Days away from April Fool's Day. I have been a recent fool. At my grown age, I feel like I have accomplished so little, and there's so much to grasp in my world. I am thankful for my circle of love ones, but that's not a resource I cultivated for myself but of luck. Luck of finding that surrounding environment. I am so thankful for my partner, I look at them with envy, compassion, pure love, awe, competitiveness, adoration, and protectiveness. They are the ultimate person to me, and I am so happy they are on my team. I feel like ever since Feb 5 2023, my worst day, I have been slowly degrading. When my firm ass minted that first picture, it was my way of saying okay time to roll. But it is so hard. Growth isn't linear but comes rises and falls like a tidal wave. The important factor is growth being constant. And I need that. I want that. The reason why I'm being so vulnerable here is because I'm excited for the future moment. Where I had overcame obstacles and can look back upon my growth. But for that narrative to play out, I need to start. Picture this blog as a worn-out journal found at a thrift store. But instead, 1000 years from now. It is on the internet, and you found this after 3005. Cannot remain a fool.

Since July 2022 I have been treating my life as a game, a rpg. Since Feb 5 2023 I been punishing myself in this game. Didn't go to the gym, big deduction. Indulged myself heavily, big deduction. Not being present, big deduction. I used this tool to track my growth since July but it's a double edge sword and was also a tool to display my faults on full display. This is why it's a restart. Wipe the data, same goal as last entry.

Become the progress After 3005,

Joondustic

That’s what I’m hoping for after today. I was so adamant on beginning my 2023 right but had such a hurtful start of the year. I ended the 2022 countdown puking my guts out on my friend’s lawn, hoping that was some sort of symbolic change in “shedding” the worst of myself and leaving it behind. But man, 2023 has been tough.

I want today to be symbolic to myself. Like a birth of great habits or realization of hidden potential. The start of the year I wanted to reach my ideal weight, my ideal routine, my ideal finances, my ideal confidence, my ideal - you get it right? I had some sort of goal to reach and grasp for January 2023. Somehow I got lost. I took a misstep and really lost discipline along the way. I overate too much. Order another when I didn’t need too. I slept passed my alarm way too many times. I stayed up late doing nothing productive. Stopped journaling when I knew how it helped mentally. Never used my gym pass this year. Neglected the people I love close for small and insignificant crap. I found Rollbit. For the past 71 days I have been fumbling, hard. It became a little running joke of mine these past few days that I forgot how old I am. It feels like I’m at a stop, because I haven’t progressed a single bit. Am I being to hard on myself? Maybe, who knows. I hope I been okay to my love ones because these past 71 days my self-image has been shot.

With that realization in mind, I think its about time I bounce back. This isn’t my first bounce back nor my first self-improvement journal. I hate yo-yoing but what counts is my ability to recognize my shit situation and move forward. What I love about this whole mirror dot xyz blog/journal/tool is the concept of my thoughts being on the internet, forever. Or how long the blockchain can last. I had my first self-improvement journal on a private Instagram page but the concept of Zuckerburg owning my journey on their servers didn’t sit right with me. Call me picky but I am a fan of self-ownership. The reassurance that Mirror and Manifold both use Arweave gave me the comfort that my thoughts will last until After 3005.

“Is that why your name is After3005?”

If you have somehow stumbled across this journal, these collection of thoughts are under my project After3005. After3005 is my very own internet archive, my thoughts, my fears, all laid permanently on the Internet. I go by Joondustic, you can also call me joon. If you know the doxed me, still refer me as joon online if you can. Thanks for caring tons about me that you managed to dig deep and find my online persona. These journal posts will sometimes coincide with “digital collectibles” that speak and compliment my whole thought process. All of this is on the fly, I’m driven to online journaling because I fear that I’ll just disappear. Like dust and whisk away to nothingness. So apologies in advance if I got some grammar or spelling mistakes. In the end, this is all for me to read. And for you to read sometime after 3005.

So yes, time to bounce back.

I am a fat fuck of 205 pounds. If I look at my BMI chart/classification, I am overweight. It starts with that truthfully. A healthy body equals a healthy mental. I have to build habits that will benefit myself and from experience and history, that’s where the healthy routines grow.

“Days Before 3005”

That’s a good name right? That will be the collection name for all these journal posts and whatever goes hand-and-hand with what I post in tandem. This could be the first of many. Or the last. Write me a letter when it’s 3006 and let me know.

Thanks for reading, Joondustic

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