鱼摆摆

Applause always comes after success

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Fri, 29 Jul 2022 14:51:44 GMT

In the arena, the champion runs after the finish line; In the performance theater, the artist ended his wonderful performance; On the scientific research front, scientists announced their scientific research achievements; In the field of engineering, when the building is built and the bridge is completed, applause suddenly rings and flowers are presented. And before that, the hard training, painstaking efforts, hardships and hardships, and snacks will generally not attract attention, let alone applause and applause. It is a universal law at all times and in all countries that applause always comes after success and Champions run before applause. Because most people in the world are utilitarian, they won't give you applause, including courtesy applause, when they don't see the "real money" you take out, although it's just a small effort for them. Even when you have achieved success and take out the "real guy", they will doubt whether it is a fake and hesitate to applaud. Therefore, this "post" after success can be an instant calculated in minutes and seconds, a few years in years, or centuries in centuries. Bolt won thunderous applause after hitting the line in the 100 meter runway, as well as flowers, wine and bonuses, which comforted him for all his previous efforts and repaid his sweat in training. Poet Li Bai, after his poetry spread, soon won applause. Ordinary readers, peers in the poetry industry, and even the "real dragon and the son of heaven" applauded for it, and the applause has been ringing until today. Dufu was not so lucky. Although his poetry was equally successful, the applause was sparse. It was not until he died for many years that he was gradually recognized. Wearing the laurel of poetry, the applause gradually became louder and louder. Su Dongpo is a cultural giant who has achieved great success in almost all fields he has been involved in. But when he was alive, he was not only applauded a lot, but also slapped upside down. His life experience was bumpy, weathered, repeatedly relegated, and even in danger of life. When the applause broke out, the cypress in front of his tomb had been hugged. Fortunately, the descendants who had no conflict of interest with him were all sensible, and they did not hesitate to give a long and thunderous applause. If he knew underground, he should rest in peace in Jiuquan. The most dramatic is the Dutch post impressionist painter Van Gogh. He is a talented painter who successfully created a number of great works, but no one appreciated him during his lifetime. He didn't hear any applause and affirmation. He didn't even sell a painting and lived a hungry and cold life. (famous quotes www.lz13.cn) behind him, people gradually realized his artistic charm and regarded him as the pioneer of Expressionism. His paintings had a deep impact on art in the 20th century, with high praise and thunderous applause. His works such as starry night, sunflower and rye with crows have now ranked among the world's most famous and expensive works of art. Kafka, a lonely writer who didn't know what applause was, attracted widespread attention after his death and was known as one of the main founders of Western modernist literature. There is also Cao Xueqin, who was unknown before his death but won the praise of the world after his death. His posthumous work has become the peak of Chinese literature that has not been surpassed so far. Applause is always after success. Since it is an unchangeable law, what we can do is to endure loneliness, withstand poverty, save energy, accumulate results, and work hard in our favorite career. Don't expect too much applause after success, and fantasize about people's support and praise, which will distract, delay, strain, and affect the pace of struggle. Moreover, we should be prepared to be successful without applause. This is because there is a process for people to recognize and affirm our work. After all, we do business because we really like it, because it is valuable, not for the long or short, large or small applause after success. Applause is nothing more than an accessory of business success. People envy the applause and aura of others after their success, but few people pay attention to the hardships and costs they paid before their success. God rewards hard work, and no matter who it is, it is impossible to succeed casually at any time. Without emotional input, extraordinary dedication, painstaking spirit, and determination to fight with life, you can't get the favor of the goddess of destiny, open the door to success, and naturally, you can't exchange "endless thunderous applause". "When applause comes, my heart knows better". Applause adds color to life, and applause testifies to success. We look forward to applause, but we don't live for applause.

Experience is a kind of wealth

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Sat, 16 Jul 2022 16:30:53 GMT

There are many experiences in life. A person's experience is varied, ranging from strong to weak, from good to bad, from success to failure, with joy, anger, sorrow and sorrow all in it. Experience, some unforgettable, never forget; Some are like smoke and fog, passing without trace. All experiences are footprints in the journey of life, life processes, and wealth. If life is a book, then every experience is a story or a chapter in the book. It can be read by oneself, and can be referred to by others. It has the function of enlightenment and warning to everyone. Experience is like a dried fruit. Although the fruit is not fresh, its taste is still fresh, and it can be chewed at any time. People should be good at chewing this dried fruit, from which a new spirit, a new joy and a new realm of life can be raised. People, busy, come and go in a hurry. No matter what you are busy with, what you do is all experience, what you experience is the taste of survival, and what you get is the fruit of life. Experience is the material basis for anyone to understand any truth. The color of life is not a dull single color, but a colorful picture of red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple. Life is not a taste, and experience is not a pattern. Some experiences are like walking on flat ground, while others are like climbing mountains. "Mountaineering" is difficult, but this is a gift given to us by the God of fate - an opportunity to practice. We should be glad and gladly accept it. Don't be frustrated by difficulties, and your legs are weak. "Climb" up, infinite scenery at the peak. Life will be more real and colorful. Mediocre life, of course, does not have the suffering of purgatory, and lives smoothly and comfortably, but it is monotonous, light and single in color, and empty and dull in life. Life is an endless hard labor. Don't be afraid and refuse hardship. Transcending hardship is the strength of life. Therefore, on the journey of life, the horizontal and vertical are roads, and the bitter laughter is songs. You have to walk on high mountains and plains, and you have to taste bitter, spicy, sour and sweet. Any experience is an accumulation. The more you accumulate, the more mature you become. Experience more, life has length; Experience is wide, life is thick. Experienced dangerous challenges, life is high; Having experienced hardships, life has intensity; Experienced the test of setbacks, life has brightness. Only with rich experience can we have a full life.

If the environment doesn't move, I'll go by myself

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Sat, 09 Jul 2022 13:51:41 GMT

This is a sentence I saw when I was a freshman. The specific source is in a pamphlet called New Oriental spirit, which is an inspirational book given by New Oriental to every student in the early years. I spent 3 yuan to buy this little book from the school stall and read it bored. At that time, I consciously failed in the college entrance examination and came to that remote and cold town. Various constructions were built on the campus. Most of my classmates were local students with local accent. As one of the few students from other provinces, my college entrance examination score is more than 100 points higher than the admission score of local students. Under such a drop, like many students who think they are good B, I think I am the legendary angel with broken wings. Instead of falling into the West Lake, I fell into a pit that is still under construction. At that time, I didn't love that place at all. Hostility and resistance made me cut school endlessly, and I felt that my talent was never in this small place. I felt like gold all the time, just buried in the pit. I can't say that my university is immovable, but as an ordinary two books school, I can say that my school is moving slowly. After major changes and upgrades, my school enrolls 6000 people a year, and the headmaster of nearly 50 years old leads me to see a scene of large-scale construction, but he is very ambitious. At the beginning of our school year, he flew to Harvard, Yale and other world-famous schools to visit and study, and practiced in the school, making bold innovations. For example, the male and female dormitories are in the same building, and the boys are on the first floor, and the girls are on the first floor. Although this kind of accommodation method announced the failure of the experiment a year later and re divided the building, it made me like this kind of courage and courage, and let me see a little fresh and brave light in this small city. At that time, like many students who wrote to me that they had entered an unsatisfactory school, I was all kinds of despised, all kinds of depressed, all kinds of unwilling, and all kinds of unwanted. I always feel that I am a narcissus, just put it in the pile of onions, and wait for myself to open up one day. So endless sadness and dissatisfaction poured in. There were red posters posted on the bulletin board of the campus every day about me not going to self-study, not going out of morning exercises, not handing in my homework, being absent from class and late. My open-minded heart was forced to practice extremely pure feelings during that time! At that time, I felt very frustrated when I saw the poster without my name. During that time, I went to the library every day to read "college students" magazine, holding a glass of water, reading magazines in a warm room, turning them one by one. I see that many college students in Beijing can go to Siemens, P & G, Shenma's internship, or go abroad to exchange Shenma's. look at the other people's world, look at their own small city, which is not even the capital of the province. It's freezing every day, and they have to bring a bottle of water to pour into the vegetable basin to prevent salty death, in the sky and underground. I complain about this small city every day. I just don't like it for no reason, but what if I don't like it? "If the environment doesn't move, I'll go by myself!" Until I saw this sentence. Yeah, why don't I go by myself? Why should I wait for the school to arrange everything for me? Since I think I'm extremely talented and wronged myself here, why don't I run quickly and go where I should be? Don't I think I'm great? Don't I think I just made a mistake in the college entrance examination? In this case, then run, run to a very front place! Why are you chirping here? This sentence woke me up, so I took the initiative to find a foreign teacher in the foreign language department. I got up at 5 o'clock every morning to learn English with him, and I was sleepy every day; I took the initiative to apply for the TOEFL, GRE, GMAT, IELTS and other international English tests that students in key universities have confidence in, forcing myself to listen to three repeaters and nearly 100 tapes; I took the initiative to apply for an intern at Coca Cola, starting with a supermarket promoter of 30 yuan a day, and I was always bullied; I took the initiative to apply to be an exchange student at Peking University. After two years, I had no sense of belonging and was often discriminated against. After these messy days of crazy running everywhere, I don't know where I went, who I got rid of, and how far I got rid of. But I learned a truth: When we fall into an environment that we don't like or look down on psychologically, we always feel that we are better than everyone around us. In fact, everyone is complaining. Everyone feels in their heart that they are a hard force and that they are all angels with broken wings. So a group of people complain there every day, and finally a group of fools can't see anyone. If you want to jump out of this forced group, the only way is to take action. No matter what your environment is, you must take action! If your environment doesn't move, please go by yourself! The hardest thing in life! It's not that you fell into a motionless environment! But after n years! The environment has changed! You TMD haven't left yet! Now, I'm still living a ridiculous life. I always put myself in the second "day" of heaven, so I turn myself into a drudge again and again, but I can't complain, so I run hard, and it's too late to see the surrounding environment. I am ah q, constantly comforting myself, oh, it's not that the environment is bad, it's not that others are wrong, it's that I didn't fight for it, it's that I didn't run This sentence fell into my heart, not to force me to run, but to remind myself: If not satisfied! Please get out at once! Now, now! Go where you want to go! I would like to dedicate this article to the brave headmaster I never met, and the school that was not a bird at that time, but now I miss it very much!

Cultivate an interest that will benefit you for life, and you may become famous

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Mon, 04 Jul 2022 15:36:25 GMT

I often receive letters from college students, saying that my personality does not match my major. Interestingly, most people say they like to contact new things, travel and communicate with different people. Therefore, they don't want to do boring technical work and want to find a job that can give full play to their strengths. I hope I am interested in what I am doing, and I thought so when I was young. After working, I realized that few people can take interest as a profession. The most effective way to destroy interest is to turn it into work. I have a friend who is a salesman. He always asks me to work with him to make a lot of money. My brother can sing, drink, dance and play mahjong. But now he turns these specialties into social skills, and combines interest with making money. If he can't make money, he won't be interested. You see, my friend is a counterexample. If you combine your interests with your work, your interests will be destroyed. In fact, whether studying or working, 80% of the time is doing simple and repetitive things. Repeated, monotonous and unchanging life will drive people crazy. Therefore, we need to find some other happiness to balance this life. This balance often comes from having a lifelong hobby or interest. Without this balance, you will not feel happy if you just study and work every day. Work can bring income, status and reputation, but it can't bring you happiness. If you can cultivate a long-term interest outside of work, you will find your own way of recreation when you are under great pressure. Know new circles of friends through your own interests, talk about different topics, understand different lives, and find different worlds. It doesn't need to be so utilitarian or so painstaking. All the investment is your own willingness. At this time, you will find yourself more happy. Developing interests that are different from your career can also help your career. Einstein is a great physicist. His hobby is playing the violin. Many people's interests are related to art, sports and literature. Interests in these fields can often activate people's right brain, cultivate people's creative thinking, and enable people to have better and deeper thinking in work. After entering the workplace, interest may become your specialty in organizing activities, and may become the best business card for making contacts. Interested contacts usually have a lot less utilitarianism, but can help you bring more opportunities. Sometimes interest can become a profession if you play it well. There is a boy who likes playing with soap bubbles very much. When he grows up, he becomes a soap bubble magician in his spare time and receives many invitations to perform in various occasions every day. His interest brings opportunities to himself and happiness to others. However, I hope that the interest you cultivate is not to turn it into a weapon of success, but to let us find our own happiness in ordinary life. There are many people in this world, and everyone has different personalities and specialties. Some people like moving, some people like quiet, some people like lively, and some people like curtilage. No matter what kind of person you are, you can cultivate your interest in a certain direction. A person's interest development is related to his personality and some aspects of his specialty. I suggest you think about whether you can find a hobby in the fields of literature, music, art, architecture, handicrafts, collection, sports, games and so on? Now, write down the interests you want to cultivate, search for similar fan websites or communities, join them, and play together. Maybe these hobbies can make you an expert in a certain field!

Care is the beginning of poverty

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Thu, 23 Jun 2022 18:28:39 GMT

At present, the most popular customer in Fuzhou's "morning market" is me, because I never ask for prices, nor bargain, and do not want any change. It is a Chinese tip. Among a group of people who buy vegetables, I am a different scenery. I am deeply loved by the vendors. They are also more kind to me. I buy a bunch of celery every day. It usually costs about 5 yuan. When it is cold, I don't want to go downstairs. A big sister who sells vegetables volunteered to help me "wholesale" a bunch of celery from another big brother who sells vegetables. The amount is the same. She was only willing to charge me two yuan... Usually it seems very generous "don't", but in the end, she actually "wants" to come back more. Generous, the most likable. If you are not a "successful" person, be a likeable person first. Stingy people often release negative energy. A classmate is very stingy. Every time he makes a phone call, he hangs up with a ring, which means to let the other party call. Once, he said to me bitterly, "my girlfriend is such a black sheep. She ate me 5 yuan for breakfast!" Stinginess is a kind of personality defect, the biggest obstacle to the sublimation of character, and it is also the performance of not breaking the "self clinging". Stinginess is a passive self-defense mechanism, which is often selfish, indifferent and closed. Generosity is also a business skill. It is easy to succeed if you are generous. Pattern determines success or failure, atmosphere makes heroes, and those who achieve great things will never haggle over every ounce, giving up big gains and giving up small gains. Huayi boss wangzhongjun said: making friends is the primary productive force. In other words, the circle determines the position. Making friends is a technical job. In this era, two fists are hard to defeat four hands, and the management of good people has been half successful. Research shows that the larger a person's circle of friends, the larger the size of the brain region. The proportion of neocortex size in the whole brain increases with the increase of primate social groups. For example, the proportion of neocortex in rhesus monkeys is much larger than that in silky monkeys, which have only 5 social members on average, while rhesus monkeys have as many as 40 social members. "Giving is the best communication", this is a public service advertisement in Thailand. The best way to give back a favor is to pass on the heart of helping others. Psychologists at Harvard Business School have found that how people spend money is as important as how they make money, which can increase their happiness. Truly uninhibited souls don't really care about anything, because they have king like pride in their hearts. The poor asked Buddha: why am I so poor? Buddha said: you have not learned to give to others. The poor say: how can I give when I have nothing? Buddha said: a person who has nothing can also give others seven things: smiling, doing things with a smile; Words of praise and comfort; Open your heart and be kind to others; Look at others with kindness; Help others by taking action; Seat facilities, humble seats; Housing facilities have a tolerant heart. Let us continue to love the generosity and prosperity of life, even if the years deceive each other with meanness and desolation.

The reason why you can't succeed is not that you fail too little

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Thu, 16 Jun 2022 15:17:07 GMT

Recently, I got in touch with a friend I haven't seen for a long time. I don't know whether it is appropriate to say that we are "friends" or not. He was the brother of my primary school classmate. At that time, he wanted to be admitted to the violin Department of the Central Conservatory of music, so he asked me about the Conservatory of music. The first time I heard him play the piano, I knew he was out. A person is 18 years old and still playing at this level, and has never received professional training from the primary school attached to the Conservatory of music. It is basically impossible to enter the Conservatory of music. Moreover, I always feel that there are many problems with his intonation and skills, which may be acceptable at the amateur level, but not at the professional examination. I didn't know much about violin, so I just said a few words politely to persuade him to give up the idea of going to the Conservatory of music. He was so angry that he scolded me and criticized me for not understanding the truth that "as long as you have deep Kung Fu, an iron pillar can be ground into a needle". When I got home, I was so angry that my mother criticized me after she knew about it. She told me to go out and talk to others without being so rude. In a word, this matter makes me a bit out of touch. The reason why you can't succeed is not that you fail too little This time, he suddenly added my wechat, and we had a brief chat. I knew he was still chasing his dream of becoming a violinist. He dropped out of college and found a teacher to concentrate on learning the piano. He practiced the piano and listened to records every day. Over the years, he has not only been admitted to the Central Conservatory of music, the Shanghai Conservatory of music, but also the conservatories in Xi'an, Wuhan, Guangzhou and other regions. He failed to pass any of these schools, and was brushed off every time in the first round. He didn't give up. He stayed at home and continued to practice the piano and study. This year, he is almost 30 years old, and still has a dream of going to the Conservatory of music. He is not depressed. He is full of passion for the future and dreams, a passion that is moving and a little sad. He told me that J. K. Rowling was rejected numerous times before he was able to publish Harry Potter. Schubert's talent was buried for many years before it was discovered by others. Agric also had a window in his art career... He firmly believed that all failures would become stepping stones to success. As long as there were enough failures, people would naturally learn from them and reach a new height one day. He sent me many recordings of recent piano practice. To be honest, I didn't feel any improvement after listening to his performance. At the technical level, it is still hard work, and there is no way to relax the muscles; His understanding of music is still simple. Maybe he has many things to express, but due to the limitations of technology and basic energy, he can not play with ideal effect. There is no problem for him to teach beginners at this level. However, there is still a big gap for the Conservatory of music, which he may not be able to fill with efforts. I respect his love of music. He has a mania that many children who have attended music schools may lack; This kind of enthusiasm is good. The road to the master needs this fiery passion. The problem is that not everyone with this enthusiasm can become a master or a performer. To become a professional performer, it is necessary to have adequate training and guidance in childhood. If you miss this stage, the road behind will be difficult. Yes, we have heard stories about people who practice piano well after the age of 18 and finally become performers. The probability of its occurrence is so low that it is almost negligible. He asked me, how many times must I fail to succeed? Faced with this problem, I really feel quite embarrassed. You can't tell the other person "you can't" or something like that. Many people have said this, and I don't need another one; Besides, I have some admiration for what he did. If I say "life will be better if I walk around again", I feel like I am lying. I asked him if he had considered putting these energies into other things, things that would be more effective. "No, I can't. I can't let these worldly affairs prevent me from becoming a violin master." He answered me this way. He told me that for so many years, after he practiced for 8 hours every day, he was still crazy about music theory and solfeggio. Although he met with great failures again and again, he still did not give up and continued to adhere to his dream. If you put this willpower on other things, you might have achieved results long ago, right? I began to have this idea when I saw him working so hard. Even I feel very shallow to say such words. Many things can not be measured by the results. The process itself is the meaning of life. However, it is a little sad to see him struggling like this. People often feel that they cannot succeed because they fail too little. Of course, failure and success are related. I made a mistake. After analysis, I naturally knew how to do it right. If I walk and wrestle, I will pay attention to this pit next time. However, it is obviously wrong to blindly believe that as long as you try enough and fail enough, you can succeed. The reason why many people make achievements in their own fields is that they do not give up. Their own talents and talents are also extremely critical. Talent and talent can not be supplemented by diligence. Those innate basic abilities, excellent imagination and sharp ears will be enhanced with good training; However, training can not change you from a person without talent to a person with talent, and it is even more impossible for a person without talent to become an excellent performer. Becoming a good amateur is the limit. If the starting point is too low, you may not be able to achieve results all the time. Whether it is suitable or not, and what the road ahead is like, all these questions should be considered. It is impossible for us to fully understand the problem, and it is obviously unreasonable to require everyone to meet all the possibilities before taking action. We can only find a way to recognize the road in practice and understand whether it is "appropriate or not" to do this. Just want to do things that are not suitable for you, can't you? I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Life doesn't have to aim at success. If this process is meaningful to life, it will be great. It seems that others are not successful, but they are very satisfied, which is much better than the office workers. Knowing that you can't do it, you still want to do it; Knowing that the other party doesn't love him or her, he or she still has to try his or her best to keep him or her. The dramatization caused by this embarrassment and pain can make our lives more diverse. Therefore, I don't object to people doing things that are "not suitable for us". What I don't agree with is that there is an absolute causal relationship between failure and success. It seems that something doesn't go well because there aren't enough failures. With such a mood, it is easy to fail to see the real problem and miss other opportunities. Music lovers who can not become violinists can see clearly that their failure to succeed is not due to lack of efforts and failure, but due to the limitations of the starting point; He may change his major to study musicology, art history and other majors. In his spare time, he plays the violin, and finally he can have a good music life. A guy who can't become a writer in any way doesn't mean that he should give up literature to become a science student. On the contrary, he can read comparative literature, British and American literature and do some interesting research. Admitting that you can't do something doesn't mean giving up your dream completely. Instead, you can go to a broader field and find a new world. If you firmly believe that "not succeeding all the time is not enough failures", you may miss other opportunities. In that case, it's really a pity.

Better be useful than rich

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Mon, 06 Jun 2022 16:10:55 GMT

"Are you rich?" a herb asked oil in the deep mountains. Oil disdained to answer, "the dollar is tied to me. Do you think I have money?" you are the grass that can only heal the wound. You won't understand, "oil said again. One day two oil prospectors came to the mountains, a Chinese and an American. As the American walked along, he said, "boy, join the U.S. citizenship to ensure that you become a rich man. Even if you are not worth money, you can smash people with dollars in your hands. Hahahaha"! The Chinese shook their heads silently and said nothing. When they came to the valley, they found a black liquid near the stream, "ha ha, oil!" The Americans shouted in surprise, "boy, I'm rich. It's all mine. Hahaha, I see the money waving." "Buzzing" when the drilling machine was drilling through the rock layer, an accident happened. The American's foot fell into the oil. He began to pull out with force, but with too much force, his head hit the rock wall. "Fuck," he said with hate. But the wound was bleeding. You should know that there will be beasts in the mountains at any time. They smell blood. At this time, his Chinese partner quickly walked away. The American people noticed, "you yellow monkey, you left me alone. I want to sue you for money. You can't get any oil." but instead of caring about him, the Chinese people ran faster. After a while, the American consciousness gradually disappeared. At this time, he saw that the Chinese who had left came back with a handful of herbs in their hands. He said softly, "friend, I will treat you. This is Chinese herbal medicine.". A few minutes later, the blood on the American head was gone. He put his hand on his chest and said gratefully, "thank you. I misunderstood you just now. The Chinese nation is the best"! The Chinese shook their heads and said, "it's better to be useful than rich.". The herb beside said excitedly to the oil, "it's better to use it than to have money.".

Hard work pays off

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Wed, 01 Jun 2022 16:24:01 GMT

Jin Yinan said, "if you do something difficult, you will get something." Indeed! This is also Jin Yinan's personal experience and the way to success. When Jin Yinan was young, he worked as a worker in a factory that made glass bottles. The glass bottles he began to blow and pull were all of strange shapes, and none of them took shape. He made up his mind to study hard. The meat of his three fingers was burned. Finally, he made glass bottles better, faster and more. Later, Jin Yinan was admitted to a military college and studied English with indomitable perseverance. After graduation, he taught in the University and engaged in academic research. He often studied and collected a large number of Red Army materials without forgetting to eat and sleep. He wrote many works on Red Army research without fear of fatigue and was deeply respected by the majority of readers. Many years ago, Zhai Mo, a painter and navigator, knew that it was extremely difficult and life-threatening to sail around the world alone in an unpowered sailboat, but he felt that such navigation could win glory for the motherland, conquer himself and surpass himself while conquering the sea. Therefore, in the absence of sailing experience, he bought an old sailboat and set out from Rizhao, Shandong Province for a long voyage. On the way, he experienced thousands of difficulties and dangers. When crossing the Indian Ocean, he was in the danger of being engulfed by the sea at any time when he encountered a violent storm with a wave height of seven meters. At this time, he tied himself to the deck of the ship with a sailor's knife tied to his calf. He was ready to die at any time despite the wind and waves. It took him seven days and seven nights to get out of danger. He was detained by the US army when he passed a US military base at sea. After finding out his true identity, the US Army helped him repair the ship and sent him on a friendly voyage. In a sea area of the Atlantic Ocean, although the wind was calm and the long loneliness brought him infinite fear, he survived. There was a huge shark following his boat for many days, and he was not frightened. On an island in the South Pacific, the native people were very friendly to him. The Sheikh's daughter wanted to marry him. In order to complete the great cause of sailing around the world, he resolutely "escaped". When they passed the Cape of good hope, the people there were moved by his bravery and invited him to a banquet. As he continued his voyage, all the ships that stopped there whistled for him. After more than two years of hard work, Zhai Mo finally returned to Rizhao. Zhai Mo practiced the principle that "you can get something if you do something difficult". When Darwin was young, he made great efforts in studying and studying zoology and botany. He could carefully observe some animals and plants repeatedly, and sometimes he even forgot to eat. He collected a large number of plants and insects and made them into specimens. Later, he bravely took a cruise ship to South America in Britain and went to South America alone to investigate animals and plants and collect samples. There, he lived in the open air, suffered from hunger, and experienced many risks and hardships. Through years of investigation, collection and research, Darwin wrote the great book "origin of species", which expressed the view of "natural selection, survival of the fittest", and promoted the progress of world biology. It can be said that Darwin's outstanding achievements were achieved by his bravery of hardships and the courage to do difficult things. As the saying goes: "the sword is sharpened, and the plum blossom fragrance comes from the bitter cold." If a person wants to make amazing achievements, he can't do anything difficult. Some people are greedy for comfort, do things light and afraid of heavy, for fear of suffering, for fear that they have spent more effort and brains. How can we make greater achievements if we want to do so? "Nothing in the world is difficult if you are willing to climb it." Difficult things are not difficult. As long as you are willing to do them, you will have unexpected gains. You might as well be brave and willing to do more difficult things, rise to the challenge, advance in the face of difficulties, and you will get something.

Self discipline is not as difficult as you think

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Fri, 27 May 2022 15:37:10 GMT

01 "What qualifications do people who are not self disciplined have to talk about hard work?" "The higher the level, the more self disciplined." Today, with the prevalence of positive energy, self-discipline is the word I hear the most. Its importance is self-evident, but many people will ask, "how can we achieve self-discipline?" Speaking of this topic, I think of a Xing. Her homework is usually done in a hurry when deadline comes. Before that, she watched TV dramas, slept and went shopping on Taobao. Before the final exam, she shouted hard and brushed her microblog with her mobile phone. Finally, she hung up and said sadly that she would be introspective, but that was still the case next semester. Every afternoon when there was no class, she always said that she would read some extra-curricular books to enrich herself, but she still slept until dinner time. In fact, she once vowed to be self disciplined and even made a full plan. When the alarm clock rang, she rubbed her sleeping eyes. She felt so hard. She had better go to sleep. After running for a few days, she looked at the unchanged weight table and thought it would be better to give up. Preparing for CET-4 again, she said that she was bored when she saw the English letters. She simply lay on the exercise book on the table and played with her mobile phone. In the end, she still hasn't changed. So she came to a conclusion: "self-discipline is really hard. I can't do it." Scott Parker, a famous psychologist, wrote in his book the road few people take: life is full of hardships, and the primary solution to life's problems is self-discipline. The so-called self-discipline is an important principle to solve the pain of life with a positive and active attitude. It can be seen that self-discipline is like a process of game upgrading, which requires us to constantly fight against small monsters. It's really not easy to do, but it's really not as difficult as you think. Xueba Nannan is famous for her self-discipline in the circle of friends. Every time I see her, I can think of Xie ER in the big bang for life. When talking about how to achieve self-discipline, Nannan frowned and said, "I never feel that this is a problem. When you make clear what you want to do and really start, you will be able to solve more than half of the problem." In fact, according to their efforts, some people can't talk about self-discipline at all, because they haven't started to do it at all. In the final analysis, their sense of powerlessness due to their lack of self-discipline stems from their own laziness.? 02 Even if you are not lazy, some people still find it difficult to self-discipline, such as oranges. At the beginning of the new year, orange vowed to change herself, starting with self-discipline. She stipulated that she would get up at six o'clock every morning to run five kilometers, keep writing a quality article every day, and read a book every week. After making the plan, she was full of blood and thought that the time was all in her hands. But in fact, she couldn't finish any of the schedule. The first day, it was already 8:30 when she woke up. She didn't even hear the alarm clock. The next day, she borrowed her roommate's cell phone, set two alarm clocks with her cell phone, and struggled in the bursts of ringing. On that day, because she didn't get enough sleep, she didn't feel energetic all day, so she didn't follow other plans, so she passed the day in a muddle. On the third day, she was woken up by the alarm clock. She thought she might as well sleep again. Anyway, she was so tired yesterday. Once I slept, it was more than eight o'clock. In the end, she said to me dejectedly, "self-discipline is so hard." And I am not surprised that orange has failed in self-discipline. You know, in the past, she always got up at 8 or 9 o'clock and had to stay in bed for a long time. She didn't like exercise and would be out of breath after running a few steps. As for writing and reading, these were things that she never paid attention to at all. In this case, how can she implement the plans listed by herself at once? Sometimes, what hits you is not lack of enthusiasm, not lack of time, but an invalid plan. To make an effective plan, the most important thing is to learn to set goals rationally. Some people set many goals at the beginning. They think that the more goals, the easier it is to achieve. In fact, this will more quickly lose our perseverance, disrupt our pace of time management, and finally dampen our enthusiasm. To be self disciplined, start with what you want to achieve most. If you want to have a better figure, you should keep exercising every day. If you want to be smart, practice speaking every day. If you want to have exquisite literary talent, you should first insist on reading and writing every day. I always firmly believe that people's energy is limited. When you put most of your energy into a big goal, how can you not gain? With a clear goal, and then refine the objective schedule, follow a highly operational schedule, you will eventually become a self disciplined person.? 03 Of course, we always have difficulties in self-discipline because we can't stand temptation, can't control our emotions and other reasons. At this moment, we need to seek help from outside forces, find ourselves positive and like-minded people as companions, supervise each other and exercise self-discipline together. Imagine that if you were exiled to a desert island, would you still insist on reading, writing and fitness every day if conditions permit? I think it is difficult to do this because people can never get rid of the influence of their surroundings. In order to achieve better self-discipline, we must not ignore the role of peers. One of the most important suggestions for postgraduate entrance examination is to find another person to go to the library with you to review. If you are alone, you may not be able to persist every day. But if you review with others, you can see how others do it when you are difficult to do it, so as to motivate yourself. One cat has set up a community, in which there is a writing camp for 10 days. Those who want to join the camp should first pay a 200 deposit, and then write more than 800 words and send them to the group before 24 o'clock every day. If it persists for 9 days, the deposit will be refunded. If it is less than 9 days, the deposit will be confiscated. People in the group will comment on articles, point out problems and encourage persistence. People who perform well will get good rewards in the end. Everyone's performance is very positive. No one wants to be a laggard. In this way, a cat plays the role of the environment and helps more people achieve self-discipline. I once saw a saying like this: "the people around you are changing you in countless imperceptible ways. Learning is everywhere when you are with excellent people. The person you spend the most time with will slowly change you in a way you may not think of or even be aware of. The most important decision in life is to choose what kind of person to be around you." If you want to be self disciplined but you are afraid that you will not be able to achieve it, remember to find yourself a group of people with the same goal, and then work together to adhere to it. People who know how to use the environment to create favorable conditions for themselves will get twice the result with half the effort. This is especially true on the road of self-discipline.? 04 Not long ago, I participated in a free course initiated by Yang Xiwen - exchanging 7 days of self-discipline for 365 days of growth. In my opinion, Yang Xiwen is a great girl, especially in self-discipline. After graduating from University, she went to New Zealand alone to study while working. She keeps running every day, successfully loses 20 kg and keeps in good shape. She insisted on writing in the garage every day and wrote her first best seller In the past five years, yangxiwen has grown from a traveling girl who has nothing to do to a new generation of inspirational women. She believes that these are the forces of self-discipline. Therefore, she set up this course, hoping that more people can be self disciplined and become better themselves. She said, "I am an ordinary person who can exercise self-discipline. There is nothing you can't do." Self discipline is not easy to do, but it is not as difficult as you think. Some conditions are given by God, but the decision-making power of self-discipline still lies in yourself.

Those who succeed are those who make good choices and know how to subtract

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Sat, 21 May 2022 15:46:36 GMT

one A yuan is my earliest colleague in Shenzhen. His experience is extremely rich, so I think he is quite suitable for learning writing. Three months ago, he was recommended to participate in the online writing learning camp. The 199 yuan tuition fee was paid quickly, but there was no sound in the past two weeks. The update of the article will always stay in the first two articles. Interestingly, his last article was about persistence. So I asked him why, and he returned: There are too many things to write, and I find myself not suitable. I can't make any fame by becoming a monk on the way. Forget it His answer didn't surprise me. I think his rich experience of more than 10 years is always so related to the word "forget it". We used to act as intellectual property agents together. We need to deal with the Administration for Industry and commerce, the science and Technology Bureau and other government departments frequently. Ah yuan left after less than a year, because these officials are too difficult to serve. Forget it Later, he went to do life insurance, but less than half a year later, he left again. The reason is: life insurance is too difficult to do. Few people really make money. They are fooling people. Forget it Later, he went to Taobao to sell kiwi fruit and withdrew after eight months. He told me: now Taobao business is too difficult to do. Originally, the larger profits of sesame were handed over to express companies and platforms For almost 10 years, ah yuan hasn't found his own development direction. For almost 10 years, he has cultivated himself into a veritable "difficult grocery store". If you want to know the difficulties of any industry, ask him and he will be able to give you some ideas. two If people must be divided into two categories, I prefer to divide them into: people who do addition and people who do subtraction. The starting point of the former thinking is: "what do I want?" The latter is: "what don't I want?" The former is completely focused on the target, trips over a stone, gets up, puts the stone in his pocket, and then runs. The latter's attention focused on the obstacle, tripped by the stone, sat on the ground, scolded the stone for not having eyes, turned back to the starting point and found another way. In fact, there are many people who do "subtraction". Take the home page of the simplified book for example. The number of editors reviewing the manuscript, the balance of various sections, and the recognition and understanding of the article may all be the reasons for the rejection of the manuscript. But some people don't find the reason from themselves and start to fight with the editor. When they see the article published by the editor, they always don't forget to sprinkle a bubble in the message area. "This is also called an article?" "I'm afraid you don't understand literature at all?" After saying this, it seems to be relieved. In fact, this practice is a typical disadvantage to others and has no meaning at all. With this Kung Fu, it's better to study the writing methods of those hot articles, or simply write more articles, and the probability of passing is naturally high. I once saw a popular question on Zhihu: what is the world like in the eyes of those awesome people? There is such a short and profound answer: there are no problems that cannot be communicated and no contradictions that cannot be solved. According to my observation, this is true in reality. Successful people are different, but they always have one thing in common: They believe that "methods are always more difficult than difficulties" in thought and have the stupidity to fight difficulties to the end in action. Mediocre people are often geniuses who find difficulties. They seem to be deliberately looking for difficulties, waiting for difficulties to appear, and finally defeated by difficulties. It's more important to choose than to comfort yourself three Any concept in the humanities needs a premise, otherwise it is easy to be taken out of context. The premise of "choice" is rationality. When you accumulate certain information and have certain judgment ability, it makes sense to choose this matter. Otherwise, it will only become an excuse to retreat after frustration. Therefore, you should understand that the departure of a person who has worked for 10 years is essentially different from that of a person who has worked for half a year. If you understand this reason, we can have a basis for further discussion. Angela Lee once gave a speech at Ted Forum: "perseverance is the key to success". She tracked the growth experience of multiple children and found that the key factor predicting a child's success is not IQ, appearance or physique, but the attitude towards frustration. Angela Lee's discovery doesn't surprise us. It's just another demonstration and affirmation of the right point of view. However, human nature is to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages. How can anyone be completely obsessed with frustration? This is not normal. Although Angela Lee did not give the answer, I think it is not that successful people are abnormal, but that they should have some common psychological representations. Based on extensive reading and observation of reality, I have summarized three ways, which may be a way to defeat difficulties and forge ahead. Actively seeking meaning, establishing feedback mechanism, probabilistic evolutionary thinking four Take the initiative to find meaning for what you strive for. We often link persistence and giving up with willpower, but the truth is: willpower is unreliable. Anything that can be done for a long time will certainly bring us something pleasant and make us interested and unable to stop. Just as psychologist Edward desi found through experiments: driven by the internal motivation of interest, people perform better in completing the same task than driven by material reward. In his column, Li Xiaolai talked at length about the concept of "persistence". The core conclusion is that there is no word "persistence" in his dictionary, because what he does is of his own interest, and he does not need to gather the difficult elements of "effort" and "persistence" to fight. But then comes the problem. What if you have no interest in what you are doing? Li Xiaolai's answer is: "give meaning." He also cited an example. He actually wrote a column very boring and hard, but after he decided to donate the column income, it "produced meaning". Because according to the price, the price of one article can help 100 college students. This meaning made him unable to stop at all. Laughing at the teacher's realm is really admirable, but I always feel that maybe the so-called meaning does not have to be so tall. From the perspective of small things, it can be understood as: associate this matter with your own value. For example, my writing process was boring at the beginning and almost gave up. Then I thought, why not focus on workplace writing? Because I am engaged in enterprise internal training, I need to learn a lot of workplace knowledge and skills. Through the way of learning while writing, force yourself to extend and deepen a knowledge point, and the learning efficiency will naturally improve. At the same time, it can also effectively spread personal brands. You see, such a thing that kills two birds with one stone has natural significance and interest. At this time, you should understand that interest sometimes does not exist at the beginning, and often needs our shaping. We must not taste it or judge it recklessly, which consumes our little "will". five Establish feedback mechanism Why are games so addictive? Maybe you think it's because of the exquisite and gorgeous drawings, or the upgrade? But according to neuroscientists, the most important factor is the "immediate feedback mechanism", that is, each click will immediately show the corresponding results. It is this mechanism that ensures that players enjoy it. On the contrary, you think that many of the reasons why we can't stick to it are due to the lack of feedback. Without feedback, those "difficulties" are like an abyss in our imagination, which makes us float on the surface of emotion, unable to go deep and specific. A good solution is to design a set of feedback mechanism, that is to change those boring things into game attributes. Feng Tang, a novelist I like very much, has an ancient style, which stems from his extensive reading of history books. Isn't it really boring for him to read 24 histories? No, but he played a game with himself: He likened himself to the emperor at that time. As long as the minister played in the book, he stopped to think about how he would make a decision, and then compared it with the description in the book. In this way, he not only improved his interest in reading history, but also trained his judgment. Therefore, when you see those strong people sticking to one thing, don't think they are really using their willpower. They are probably just playing games with themselves. six Probabilistic evolutionary thinking. Many times, we are frustrated by negative associations. At this time, the way to reduce your frustration is to establish "probabilistic evolutionary thinking". This way of thinking allows you to treat each failure as just a data in the overall process, without giving too many negative meanings. When I first started selling, I mainly relied on telemarketing. I was often hung up by indifference or brutally stopped. I didn't get a deal. I felt like my body was hollowed out and I really wanted to give up. Later, I asked an old business and asked him if there were any skills in telemarketing that could make the transaction easier? He asked me how many calls I had made, and I said almost 20. He smiled and said: skills are of no use to you now. People usually make 120 calls to make a deal. You call first Therefore, 120 calls became my goal, instead of appreciating the attitude of the other party in each call. When I made the 88th call, I finally closed the first business in my life. Moreover, in the process of continuous telemarketing, the script is also improving. Finally, I calculated my transaction probability and found that it is basically about 1 / 50. You see, it's often like this. It's a very difficult thing. You just need to quantify it and take each action as an accumulation of the denominator of the probability value. If the accumulation is enough, it will naturally become. And more importantly, in the process of accumulation, you will find the optimal way by yourself, and the probability value will evolve in the direction you want. seven The current world makes people very anxious. Many people are devoting all their attention to finding the formula for success, but the truth is often less complex. You may just need a carnivore instinct: bite! After all, many people are herbivores who run away when the wind blows, so the road to success is not crowded. As Randy Pausch said in his "final speech": In our pursuit of ideals, we will hit many walls, but these walls are not to stop us, they are only to stop those who do not desire ideals. These walls are designed to give us a chance to prove how much we want those things.

Three signs of a growing pattern of people

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Mon, 16 May 2022 15:05:58 GMT

There is a good saying: pattern determines the outcome. A person's pattern is big, the future road can be spacious. On the contrary, a person with a small pattern, no matter how capable he is, will not turn too much water spray after all. Pattern is not innate, but can be obtained through the cultivation of the day after tomorrow. When you find these three signs in yourself, it shows that your pattern is getting bigger and bigger. one The first sign is to know that it is better to change than complain. There used to be a roommate. One thing she had to do after work every day was to hold on to anyone she knew, roast about her boss or criticize her colleagues. At first, everyone would enlighten her and comfort her. After time and again, everyone was surprised. When she complains again, the people around her will spit out their tongues to others, and the people around her will lead God. There may also be such a person around you who feels wronged when things happen, and then looks like the whole world owes him. Occasionally complaining is the catharsis of some emotion, which is inevitable, but habitual complaining without seeking change is an unwise person. Why do some people seldom complain? Because they know people, things and the world. Are people who don't complain particularly happy? did not. The world kisses me with pain, but I respond with tolerance. This is the big pattern and style. Life is hard. Only when you learn not to complain and face life with an optimistic attitude will you really understand life. It's better to change than complain. two The second sign is less care and more relief. Once saw such a clip in a movie: the man lost his iPad. Through positioning, he found that the iPad fell into the hands of a butcher. In order to redeem the iPad, the man with only $1500 asked the butcher brother to be cheaper. Big brother agreed, but then he slashed on the iPad. It's worth the price. Such an operation is also unexpected. How considerate people should be to do such a thing. To haggle over the immediate gains and losses, such a personality situation is also a big deal. I have heard such a story. A man got a full and huge pearl, but he was not happy because there was a tiny spot on the Pearl. So he tried his best to remove the spots. But when he rubbed off the spot, he found that the spot was still there. He didn't give up and continued to polish one layer after another until finally the spots were worn off and the pearls were destroyed. People with a small pattern always care about the small things in front of them, but can't see the overall situation behind them. In the end, they lose more. If you care, there are fetters everywhere; If you let go, it will be sunny. three The third sign is to learn to take responsibility. When I met a friend, my colleagues commented on her like this: she can carry things. No matter how urgent the time is and how difficult it seems to others to do, she can deliver satisfactory results. She often writes the company's product copy six or seven times in different ways, and the feedback is good. Less than a year after she arrived at the company, she was promoted. Those who have responsibilities are often reassuring, so that they can be entrusted with important tasks. When you dislike the busy and tired work, you don't realize that this is both a test and an opportunity. Those who dare to take responsibility will take anything as an opportunity; People who slip away when things happen just regard everything as a job they have to do. It's easy to see which is higher or lower. Daring to undertake not only means daring to undertake important tasks, but also means daring to undertake failures, setbacks, criticism and accusations. The real strong, dare to accept the loss, do not prevaricate, do not make excuses, do not run away, what if we lose, we will win back next time. He is not afraid of anything and dares to bear it. Such a person will have his own day wherever he goes. four I have heard such a saying: "as soon as the pattern of people's life is large, they will not sink in trivial life. People who are truly confident can always be simple and powerful." A person who stops complaining knows that only when he can swallow the grievances at the moment can he feed his own pattern; A person who no longer cares knows that care is the beginning of trouble. If he doesn't care, life can be indifferent; A person who has the courage to take responsibility understands that the courage to take responsibility is the brightest medal in life and the best-selling personal business card. The pattern determines the width and breadth of life. If the heart has a big pattern, life has unlimited possibilities!

Breaking the limits of life may see more possibilities

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Thu, 12 May 2022 14:21:41 GMT

one A friend resigned, and the "human design" collapsed: he changed from Internet products to music training. Studying marketing, he came to Beijing two years ago and made products in a start-up company. He did well and paid a lot. But his "human design", that is, it seems that he can only make products in everyone's impression. When he submitted his resignation letter, he was very "dramatic". The leader asked him where he was going for his next job. He said that he had set up a music training school to teach students to play guitar. The leader's jaw almost dislocated. Say, do you want to understand? This cross-border He said, think clearly. This time, the leader did not speak and signed. He saw a sentence in the leader's eyes: can you play music? Reliable or not! It's understandable to have doubts, but what the leader doesn't know is that he has taught himself guitar since the first day in Beijing. When I came home from work every day, I opened the video in my room and followed the computer for more than two years. In the past two years, he has formed a band and participated in competitions, from playing a simple music to playing complex ballads. Until he found that he loved music and could make a living through music, so he worked with several education and training teachers to recruit the first class. He taught in his spare time. The first batch of students liked him very much and introduced many students to him. In this way, they opened the second and third phases until he found that he had no time to work, and he decided to resign. Colleagues in the company said he was a genius and could do anything. And he knows that there is no unprepared birth in the world, only the effort of fighting back and perseverance. When he told me this story, I was studying in his class. I clearly saw his pride - the pride after breaking through the shackles of life, the pride after breaking the "human design", and the pride not afraid of the wind. He said: who stipulates that I can't break through myself and see more possibilities of life? two In recent years, a word has been popular, which is "human design". The so-called "human device" is like your label, your mask, and sometimes, like the shackles on your body. In fact, each of us will play different roles: a man is a father and husband at home, an employee and a boss in the company; A woman is a mother and wife at home. She can also be a worker and a leader outside Many of us also operate our own "personal devices" on microblogs and in our circle of friends to create an almost perfect image. Gradually, we seem to begin to forget more and more who we really are and what we really want. Who said that if you study marketing, you can't teach music; Who says that if you are in this situation now, there is no possibility of change in the future? We often use some fixed thinking to set our life. But I forget that in this life, if you want to live well, you still need to rely on effort and determination, as well as the courage to change. I often encourage people around me to pursue what they want, but many people feel that I am in this state now and can't change it? But have you ever asked yourself, if you study a major you don't like, why don't you want to learn another skill by yourself after class? Why do you like that major, but don't want to try to contact that field after class? Why don't you like your current job and don't you need leisure time to understand the rules of your favorite field? Why, why? We are too easily overwhelmed and trapped by these settings. three There is a particularly interesting experiment in psychology. When you have a glass of water in your hand, what are you going to do next? There are many answers. Some say they drank it, some say they poured it, and some say they poured it somewhere. The really smart people don't care about this glass of water at all. What they want to do next has nothing to do with this glass of water. We often give up pursuing the larger world because of what we have. In the end, it may be firmly controlled in the comfort zone. And those who seem to be crossing the border easily, no one knows how much suffering they have endured and how much effort they have made. More importantly, how much courage they need to change their dissatisfied track and live the life they want. We always like to use some labeled things to limit our life, because it is easier to remember others and identify ourselves. Therefore, we often lose ourselves in the labels one by one and forget that we can be what we want to be. Isn't the beauty of life because it has unlimited possibilities? I have read such a sentence that no matter how perfect the "human design" of the circle of friends is, it is only a dry label. A real self is based on a rich life and real struggle. Today is the youngest day of our life. Have you ever thought about what other possibilities you have in the future? You are still so young. Don't frame your life early. Be brave to meet your true self. That oneself, perhaps more beautiful.

Not everyone is staring at you. They're just talking about themselves

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Sat, 07 May 2022 11:22:50 GMT

Christmas is coming. Dad said, "Hey, let's invite some friends to dinner at home and spend Christmas Eve together." I began to sweat. I don't like inviting people to dinner at home, and I don't like going to parties. I've been shy since I was a child. Dinner parties connect things I'm afraid of, disgusted with or just not good at, such as cooking, chatting and public speaking. When I hesitated to speak out my worries, my father said, "the people I want to invite are our friends. You'll like talking to them." "I like to talk to them, but I just say it one by one, not to so many of them at the same time." I retorted. In fact, not just me, many people regard speaking to the public as the most feared thing in their life. Why is shyness a problem I used to wonder why I had to overcome shyness? Experts believe that shy people are often sentimental, good at listening and like to observe other people's actions. Shy people like to be alone, which may be a very positive side: there is no doubt that if Einstein was a "party animal", he would not be able to do his research at home for a long time. But can I be happy for my shyness because of these examples? In fact, this is not the case. Shyness is an obstacle to social interaction, which is a basic human need. People with poor social skills are often not as healthy as those with good social skills, and their emotions are not as stable as those with good social skills. In addition, the researchers found that shyness was often associated with depression, cardiovascular disease and shortened life expectancy. Scary? Don't think shyness only makes your palms sweat and your heart beat faster. However, nature can be covered up, and shyness can be overcome. Changes in parenting methods, environment and social communication opportunities can make the originally shy children gradually overcome their shyness. How to become less shy Kaduz, Ph.D., of the shyness research society at Indiana Southeast University, has a good advice for all shy people: don't pay too much attention to your feelings. "Shy people pay too much attention to themselves," he said We always worry that we are not good enough and smart enough, but we don't think that others may have the same sense of insecurity as us. Under the guidance of my father, I realized that the protagonist of the dinner was not me, but my guests. I don't have to be perfect, just be kind. That Christmas Eve, I did my best to decorate the living room and make a good table. During the dinner, I tried my best to make the guests feel like they were at home. When the guests left, they felt very happy to spend Christmas Eve with us. Being able to entertain them well, I feel happier than them. Tips for parties: Tip1. Be present when there are not many people You don't like big parties, do you? Many shy people often don't want to be there early because they prefer to disappear into the crowd. In fact, you should go when only a few people are present. In this way, no matter how big a party is, it will become a small party. People tend to form an opinion of you in the first 10 seconds. Why do you waste the first five seconds to feel uncomfortable silence and wait for them to greet you? Tip2. Curious about the most boring things No matter how boring what your acquaintances say, show that it's the most interesting thing you've heard this week. Conversely, no matter how boring you think what you say, believe that people like to listen. In this way, what you say will become interesting. TIP3. Say someone's name in time Say someone's name when greeting and parting. This will make him or her feel close to you. But be careful: if you say someone's name too many times, it will sound a little false or make both sides feel unnatural. Tip4. Ask "sustainable conversation" Don't always say "um" and "ah". Use more words such as "who", "what", "when", "where", "why" and "how". When you want to hear the other person say more, your conversation with the other person will become very interesting. If you get some happy and clever responses, you won't feel stressed in the conversation.

How important is choosing the right circle to your life

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Fri, 06 May 2022 15:47:57 GMT

In order to provide her with a good learning environment, I decided to accompany her in senior two. Finding a room for rent has become a very important thing this summer vacation. On the wall outside the school gate, there are still a lot of rental information. Let's look at the address and telephone number left on it one by one. The house conditions are different, and the rent is high and low. Some are very close to the school, but the facilities in the room are not satisfactory. Some have a good environment and are far away from the school. It is always difficult to find a place where people are satisfied everywhere. We have to weigh the pros and cons and choose between them. Finally, I chose a newly decorated house with three bedrooms and two living rooms to rent. Compared with the houses in other places, the rent here is the highest and it is a little far from the school (about one kilometer), but I like the environment and atmosphere there. This room is a fund-raising room of one unit. Although the community is far away from the urban area, it is quiet and clean, and all kinds of supporting facilities are complete. More importantly, the people who go in and out there every day are some high-quality civil servants, rather than mixed up like other places. Renting a house is for children to learn, not for her to enjoy. A friend heard that I would rather live near and far away than cheap and expensive. I rented such a house as an accompanying room. I felt that I didn't understand. I didn't give her any more explanation. I told her some stories about my friends. A friend is an old lady in her seventies. I met her on the train. A plain old lady, in her seventies, is a senior backpacker. She almost runs all over the famous mountains and rivers in China. Her speech is extraordinary. The teaching of several young people sitting next to her falls into my heart: "you know, the circle you are in determines the height of your future career, and how big your circle is." For this point of view, She has facts to prove: "My son is going to move, and my daughter-in-law is going to move to the suburbs far away from the city center, where the houses are cheap. I advise her, don't, who are the people living there? It's the vendors and farmers in the surrounding urban-rural fringe. I don't look down on them, but they are not on the same level with you. You can stand out from the crowd there, and you may have a sense of superiority, but your knowledge is only limited there and won't be higher The pursuit of. Moving to those communities in the city, you are an ordinary people. There are more successful and bright people around you. Their words and deeds may be worth learning from. People have to go up. Later, they bought a house in the city and said that my decision was wise. My grandson worked in a bank in the city after graduation, and the notice of graduate students came down again. In a dilemma, I didn't know how to choose. I told him to go to graduate school. In the city bank, what you face all year round is the people around you. At a glance, you can see how good your development can be. When you go out, your circle of friends will grow, and your world will grow. It's hard to say how big it is. My grandson listened to me and went to graduate school. After graduation, he was hired by a bank of China in Beijing because of his excellent grades... "I was attracted by the old man's" circle theory ", and I was more curious about her life experience. She then taught us, "you see, grandma, I didn't graduate in the fifth grade of primary school, but after I was assigned to the workshop, I was surrounded by college students and graduate students. For so many years, I watched, learned and influenced them, and learned some things." Originally, she is also a beneficiary of entering a good circle. There is another friend, who is a standard "circle doctrine". Their family conditions were not very good at first, but they always insisted on staying with the "good circle". To send children to school, it's better to spend a high price and let them go to a key school with good conditions and facilities, buy a house and a loan, and stay with the rich in a good community. Their reason is very simple: a good school, my child can receive a good education, not to mention, the students and teachers around him are different, and he will have the motivation to struggle in that atmosphere. With the rich, we also have a benchmark in life. This friend who has been looking up has been tossing and turning over the years. The days are really getting better and better. Now, their sons have been admitted to famous schools. In the rich community where they live, they are also a successful group. For the circle, I was very exclusive. I am willing to live a quiet life. I feel that having three or five confidants and friends is enough to comfort my life. I am not willing to join in all kinds of circles. In fact, as a person in society, whether we like it or not, virtually, we are walking in the circle. In school, there is a circle of classmates, in society, a circle of colleagues, in the community, a circle of neighbors... These circles are so closely related to our life. In a healthy and upward circle, you will also become enthusiastic and high spirited. On the contrary, if you work with a group of people who haggle over trivial things every day, over time, you may also become cramped. This is why I went to the xiangzhangyuan community to rent a house to accompany me. I want my child to know from now on how important it will be for her to choose the right circle at any time.

The ancients said that people can't judge by appearance, but I said that people can definitely judge by appearance

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Thu, 05 May 2022 14:15:56 GMT

People are never too old to learn to look at people. Looking at people is a skill and accumulated experience. It can't be wrong. The ancients said: one cannot judge by appearance. I said: people can definitely judge by their appearance. I am a person who absolutely judges people by their appearance. Appearance is not only appearance, but also combined with eyes, conversation and many small movements. This makes it more accurate to see people. Swertia headed rat is no better. He glances at you secretly when talking to you. He doesn't know what bad idea to make. These people should avoid. The farther they are, the better. There are a group of people around the big boss who flatter with a smile. Their knowledge will not be much higher. Although it is said that you don't have to do this to keep your job, aren't all smart people who can be a boss? They know it well. Although they don't hate this group of people who come to please themselves, it's inevitable that they don't trust them. Preach and repeat an unpleasant thing again and again. It is a rigid person and a negative person. This kind of person should talk to them as little as possible, otherwise your energy will be absorbed by them. When I was young, I didn't understand. When I met these people, I immediately confronted them, gave them a look, and vowed no two sides. As a result, I hurt them badly. Now learn to deal with it, smile at it, or be transparent, look at the things behind them, but still look down on a hundred in your heart. Beauty and ugliness is not a big key. I met many beautiful women, talked with them for an hour, and immediately knew what their mothers liked, what cosmetics they used, and what cars they loved to drive. Their life seems to be concentrated in this short hour, and there is no topic to talk about. Of course, in some cases, you don't need many topics. It is unforgivable for ugly people to make more mistakes. Almost all thirty-eight women are typical of this. With them, I will always become one. One word says eight. In short, I can't touch it. A woman with a frown can't win their favor by saying anything. No matter how beautiful, it's also extremely dangerous. Most of these people have suicidal tendencies. They're most afraid to pull you away when they have this idea. I don't want this kind of woman for me. In real life, people like Lin Daiyu and leti are genetically unhappy. Laughing aunt is very good. They have lost one muscle. They forget their sadness all at once. They are very cute. But most of them are mistresses. What's wrong with mistresses? They laughed and accepted happily. Most people who like to eat are not bad people. They desperately pursue delicious food and have no time to harm others. Laughing and greedy is the perfect combination. The more women, the better. Women who look ordinary but have aura are the most worthy of love. What is aura? Look at their eyes and you will know that as soon as you speak, their eyes have moved before their mouths open. Their eyes tell you whether they agree or not. Even if they don't agree with you, they won't argue with you, because they know that it's interesting to have all kinds of opinions in the world. We used to choose new people. In the 1960s and 1970s, there were thousands of films. Anyone who could become a heroine depended on their eyes. Some were beautiful, but their eyes were dull and had no focus. No matter how this kind of woman taught, she couldn't play a small role. Pretentious and high-profile strong women are the most annoying - when the people around her are idiots, only herself is the best. No matter beautiful or ugly, most men won't touch them. The hormonal imbalance can be seen on their faces. "I'm still young. How can I learn to look at people?" Children often ask me that. To learn to look at people, first learn to look at yourself. I must keep a copy. Like a baby, staring at people is the most direct. Silence is the best. During the learning process, keep in mind that you should not express any opinions, otherwise you will immediately reveal your ignorance. Look into the other person's eyes. When they avoid your sight, the problem can be seen. It's not absolutely silent. Discuss what you will learn with an elder you can trust and ask them if they are right. You don't necessarily agree with what the elders said. You can ask questions, but you can't refute them. Otherwise, people will not teach you if they dislike you. Slowly, you will learn to look at people. You will certainly suffer all kinds of trauma. When the transaction is completed, you don't have to complain about yourself. The so-called anti cheek, which protrudes from the parotid bones on both sides, is a dangerous person. You don't spit out the bones after eating you up. I didn't believe it before. Later, I saw more. Taken together, I found that the proportion was really bad. When talking, you can only see a row of teeth at the bottom of your mouth. Most of these people are unreliable. At first glance, it looks like a pig head. This kind of person is not necessarily bad, but it is likely to be stupid, fearful and irresponsible. Never see a smile, eyes like vultures, very sinister. Hitler in Germany is an example. When you learn to look at people, you will naturally know when you are old. When you graduate, look in the mirror and see an old fox. I am an example.

Hidden rules in life! Lifelong use

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Sun, 01 May 2022 14:13:42 GMT

If you don't see it with your own eyes, you don't have to rush to prove it with your mouth.
For things you don't know, it's easiest to say "don't know" directly.
If others throw stones at you, don't throw them back. Keep them as the cornerstone of your high-rise building.
There are many popular right and wrong. If you can't fight "right and wrong", it's better to give up "being popular" temporarily and make progress by retreating.
Bear it if you can, change it if you can't, and recognize it if you can't.
If you slow down and stop talking, many things will be clear.
Emit your own light, but don't blow out others' lights.
Don't take revenge on villains. Villains have their own enemies.
Not blindly proud, not deliberately small.
Everyone always has secrets he doesn't want to disclose. Don't force him.
There are some things that many people are doing. If you don't do it, it doesn't mean you're wrong.
It's better to ask God than others. It's better to ask others than yourself. If you can't ask yourself, you have to ask others.
Only when the fruit is ripe can it be picked, and only when thinking calmly can it be fully expressed.
Simple things do not quarrel, complex things do not worry, do not speak when angry, and do not make decisions when angry.
When you realize that you are wrong, you are still right.
It's better to keep silent like a fool than to prove yourself a fool when you open your mouth.
Silence is a silent storm against shamelessness, and anger is an effective "self mutilation" against external humiliation.
Don't treat yourself like a person. Don't treat yourself too like a person.
If you have an enemy in your heart, all the world is an enemy; Invincible in the heart, invincible in the world.
Those who want to win first win, and those who want to humble first feel inferior.
Many people think they are thinking when they restructure their prejudices.
You can't judge whether others are good or bad, but you can be a good person yourself.
"No one is perfect, only the end", so there must be shortcomings.
Endure the wind for a moment, and let everything be clear.
If you have a move, please show your move. Don't do it if you don't.
It's better to say that your self-cultivation is not enough than that others make you suffer.
If promise is not credulous, the old man will live up to me; Promise is not easy, so I will live up to others.
If you don't know the goods, you will be poor for a while; If you don't know people, you will suffer all your life.
Don't deceive others, because the people you can deceive are those who believe in you.
The self-knowledge of a fool is that he can skillfully use his stupidity.
People who are full of their own views and ideas will never hear others.
The person who knows you may not be the one who cares about you. Maybe he is just a smart person.
Don't rush to express yourself. It's not an expression of insight; Don't rush to deny others. Harmonious coexistence is the way to survive.
The person who hurts you is either stronger or weaker than you. If he is weaker than you, forgive him; If he is stronger than you, forgive yourself.
If you want to go up high, you should use your own legs. Don't let others lift you up high and don't sit on others' backs.
Be confident, but don't be too arrogant; We should keep a low profile, but we can't lose self-confidence.
The reason why we are tired of socializing is that we all want to show the qualities we don't actually have.

30 moves to teach you to quickly become a person who dislikes others

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Thu, 28 Apr 2022 14:20:00 GMT

You're right. This is really a pure dry goods post. Primary chapter

Pet screen swiping shoe bag screen swiping gourmet screen swiping show love screen swiping baby screen swiping, after brushing, don't forget to hide your face and send a private letter to your friends, so that they can help you like, vote and forward. Anyway, it's just a small effort.
Never hold the door for the person behind you. Hold your head high and walk past the door held by the person in front of you. Don't say thank you.
You don't have to remember what you promised others. Anyway, it's just a matter of saying "Oh, I forgot".
Don't let go of acquaintances, even nodding friends. It's their great honor to know you. Don't worry about asking them to be an ox and a horse for you. You are the light of the world.
Spread the truth that others tell you, and put on an innocent and sincere face, "I really want to help you" or "I'm just kidding, don't take it seriously".
Appointments with people are always late and shameless. Those ordinary people should have been waiting for you.
When asking questions, put on the arrogant expression of "asking you is worthy of you". After asking, turn around smartly and don't say thank you.
Always use the imperative sentence "go..." "give me..." "you need...". Don't start with "please", "can you" and "can you".
Say B in front of a and C in front of B. pretend to be a little white rabbit when facing ABC.
How can you sweep the floor, take out the garbage and flush the toilet for a person with such an elegant interest and mind? That's all layman's business. Intermediate article
Don't miss any chance to brainwash others. "XX financial fund is good", "people who don't drink are hypocrites" and "you must wear radiation protection clothes when you are pregnant". Whether they believe it or not, you can say it several times. Anyway, you believe it.
Don't bear it when you are in a bad mood. Complain to your colleagues, bosses, friends, lovers and children. They are all your negative energy bags. You'll be comfortable if you say it.
I'm kidding you just because I have a good relationship with you. Those stupid humans dare not thank you when they are pointed by your noble fingers.
You can't argue with me. I'm still a child. I'll always be 18.
How can I eat rabbit! Rabbit is so cute! How can you be so cruel!
Trample on others' self-esteem and feelings under the pretext of "directness" and "simplicity". After all, they have nothing to do with you. Just be happy.
Words must be called "XX bitch" and "XX loser". Without highlighting their low silly and poor clothes, how can you set off the height of your white lotus.
If you love me, you will let me, if you love me, you will bear me, and if you love me, you will unconditionally tolerate me
When you can use someone, you can treat him well without kicking him. They are just a fire extinguisher for you. You don't have to waste time making friends with them at ordinary times.
Tell more about your past glorious deeds and blind the eyes of ordinary people. Advanced chapter
Use power when you can't crush others with IQ, and use morality when you don't have power.
Firmly believe that "what I can't do, others can't do it". Spare no effort to tell everyone this fact. If there is an exception, it's just a fish that has slipped through the net.
Elegance is affectation, modesty is raw clothes, and elegance is hypocrisy. Only your unconcealed coarseness is your true temperament.
Selectively tell others the information you know, encourage them to make cannon fodder and tempt them to help you. You just need to sit on the mountain and watch the tiger fight, and then enjoy the results of the struggle.
At any time, we should strive to highlight the best angle of seizing the spotlight, and rack our brains to fabricate capital when there is no capital.
You don't need to know the whole story to evaluate someone or something at will. You are so wise and insightful that even if there are only clues, you can't escape your eyes.
Take it as your duty to save the "fallen youth". Don't wait for others to ask you. Take the initiative to encircle and suppress their three outlooks with the identity of "past people".
Learn how to use the sentence "I'm all for you" in various contexts, and get twice the result with half the effort with good facial expression and body language.
It's OK to teach others "tolerance is beauty" and "loss is blessing". After all, only when they are willing to suffer loss can you take advantage of it.
I'm not qualified to teach other people a lesson. Finally, if you want more than this, please don't forget to learn more from your peers around and on the Internet, and cut your strengths with their weaknesses. Don't care about other people's comments, criticisms and opinions on you. Don't show any wavering or guilty look. Read the internal mental skill several times loudly, "they just envy your excellence", "I just don't want them to like me" and "don't care about anyone, just be yourself". If you succeed in your studies, you will live alone forever.

If we don't work hard, what will they do?

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Wed, 27 Apr 2022 15:47:46 GMT

01 In the morning, I received a call from a friend about borrowing money. In the past, I will certainly support this friend's "no lending of money except under special circumstances", but this time I am very tangled. A friend's classmate, whose mother had uremia, had dialysis for a long time in his hometown and never told the child the truth. Now, having a suitable kidney source requires a cost of 200000 to 300000, which can no longer be concealed. My father asked my daughter who has worked for seven or eight years if she has any savings in her hand. As a last resort, parents don't ask their children for money. Although the daughter has married and had children and bought a house in Beijing under the sponsorship of both parents, she was overwhelmed by raising children, hiring nannies, housing loans and car loans. Not to mention 200000, 100000 can't be taken out. Only 50000 or 60000 can be used to treat the mother. It's still the admission fee for the child in September. I've seen this classmate of my friend. The couple are safe and secure. The woman has been working in a state-owned enterprise with a monthly income of seven or eight thousand after graduation; The man works in a private enterprise with a salary of more than 10000. If there were no sudden changes, the small days would be stable. But this invariable stability also means that it can't afford a little unexpected blow. It is not easy to wait until the source of kidney can not be wasted, can only have the cheek to borrow money. My friend said, "emotionally, I especially want to borrow her 180000 yuan, but intellectually, I'm worried that she won't be able to repay the money in ten or eight years." In Beijing, the couple's monthly income is less than 20000. They also bear all kinds of loans and expenses and can't save money. Moreover, kidney replacement is not a one-off deal. The cost of controlling rejection in the later stage is thousands of dollars a month. It's hard to say. It's a bottomless pit. Finally, my friend called my classmate for 50000 yuan. She said to me, "I'm not rich either. Fortunately, I've been tossing about learning and job hopping over the years, and my salary is getting higher and higher. In case of illness and disaster, my family can withstand it financially for a while. I'm not going to come back for 50000 yuan." See, when we open our mouth to borrow money from others, the other party should consider our ability to repay: if we are sure we can afford it, we will get more help; If we are convinced that we can't afford it, we can only get our own human price. As the old saying goes, "the emergency does not save the poor". He is anxious and poor. He is likely to be unable to borrow money. 02 A friend, once a young man in literature and art, likes "poetry and distance" best. All the money he made before he was 25 was used for tourism. One day in 2006, the young man of literature and art suddenly flew back from Cambodia and disappeared for a long time. After I came back, I changed a lot: I stopped traveling around, visited my parents in my hometown every month, found a relatively stable job in line with my specialty, often worked overtime, and became desperate every second. Two years later, with his savings of more than 200000 yuan, he took advantage of the lowest house price to mortgage a small couple outside the Fifth Ring Road, and took his parents from his hometown. Only then did we know that he was traveling in Cambodia two years ago when he suddenly received the news that his brother died in a car accident. When he rushed home, he looked at the white headed parents of the next night and grew up in an instant: the parents had lost their eldest son and became their only dependence. They could no longer roam around like wild horses and bastards like before. At that time, he didn't shed a tear, and there was only one thought in his mind - no brother would be filial to him anymore. If he didn't have a proper shape, he would ruin the life of a family of three instead of one person. When a young man realizes the responsibility on his shoulder, he quickly becomes mature. 03 There was a survey that asked the elderly what they were most afraid of. Illness came first, followed by economic problems. They are worried that they can't take care of themselves after illness, that their pension is not enough for their own expenses, and that they will become a burden to their children. It is such parents who live frugally for us to study, spend all their money to help us get married, and buy a house for us. They take out all their savings and even borrow heavily. When they get old, they are worried about adding a burden to their children. As an editor, an author once told me that she was helpless. When she was just working, her father was ill and had liver cancer. The treatment used up all the money in the family. All the relatives who could borrow it borrowed it until they couldn't borrow a penny any more. In the end, she couldn't even afford the cost of painkillers. Every time she heard her father try not to cry out, she was like a thousand arrows through her heart. After her father died, she worked hard during the day and wrote hard at night. Usually, she always bought beautiful clothes for her mother and sent imported food she had never seen before. She said, "my hard work now is not bitter at all. It's really bitter when my close relatives need it and I can't do anything about it!" Once chatted with a distant relative whose mother had just left the hospital. He said that he was most proud of his ability to invite the best experts to operate on his mother when he was in hospital, let his mother live in the best single ward, give his mother the best medicine with the least side effects, and invite the nurse with the best service attitude. When we were young, our parents tried every means to give us the best food and clothing. When we grow up, if we don't work hard, how can we make our parents depend on us? It is undeniable that some people have good reincarnation skills and are born in families who are free from food and clothing and are not afraid of any disaster. Whether they work hard or not does not affect their own and their families' lives. However, most people are ordinary members of all living beings. When they were young, their dream was to enter a good university in order to have a good job. After working, their dream was to increase their salary every year. After increasing their salary, they thought that they could double their salary and make up for the down payment to buy a house faster. When the life event of buying a house, buying a car and giving birth to a baby is settled, they and their spouse's parents begin to need care again, and the expenses of various remedial classes for their children need to be carefully calculated At any stage of life, the occasional little indulgence and giving yourself a few days off are understandable, but looking at the long-distance run of life, you need to clench your teeth and keep up step by step, otherwise the solid life linked will become a series of question marks: what about junior high school? What about high school? What about college? What about work? What about the house? What about the other half? What about the children? What about parents The life being questioned is too passive and no one likes it. Since the stage of chicken flying and dog jumping will come sooner or later, why don't we work hard and get ready early?

How much time have we wasted in order to get together

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 15:20:06 GMT

one Friend Han Han suddenly came to borrow money and didn't ask for much, but it sounded urgent. She said she could pay it back at the end of the month. I quickly transferred the account to her wechat. In the evening, she said, thank you, Xiao rail, but the money can't be paid back at the end of the month, because I borrowed it for ye. She is raising money to decorate the house for marriage. I was surprised and asked her, which leaf? Does she have anything to do with me? She said, you haven't seen it, but I told you that the girl who quarreled with her husband and went to my house to sleep in the middle of the night. We have a good relationship. I did listen to Han Han several times about this leaf. Ye Zijian built a fun wechat group and often asked a group of men and women in the group to treat in turn, eat together, climb mountains together and sing together. Han Han participated every time. She will go to the wedding of everyone in the group and give money along with it. She will always agree to the meals that others need her to make up. She doesn't need to make an appointment in advance and is on call. Han Han has worked for five years and has hardly saved any money. She has no boyfriend, house or car. She is a famous good man in our circle. Everyone says she is easy to get along with because she rarely refuses others, whether familiar or not. Han Han's legs are a little out of character. She is very afraid of being laughed at by others for her funny walking, but there are cheap people who like to make fun of her, especially those who are slightly close. They say that she walks like a duck on a frying pan. When others pointed to her pain and laughed, she just smiled awkwardly. I asked her why she didn't like the jokes made by others. Why didn't she tell them directly? 'I'm afraid people will say I can't joke and that I'm not gregarious,' she said. Well, many people are like this. Even though the chest is thunderous, the lips and teeth are still light. In order to be a group in the mouth of others, if you want to refuse but dare not say it, you'd rather sacrifice yourself and be friendly to others. So, do you think it's gregarious when you see a group? How many people, clearly hate social networking, but dare not go; How many people, obviously do not want to talk nonsense, but just open their mouths and force a smile; How many people fantasize about trying to maintain casual friends by helping others? Those who know you're not happy and want to intimidate you and embarrass you with "gregarious" are not good people at all. two When I was a reporter in a newspaper, I met a Canadian friend Darcy. He hired me to translate a project for him. After the project, Darcy invited all members of the project team to gather in a club to celebrate. Thirteen foreigners come from all over the world. I'm the only Chinese. I was given two editions on the newspaper schedule that day, and I still have four manuscripts on hand that need to be finished that day and wait for the last edition. So when I went to the celebration party, I said to myself, well, just play for an hour, and then get back to work. An hour passed and everyone was in high spirits. Someone wants to play archery. Let me help communicate with the staff; Someone wants to order a song for the hot singer on the stage. I need to ask how much it costs Because of the first cooperation, I hope to make a good impression on Darcy and them, so that I can be willing to come to me again if I have such a job with more money and less things in the future. Two hours later, they didn't mean to break up at all, and I was embarrassed to leave first, but because a pile of manuscripts were still waiting for me, I looked at the time anxiously every hour Four hours later, I began to be absent-minded and anxious. If I couldn't hand in the edition before 10 p.m., I would hang up. So I decided to brew reasons and various feelings of regret so that I could exit properly. At this time, Darcy noticed that I was wrong. He asked, is it necessary to leave in advance? I blushed and hesitated to say all kinds of reasons and reasons to express my shame and regret that I had to leave early. Before I finished, he immediately interrupted me and asked me with a surprised face, Xiao rail, if you need to leave early, why don't you just say it? You can go at any time. No one here needs your accommodation to make us happy. Moreover, no one has the right to interfere with your freedom. After Darcy's year in China, we have maintained a stable cooperative relationship. People in the same way, and not group; It's not what you want. three "Gregarious" is not a reliable value judgment. When you feel tired of interacting with a group, it means that you may not be the same kind of people. Not all groups, you have to cater to, coercive integration into the group is difficult to bring you any comfort and value. What's more, when you kidnap yourself to fit your shoes and forcibly integrate into a group you don't like at all, it often means the beginning of degeneration. In the book shouting in the drizzle, Yu Hua wrote this passage: Instead of pretending to have many friends, I returned to loneliness and began my life alone with the real me. Sometimes I can't stand the torture of emptiness because of loneliness, but I'd rather maintain my self-esteem in this way than exchange that kind of superficial friend at the cost of shame. There are many people who only socialize because they are afraid of others saying that they are lonely, and sacrifice their independent spirit and true will to appear in the group carnival, but those who have really achieved are using their "out of group" time to reshape their true self. Gregarious can indeed bring a sense of security to many people. Being lonely, not talkative and unable to play with everyone is indeed a very dangerous thing in real life. However, some mediocre groups are afraid of you. They just want to assimilate you and try their best to lower you to the mediocre level. Only in this way can they have the sense of security of mediocrity. You are afraid that people will despise you if you don't integrate into the group. However, people who coerce you into the group with "gregarious" are more afraid of being despised by you. Invincible is always lonely. It's hard for you to benefit a lot from a general friend who comes from compromise. Gregariousness does bring people resource opportunities, which is why some people are clearly unwilling, but they still have to cheer up and drink and spit. However, most people with independent spirit do not want those so-called network resources. General friends are mostly surface resources. Only by choosing good trees and making friends, making yourself strong and precipitating real skills, can we have equal dialogue with others and talk about win-win cooperation without being humble and arrogant, rather than kneeling down and asking for help. Friends birthday, come on; Whoever gets married, go; Come and have a drink in the evening. OK. Many people are not familiar with us, but because of the sentence "are all friends", they went away with face in their arms. How much time have we wasted in order to "get together"? How much friendship and resources can our "gregarious" at the expense of self will bring us? Sometimes, it's not others who kidnap your will, but you kidnap yourself with unrealistic expectations. Gregarious is very important, but what kind of group you want to join is more important. No one forces you to be a little cute. The purpose of gregarious is to exchange and learn, improve each other, or just for pure and true friendship. If you don't do either, just spend a lot of time to let others say you are "very good", then you have to accept the fact that such a group is useless and just helping you spend the rest of your life. Only by respecting your heart and making good choices can you have a clean and happy self in a down-to-earth manner. Gregarious is not a rule. You should be responsible for yourself after all.

Scientific control of emotions can save 10 years of struggle

0xe7ca4cdddf219e2ba3095c79c9fe380ea73353e0@newsletter.paragraph.com (鱼摆摆) — Tue, 19 Apr 2022 15:32:23 GMT

American social psychologist Festinger has a famous judgment, which is called "Festinger's law": 10% of life is composed of what happens to you, while the other 90% is determined by how you react to what happens. In short, 10% of the things in life are beyond our control, while the other 90% are within our control. The heavy price of losing control of emotions At 18:00 on May 4, a 27 year old mother in Hunan called her child to the toilet to "teach a lesson" because her 3-year-old son was greedy to play and didn't eat. Unexpectedly, she hit her own son too hard! Die! It's over! After the mother found that her son was not breathing, she cut her wrists and tried to die with her son, but she was sent to the hospital for rescue, but the child would never wake up. Many netizens commented that the mother was not worthy to be a mother. But if she really doesn't love her child, how can she cut her wrists and commit suicide after finding her child dead? She just doesn't know how to control her emotions. When a person is in a rage, his brain is congested, his thinking is confused, and even he will lose his reason. Because she didn't control her anger, the mother forcibly sent her own son to huangquan road. If you can't control your emotions well, you have to pay for it. Therefore, never let your emotions get out of control. Don't ruin 90% of your controllable life because 10% of your life is uncontrollable. "Forbearance" can make a career Uncle's career is still successful. His elders say he can "endure". In fact, he just won't let his emotions control his thoughts and behavior. He is always sober. It is said that when my uncle was a small supervisor on the production line, he was often scolded by his immediate supervisor. However, he did not accumulate resentment, but calmed down, reflected on his behavior and made continuous improvement in his future work. It was also because my uncle was well aware of the truth that "if you can't bear it, you will mess up big plans", so he became the director of a medium-sized shoe factory in Shenzhen in less than 30. Gu Xiuquan, a senior psychologist in Hong Kong, once said: "the real manager is to manage people's emotions." People who don't know how to manage their emotions may accidentally ruin their future. Solve the problem in a gentle way There are two couples living next door. They quarrel every day, tear and force every time, and even don't stop in the middle of the night. In fact, listen carefully. The content of their quarrel is nothing more than trivial things, such as the boys' socks haven't been washed, they don't come back for dinner tonight, and the girls are still playing games when they are going to bed. In fact, the same thing can be handled in a more gentle way. My sister just fell in love with that, make complaints about her boyfriend. Every time she gets angry, the other party will immediately say, "shall we not quarrel?" Then my sister is speechless. What else can I do? Just talk well. Let yourself calm down and solve problems on a case by case basis, which is a hundred times more rational than the beast that releases emotions. Don't ignore the collateral effect of emotions Emotion is a wonderful and highly contagious thing. The "Butterfly Effect" and "cat kicking effect" are also very common in emology. A butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil can induce a huge storm in the United States; The boss criticizes the employees. The employees scold the children and the children kick the cat. The cat can cause a car accident. So, how to control your emotions scientifically and effectively? From ten to one When angry, slowly count down from ten to speak again and again; Take a deep breath and keep your voice and speed steady. Leave the scene temporarily In a state of intense emotion, temporarily leave the person who annoys you and find a safe place to be quiet, such as going back to your room. Divert attention When anger surges, consciously shift the topic or do something else to distract your attention, such as taking a hot bath when you find yourself going to lose your temper. transpositional consideration Think from the other side's point of view. By changing roles, experience other people's emotions and feelings, and try to understand each other. Communicate after you calm down Never theory when you are angry. When you calm down, communicate and solve problems calmly. Find an outlet for emotion For example, go to intense sports, find someone who can trust to pour out their bitterness, and cry or shout at an appropriate time. Napoleon said, "a man who can control his emotions is greater than a general who can win a city.". Only by controlling your emotions can you control the situation. Only by controlling your emotions can you take the initiative in your life.