Am I Bothering You?

Listen to Am I Bothering You? on Spotify. Song · Reality Club · 2023

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hey. its almost been a year since we stopped talking, or maybe even more. how r u? how's life been treating u? i rlly wanna know how u re doin.

there r so many things ive wanted to say to u for a long time. i wanna apologize properly this time, eventho i know an apology probably cant make up for everything ive done to u. ive thought abt u a lot over this past year. ive regretted lotta things, n i see this as my karma.

i know exactly where i went wrong n i dont blame u at all for cutting me off n never giving me access to talk to u again. i told u before that i missed u. pls dont ever meant it as im lonely so im looking for u. thats not what it was. i really wanted to talk to u but i never could. i really wanna apologize from the deepest part of me, but the door was already n always closed.

almost 5 yrs isnt a short time. for almost 5 yrs i kept u stuck in smth i called situationship n u had every right to be angry abt that. i was way too immature to answer ur question back then; why i never gave u a clear relationship status; why i kept leaving things hanging; why we always end up become strangers, reconnect, become strangers again, n repeat again n again.

i cant even count how many chances u gave me. remember when we had matching couple ava pics back in qsr? that was genuinely one of the happiest times for me. or when i said happy new year n we talked to each other again. or after that misunderstanding when i thought u were avoiding me. and looking back now. i realize we r probably never gonna comeback the way we did all those time before n that makes me really sad.

the truth is i was never brave enough to tell u the reason. instead, i kept repeating the same mistakes n giving u the same hurt over n over again. but i think im finally mature enough to tell u the truth now. and im saying this as me irl, not ash/crish/whoever i was in rp.

i treated rp like it was a completely separate world. i thought i could fake anything there; i could lie abt anything; i could say whatever i wanted bcs i never wanted my rl to be connected to my rp life. but there was one thing i could never fake, my feelings.

i always felt small. it was me with all my lies, and u with everything that seemed so perfect. i always felt like i wasnt good enough for u. i felt like i didnt deserve u. u always seemed perfect both in rp and irl, then my rp life was built on way too many lies. thats why whenever u asked me why i wouldnt date u i could never give u the answer. the truth is i didnt think i deserved to.

id genuinely be happy if u want to reach me out again. u can ask me anything u wanna ask. u can yell at me, curse me out, or tell me how much u hate me. i'll take it. or maybe if nothing else jst lemme know that u r doin okay, i really wanna know how u r doin these days. and if u dont wanna talk to me anymore, then i understand. i jst hope u r doing well. i hope life gives u everything u have ever dreamed of.

be happy, uran.