Every time I talk to my parents about topics other than learning, such as my favorite songs recently, my classmates, or some of my own ideas, they say I don’t work hard, I don’t put my mind on my study at first sight, and then they start to complain about my recent exam results. I’m more and more afraid to chat with them now. It’s better not to say anything to them.

A classmate

In addition to behavior, language is another way for adults to communicate with children and educate children. From the language information of adults, children can understand their attitudes and affect their behavior.

Avoid using inappropriate language

Anyone will feel frustrated and hit when being scolded, criticized, teased and commented by others. However, parents and teachers often use such language:

1. Censure, language that attacks personality. For example: “you should know this!” “Why don’t you even have a brain?” “Don’t do that!” “It’s rare to see a nasty child like you!”

2. Language of contempt and ridicule. For example: “you really look like a young master!” “I can’t do this. What else can you do?” “Enough, enough, you are my little ancestor!” “I’m not ashamed!”

3. Comments and language that stimulates self-esteem. For example: “want others to know you are not?” “Is it to make people angry?” “You want to know the limit of my patience, don’t you?” “Do you always want to play where I work?”

4. Didactic and indicative language. For example: “it’s impolite to interrupt others!” “Good children don’t do that!” “When will you grow up?” “Don’t put the dirty bowl like this, do you hear me?!”

5. Psychologists have found that these types of language will more or less affect children’s life attitude and frustrate them. These languages emphasize children’s shortcomings and attack children’s personality and self-esteem. Some parents and teachers like to point at their children by the nose and scold them, which will have a series of negative effects on their children, such as:

6. Develop a sense of inferiority and think that you are really bad and really can’t, so as to abandon yourself.

7. Think that parents or teachers are unfair, resulting in rebellious psychology. “I didn’t do anything bad! That’s what they said about me, huh!”

8. Think that parents or others hate themselves and don’t like themselves, resulting in a sense of abandonment.

9. Defend your behavior and don’t think you are wrong. “I didn’t do anything! Who’s in my way?”

10. Balance yourself by attacking the shortcomings of adults. “Mom did that!” “You are also a person who doesn’t pay attention to hygiene!”

11. Loss of self-esteem and self-confidence, resulting in a sense of incompetence. “It’s all my fault. I’m not good at all. I’m not popular everywhere!” So that in the future, I feel inferior everywhere, serious dependence psychology and no sense of self-worth.

12. So, what language should parents and teachers use to educate their children scientifically and effectively?

13. Let’s compare the following two groups of languages:

14. One is pointing to the other: “stop!” “Don’t do that!” “You are such a naughty boy!” “Why can’t you be good?” “You should have known this!”

15. Another language is to point to yourself and tell each other how “I” feel: “can dad rest here?” “When I’m tired, my mother doesn’t want to play.” “It’s too late. I’m not ready yet. I’m really worried!” “I’m so disappointed that the clean house is dirty!”

16. The results show that children are more likely to accept the latter statement, which helps to establish a good parent-child relationship.

17. The language expression based on “I” can reduce children’s resistance and antagonism. If a child’s behavior is wrong, instead of directly criticizing him, it’s better to say how it makes others feel. This can also avoid attacking the child’s personality.

18. For the same kind of information, different expressions will produce different effects, and bad use will produce unexpected negative effects. Therefore, parents and teachers should pay attention to their own language.

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