One has to be carefulI when playing with powerful new technologies. We all want to leave our bodies but when we do, the journey to find our way back can feel like never ending hell.

It’s a worst case scenario in any adventure to get Dicaprio’d. This means being caught in limbo like Leo did in Inception. It could also mean getting fucked by a grizzly bear. But I got Dicaprio’d the first way.

I felt like I’d been inspace for days when I woke up on the festival grounds of UntetheredDimension. The main stage was disintegrating in front of my eyes and most architectures were reduced to mere blueprints. I was completely fucked. My friends had disappeared. My wallet was gone! I walked over to a nearby bot vacuuming stray bits of ones and zeroes and I explained my situation…

At the sunflower data farm 🌻 A refuge for drifters and broke travellers looking to collect some free data.

One of the managers told me how it works.

Hi malfnktion, my name is Preeti. Welcome to Sunflower Data Farm. We’re sorry to hear about your situation but we can help! If you look up, you’ll see the SUN☀, a digital construct that transmits data to over six million individuals. But there is a trickle down effect. You can literally stand under it and collect all the free data you need!

Initially, I was relieved. A way home! A metaverse with socialist leanings. How incredible. Then we got to the farm. I saw endless rows of sickly looking plants with yellow smileys 😃, all staring up at the SUN☀. What was this place? Who were these people?

Data is everything inspace. I felt like I had no other option. I should’ve bought data insurance…Obviously, I didn’t. Without data, I couldn’t even send a message! It was as if my phone had died while I was living inside it.

I couldn't see another way out so I looked at her and nodded. A moment passed. Nothing happened. Then I looked down, yea I was a sunflower🌻.

Okay, what now?

Nothing, you’re a phool.

Damn, so what do I do?

Just stand here with these other phools until you have the data you need!

And with that, she was gone. I’m not sure how long I was there. I was rooted to the ground, tired, anxious, looking up at this ridiculous sun and watching my data meter. I felt abandoned, like why did Kairo just leave me at the festival…

I looked over to the sunflower🌻 next to me.

Yo!

Yoo!

How long does this take?

Are you human?

Yea.

Do you have gas?

No.

It’ll take a while. Don’t try and port on low gas. That sunflower🌻 over there chose the lowest gas fees and she’s been here for two weeks.

Then I heard a familiar voice. It reminded me of NatGeo and colonialism. I couldn’t turn my head but I could tell he was right there with his film crew.

“Plants have a family tree stretching back nearly five hundred million years. They have developed an extraordinary range of strategies to survive. Hello, I’m Sir David Attenbro and this is another episode of Life Inspace.”

Bro, seriously? That’s just insensitive.

“In this sun-drenched field, the flowering season is vital, but not all plants are created equal.”

Stop narrating! Can you give me some data, I’ve been here for hours!

“The poppy farm next door is expensive but it does produce some marvellous heroin!”

This caused a tidal wave of verbal abuses. By the time the noise cleared, Sir David Attenbro and his crew were gone. This was the damn problem! No one wanted to help us. A woman walked by and I pleaded with her to spare some data. Do you know what she said?

I’m sorry phool but you’re just going to use my data to get drunk!

I’m not!

I believe you, but I need data to get my ass fattened for a hot date tonight.

Omg!

I was fucking scared. As much as I tried, I couldn’t move a muscle in my physical body. It was sleep paralysis, only there was no actual way to wake up! Dicaprio’d. And just when I thought my situation couldn’t get any worse, it did.

The sunflower next to me screamed. Aiyo! It’s Elon’s GigaFarm!

Tall, purple plants started creeping up from the ground. There were thousands of them and pretty soon, they were absorbing all the SUN☀’s data. This was absolutely fucked! Help! Help! Help!!!

Hey bro, why are you yelling? It was Elon.

Yo Elon, can you remove your damn plants, they’re taking all the data!

Let me explain something. Without my GigaFarm, this whole metaverse will run on fossil fuels, eventually sucking the whole planet dry. Is that what you want? Do you want to see children die?

No! What!

Exactly, see I have mizions!

Wtf are mizions?

Visionary missions, missionary visions, I have it all! I’m a genius!

Bro, you suck!

You suck!

Your whole concept sucks and fuck neural link too.

Hawwww!

Yeah, I said it! It’s a half baked idea with zero imagination.

If I had hands, or even a branch, I would have thrown something at him. Then, a miracle! Out of nowhere, a giant MIDI controller pulled up next to me. A first generation AKAI APC40, coincidentally the first piece of production gear I bought, back in 2013. Kairo was chilling on top. He said, yoo malfnktion, let’s go for a spin!

https://foundation.app/@malfnktion.inspace/sfdk/1

https://www.mintsongs.com/songs/5038

https://soundcloud.com/malfnktioninspace/ye-ye-mint1

Just the other day I woke up in the studio, completely fucked. I was so dehydrated, like my tongue was stuck to the roof of my goddamn mouth. I sounded like I’d smoked a pack of Goldflakes. When I checked my computer, I was mind blown. Fourteen hours, forty seven minutes inspace, a personal record.

Being human is not easy. Sooner or later, you will have to take a dump. It’s all good if your adventure lasts an hour or two but beyond that, it’s all jugaad. And it’s not just me, there are a few others doing extended trips.

So I have some concepts to tackle this bathroom issue. Like Toiletbro. It’s a highly advanced toilet and it works basically like this. You sit on it while you explore the metaverse. It does everything for you, and the X version will obviously give you intense orgasms.

Another high end concept is like a mix between an arcade and a four seasons hotel. So you can travel inspace for days at a time while your physical body gets a shea butter and bamboo massage.

In the future, it would be possible to check into a hospital IRL and attend a virtual music festival. It’s dope, like even if I overdose on some bad neuro-digital molly, all g, I’m already in the hospital.

My solution right now is actually dead simple.

• Time your adventures,

• Log out frequently,

• Maintain good mental and physical health,

• Keep two bottles of water.

A true metaverse isn’t a screen in front of your eyes, it’s inspace, a direct neural connection to a virtual platform. You’re untethered from the physical form, suspended at 4K. There is great distance between your mind and body. And you can control your body, only if you control your mind.

I’ve also been inspired to learn animation and create a collectible work of fiction. Why not, right, I’m an artist traveling through an advanced metaverse. I can do lots of things. I can be an octopus.

Recently, I was inspace, at a bar with my friend Kairo. He said to me, “Without imagination, what’s the point of technology? You don’t want to use a toothbrush to draw a painting.”

Wtf does that mean?

He pointed to his glass of fermented red grapes. “Look at this wine glass. It has a whole universe inside.”

And it did, there were galaxy clusters and nebulae and planets with moons all swirling around.

I think these stories are worth sharing. Like when I came super close to experiencing shantii💙, a creative AI that imparts hyper sensory modal frequencies to every neuron in your body. The way Kairo introduced it, “bro, we’re going to submerge in this giant ocean called shantii💙, that’ll sort of fuck you. You don’t have to be an octopus but it’ll feel really good cause you have a hundred suckers on each arm.”

This animation, my first ever, is my impression of what that experience may have been like.

edition://0xDF5b5ee15CC96ba7d0CB6BD9b2c0fc4417ab6445?editionId=3711

Sadly we never made it in. Several creatures, including me got caught by a passing trawl. I heard a random voice, so you want to know what it really feels like to be a marine mollusc?!

Next moment, I was on a 2 bit platy called the 🐟 fish tank, an immersive dining experience. We were marinated, seasoned and served to a pack of hungry mark cubans and they devoured us limb by limb. Later, they joked that it was all just a big painful simulation to raise awareness on octopus fishing.

What I tried to capture is v real to me. But the scene is that memories inspace are hard to remember irl. I’m going to try writing down my experiences, and write a song if I’m inspired. And I will continue building the narrative known as malfnktion.inspace. Buy my genesis NFT to support its development ┏(＾0＾)┛

octopus inspace (audio) - audius.co/malfnktion/octopus-inspace_v3_32bars