter what, you’d be okay.”

That’s why he stopped the pressure for University for me. I was strong-willed, just like him. In so many ways, I am just like my dad. It wasn’t until he was gone that I could see it.

By the way, I did the mature-aged entry exam at 22 for entrance into University. I’ve been accepted three times. I still didn’t go to University.

I was lucky to have such a great man as a father. Truly. He let me have and make my choices after instilling core values in me. He let me be, me.

Others aren’t so lucky. They go to University for 4 years or 6 years. Longer. To make their parents happy. To make them proud. To do the career that they pushed them to. Some do all that and find out they are not happy. They become successful in the eyes of society and their parents. But not theirs.

Society also says success is making the big bucks. Being an Entrepreneur. Going into business. It’s this glamorous life, for those that make it. Glossing over the amount of failures in the first year of business. Even in the first five years the failure rate is high. This is success?

Let’s be clear, failure isn’t the opposite of success. Failure is another lesson. Another learning experience. It’s only failure, if you give up. If you stop. However, some people aren’t built to handle failure as well as others. Some failures are huge and devastating.

As I’ve lived life through the years. I’ve had different ideas of what success is to me. With each new job, it was rising up the ladder quickly. I always did. Then someone would stop me. Thinking I was after their job. Or just not like seeing the drive in me, they didn’t have. Or whatever reason there was. So I’d move on, quickly. If I wasn’t happy, I’d get another job and quit. Never quit, then tried to get another job. What, no loyalty? I saw that loyalty in some of the places my dad worked hard at. Long hours. To be discarded. He always got another job quickly, and before he passed, was well respected in the Transport and Logistics industry across Australia. He’d worked up to being the State Operations Manager for one of the largest refrigerated transport companies in Australia. People he hadn’t seen in over 30, 40 years, flew from all across Australia, to Perth. For his funeral.

So, no, I gave companies as much loyalty as they deserved. There were a couple that did deserve it. They got it. Still, when it was time to move. I’d move. I’m not wasting their time and my time if I’m not happy. Still, I wasn’t sure what my idea of success looked like. By chance, I was on the same path as my father. I ended up with a company that respected me and my work ethic. Within a year, I’d received the largest single pay rise they’d given anyone. Then, another pay rise and the offer of a promotion and transfer from Perth to Sydney, becoming the National Warehouse Manager. With the view that in 12 months, I would take over from my boss as he became the National Operations Manager, I’d take over as the State Operations Manager. I’d fallen into this “career” by just shrugging and saying, I’ll give Warehouse Management a shot. It’s a job. Turns out, I was ridiculously good at it. It was also the right blend of mental work, physical work and challenges. Known challenges coming up and the “surprise” challenges. Being really good at it. Which meant I didn’t hate it. I didn’t LOVE it. But I enjoyed the challenges. Still seeking out different ones when I’d mastered the current one.

That’s how I ended up in Sydney. About two months into it, I was enjoying the change, the challenge. But it was still not what I considered I would do for the rest of my life. Deep down, I knew that.

Life has a way sometimes that it beats your dreams out of you. You push them aside for “reasons”. Some of those reasons are important. I had a daughter. So what I was doing was how I could give her a better start to life than I had, even with how great my dad was. He was still just a man. He wasn’t perfect, as none of us are. I didn’t have an easy start.

So, I wanted better for my daughter. Even though her mother and I were separated, we were friends.

So, this was my new idea of what success would look like?

The universe got fed up with me not listening. I like to say. So she threw a truck at me while I was on my motorbike in Sydney. I wasn’t meant to catch it, however. I did catch it with my full chest. I won’t go into details. You can read about it here.

So, that version of success was out.

As writers, we all have different ideas of what success looks like.

Making a bestseller list.

Writing their first book.

Their book was made into a movie.

For me. If one day I’m at my local library and just one of my books is on their bookshelves. Then, to me, I’ve made it as a writer.

That’s just one aspect of what success now looks like to me. The other. My children, daughter and son, grow into happy, well-adjusted, kind adults. The emphasis is on HAPPY. More than anything, I want them to be happy. I’ll do anything I can to help them get there.

My idea of success has evolved and completely changed over the years as I have grown and evolved over the years as well. I’m only 51. Yeah, I’ve died twice already. But I’m stubborn. Sorry, I’m tenacious.

No, I’m stubborn. I’m a red-headed Australian with Scottish blood flowing through my veins. I’m also a Taurus, and I was born in the year of the Ox.

I’m really stubborn. Lol.

So, what is your idea of what “success” looks like?

Your idea.

Not societies. Not your parents or grandparents.

Yours.

What is it?

So recently, I introduced paid Subscriptions on my Substack (more options will come to access my products) and sent out a newsletter explaining why. Here, we will focus on the Triad of writing SensAI’s. A play on them being your writing, Sensei.

Straight after that, I worked on my SensAI GPTs and upgraded them to V 2.0’s. I’ve enhanced security to protect my GPTs and your data.

Any stories or story concepts you enter into my GPTs will not be stored or used in any way to contribute to any AI training. As I will demonstrate in the video, as you are logged in, it won’t even release or remember any information about the story you just finished using in any of the GPTs. It has no access to it to be able to give it to you. If you insist or trigger any other security protocols. Well, you will see what will happen.

As a writer myself, I take this very seriously. So much so that you can’t use these GPTs to write a story, rewrite your story or even give you a story concept. These GPTs are specifically crafted for a set purpose. I have spent close to a year working on these. Refining the process. Making them as accurate and realistic in the output as I could. The last bit was a challenge that I will explain.

How did this start? I read a medium article by a writer talking about the current review process for writers' works. Specifically on Amazon. We all have experienced or had a friend who has experienced unfair and ridiculous reviews. Worse, the troll reviews by people seeking to damage a writer’s launch date. They are so obvious, I’ve called on Amazon a few times to do something. Falls on deaf ears, of course. A blank, no name, no profile pic user, reviews immediately on launch, and a 1-star review with no context. It couldn’t be more obvious, and almost immediately, the algorithm has moved on from your launch, and sales are completely tanked. It’s all from some petty, jealous, hateful troll.

Of course, some writers feel they can go after legit reviewers who leave a 3-star review with context. Even a 1-star review by a reader, with context, is valid. Not everyone will like your work. Some will hate it. They have a right to review it.

Then there are the reviews like. The book was delivered late. 1-star. Or the delivery driver left the parcel in the rain, and the book was ruined. 1-star. These reviews are ridiculous and made by people who don’t understand the process, who is responsible for what and who the review affects. Things out of the author's control should not be part of the review of the book.

Then, some reviewers always give the same scores for every review they do. 3-star, or 5-star. No context. Then there’s the emotional factor and unpredictability of humans. Great writing gets readers thinking, stirs emotions, and pushes boundaries. Some readers will hate you, and some will love you. It’s the nature of the beast.

This writer was lamenting the unfair aspects of the review process and was sure there must be a better way, but couldn’t think of what that could be. That’s where I said,

”Hold my beer.”

I got to thinking and formulating my idea. Now, I immediately dismissed AI, replacing the review process. That’s just flipping the current issues with other issues. But what if AI reviews could offer a counterbalance to the review process? Giving readers the option of looking at human-based reviews and maybe thinking, “Oh, these reviews aren’t that great.” Unaware that maybe there’d been an attack by a group against the author. But they look at the review AI has given. Specifically, StorySensAI. Where they see the AI praise the technical aspects, the storytelling, and other 20 points, StorySensAI reviews from my instructions.



The challenge I had was AI doesn’t like to be overly critical of human users. So, for a while, I was getting frustrated with AI as it reviewed all my short stories and gave me scores of 4 to 5 out of 5 for all my writing, offering some critiques to improve. But hold up, if I am getting 5/5. How are you saying I can improve? I can’t. So you are lying to me. Sugarcoating the feedback in an attempt not to hurt my feelings?

Besides, I know my stories from thirty years ago are not worthy of 4 out of 5 stars. At best, a 3 out of 5. It took a lot of work to customise prompts and instructions. Testing and retesting. Finally, I got it, consistently too. The moment when I got the review, I was like. Hey, that score stings a little. There it is. Reality.

Now, StorySensAI can offer suggestions as to how I can improve my writing. It tells me what I’ve done well, StorySensAI can offer suggestions as well as what I could do better. Also tells me why it’s making those suggestions.

I was still having regular issues, though, of StorySensAI going off the rails at times and completely missing the entire plot of the story. Or making stuff up. That’s where SummarySensAI comes in. It does a 300-word summary of the story. You provide that to StorySensAI at the start, which enhances the review process, keeping StorySensAI from glitching out. Keeps StorySensAI focused on the story review at hand. So to speak.

SummarySensAI is also useful for summarising your story for any marketing you want to do for your story.

Finally, we have ConceptSensAI. This is a stand-alone GPT that will take a concept for a story you might have and will provide feedback on various aspects. Originality, target audience, story length, plus more.

I will now demonstrate in the following video how they work and the feedback you get. This is also just the beginning. Already developing genre-specific, as well as expanding the capabilities beyond short stories. Which StorySensAI can already do. It is suggested that you post your story in 5000-word chunks when prompted. You can probably get away with up to maybe 7000 word chunks. For the total story length, I’ve pushed StorySensAI with over 15000 words. Entering into Novella criteria.





Currently the beta launch is only available to my paid substack susbscribers. https://jamesdarmstrong.substack.com/

Website coming soon.

Cheers
JD

Stone the crows.

A murder of crows.

Murder, a murder of crows.

I used to like crows. They are intelligent; they like shiny objects. They hang out in a murder. What’s not to like?

They are also arseholes, the biggest arseholes of the bird kingdom. Damn dinosaurs.

It all started a couple of years ago when we moved into a rental apartment. Our place, for my son and me. Our own place. It was also directly across from the shopping centre, which was a bonus.

Or so I thought.

Where there are big shopping centres, there are lots of people. There are also lots of people where there are big blocks of units.

Where there are many people, there is usually a lot of rubbish. People are pigs, dumping their half-eaten crap in shopping trolleys. While right next to a rubbish bin.

Where people are doing this, along with all the shiny stuff they get from the shopping centre. You guessed it. There are crows, a whole murder of them.

Every.

Damn.

Day.

With that annoying call they make, especially the one that drags on.

Caaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....www.....wwwww......wwwwww.. ww.

What’s worse is this so-called birdcall is the right pitch for my autistic son to start reacting to it. He doesn’t like it. So he makes this noise that I have no idea how to replicate while blocking his ears.

The noise he makes is at the right pitch to vibrate my teeth and bones and has the metal in my body scraping against the bone. Okay, maybe not that bad, but it immediately sets me on edge.

These crows start around 7 am during winter. 5 am during summer. All day, all the way through, until sunset.

You’d think I’d get respite while he was at kindergarten and daycare. But unfortunately, I was hyper-aware of every sound they’d make. One little shit, in particular, would sit on the lamppost directly outside our patio.

“Caaaww.” The crow goes.

“Aaagh.” Screams Keegan.

“Get the fuck out of here, you stupid fucking annoying shit!” rants Dad, bolting out onto the balcony.

Hush… go the neighbours. Peering out from behind the curtains.

Act normal, James; look around to see who’s making all that racket… not fooling them.

“I’m not crazy; I’ve been tested!!”

Two years. Two long years. We finally moved, not because I wanted to. It was either CaravanLife or being homeless under a bridge somewhere. After two years of never being late for rent, knowing full well that I couldn’t work due to my injuries from my accident, I didn’t get much income support and was the full-time carer for my autistic son. They wouldn’t even give me extra time. So on the 4th Dec 2021, after they’d asked me if I wanted to extend my lease the day before, I said yes, of course. The landlord said “You got 30 days to move out.” By text message.

Merry fucking Christmas. They were pretty happy to make us homeless as long as they could cash in on the 35% rise in the rental market in the past month. I even offered to pay extra, as well as pay six months in advance. I knew this was the reason, as it was the only time they turned around and got defensive.

“We operate under the legislation….” blah blah blah.

So I managed to get a caravan, and a friend of a friend let us park up on their property in the outer suburbs of Perth.

On our first day here, I got to relax, sort of. I had the essentials set up, so I was resting.

I thought to myself. I don’t hear any crows.

It’s peaceful, just normal bush noises. Oh.. this might be okay.

5 am.

CAAAAWWW

CAAWW

CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWW

AAAAARRGGHHH

FUCK!! Fuck off, crows!!!

“Nevermore”, quoth the raven.

Originally published on Zirkels, where you can find more hilarious accounts of my life.

It was after getting out of hospital (2 months) and a few months later, when I went for a heart check, that I found out I had died. This news made me sit back and reflect on a few things. The only real regret that I would have had at that time, if I had died, was not publishing my book of short stories. Do You Dare?

I had written them between twenty and thirty years ago. I got them edited and the cover art sorted. I published it on Amazon in February 2018. Joined Twitter to create a social media presence. I’m not a salesperson, like most writers, we just want to write. Like most writers, we have jobs, families, etc.

This is where I found out that for an agent to even look at a writer, they needed to have a minimum of 50,000 followers across all their socials and engage with them daily. Then, you get the privilege of paying them to represent you, regardless of whether that gets anywhere.

I get it. It’s big business despite there seeming to be a trend of fewer people reading. As of 2023, the global book publishing revenue stands at $129 billion, jumping from $122 billion in 2018. (see here)

I just had one question. When do writers…. write? Social media is consuming enough as it is. On top of everything else we have going on. Someone once tweeted something along the lines of “Single parents, when do you get to write?” I posted this picture and said. “When you figure it out, let me know?”

This is when the idea behind WritersWithoutWalls started formulating. Disrupting the publishing industry, both traditional and self-publishing. Putting the control back in the hands of the readers and the writers. Instead of being dictated to by suits in an ivory tower who only care about what sells. Funny enough, what sells is what they distribute and market extensively on. Or being slaves to the secret algorithms, amongst other things, when it comes to Amazon.

Yes, it’s an ambitious project. People who know me, know I don’t do things by halves. lol. So here is the draft whitepaper for WritersWithoutWalls.

WritersWithoutWalls Whitepaper

Introduction:

Writers Without Walls is a community of writers who believe that creativity knows no boundaries. We are a group of individuals who come from different backgrounds, cultures, and experiences but share a common passion for writing. Our mission is to provide a platform for writers to connect, collaborate, and create without the limitations of physical walls.

In today's world, where technology has made it possible for us to connect with people from all over the globe, we believe that it is time to break down the walls that have traditionally separated writers. We want to create a space where writers can come together to share their ideas, learn from each other, and inspire one another.

Our community is open to writers of all levels, from beginners to professionals. We believe that everyone has a story to tell, and we want to help writers find their voices and share their stories with the world. Whether you are a novelist, a poet, a journalist, or a blogger, we welcome you to join us and be a part of our community.

Through our online platform, we offer a variety of resources and tools to help writers improve their craft, including workshops, writing prompts, and feedback from other writers. We also provide opportunities for writers to showcase their work and connect with publishers and literary agents.

At Writers Without Walls, we believe that writing is not just a solitary activity but a collaborative one. We invite you to join us and be a part of a community that celebrates creativity, diversity, and the power of words. Together, we can break down the walls that have kept us apart and create a world where writers can thrive.

The mission and goals of Writers Without Walls, which is to break down the barriers that traditional industry and web2 conglomerates use to control writers. The organisation aims to empower writers by decentralising the industry and giving individual writers more control over their work.

Decentralisation is the idea of distributing power away from a central authority, allowing individuals or smaller organisations to have more control over their affairs. In the context of writing, decentralisation means that writers can publish their work without having to rely on a centralised publishing house or platform.

This is made possible through the use of blockchain technology, which allows for a decentralised, peer-to-peer network where writers can share their work with others. By doing so, writers can maintain greater control over their work, including ownership, distribution, and monetisation.

Decentralisation also allows writers to reach a broader audience, as they are no longer limited to traditional publishing channels. It also enables them to connect more directly with their readers without having to go through intermediaries such as agents or publishers. The use of blockchain technology also provides greater transparency and accountability in the publishing process, as all transactions are recorded and publicly visible.

Writers Without Walls is more than just a community of writers, it is a movement. We believe that everyone should have the opportunity to share their stories and have their voices heard. By breaking down the walls that have traditionally separated writers, we can create a world where creativity knows no bounds.

We invite you to join us and be a part of this movement. Whether you are a writer or simply someone who loves to read, we welcome you to our community. Together, we can build a world where writers can thrive and the power of words can change lives. Writers Without Walls also emphasises the importance of breaking down mental barriers that writers may put up to sabotage themselves. This is an important aspect of the organisation’s mission because many writers struggle with self-doubt and imposter syndrome, which can prevent them from achieving their full potential.

• Writer's block:

Writers Without Walls can help overcome writer's block with writing prompts, group writing exercises, and writing challenges. Writing in a supportive and collaborative environment can help get the creative juices flowing and break through writer's block.

• Fear of judgment or criticism:

Writers Without Walls is a safe and inclusive community that encourages writers to express themselves without fear of judgment or criticism. Members provide constructive feedback in a supportive and respectful way, which can help writers overcome their fear of sharing their work.

• Perfectionism:

The Writers Without Walls encourages writers to prioritise progress over perfection. Members are encouraged to write their first drafts without worrying about getting everything right the first time. Through feedback and revision, writers can improve their work over time and reach their full potential.

At Writers Without Walls, we believe that everyone has the potential to be a great writer. By breaking down physical and mental barriers, we can create a community that empowers writers to share their stories and achieve their dreams. Join us today and become a part of the movement to revolutionise the writing industry through decentralisation and collaboration.

Finally, Writers Without Walls emphasises the importance of diversity and inclusivity in the industry. Writers Without Walls believes that readers should decide what the market is, who the popular authors are, and who deserves accolades, irrespective of gender, colour, or any minority group they belong to. This approach is important because it ensures that talented writers from all backgrounds have an equal opportunity to succeed in the industry.

Diversity and inclusivity are vital in the industry as they bring different perspectives and experiences to the table, resulting in more comprehensive and impactful content. It also ensures that underrepresented groups have a voice and are given equal opportunities. Writers Without Walls can promote diversity and inclusivity by:

• Encouraging writers of all backgrounds and identities to join and participate in their programs.

• Hosting workshops and events that highlight and explore the experiences of marginalised communities.

• Providing resources and support for writers from underrepresented groups.

• Ensuring that their leadership and staff reflect the diversity they aim to promote.

• Collaborating with other organisations and individuals who share similar values and goals.

The Problem

The problem is that traditional publishing is difficult to break into, and there are many demands by agents and publishers with little assistance given and little remuneration. Additionally, there is a problem with the web2 monopoly by Amazon, where the algorithm works against the average writer. Writers are expected to have their day job, family life, and write, while also having to maintain all social media platforms and engage. This creates a lot of pressure and can be time-consuming, which can hinder creativity and productivity.  When do writers get to write?

Writers Without Walls aims to solve these problems by using existing tools to make one post and engage on all platforms, streamlining the process and saving time. They also plan to implement other tools, such as social and gaming blackouts, for productivity. The front end of the shop will display books in all available formats, and the backend of the profile will allow publishers, agents, editors, etc., to request an audience with the writer. The goal is to turn the industry on its head, freeing creativity and art, and as a result, freeing writers.

Solution

Writers Without Walls is a solution that aims to provide a platform for writers to connect and collaborate with each other, regardless of their location or background. It is a virtual writing community that offers workshops, mentorship, and networking opportunities to writers from all over the world.

The solution is designed to break down the barriers that often prevent writers from accessing the resources and support they need to succeed. By creating a virtual space where writers can come together, share their work, and receive feedback from their peers, Writers Without Walls helps to foster a sense of community and belonging among writers.

In addition to providing a supportive community, Writers Without Walls also offers practical resources and tools to help writers improve their craft. This includes workshops on topics such as character development, plot structure, and dialogue, as well as mentorship programs that pair writers with experienced professionals in their field.

Overall, Writers Without Walls is a valuable solution for writers who are looking to connect with others in their field, improve their writing skills, and gain access to the resources and support they need to succeed.

Technical Details

Writers Without Walls is starting as a community with a newsletter, and they plan to build their platform with the help of their community. Communities are currently -

WritersWithoutWalls on Entre.

WritersWithoutWalls on CommonGround.

Website WritersWithoutWalls (under construction)

We aim to create the organisation ultimately as a DAO.  Built on blockchain technology. The aim is not to compete with existing writing platforms but to offer a hub where writers can showcase their work across all the platforms they choose to use. A centralised, decentralised hub, so to speak.  

DAO stands for Decentralised Autonomous Organisation. It is an organisation that is run by rules encoded as computer programs called smart contracts. These smart contracts are self-executing and automatically enforce the rules without the need for intermediaries.

By creating the organisation as a DAO, Writers Without Walls aims to create a decentralised platform where the community has a say in the decision-making process. This means that the community members will have a say in the direction the organisation takes, and they will be able to vote on important decisions.

In summary, by starting as a community with a newsletter and building the platform with the help of the community, Writers Without Walls aims to create a decentralised platform, ultimately as a DAO. This will ensure that the community has a say in the decision-making process and the platform is transparent and secure.

Token Economics

The token economics are to be confirmed at a later date.  We are exploring the various options and legal ramifications of those for the platform and for users before going forward with anything.  
We are discussing the potential launch of a new cryptocurrency called EAP (Edgar Allan Poe), with fractionals being an SK (Stephen King).  These aren’t set in stone, as again, we need to explore the legalities.  The names chosen are just a nod to two of the founders' favourite writers. We also considering the possibility of individual creator coins being released at a later date, but only after the creators have read and understood the financial, legal, and mental health risks associated with it.

The details of how the cryptocurrency will work and be distributed are still being worked out. This is an important aspect of any cryptocurrency launch, as it determines how the tokens will be valued and traded.

Alexandria Library Reborn

The Alexandria Library is a unique feature of the platform that allows authors to lease their books to the library, and readers can access any book in the inventory for a subscription fee. This feature is beneficial for both authors and readers.

For authors, it provides an opportunity to showcase their work and gain exposure. By leasing their books to the library, they can reach a wider audience and potentially gain new fans. Additionally, any tips from readers go directly to the writer, which can be a source of income.

For readers, the Alexandria Library provides a vast selection of books to choose from. They can access the books on their devices or enter the VR/AR world and read their book anywhere they can imagine. This feature provides a unique and immersive reading experience that traditional libraries cannot offer.

The subscription fees from readers are split equally between all writers and the platform. This ensures that writers are fairly compensated for their work, and the platform can continue to operate and provide this service to readers.
Date - TBC

Services

We are developing some AI tools, publishing tools, and verification tools for writers.  We understand and respect the unique relationship between a writer and their craft. In an era where AI's role in creative fields is both promising and concerning, we acknowledge the apprehensions writers may have about the integrity and originality of their work. That's why we're dedicated to crafting AI tools that not only respect but also protect your creative process.

Our suite of SensAI tools (a play on sensei) – SummarySensAI, ConceptSensAI, and StorySensAI – are designed with the writer's journey in mind. They are not here to write for you but to serve as your personal writing coach, providing objective, technical feedback while ensuring your narrative's essence remains untouched and purely yours. We are committed to maintaining the confidentiality and security of your work; the stories you input are not retained or used to train our models.

At WritersWithoutWalls, we believe in harnessing AI's potential to enhance, not replace, the creative spark within each writer. Our SensAI's are your writing sensei's, guiding you with insights and feedback that refine your skills and elevate your craft. Embrace the journey of storytelling with confidence, knowing that your unique voice is supported and amplified, not overshadowed, by our AI-driven tools.

StorySensAI

StorySensAI is an AI-powered service designed to review and evaluate your short story based on a set of 20 criteria. When you input your story, StorySensAI will provide specific feedback and a rating out of 5 for each criterion. It assesses various aspects of your story, such as originality, plot, character development, dialogue, pacing, themes, and more. By using StorySensAI, you can gain valuable insights into the strengths and weaknesses of your story, helping you understand how it stands out, engage readers, and improve overall quality. At the end, you will receive an average overall score, along with a summary of the good aspects, the areas that need improvement, and any significant issues that need attention. Planned release February/March 2024.

SummarySensAI

SummarySensAI is a service dedicated to generating concise summaries of your story. After you input your story, SummarySensAI reads it and creates a summary that captures the key plot points, character arcs, and themes in 100 words or less. The generated summary maintains the original tone and mood of your story and presents the information in clear and simple language. By using SummarySensAI, you can quickly obtain a condensed version of your story, allowing you to have a better understanding of its core elements. You can copy the summary and include it in the StorySensAI review process, facilitating the assessment of your story's overall structure and content. Planned release February/March 2024.

ConceptSensAI

ConceptSensAI is a tool designed to assess and provide feedback on your story concept. By inputting your concept, ConceptSensAI evaluates it based on nine key criteria. It assesses the concept's originality, complexity, opportunities for character development, potential for conflict and tension, explored themes, feasibility within the story's world, audience appeal, and the suitability of the concept's narrative arc and length. ConceptSensAI helps you gain insights into the strengths and weaknesses of your concept, enabling you to refine and develop it further. It serves as a valuable resource to shape your ideas and ensure that your concept has a solid foundation before delving into the writing process, ultimately enhancing your overall storytelling experience. Planned release February/March 2024.

SyncroPub

SyncroPub is an ambitious concept currently in development, with a beta release targeted for the second quarter of 2024. It represents a transformative approach to digital content distribution, aiming to revolutionise the way writers and content creators publish their work across various platforms. The core idea of SyncroPub is to provide a streamlined, efficient system where a single master document can be automatically adapted and optimised for different publishing platforms such as Medium, Substack, Ghost, and more. This not only promises to significantly reduce the time and effort involved in formatting and publishing content but also ensures that the integrity and consistency of the content are maintained across diverse platforms. As the development progresses, SyncroPub is poised to offer an intuitive, user-friendly interface coupled with intelligent automation features, positioning itself as a game-changer in the realm of digital publishing. The anticipation for its beta release reflects the growing need for innovative solutions in the dynamic and ever-evolving digital content landscape. Date TBC.

AuthentiAuthor

In the ever-evolving domain of literary creation, the distinction between artificial intelligence and human ingenuity is becoming increasingly nuanced. Recognising the importance of clarity and integrity in this new era, we are excited to introduce AuthentiAuthor, a pioneering service set to redefine the standards of authorship and authenticity. Currently in development, AuthentiAuthor is poised to offer a voluntary verification system that allows writers to transparently showcase the extent of AI assistance in their works. From research support to significant content generation, AuthentiAuthor badges will communicate the true essence of collaboration between human intellect and artificial intelligence, ensuring readers are informed and authors' genuine contributions are celebrated. This service is more than just a verification tool; it's a testament to our commitment to nurturing the sacred bond between writer and reader, preserving the authenticity of the narrative craft amidst the tides of technological advancement. Stay tuned as we shape the future of trustworthy and transparent storytelling with AuthentiAuthor. Date TBC.

The Team

James "JD" Armstrong

As the visionary founder of WritersWithoutWalls, James "JD" Armstrong embodies the spirit of innovation and creative collaboration. With an illustrious career that traverses the Australian Navy to the forefront of tech entrepreneurship, JD's multifaceted expertise shines in his ability to lead and inspire. His ventures, notably including StorySensAI, SummarySensAI and ConceptSensAi, underscore his commitment to pushing the boundaries of digital storytelling. With SyncroPub and AuthentiAuthor to come. JD's holistic coaching credentials, combined with a philosophy that values adaptability and resourcefulness, make him a dynamic leader, guiding WritersWithoutWalls to redefine collaborative creativity in the digital age.

David J Meyer

A Georgia native, founder of SpatiumStories and co-founder of WritersWithoutWalls, brings a unique blend of spirituality and technical prowess to the team. As a seasoned coder with a heart for storytelling, David's journey from disenchanted student to passionate writer and creator is inspiring. His discovery and subsequent love for immersive narratives like Jurassic Park and Lord of the Rings reignited his passion for writing, transforming it into a multifaceted pursuit that spans fiction, insightful articles, and his own newsletter, Biblit. David's belief in our innate, God-given ability to create mirrors the foundational ethos of WritersWithoutWalls, where creativity and innovation converge.

Andrew Zavitsanos

The latest luminary to join WritersWithoutWalls as a co-founder is the epitome of a seasoned generalist, bringing a wealth of over 20 years in project and service management to the team. Hailing from Melbourne, Andrew's extensive experience in remote work is complemented by his deep knowledge in web3, technology, and people management. With a keen eye for simplicity and a common-sense approach to work and life, Andrew's contributions extend beyond his professional prowess. His role within WritersWithoutWalls goes beyond managing projects; it's about enriching the platform with his holistic perspective on creativity, productivity, and the art of writing.

I see the truck bearing down on us out of the corner of my eye; I consider dropping our weight to my right, dropping down a few gears, and opening that throttle up, red-lining the girl in an attempt to get away.

I had just gotten home from work, and my fiance of 10 days was almost ready. The day before, I’d said we would go somewhere for a drink and a bite to eat and swing by one of my offsite warehouses. I didn’t want to, though; I just wanted to lie down after a full-on day. I averaged 30 thousand steps daily at my job, which was physically demanding.

Today had been busier than usual, and I was tired. Looking back, I think it was my gut telling me not to go, but I knew she’d been looking forward to getting out of the house. So we geared up and jumped on my Hyosung 650cc, and off we went.

The warehouse was going to be the first stop. Fifteen minutes away, at the most. I slowed down as we approached the roundabout; a bus was going straight through, across our path. Remember that we are in Australia, and we drive on the left-hand side. I looked to my right; nothing was coming at all. I glanced to my left as I started opening up the throttle and leaning; as we entered the roundabout, I saw the truck approaching and dismissed it as I went to open her up further; I’ve got right of way; he’s not even at the roundabout as I’ve entered. Halfway through, a split second in time, I see the truck bearing down on us out of the corner of my eye; I consider dropping our weight to my right, dropping down a few gears and really opening that throttle up, red-lining the girl in an attempt to get away. Instantly I realised there was no getting away from this. I sit upright, turning my body, and putting my left arm behind me in an attempt to shield my fiance. It all seemed to happen so fast, yet I remember considering two courses of action, dismissing the first, which was flight, trying to get us away from the danger.

A little voice in the back of my mind said, “Your helmet came off”.

The second one was fight, so I faced that truck and tried to protect my fiance. I don’t recall the impact. I was aware we’d been hit as I flew through the air. My helmet flew off on impact; I recall swearing a lot. I was instantly angry. I remember seeing the windscreen of the truck as I passed by. I like to think I was swearing at him. A little voice in the back of my mind said to me, “Your helmet came off”.

As I landed, I tucked my chin to my chest, and the back of my head scraped the road lightly. I came to a stop under the front bumper of a car, waiting to enter the roundabout. I was still conscious and very aware. I was also furious, I called out to Brandi, my fiance, but there was no response. So, thinking she was dead, I tried to get up. Unfortunately, I didn’t get very far.

I remember screaming in agony, searing white pain exploding throughout my body. I fell back, not that I’d gotten far off the ground. I elbowed the road in frustration. First, people tried to tell me she was okay, but I knew they were lying. Then they said she was alive, just unconscious. I stopped calling out then.

It was then I felt I had to take my jacket off. The bystanders started saying don’t move, leave it on.

I snapped, “I’m taking my fucking jacket off!”

I was so angry.

As I struggled to get my jacket off, a guy helped me, and my phone fell out. He asked if there was anyone he could call. As I had just moved to Sydney from Perth, my emergency contacts were on the other side of the country.

So I said, give it here. I unlocked my phone and called my boss, was after hours, but I knew he’d answer.

“I’ve just been hit by a truck.”

What? He asked.

“I’ve just been hit by a fucking truck.”

He asked where I was. I told him. Then I think I hung up with my cheek accidentally. So I texted him where I was in case he didn’t hear me.

The ambulance arrived, and the paramedic got out to a scene of me texting. Who does that, right? Just been hit by a truck while on a motorbike. But wait, I can’t die yet; I need to text the boss.

I’m kidding, he didn’t say that.

The paramedic took my phone off me. At this point, I told him I felt a lot of pressure in my chest, and I felt like I was burning up. Fortunately for me, he rode motorbikes and saw his fair share of accidents. He called for the helicopter straight away.

Little did I know the extent of my injuries were so severe; I was dying, and that man just saved my life. The fact that I was still conscious and not in shock surprises many people. At this point, though, my mind allowed me to relax a little, for want of a better way to describe it. I knew the medics were there; I knew my fiance was in their hands, as was I. Then the pain really hit me. I was crying out. I was begging them to hurry up with my pain meds, something, anything. Just knock me the fuck out.

I still didn’t know, of course, how bad things were. I had over 24 different breaks and fractures throughout my body. I say over 24, as I had a few shattered joints. I say my leg bone was broken; it wasn’t just one break at the site; each location had multiple breaks.

I had snapped the left leg just above the ankle. It was a compound fracture, both fibula and tibia. The police report described it as at a 90-degree angle away from the body. Both bones were broken up at the top, just below the kneecap. The left kneecap was shattered, but mainly, just in half, vertically. My left hip was dislocated, and the head of the femur was snapped in half almost horizontally.

My right leg, the fibula and tibia were also broken top and bottom. None of the breaks were clean, in that the tibia had multiple breaks in one location. The fibula for the left, because it was broken top and bottom, had shunted up beside the top of the fibula still attached to the knee area.

I had broken about 6 ribs on my left and 3 or 4 on my right. In addition, I shattered my left shoulder blade; the picture below is a 3D image of the shattered shoulder blade. What do you see? Oh, and I had fractured 2 of my vertebrae.

"I had punctured my left lung. The killer, though, I had torn my descending aorta. My heart surgeon says I shredded it. This injury alone, at the time, I believe, had a 2% survival rate. 80% will die at the scene. Mainly because there are no outward indicators of the injury, the victim is either unconscious or in shock and unresponsive due to the nature of trauma required to cause such an injury. Of those that make it to the hospital alive, so 20% of that lot, a further 80% will die on the operating table. It’s heart surgery under severe trauma and usually a fair bit of blood loss.

So he called for the helicopter. Started tending to my injuries, the one bleeding externally. Doing whatever else they do. Finally, he gave me some pain medication. It took hours. So it probably took 5 minutes. I don’t know how long I was there, but it FELT like forever. I said to him...

“Dude, seriously, how long is it going to take? I’m fucking dying here.”

Not knowing that I was literally dying. Every beat of my heart was pumping blood directly into my chest cavity. The descending aorta is the main aorta that feeds blood to the body. While I’ve also got a punctured lung.

I’m honestly glad I didn’t know. I got loaded up into the back of the ambulance.

But wait, wasn’t I going in a helicopter? Yes, yes, I was. They couldn’t land at the accident scene. So I had to be driven in the ambulance 200-odd metres (650-odd feet) down the road to be loaded in the helicopter. I don’t remember any of that.

The last thing I remember. After being loaded into the ambulance, was asked.

“Have we got everything? Do you need anything?”

“Yeah. I need a fucking beer.”

The medic looked at me as I passed out.

Okay, this body is done. Grind it up and move the soul on.

So the next thing I remember. I wake up in this white room. So bright that I can’t see where the walls meet each other or where the walls meet the ceiling. It’s bright, but it doesn’t hurt my eyes. I can’t move, and I remember everything from the accident, but I’m feeling no pain. Hell, I can’t feel anything. I also can’t move. I can look around by rolling my eyes, but that’s it, and it’s all white. In the background, I hear machinery operating; it’s like cogs, wheels, crunching and grinding. It’s weird. Then clear as day, I hear voices approaching. There’s only one thing I can make out.

“Okay, this body is done. Grind it up and move the soul on.”

I don’t remember what the response was. I didn’t care what the response was. I remember trying to shout, “Nooooooo”. All I could think of was my daughter. I am not leaving my daughter without a father. That was the last thing I remember trying to say. Now I know how this sounds. I know all the different kinds of explanations for it. I am not attributing anything to it. It’s just what I remember. We will come back to it in a bit.

I woke up in the hospital 6 days later. With tubes down my throat. In my neck. In my chest. In my side. I was connected to a crazy number of machines.

I had what is called an ex-fix. It’s a metal frame called an external fixation. It was around my left leg, from my heel to my thigh. Rods go through your muscle and into your bone. I had it going through my thigh, my shin and my heel. Probably more places; I still have the indents in my legs."

My right leg was wrapped from the ankle to above my knee, and I could see blood seeping through. I will spare you the gory pictures.

My fiance came to visit me the next day after the tubes down my throat were removed. Being intubated, my friends is not a pleasant experience.

My fiance wasn’t as severely injured, but bad enough. She had dislocated her left hip, and her left leg just below the knee; well, she was lucky it hadn’t been severed through. She busted the little bones in her eardrum, causing a 70% loss of hearing in her left ear and a compound fracture in her hand.

I spent 2 months in hospital, roughly. The first month was pretty tough. I couldn’t do anything for myself. I couldn’t leave the bed. So going to the toilet was not a pleasant experience or private. Required 3 nurses to roll me onto my left side. My left side was the one that was most damaged and painful.

The accident happened on 20th October 2015. I left the hospital the week of Christmas that year. They were talking about moving me to another hospital as the rehab hospital I’d spent the second month at was shutting down for Christmas break. Yes, you read that correctly. I said the only reason I was leaving this hospital was to go home. My fiance had already left the week before. I’d had enough—more than enough.

I found out a year later that I’d also snapped a tendon at the front of my right foot. By then, it was too late to do anything. They could go in, cut it and lengthen it, but that would also weaken it. That was after they had opened me up to have a look, thinking it was just something catching or scar tissue that they could tidy up. They closed me back up and told me my options when I woke up. I told them to leave it.

It’s really good to see you. We didn’t think you’d make it.

Come January 2016. I had to go get my heart checked. First, I had to drink this dye, which made all my arteries etc light up on a scan. Doesn’t taste nice. Doesn’t make you become The Hulk, either. Then once the results were in, go see my heart surgeon.

When I get to his office, I’m sitting in my wheelchair. I had to use that thing all the way up to April, from memory. So I’m sitting there waiting, and I see a guy walk across the hallway from an office, stop, do a bit of a double-take, and walk back into his office. I had no idea who he was. Until we got called into his office. He stood up, shook my hand and said,

“It’s really good to see you. We didn’t think you’d make it.”

This was the first time I got told I had died on the operating table. My fiance started having a panic attack. I know, right? I was the one that died. When the heart surgeon says that, one of the best in the country, you know how serious it was. I had shredded my descending aorta. I’m also the second rarest blood group on the planet, with my son being the rarest, 1.5% and 0.6% of the population, respectively. 

Give blood, people, and if you are like me, you should give plasma.

Australians call 131495 or visit donateblood.com.au

Americans visit redcrossblood.org

That afternoon I’m having a beer with my housemate, and I tell him about my visit to my heart surgeon and how he told me I’d died. He says,

“Well yeah, a doctor came out to see me when I got to the hospital that evening. He told me you had died once on the operating table already, they’d managed to bring you back but wanted to know what to do if you went again.”

“I said, umm, whatever you can? I don’t know, I’ve only known him for 2 months.”

I just stared at him. 5 months after the event, I found out not only that I’d died but that the surgeons, experts in their field, didn’t think I’d make it. That was when the death experience I had came flooding back. I got goosebumps throughout my entire body right then. I told him what I had experienced. He just stared at me, beer halfway to his mouth.

“Get fucked. Are you serious?” was all he could say.

I don’t call it a near-death experience. That’s because I died. I don’t believe that people charged with negligent driving causing grievous bodily harm should get off so lightly. He killed me. Nothing he did, saved my life. That was the paramedics, the nurses, the doctors, the surgeons and my stubborn nature. It’s nearly 6 years later, and I’m still fighting. I refuse to succumb to my injuries. I refuse to give up.

I refused death. She came for me that day. She came for me again a few years later. I refused her again. But that’s another story for another day.