Than when you found it

When shown to yourself 

You can experience the bliss 

Of true self-love 

When shown to others 

You can spread that magic

Like wildflowers 

It opens you up 

Joy

Humility 

Ecstasy 

Friendship 

Love

Like a domino effect

So be kind

It just makes sense

~

There was once a man named Ned who wasn’t very bright. He liked cheap beer, showing off ugly stickers on his truck, and still pined over Suzie Lin from high school. 33 year old Ned still lived at his mom’s house and she was sick of it. 

He came back home one evening with mud-speckled boots and his mom hit a breaking point, yelling at him till he ran out of the house. 

He drove to the nearest lake preserve he knew and sat on a rock watching the sun set. He started throwing stones into the lake when he heard a splash of water closeby. Whipping around so fast his neck hurt, he spied a baby gator peeking at him. 

At first, he relaxed a bit, since he was on land and knew he could outrun the tiny reptile. But then he remembered that little creatures usually have bigger creatures protecting, feeding, and nurturing them so he started backing away from the water to find the trail he wandered off of. 

The baby gator started following him. “Go away you critter,” Ned hissed at it. He picked up his pace as he did not want to get lost in this place or anywhere near alligators. 

The baby gator started moving faster than Ned thought was possible. Slowly at first, then progressed to a full on gallop.

Ned bolted, screaming in his wake. 

“You’re not supposed to be fast,” he yelled as he ran. 

He wasn’t looking down as he fled and tripped over a root. He scrambled on the ground, backing away from the reptile that inched closer, looking amused. 

“Don’t make me kick you,” he said to it. 

“Oh, that will be wholly unnecessary you human filth.” 

Ned blinked. Was he hallucinating or did the gator just speak to him? 

“This is quite real you idiot and I need you to hurry up before the moon is at its peak.” 

“Wha-wha,” Ned mumbled in response. 

The gator sighed. “I don’t have much time so listen up, I need you to transport me to the Mildy Preserve. I am to start a new life.” 

Ned, still dazed and confused, surprised himself when he asked, “What’s the moon got to do with that?” 

“Nothing really, I just don’t like how bright it gets.”

“Why don’t you gallop to Mildy yourself?” Ned asked it. 

“Because my family would track my scent if I went on foot. You are smelly, have a vehicle, and it would be much faster this way.” 

Ned managed to get up and shook his head, walking away. He must have hit his head when he fell. 

The gator kept following him. 

“Are you leading me to your vehicle, human?” 

“Go away, I’m not taking you anywhere.” 

The gator sighed. Again. “I really don’t want to use the eye on you.” 

Ned turned around, confused and said, “What did you say?” 

The gator stopped and stared at Ned then. Really stared. Ned noticed how, well, reptilian his eyes were. The slits, the leathery skin enveloping them and couldn’t look away. 

“You’re going to pick me up and take me to your car, then drive me to Mildy Preserve without question,” the gator mentioned. 

Ned, transfixed, bent down to pick the gator up and started walking away, without a sound. He didn’t know why he was doing this, just that he had to. 

Spotting his car up ahead, he trudged towards it, gator in tow. He didn’t notice the couple walking back to their car but they definitely spotted him. 

And the reptile he held in his hands. 

“Hey, what are you doing?” the woman called out to him. “You’re not supposed to touch the wildlife.” 

Shortly after a kerfuffle, a park ranger arrived, but not before the gator bit Ned’s finger and huffed off. “I’ll do it myself, you useless knob,” it called out as it disappeared. 

As soon as the gator vanished, the spell was broken but nobody believed him when he told them how a baby gator used the eye on him. 

Ned hoped his mom wouldn’t be too mad when she watched the news the next day.

There’s a better way  Than this age of anxiety What’s the middle path?

It scurried away as I stopped to breathe in, the shade a respite from the hot Florida afternoon. I recalled how a sage mentioned Qi Gong is best done in nature, preferably a forest. Something to do with the trees, I reckon. So I practiced 3 drawn out rounds of an exercise I learned and smiled. I should do this more often. 

Slow Sundays are golden. Waking up to no alarm, deciding you have nowhere to be and just taking it moment by moment. Want to go for a walk? Nearest park, we’re on the way. Craving fro-yo? Great, let’s find some. Want to lounge on the couch and read Alan Watts? Nice, let’s underline our favorite sentences. 

“If happiness always depends on something expected in the future, we are chasing a will-o’-the-wisp that ever eludes our grasp, until the future, and ourselves, vanish into the abyss of death.” 

The universe in its totality lies in the here and now, is what I take from that. Stopping to peek at the bluejay hidden in the trees, watching the bees and butterflies flutter from wildflower to wildflower, and enjoying the pomegranate raspberry tartness on a warm evening. That’s all I care to experience about the world today.

that will take you back in time 

to a person you barely recognize

there are some people 

that have the same effect

are some more prone to be plagued with nostalgia? 

if so, i’m definitely at risk

True, honey.

You burst into tears as you held my tiny body in your arms, yes?

How could I not? It was the best moment of my life.

In the same boat as motivation, but not quite. 

There were about 10 of us and it was interesting to hear everyone’s thoughts on the topic, whether they had opinions on how humans are driven by emotion, how they are personally figuring out what that means when it comes to their identity, or just flat out sharing what their drive is. 

Depending on the day, I may operate on autopilot where drive doesn’t play a role. 

There are days I’m driven by the want of validation—stemming from the desire of acceptance. Days where I’m driven by social constructs—not letting others down et al. I am also driven by joy, peace and freedom. That’s probably my deepest subconscious compass. Unless it’s fear, I don’t know. 

Drive is such a human thing. 

Other animals don’t seem to possess drive. They just live. 

Which is why it can be both our kryptonite and our superpower. 

Do you know what drives you? 

**

**

~

Don’t tell a little girl you’ll be there  When you won’t  Because it will crush her  And leave her confused  When she’s still figuring out how life works 

…

Don’t leave her when she needs you the most  Because I promise  She will spend her whole life  Waiting to get back to you

It was this cliff overlooking the ocean that few people merrily jumped off. A regular dude did backflips, couples whooshed in together, and my friend kept urging me to do it. I sat on a rock and dreaded it. My hands got sweaty, I had to control my breathing, and I did way too much thinking and not enough, well, jumping. 

So I didn’t jump that first day. 

I felt downtrodden after we left, even though I was safe. And it played on in my head, the voices a chaotic orchestra of “it doesn’t matter”, “you could have jumped and you didn’t”, “you didn’t face your fear”. You get the gist. 

I think a couple days went by where I hiked, tried to surf (shallow waters are fine, it’s the deeper ocean that gets me), and overall enjoyed the paradisic Hawaii life. I don’t remember what prompted me to ask my friend to go back to that cliff. 

Maybe I felt stronger. Maybe I felt more comfortable with the ocean. Maybe it was the plant medicine. Maybe I just wanted to leave on a high. Maybe all of it.

So we went back. He jumped first, and I didn’t think before I leaped in next. 

Fuckfuckfuck that was a lot of falling. 

If you ever find yourself needing to jump off a cliff, I recommend not opening your mouth as you go in, because you will come out with bleeding gums. Also, be prepared for the water to slap you harder than you’ve ever been slapped before in your life. She will show you no mercy. 

And try going in as straight as you can, like a pencil, upright. Shit hurts if it smacks your stomach. 

My triumph at jumping was short lived once I realized how far I was from the shore, so I started swimming back and not thinking of how deep the water went. As soon as I could touch my feet and see humans on the beach, I let myself relax a bit but it was hard with all the adrenaline pumping through my veins. I felt invincible.

I’m not recommending you jump off a 40 foot cliff. In fact, it’s smarter to advise you NOT to. I am still scared of the ocean, and I still get butterflies when I’m on the edge of most high places. One adventurous cliff jump won’t cure that. 

But, it will do something. I always have that singular moment to pull from when I need inspiration. When I chose to jump off the secure ground into the unknown that terrified me. A reference point, which is the best thing you can give your brain.

If I can do that, well, what else? 

**

**

But now, with moving back and settling down, I’m revisiting the idea. 

In the prompt that inspired this piece, my writing mentor, if you can call him that, shared a story about a yoga class experience where he was asked to chant a mantra that translates to, “i bow to the teacher in everything.”

It’s a beautiful line. The best class experiences are the ones you take off the mat and into the world. Whether it’s a simple breathing technique you can use when stressed at work, to a sentence that helps your perspective.

When I start teaching, that’s what I hope for—people taking something off the mat.

I’d like to remind them that they get to create their experience, and not be the victim that life happens to, but rather, for. 

What would life look like if you could write the scenes, set the themes, pick the soundtrack, et al?

If you find yourself in St. Pete, FL around the time I start teaching, there’s a good chance you’ll chant, “I direct my movie” and find out.

Even if you don’t make it to class, I hope you have a good script lined up.

There’s dirt on this back screened porch, blown in from the rains and gusts of wind last night. The outdoor furniture has been covered by the house’s owner to protect the pillow from getting wet with a decorative frog guarding it, even though he looks like he’d rather be in the lake across from you croaking with the real amphibians. 

Birds sing choruses as they find each other and soar away for the night, and lizards are nowhere to be seen in the garden from your vantage point, which is surprising. There are tons of bugs so they’re missing out. 

Your best friends from college call so you spend time catching up with them. One is starting a new job in Austin, one is moving to Spain and you’re excited for their new chapters. You hope you see them in person soon enough and celebrate their wins IRL. It seems all four of you (one missed the call) are in a transition and moving spaces. What’s up with that? 

You think of the excess, gross furniture strewn about the house you’re currently visiting and hope you never become a hoarder. Why does one person need seven TV’s of which half aren’t even plugged in? Why is a baby stroller still stored in the garage when it was last used 25 years ago? You shake your head and keep rocking on the chair which is all you can do till you leave tomorrow. 

The sun has definitely set by now and you stare at the ripples the wind makes on the lake, wondering how you stayed in this house for months, a lifetime ago. 

You feel better after writing and talking to your friends and decide to keep packing up, because you have a new chapter to look forward to as well. After traveling for two years, being in limbo, moving from airbnb to airbnb, from RV park to RV park, you’re finally setting down in a city you’re getting to know again. 

So you look at the pair of birds flying away, hear the insects beginning their chorus, and smell the freshly cut grass. You bid the space goodnight and tackle the next question—what’s for dinner? 

~

jumping in the beach  meeting friends in the ocean  is that a seagull?

~

discourse and chaos  superfluous harmony  “can I get that hat?”

~ 

horrible named streets what is a flamango please  after after den 

~

at permissionless  cool people and then bankers “that’ll be an hour wait” 

**

**

On the other side of the booth You notice all manner of people  The swipers, the fans, the talkers The critics, the pragmatists, the builders  The artists, the educators, the strategists 

Some conversations are memorable  Some conversations make you cringe  Some conversations are the best small talk 

You realize how much work needs to be done You realize how far we’ve come  You realize how fucking fun this gets to be

**

**

MX: Oh, do you think every asshole that has committed unthinkable, grotesque atrocities upon the human race is inherently good? That’s a tough one. Don’t good people do good things? If they’re bursting with sunshine, wouldn’t they radiate joy, happiness, and light upon other beings instead of bringing down chaos and destruction? How can people be inherently good or bad anyways? Aren’t we just… fluid..? I know that good people can do bad things, but if most of one’s actions are “bad” can they be good? Hitler wasn’t born bad, but do you still think he’s inherently good after everything? The husband that beat his wife in a drunken stupor—is he still good? Probably. Things aren’t clearly black and white but where does one cross off into the bad/good category from either end? What’s that tipping point, the invisible line that siloes them? Is it when one ends someone else’s life and can’t turn back from it? Is it when the thoughts you notice are alarmingly insane? When? Tell me how can people be good and still watch other people starve and grovel? How can people be good and make huge decisions that wipe entire populations out? How can people be good and in power? How can people be good. Maybe it’s the nihilist in me, or maybe you’re too optimistic. Can people go back to being good? Or will they forever be tainted once ungood and never make it back, no matter how hard they try? I ask you again, how can people be good? 

**

**

A whole life revolved around a feed  Number go up  But still a proud mom’s-basement-degen  Anon because safety or anon because trend? “Drinks on me” they bellow in a bull 

“My life is ruined” they lament in a bear  We have similar principles though, *i think  *Decentralization, self-sovereignty, censorship-resistance The list goes on and on  Nevertheless, it’s just crypto

Get your ass outside and in the sun  Walk, run, jog, lift, stretch, whatever  I promise it’s not the end of the world  Who are you outside of “cryptoecon” anyways?  Let him out at the conferences to play 

**

**

Because what they need  Is all that matters

If someone is dying and can’t believe it  You hold them tight and serenade their mind With a sweet chorus of lies As they drift off

Because what they need Is all that matters

The kinder option wins—lie responsibly

His dog loved her, and she loved him, and he loved his dog 

He felt out of reach most times, and the times when he wasn’t… well, the world slowed down and she could only focus on that moment 

A sick thing, this irrevocable infatuation 

She was plagued by him long after their parting hug, where again, time froze and they gripped each other into eternity

Plagued by him long after they went separate ways 

And found other people who loved them back, just as fiercely 

Long after they stopped sending birthday texts 

And checked in as friends 

She sometimes wonders if he ever thought of her after that mind altering embrace 

If he ever wondered what could have been 

He shows up in her dreams and she knows it’s not him

Just some faraway idea or lesson donning his skin

It doesn’t stop her from going back to that shattering hug that lives forever in her memory

And whispering, “Isn’t it pretty to think so?” 

**

**

1. Verbally let out your frustration through one or all of the following: cuss, cry, scream into a pillow, call the mug that just dropped and shattered a useless piece of shit, laugh like a hyena 🤬

2. Physically let out frustration by one or all of the following: punch that pillow you spat all over when you screamed into it earlier, sprint somewhere, go to the gym and stack on weights to try and lift the frustration away, sit in a hot sauna, shake furiously in one spot at home by flaying your arms around 🏋🏾‍♀️

3. Set aside electronics because over stimulation and rage scrolling never help. Mute notifications while you’re at it 📵

4. Play some ambient music and stretch (or skip if you’re too antsy) 🎶

5. Make a cup of something (preferably not too caffeinated) and sit down on the couch ☕️

6. Look outside the window and take your time sipping your drink 🪟

7. Bring out a paper and pen and doodle something silly, like a stick figure fighting a rubber duck 🦆

8. Turn the paper over and actually write something that’s been plaguing your mind recently (an assignment, an argument with a loved one, existential woes) ✍️

9. Crumple paper up and either burn it, tear it up to tiny pieces and flush it, or toss it in the bin then dump your days old pasta over to bury it 🔥

10. Go back to the couch, floor, or chair and close your eyes 🛋

11. Start intentionally breathing. Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 6 seconds, then exhale slowly out your mouth for 8 seconds 🌬

12. Repeat breath for a couple of cycles and minutes (if your mind starts to wander focus on the area of the nose and mouth and the sensation the breath leaves) 🔁

13. Open your eyes and find another piece of paper and pen and write down or doodle why everything is going to be okay. It can be as simple as, “it has to be” ✨

14. Leave the house and/or office and take at least a 20 minute walk outside. Go to a park if you can and wander the trails, or if you have no nice flora around you, just stick to your area and see if you can find something new that you hadn’t noticed before 🚶‍♀️

15. Call a loved one: a friend, family member, your significant other. Apologize if you’ve been an asshole to them recently 📱

16. Grab food at your favorite restaurant or pick up ingredients to prepare something nice at home for yourself 🥘

17. Indulge in dessert 🍪

18. Watch something that makes you laugh. Or call up that friend who always cracks you up 😆

19. Open up your devices again if you feel like you can do so with a clear head and close all unnecessary tabs 💻

20. Take out another piece of paper and pen and start writing down everything that needs to be done, with “self focus” at the top 📝

21. Cross out your first line and smile 😊 

22. Set list aside to examine tomorrow and go back to relaxing 🛀

23. Sleep earlier today and remember that your worth isn’t determined by your productivity ♥️