I look at my screen now with crystal clarity. I just did a Lasik surgery… and I’m already getting greedy. A thought creeps in: how great it might be if I could close and rest my eyes while continuing to “write”, “read”, or “absorb knowledge”.

It is tempting. There is this fear that I may never know enough, so I want to maximise every chance I get to know more, learn more and discover more.

And why is that? Knowledge to me is (was) a way of signalling status and power… until I discover the power of not knowing and how that can equally command respect.

Just saying “not knowing” out loud makes me a little uncomfortable.

Let’s talk about that today.

▼

PAUSE AND RESET

Before we dive into our main theme, let's do an exercise that might feel unfamiliar at first - a perfect way to embrace the unknown:

Follow the guide below. When you're ready, try it on your own for around 12 rounds of breath.

1. Place one hand on your belly, the other on your chest.

2. Lower your gaze or close your eyes.

3. Inhale gently through your nose. Feel your chest and belly rise.

4. Exhale, feeling your chest and belly move inward toward your spine.

Now, picture you're a jellyfish, swimming gracefully in the ocean.

5. As you inhale, feel your pelvic floor descend.

6. As you exhale, feel your pelvic floor lift.

No pressing or pushing. This is a gentle and subtle movement. Imagine the jellyfish in your body: expanding as you inhale, feeling your back and sides. As you exhale, imagine tentacles coming together toward your midline. Avoid directing the inflow of air only to your belly.

Swim gracefully through the calm waters.

Continue for a few rounds with eyes closed or gaze lowered. Try this seated, standing, or while walking.

---

We have just practiced three-dimensional breathing. The jellyfish metaphor has helped me to understand the wonderful mechanics happening inside our bodies. It activates all our diaphragms (yes, there's more than one!) and moves our lymph nodes by creating pressure changes in the abdomen. This promotes lymph flow because lymph nodes rely on pressure changes, not muscular contractions, to move lymph.

But beyond its physical benefits, this exercise invites us into a space of not knowing and perhaps rewiring the way that we have been breathing.

Share

I chuckled when I heard psychologist Daryl Van Tongeren confess in a podcast that he went through a phase of constantly lying about knowing authors, books, or films mentioned by his new, worldly, and seemingly cool friends. He'd feel stressed about these lies and try to fill the knowledge gaps after their gatherings.

I could relate.

Yes, me, a know-it-all.

Living in Shanghai, China, I often found myself navigating not just a different culture, but a rapidly changing one with its own unique digital ecosystem and pop culture references.

I frequently said, "Yes, I think I know," to trending topics or Chinese internet phenomena, then frantically searched for what I thought I'd heard. I did this quite openly and intentionally, calling out my feigned knowledge so much that eventually it became a point of playful, friendly jabbing among my Chinese friends.

This experience highlighted a possible universal challenge: the pressure to appear knowledgeable, especially in unfamiliar territory. Society often equates knowledge with competence, success, and worth. We fear that admitting ignorance might diminish us in others' eyes.

For Daryl, he couldn't take the anxiety of trying to fake it and the pressure of always having to keep up with his friends. He decided to one day say, "I don't know" to his friends and felt such a huge sense of relief — he felt silly for torturing himself just because he felt embarrassed about his lack of knowledge of certain subject matters.

1. More instead of nil: Invite the speaker to expand on their thought by saying, "Could you tell me more? I'm not familiar with this..." This approach turns your lack of knowledge into an opportunity for deeper understanding.

2. Use "I don't know, yet" language: Adding "yet" to "I don't know" statements can shift your perspective from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset, emphasizing the potential for learning. For instance, instead of saying "I don't know how to code," try "I don't know how to code yet."

3. Use "I'm curious about..." statements: When you don't know something, instead of saying "I don't know," try saying "I'm curious about..." This reframes not knowing as an opportunity for exploration.

4. Say it as it is: Even if quizzed about your ignorance, a simple and firm, "I do not know," or "I'm still finding out..." could stop people who want to teach or dictate in their tracks. This confidence in admitting ignorance often commands more respect than pretending to know.

   I witnessed this recently when a friend, G, who had achieved quite a bit in his creative career, decided to make a chair from scratch. Another friend with more experience in product design quizzed him enthusiastically about his next steps, wielding her 'power' in the realm of product design. G looked slightly uncomfortable initially but braved himself to say, "I don't know. I'm still on the journey."

   The product design friend was a little startled and immediately fell silent so that G could continue sharing without interruption. Because of his honesty about his process and his comfort level in doing so, he redeemed the power in those few seconds.

Interestingly, admitting to not knowing something can shift these power dynamics in unexpected ways. It can invite deeper explanations, and even position you as someone secure enough to admit gaps in your knowledge. You may in return command more respect.

Perhaps we could start to cultivate an environment where others feel safe admitting what they don't know such as:

1. Avoid flexing:

Instead of pausing to ask, "Have you heard" or "Do you know," which could put people on the spot, share naturally without feeling the need to "increase our power" by flexing what we know.

2. Acknowledge the limits of your own knowledge: Even when you're the "expert" in a situation, be open about the boundaries of your knowledge.

• Preface statements with phrases like "Based on my current understanding..." or "From what I've learned so far..."

• Admit when you're speculating or share your process: "I'm not certain, but my guess would be..." or "Here are the questions I'm still exploring."

• Acknowledge evolving understanding: "My thinking on this has changed over time. Previously, I thought X, but now I'm considering Y because..."

The more each of us embraces this, the more we're passing on the power for the people who feel shy, embarrassed or insecure about admitting they do not know!

Choose a "forever beginner" hobby: While this is not a communication tip, it is something that we can do to reframe our perspective towards SUCCESS.

Pick a hobby with the intention of never becoming an expert at it. Allow yourself to fully enjoy being a perpetual novice. For example, I've chosen the ukulele as something I've decided I'll never be professional at, and that's liberating. It's become "the thing I'll happily suck at," and that's perfectly okay.

I used to wonder why indie hackers, startup founders, and sales gurus seemed to be predominantly male. Was I simply not looking in the right places? I've therefore made it a point to continuously shine a spotlight on creators and makers who have found unique ways and rituals to build beyond the typical results-oriented sphere.

First, we'll dive into an interview with Tania, who offers insight into her distinctive approach. I'm grateful to have met someone like her in Madeira.

Then, I'll share a bit about a new offering I'm excited to introduce to my close circle. It's something I have no exact knowledge of how it will turn out - and that's part of the excitement and...practice!

▼

Redefining Photography through Therapeutic Lens

Q: Tania, how has your journey from Ukraine through Israel to Madeira influenced your approach to photography?

A: "When I first picked up photography, the path that my teachers set me towards was: capture humanity. After moving to Israel from Ukraine, I had to tuck this style of photography away when I was working on product photography and fashion shoots for the company I worked for. I learned a lot about the technical side of things like lighting and composition, but I missed the deeper connection. Madeira with its simplicity and natural beauty, allows me to explore this sense of authenticity I've been missing and to bring it out in my clients.

I feel like I'm living a rich life, because I'm close to nature, and in turn, closer to myself. My pace has slowed down, I can hear myself better."

Q: I understand you incorporate meditation, breathing exercises, and tea ceremonies into your photography sessions. Can you tell us more about that?

A: "Meditation has been my tool since I was a child. I am so grateful for my dad's teachings — he taught me how to meditate to help me with my insomnia.

When I started shifting my style of photography, I realised simply greeting someone ten minutes before the shoot isn't enough. People often tense up in front of the camera, especially if they do not know the photographer and if they are not professional models. I realised the practices that have worked for me personally for years — meditation, breathing, and later tea practice introduced by my husband — can help make them feel more comfortable"

She adds, "My photography is not just about taking pictures; it's a practice with a therapeutic effect. Each moment captured is unique and genuine, something the person truly experienced and will carry with them, hopefully for the rest of their lives — when they look at the photo again, they know it was a moment when they felt at ease with themselves."

Q: How does your understanding of 'gentle power' manifest in your photography?

A: "I take the time to understand the people I photograph – their personalities, their world, their perspectives so that I can truly capture that in my work. I'd never take a couple who loves city life to a wild beach as it would go against their values.

Likewise, I try to bring this perspective to my journey as an artist as well.

I know I am still far from where I want to be, but I'm on the right path. There's always room to be better, but I know I can't get there overnight. It is about moving through each stage of the journey, and appreciating every step, knowing that each one brings me closer to my ultimate goal. I hope this approach helps more people see a different way of living and working in today's world — shifting away from quick superficiality to something as far as spiritually enriching."

Q: If your camera could capture emotions instead of images, what hidden feeling would you most want to photograph in your subjects, and why?

Her eyes light up at the question.

"I'd want to capture the feeling of a true connection with oneself – that inner fullness, peace, awareness, and the state of quantum possibilities. To me, that's the ultimate luxury."

When was the last time you felt like you could hear yourself?

That is indeed a profound provocation, isn't it? More than half a year ago, I felt like I couldn't hear myself ironically as there was a lot going on, I was constantly on overdrive - overthinking and overdoing.

Tania, to me, is somewhat of an enigma. Little is known (or rather published) about her experience and time before Madeira. Yet, I feel like I know her. She's not trying to be elusive; she's simply present.

In a time where so much is known through what we choose to curate and post on social media, perhaps unknowing is quite a luxury as well. Rather than using someone's history, milestones, or past as a point of reference, we see things as they are — in the present —and move forward from there. It seems to me that this is what Tania is pursuing in this season of her life: shedding what doesn't serve her and embracing the art that is in front of her and awaiting her.

If you ever find yourself in Madeira, I highly recommend reaching out to her for a therapeutic and experiential photography session. I would love for her to capture my portraits one day. Someday.

More about Tania and her Work

Now, I'm excited to share something new that I've been working on:

Your Practice. Unfold your Way in 40 days.

I went through this experience of healing myself and battled with going through many unhelpful diagnoses. It is my practice that has been helping to nourish and support me. I thought, why not share this approach with my close friends?

I'm beginning to share this with friends slowly... I've designed for a friend who wants to 'feel lighter' and another who is seeking postpartum support as she move forward with a newfound identity and energy. This practice is called Your Practice for a reason, it is not about perfecting poses or achieving some predetermined state of mind. Instead, it's an invitation to unfold your own way, to listen to your body and intuition, and to shape your own discovery.

It incorporates asana (yoga postures), pranayama (breathing exercises), meditation, journaling, and aromatherapy. I turned to Biblioteca Verde to create a special essential oil blend that complements my friends' practices. This adds another layer of sensory support to their journey.

While the full 40-day journey is something I'm offering only to my close circle at this time, I wanted to make elements of it accessible to others who might benefit.

So, I'm making the tutorials for the Asana, Pranayama, and Concentration practices available on Gumroad on a pay-as-you-wish basis.

This project is close to my heart, and I'm curious to see how it unfolds. (no pun intended!) It's a way for me to share what has helped me, while also learning from those who engage with the practice. Who knows where this might lead?

In a world that often prizes expertise and experience above all, embracing the power of not knowing might seem counterintuitive.

How have you personally worked with the uncertainty of not knowing?

What's one thing in your life right now that you struggle with not knowing?

I'd love to hear your voice.

Love,
Siying

What I'm eating 🥢 : Grinding Cumin, Coriander and Fennel and making it into the CCF tea is a great alternative to Coffee when you feel like having something warm and comforting and may aid in digestion.

What I'm listening 📻 : Semogia Bahagia aka Divine Blessings in Old Malay. I rediscovered this childhood song at "Don't call him Mari Kita", a show that celebrates the works of Zubir Said, composer of Singapore's National Anthem. There is so much romance and love in his works and it makes me wonder how did we lose all of that heritage and celebration along the way?

What I'm pondering 💭 : Will AI erode our creativity and consciousness… hold on, what do creativity and consciousness even mean? Read this essay, "Ghosts" by Vauhini Vara and her reflection a year later on Wired.com. I teared up after reading "Ghosts" as that experiment unraveled the writer's personal trauma, hinting at the potential for technology to support healing, but even more so pointing at us human beings having to take a step forward in confronting…

Perhaps I'll write an essay about this.

Whenever you're ready & open, there are a few more ways that I could support you more deeply:

• Audio/Video tutorials of Pause & Reset techniques

• 1-1 Q&A session per quarter

I'm on my way to Moganshan, Zhejiang, about three hours from Shanghai. I'm hoping for a break from the hot, stuffy city. "Excessive heat" warnings are popping up worldwide, from Southern Europe to Northern Asia.

How do you cope with extreme heat and summer? 

Today, let's explore our love-hate relationship with Mother Nature and how we can potentially embrace the warts and all of nature and balance them.

Before we begin, let's try this mini exercise:

(Read the next paragraph, experiment and then complete the exercise)

Gently close your eyes or lower your gaze. Take a deep breath in, and as you exhale, hum. You can close your ear canals with your index fingers, or place your thumbs on your ears and fingers across your eyes. Keep your shoulders relaxed. Do this for 8-12 breaths.

How do you feel?

This is the Humming Bee Breath (Bhramari in Sanskrit). It activates our vagus nerve, promoting calmness and clarity. The vagus nerve, if you're curious, extends from the brain stem through our neck, thorax, and abdomen. I often feel a sense of power and confidence after doing this exercise, as my attention is drawn to the voice coming from my body - a miracle we shouldn't take for granted.

In Madeira, we witnessed a tragedy that revealed how each of my companion travellers relates to Nature. I wrote a poem about it as a remembrance of that precarious side of nature, and our deep-rooted fears about nature.  You will find the poem at the end of this letter.

Our relationship with nature, I realise, is cultivated from a young age. I used to, and maybe still do, envy people who grow up near nature and seem so at ease exploring it. I can't say the same about myself. My parents rarely brought us to the beach or taught us how to swim until we were much older, passing on their own fears about water sports.

While I love gazing at oceans and lakes, often imagining myself floating without a care or swimming with fervour in the waters, I'm terrified of open water.

In Milos, Greece, I finally swam in natural pools and the sea, taking baby steps! 

1. Voice your fears and concerns to companions.

   I told my friend, N, the moment we met in Greece about the tragedy I had witnessed and explained its impact on me. I also revealed that I'm not a strong swimmer. She, in turn, shared her own fears about nature. She was extremely understanding and encouraging throughout our trip, nudging me to try when the waters were calm while giving me space to determine my own comfort level.

   Throughout the trip, I also noticed how each of us constructed and verbalised our own boundaries, understanding our constitution, deep-seated fears, and energy levels when it comes to being in nature. 

   We were able to support each other because we were open with each other. And that leads me to the next point. 

2. Lean on support: 

   We were on a boat tour. I skipped the first swimming spot as I realised I was far too anxious to get into the water. At the second spot, I put on a life vest and entered the water. Achievement unlocked. At the third spot, I swam a little further out with a "noodle float".

   "The waters are calm, come Siying," N said invitingly. This is a result of us being open about where our idiosyncrasies lie with nature.

   Engage guides for hiking trips and if you're generally new to a (natural) environment that may pose some danger. Look out for safety markers, lifeguards, railings, and crowds near you, and gauge your own comfort level about their presence. 

   Adopt your own little ritual. Our guide, Luis, had a ritual of dragging his walking stick through the water. It's a folklore, but something you want to believe in when you're teetering on a tiny path between a drain and a mountain slope. 

3. Accept imperfection: My unglamorous swim with a life vest and a noodle float was still an achievement, despite not being "Instagram-worthy". 

Overcoming a fear of nature is a process that takes time. Be patient with yourself.

Is it necessary to forge a relationship with nature? Maybe you prefer urban landscapes. Yet remember, nature offers wisdom we've yet to unlock, despite how advanced science has become. 

As Rick Rubin said, "It is through communing with nature that we move closer to our own nature." 

If we learn how to cultivate wisdom about ourselves and our environment, over time, I'd like to believe we will be able to meet life on its own terms without having to avoid the 'annoying' or 'hateful' aspects of nature entirely. Instead, we take them in our stride, at our own pace. 

Do you have any fears about nature? If you're a parent, how do you go about navigating your child's relationship with nature? 

Are there any problems you face right now that you feel compelled to solve? 

The founder of the brand, Fu Song, decided to take matters into her own hands when she couldn't find an ideal laptop bag to carry as a new working mother returning to the workforce. Fu Song also featured Wu Yanshu, a 86-year-old actor as the brand ambassador. Wu returned to the silver screen in her 70s, proving that women could still thrive even in their silver years.

Far from the Gen Z-obsessed marketing world, I'm seeing Chinese cult brands such as Songmont and Neiwai championing what it means to embrace a dance with ageism. How wonderful is that to have someone like your grandmother being represented in the advertisements?

The name is also an unabashed admission of Chinese origin and culture, while also nodding to globalization, or so I like to think. Song is the Chinese pronunciation of "Pines" while Mont stems etymologically from the Latin word for "Mountain". Tanner Leatherstein dissected the Songmont bag and gave it a thumbs-up for quality. Definitely a brand to watch, made in China and meant for the working women of the world.

I was fortunate to receive the poetic text from Thomas Gunzig for "On the Wings of Hermes." 

It's a story about Pegasus and the quest for seven forms of lightness. I couldn't find the text anywhere on the Internet! Blasphemous in today's world! So I had no choice but to slide into Thomas' DMs, and he kindly emailed me the text he created for Hermes. 

A lesson here: What's the worst thing they can say? No. So just ask. Don't make assumptions.

Here is a part of the opening verse translated in English from French:

The story is about Pegasus and the quest for the seven lightnesses.

Pegasus, the winged horse, had seven foals. But none knew how to fly.

Their wings had not yet grown.

To fly, each of the seven foals had to find a form of lightness in the world that would make their wings grow. Then they too could fly.

Lightness is not easy to find.

It hides in unexpected places.

Lightness is sometimes a movement, a thought.

You find it in the delicateness of a smile, in the gentleness of a caress.

It hides in laughter, in a musical note that takes flight.

You find it in a moment of everyday life that becomes marvelous.

I teared up at the beginning of the performance when I saw how the craftspeople constructed the scene right before me with precision and care. That, along with a verse about inversion, "The lightness is that of inversion, It's a very rare lightness! when to fly, you need to be heavy. When to hold, you need to let go..."

Oh, it speaks to me and my fear of inverting myself both physically and metaphorically, mistaking permanence for rootedness and forgetting that sometimes I just need to let go.

I looked around me and sensed the awe that the spectators, young and old, had for the performance. That is beauty. If there is anything luxury brands should offer to the world, it would be that -- the intangible and indescribable that allows you to fill in the blanks and be a child again.

Finally, a shout-out to a founder, Marie Martens, who bootstrapped and built Tally Forms in public, a seemingly nondescript form creator, with her partner-in-life, Filip. They grew it to a company with USD100,000 monthly revenue without any venture capital or external investment in four years, with just the two of them. 

They started building because they wanted to create a sustainable lifestyle business for their growing family. This is very counter-intuitive to what we've been taught in typical Asian upbringing - get a great education, get into a meaty corporate role, climb the ladder, and upgrade your lifestyle.

I am encouraged by how she built in public, harnessed her common sense and marketing skills, and played to her strengths despite not being able to code! 

She started with $0. If you followed her journey on the blog, she was bringing in nothing in the first 6 months, hit $5,000 with 11,000 users in October 2021, and grew 500% year-on-year in 2023. 

How many of us have the patience to see something grow and iterate for two years? How many of us talk ourselves out of it after six months (if you look at the data provided by Tally, they had zero growth) or worse, dissuade ourselves from the silliness of starting and growing something of our own because we're earning a comfortable income? 

Would your salary or mine jump 500% in two years or even more dramatically, 9,900% in four years? Let's ponder that. :) 

I'm not advocating a fixed way of life, as the entrepreneurial life is probably not for everyone. We can be very happy and fulfilled working for an organization, and we need people who want to do that!

Perhaps a provocation for all of us, men or women, is to wonder if there are other ways to live and build our wealth apart from what we have been taught?

Could the definition of wealth go beyond what gets accumulated in your bank or packed in the concrete walls of your condominium? 

• Personal experience: Drink coconut water to cool your body, especially during noon to early afternoon as according to Ayurveda, coconut is sweet and cooling, and can help to pacify the Pitta dosha which is aggravated during summer.* 

• Embrace the lazy, slow summer side of you. Here’s a collage of my favourite things about lazy slow summer. 

What I'm eating 🥢 : Rediscovering miso for simple, nourishing meals.

What I'm reading 🔖 : "Welcome to the Hyundam-Dong Bookshop" .

What I'm writing ✍🏼 : A fantasy romance novella under a pseudonym 🙂 and the poem I mentioned earlier in the letter. 

The Return to Gaia

Before I sign off, I'm curious: What's your go-to method for overcoming your fears around nature - be it waters, heights, creepy crawlies? If you have a kid, is nature an aspect you’re incorporating into their learning? 

Drop me a line. Your sharing might be featured in the next letter (with your permission, of course). And if you know someone who might enjoy these musings on wellness, nature, and luxury why not forward this their way?

Staying curious (and trying to stay cool),

Siying

P.S. If you've read this far, thank you. Your attention is the most luxurious gift in this noisy world. See you in the next letter!

Whenever you're ready & open, there are a few more ways that I could support you more deeply:

• Audio/Video tutorials of Pause & Reset techniques

• 1-1 Q&A session per quarter
  

Sources and Additional Information on Coconut Water in Ayurveda

1. Cooling Properties in Ayurveda:

Coconut water is considered to have cooling properties that help pacify the Pitta dosha, which is often aggravated during summer. Its sweet and cooling nature makes it an ideal drink to cool the body, especially during noon to early afternoon when heat is most intense.

Source: Ayurvedic principles on coconut water's cooling effects

2. Electrolyte Balance and Hydration:

Rich in electrolytes and minerals, coconut water helps rehydrate and cool the body, making it effective for preventing and treating heat-related conditions.

3. Natural Alternative:

Ayurveda recommends coconut water as a natural and healthy alternative to sugary drinks for staying hydrated and beating the heat.

4. Bioactive Enzymes:

Coconut water contains beneficial enzymes like acid phosphatase, catalase, dehydrogenase, diastase, peroxidase, and RNA-polymerases.

Important Considerations:

- Allergies: Those with coconut allergies should avoid coconut water.

- Kidney Issues: People with kidney problems or on potassium-restricted diets should consume in moderation due to high potassium content.

- Blood Pressure: Consult healthcare provider if on blood pressure medication, as coconut water can lower blood pressure.

- Diabetes: Monitor intake due to natural sugar content.

Note: While coconut water is generally beneficial in Ayurveda for cooling and hydration, individual health conditions should be considered. Always consult with a healthcare professional for personalized advice.

Dear Friend,

In my last letter, I spoke about being closer to Nature as part of my self-practice.

What is your relationship with Nature? Do you do any activities in the nature or with nature?

The second question appeared in a short survey form that was shared with the participants of a gastronomy experience. It was hosted in a nature preserve situated along one of the borders between Cascais and Sintra in Portugal.

I hesitated at the sight of the question.

My husband, Zihui, wrote “Nothing”, probably a little more honest than mine.

“I sometimes do walks in nature,” I chimed.

Perhaps I was trying to blend in, faking it until I make it (as usual). This is after all a very different group of people. A few participants were jotting down notes intently throughout the nature walk.

I convinced myself that I was code-switching.

Just two minutes ago, I witnessed Maria, one of the participants who kindly translated the entire experience for us, smiling at a bug and very gently and gingerly guided the bug off the paper and the table.

She didn’t kill it. I might have.

Nope, I would have.

“The right people people will find you,” my teacher waxed lyrically and affirmatively at the end of our yoga teacher training. I am experiencing this during this trip. Perhaps it has always been happening, but I might not have been made aware.

So we spent an afternoon with these new people who don’t kill bugs and insects, strolling through the reserve under the sweltering heat.

This was a “gastronomic experience” that I chanced upon on Instagram.

I have become more curious about being in sync with what Nature has to offer after being exposed to Ayurveda.

Winding through the labyrinth of Instagram profiles and posts, somehow that indulgent and addictive act led me to Fernando, a herbalist and botanist from Portugal. She posted that she would be in Cascais which I figured is probably maximum an hour from Lisbon by train.

I thought, we should go!

That will be an unique experience and it will be out of our comfort zone. Immediately after I validated my discovery with glee, there was a note of reservation. Would Zihui enjoy such a gastronomic experience? Would the location be hard to get to? Would we disrupting the locals’ experience as they would probably be speaking in mainly Portuguese?

This was not an Airbnb experience nor was it reviewed by any social media influencers. It was discovered through this path of connections on Instagram. This “gastronomy in nature” seems to have its own community and energy.

This was the event post.

Ok it doesn’t look like a very enticing Instagram post.

Would you have gone?

Normally, I would have let this fly past my head, but my curiosity about the herbalist and natural healing got the better of me.

Thankfully we did.

Claudia Solva Mataloto, one of the organisers, studied Food Design (see this link if you want to explore what Food Design is with Dr Francesca Zampollo, a food design researcher who is advocating for her field and discipline)

And no, food design is not just fancy aesthetics and plating. It is FOOD+ DESIGN - using design thinking to solve a problem through culinary experiences.

Maria, our translator, shared that she and Claudia once attended an event where the food designer conveyed the starvation issue in the world through a provocative and shocking gastronomic experience.

It included getting the participants to decide where they wanted to be seated: choose between a posh dining set-up with fine china and a rustic-looking and grubby dining area. They also experienced an episode of the servers shooting the tomato syrup from a water gun violently onto one of their dishes.

Claudia’s starting point for her gastronomic experience is more palatable — no pun intended. She observes that city-folks are getting more and more detached from nature, forgetting that there are “edible landscapes” around us.

What if we pay more attention to the wild species that are easily accessible, could we perhaps forage them and include them into our meals?

With that in mind, she put together, “The Gastronomic Experience in Nature: Roots - A landscape you eat”.

She partnered with Fernando, who guided the group through the trail, explained the origins and functions of the herbs, flowers and fruits we spotted along the way, telling us what could be ingested raw, what need to be cooked, what should be avoided at all costs. The experience concluded with a brunch prepared by Caicais Food Lab with several of the observed wild species.

My favourite from the brunch was this:

This ice-cream dessert was made with nasturtium flowers and Carcavelos wine. I could still remember the delight I felt when I first tasted the ice-cream — it has this crystal-clear refreshing quality that is a standout especially in early summer. Apparently, the recipe could be found here (Someone, please translate this!)

We saw Horsetails (scientific name: Equuisetum), Nettles, Milk Thistle, Elderflower and so many flora and fauna during the walk. One of them left a deeper impression on me, St John’s Wort. This yellow flower could purportedly be used to treat depression symptoms*. It made a guest appearance in a poem I wrote here.

I have a newfound admiration and appreciation for people who live in the woods, or who spend time connecting with nature.

Like Luis who guided us through a levada in Madeira and introduced us this ritual of dipping our wooden pole into levada waters and dragging it through the waters as we walked on the narrow trail (for context: usually on the other side of the trail, if you slip, it could be a very bad fall down the mountain…)

He said in his singsong accent, “The water from the mountain will protect you.”

At one point, when I was showing signs of struggle because the pathway was precariously unstable, he looked at me encouragingly.

“You’re doing good. The water will protect you.”

I threaded my pole gently through the water like a needle passing through a thick woven fabric.

My tension melted away.

Or like Tania and Roman who initiated us into this cherished and long-forgotten practice of relieving ourselves in the wilderness. They smiled when we asked where the restroom was. As strange as this may sound, I reconnected with nature at the very moment when a part of me returned back to earth. Bidding goodbye to a part of me that passed out and a renewal of another part of me as I took in the fresh damp air of the mystical forest. Or perhaps I was too cold to feel anything other kind of emotions.

These people we met have taught us the lesson of surrendering ourselves to Mother Nature and letting it do the work for us.

“And so we are doers, as human beings, and we do way too much. So much is done for us by just being in the right environment of where we need to be. Mother Nature teaches us that. Go sit in nature. Don’t do anything. Just sit there. Let Mother Nature do it for you.”

A quote from Maya Tiwari that I highlighted in my last letter.

When Claudia hugged me farewell, it was one of the heartiest and sincere hugs that I ever felt recently. She was utterly grateful. And so am I.

After that walk, Zihui and I pay a lot more attention to the wild species and plants during our walks, (We walk a lot in Portugal! Tiffany, if you are reading this, this is for you - I’m doing a lot of cardio, walking on an incline everyday) wondering about their origins, whether they are edible, and finding out how Portugal today still carries the remnants of what it was - a wildly ambitious empire hundreds of years ago.

For example, hydrangeas, the prized flower amongst Singaporeans and Shanghainese which can be found everywhere in the Portuguese landscapes are actually natives of Japan transported to Portugal by their ancestors.

Again, I feel the shift within me. Our relationship as a couple is shifting as well — there’s a wonderful sense of oneness.

Within a few weeks, our very casual and sometimes practical relationship with Nature has intensified and evolved. There were definitely moments of sensuality — you can’t not have that if you’re relieving yourself in the wild.

Let’s hope we continue to cultivate this (not the peeing) when we’re back in Singapore.

I was also impressed with Claudia and her friends, Fernando and Maria’s approach of hosting and designing each of their initiatives so mindfully.

Throughout our conversations with Maria and Claudia, we heard a word being mentioned many times.

“Ah, yes we have this project coming up next Friday... where my student is also designing...”

“Look at them, talking about their next project already!”

“There are a few projects that we are looking into...”

Project.

It is enlivening to hear this word fifteen years after our college days.

It is not a career, monetisation or a side hustle.

It is a project - an experiment that these fifty-something Portuguese women are looking to field for feedback and opinions and looking to iterate and to connect. It represents a commitment but not a bondage or attachment. It has its start and its ending, just like how we understand school projects to be.

These women are thriving.

Is there anything in your life you would like to approach it like a project?

We have gained so much during this trip. These seedlings of ideas are slowly growing into blooms that Zihui and I couldn’t wait to harvest when I’m back in Singapore. Or perhaps he is already looking into them. Our projects.

“Knowledge is like a clock that goes forward and then backwards, like a pendulum. The more you think you know, the less you know.”

Maria mused quite nonchalantly about a PowerPoint slide that she never fails to include in her introductory seminar.

“I’m not sure if my students get it,” she laughed.

They will eventually when the time is right, if I could respond to her now.

I thought I have learnt much about the power of nature three weeks into slow living in Portugal.

I have begun to feel more grounded and rooted. My digestive issues are not acting up as usual. I sing praises of Nature’s wonders/

Just as I thought I know more about the beauty and power of nature, Nature has also reared its ugly head and suddenly, my “knowledge” is challenged again.

I’ll write more about this in the next letter…

On how Mother Nature can give...

and take life.

Love, Siying

// Current obsessions

🔖: A Woman’s Story by Annie Ernaux — wonderfully and beautifully translated by Tanya Leslie — I’ve always wondered about the magic of translation and how the translator would need to have such a strong yet soft grasp of both languages — to be able to interpret it accurately yet flexibly enough to showcase the writer’s original flair and tonality.

Recently, during one of our many conversations about AI, I asked Zihui, why don’t we have AI interpreters (yet). He said apparently the computing power of a human brain, probably specifically, an interpreter’s brain can’t be contested with computer because of our ability to understand and draw contexts and connect. Isn’t that amazing?

💡: Poetry Society of New York rep, Kyle Studstill’s venture into Poetry beyond his vocation as a strategist and trend forecaster and his online sharing (including the Leonard Cohen’s interview below) gives me hope as I explore my Poetry projects.

📹: During a conversation about poetry, when asked, “What does the poem mean?”, Leonard Cohen famously paused for a long while… and then read the entire poem again. 🍃

*This is not medical or health advice. I’m sharing from what I have heard. Please consult medical professionals.

Cover image was taken by Tania.

Spring is almost here and Winter is fading away. I've been living in Singapore for a while now and even though I don't get to experience the changing of seasons first hand, I still feel a sense of wonder and longing for these reminders of how time has slipped past us.

As the frost makes way for the blossoms, even the most stubborn among us can't help but come out of hibernation. Speaking of coming out of hiding, I finally have an update for you, albeit two months overdue. But hey, Elon Musk is still trying to fix Twitter and Andrew Tate is still in prison, so my newsletter update is still relevant.

Last year, on a very nondescript weeknight, after dinner at my aunt’s place, my seventeen year old cousin retorted in jest when I quizzed him about his support for Andrew Tate. He said, "Because he speaks the truth! He has been censored on mainstream social media platforms like YouTube and Twitter. They are not allowing him to speak his mind and share his truth."

At first, I was worried because all I had heard about Tate was that he promotes misogynistic views. But instead of shutting down my cousin's beliefs, I decided to explore the matter further. We watched a few of Tate's interviews and discovered that the situation was not as simple as it appeared in mainstream media.

He was showing off cues of masculinity and strength, which is attractive to many young men who may not have role models in their lives. His situation of being "cancelled" by the mainstream media only adds to their distrust in the media's narratives.

After watching his interviews and gathering different perspectives, I can see why he is popular among a certain group of young men. He fills a role-model void in their lives and his narrative aligns with their growing doubts about the "mainstream."

Is he the kind of the role model that we want for the youths? Probably not. Should he be cancelled? Absolutely not. It’s important to teach the youths on how to cross-reference, analyse, and not believe in one singular source.

What bothers me the most is not his promotion of masculinity, but how he has shaped success into a narrow definition. If features like "Community Notes" on Twitter challenge this, wouldn't it make for a greater learning opportunity for everyone?

This experience, all thanks to the influence of the wonderful Gen Z, has made me more cautious about what I read in the news. As a child, I used to trust Western publishers as the bringers of truth, but now I’ve become more sceptical, even more so after having spent five years in China.

Elon Musk is seen by many as a madman for his attempts to change Twitter, but I support his intentions of creating a space where different perspectives can be shared and people are not just fed one version of the story. For example, the new "Community Notes" feature on Twitter that provides additional context to tweets can help us verify the information we read and think more critically. There are good stuff amid that chaos! I’ve gone to Twitter myself instead of just absorbing the headlines blindly.

In a podcast I recently listened to, one of the hosts discussed "activist journalism." He claimed that a new generation of journalists became activists after Trump became president and that they were no longer interested in taking a neutral stance and letting the facts speak for themselves.

I publicly called out an article from the New York Times that I believed was an example of activist journalism on my Instagram story and received mixed responses.

Response #1:

“I have lost all respect of news outlets in North America. And you wonder why people are more divided than ever over this side of the pond when all you consume are these types of articles.”

Response #2:

“Haven’t seen the distinction between the two in a while. Hate it. The world feels dumber ngl. It’s a really complex topic to unwrap. First off, English as the lingua Franca is problematic, obviously giving the West a leg up. Then there’s the geography as well. Where these news outlets sit, what the social tone in these regions are. And of course, the owners, who they’re funding and what they’re lobbying for.”

Response #3:

“I read that extract to be saying that democractic actions and impulses are coming ground up from seemingly unexpected places — eg ukraine and China. Which I find is a POV that can be substantiated. I didn’t find it controversial in the same way as you though I might be unconsciously biased. The NYT is excellent journalism. but I do agree on the pomposity of their tone. It can be really grating sometimes. And that concession given — I would also say that I appreciate the mess and foibles of democracy over controlled and autocratic efficiency. How else would we engage in discussion, discourse and dissent?”

I was initially hesitant about sharing my opinion, but I'm glad I did. It sparked a conversation and allowed me to see different perspectives on the matter. And learn. I was thankful for Response 2 as it added a lot more nuances to my impulsive rant.

Could it be that we might have an evolutionary impulse to simplify and create binary arguments, where one is either on Side A or Side B? To resist this impulse and improve communication, Adam Grant suggests that we can make arguments more literate by exploring different dimensions and perspectives.

In social settings, I sometimes struggle with bringing up truths or other perspectives without offending others. For example, a colleague shared a TikTok video about an alleged statement by a former Twitter employee who had been laid off, but I didn't want to come across as too aggressive in questioning the validity of the video. With as much courage I could muster, I said vaguely, “It could be a parody by a comedian,” then I quickly changed the subject. I knew for sure the video was a joke. Just a few hours ago, I saw a similar tweet and verified it with different sources.

During a drinks session, a co-worker scoffed at Elon's businesses not making money. I didn't want to embarrass him by correcting him. Another co-worker and I tried to raise alternative views, like “Oh really? We thought Tesla has been doing well,” but my co-worker’s (over)confidence silenced our note of doubt. Then I wanted to reach out for my phone that was lying screen down and search for the financial report right away but it was a social setting… Does it matter who is right or wrong?

So, how do we bring up different perspectives in a way that encourages us to rethink our views without embarrassing others? This is something that I've been pondering lately, and I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

If I had a chance to rewind time and be in that conversation again with my co-worker, what should I have done?

Bringing up Different Perspectives: Encouraging Rethinking Without Embarrassing

As we navigate through our daily lives and engage in conversations, it's common to encounter differing perspectives and beliefs. However, introducing new ideas and challenging someone's existing viewpoints can be tricky. How can we encourage others to rethink their views without coming across as a know-it-all or being passive-aggressive?

Here are some suggestions to help us bring up different perspectives in a way that is respectful and constructive:

-Reflect upon your own biases: Before you speak or act, take a moment to examine your own beliefs, values, and motivations. This will help you to understand your own agenda and approach the conversation with empathy and objectivity.

-Listen deeply: Show the person you are speaking with that you are truly interested in their perspective by actively listening. This means putting aside distractions, paying attention to non-verbal cues, and asking clarifying questions.

-Use open-ended questions: Encourage the person to examine their beliefs and behaviors by asking open-ended questions. For example, instead of asking "Do you agree with this?" try asking "What do you think about this?"

-Acknowledge complexity: Recognize that the information we encounter in our lives is often complex and full of conflicting viewpoints. Acknowledge this complexity, and use it to serve up a dose of new perspectives that might be missing between the extremes.

-Empower them to think critically: Help the person feel empowered to critically examine their beliefs and behaviors, and resist the sense of pressure or feeling that someone else is controlling their decisions.

-Motivational Interviewing: This is a therapeutic approach that helps people explore and resolve ambivalence about change by evoking their own intrinsic motivation. By using this technique, you can help the person to see things from a different angle and find their own solutions to the problem.

-Share your own experiences: If there is a particular idea or perspective that you would like to share, try sharing your own experiences and insights. For example, "I read that Tesla is one of the most profitable automakers. I will probably look into this more."

-Verification of information: Encourage the person to verify information from trusted sources. For example, "Is this something we can find out and verify from their financial reports too?"

-Trust their abilities and intentions: Trust the person's abilities and good intentions, and avoid coming across as patronizing or condescending.

-Present it as a challenge: Finally, present the introduction of new perspectives as a challenge rather than a threat. For example, "Here are a few things that have helped me. How do you think any of them might work for you?"

Contrary to popular belief, “presenting an issue with both sides of the story doesn’t make people rethink their stance, instead they will have the tendency to double down on it and stick to their guns”. A co-worker once told me that we need to have a ‘closing’ and ‘opening’ just like a lawyer does in court in presentations. I guess that has its benefits and its own time to be adopted especially in the advertising industry where we jostle to get the strongest argument across — but if we notice our clients hesitating and being on the other side of the fence, should that still be our approach?

“If our presentation reads more like a scientist or an anthropologist's field notes, rather than a lawyer's opening statement, it can help to find the people who might have views on extreme spectrums find some areas of agreements,” Adam Grant suggested.

A beautiful provocation that I’d love to put into practice.

Reflecting this onto our personal journeys, could the outer forces and the shifting circumstances sometimes yield us to take a side or choice too quickly and thoughtlessly?

“Is this what you want or what others want for you?” a cutting remark from a friend which I recall from time to time.

How difficult it is to pull these apart sometimes?

This is a personal recurring theme which has become even more pervasive this year.

"The true inner self must be drawn up like a jewel from the bottom of the sea, rescued from confusion, from indistinction, from immersion in the common, the nondescript, the trivial, the sordid, the evanescent,” said Thomas Merton.

In the same vein, another quote from Luke Burgis says, "Thick desires are like diamonds that have been formed deep beneath the surface, nearer to the core of the Earth. Thick desires are protected from the volatility of changing circumstances in our lives. Thin desires, on the other hand, are highly mimetic, contagious, and often shallow."

May we all find the willpower to uncover the “thick desires” found in our deepest core.

Here’s a poem for you, my friend, and perhaps the way for us to uncover the “thick desires” is to be still, and be open to what the Universe shows us — as tree-hugging and hippy as this may sound. :)

Lost

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you

Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,

And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,

Must ask permission to know it and be known.

The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,

I have made this place around you.

If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.

No two trees are the same to Raven.

No two branches are the same to Wren.

If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,

You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows

Where you are. You must let it find you.

David Wagoner

Love,

Siying

Addressing the Reader in this way is the first change to this series of “In-Between” tiny letters.

You are a Seeker. We might not always be the closest friends, but your act of subscription means somehow you value our relationship and our mutual voice. You want to stay involved. And for that, I’m thankful. I hope I continue to offer something now that the chapter in China has come to a close — I don’t mean to sound trippy, but I hope that this newsletter will be learning, ad infinitum.

This is an ode to me experimenting with evergreen notes, linking my random thoughts, showcasing my and others’ poetry. It is going to unravel the ordinaries of the people from this side of the world — people of my ethnicity, people from Southeast Asia. Few of these musings will be be completely original, most will be stolen & remade. It will be a web of tales and lore that we will uncover and sink into together.

-

I thought to myself, what if I let my learning and world-building journey unfold itself as it happens? What if I stop keeping the narrative, thoughts, ideas to myself till they’re perfected... which most of the time, end up either unfinished or discarded? Often, I imagine the sense of satisfaction to culminate in a bombastic way, in some wild success and achievement so much so that I edit myself and hold myself back. I end up not doing the thing I love. What got me was a LinkedIn message from an old boss who wrote to me that he has been following my “growth” but hoped I have not been neglecting my own personal writing.

Hits home. Hard.

I bidded for a David Shrigley poster in a work charity auction a few days ago.

Another hard-hitting reminder.

I recently joined Uncommon and during my interview, I said I would like to mould my creative self.

So, today, I finally made the move to Paragraph.xyz, which is a web3 publishing platform. Hopefully this act signals my intention of growing and experimenting and that you as a Seeker, gets to participate in this process, and will one day, taste the Drop of Randomness*.

Love,

Siying

*to be revealed