I know that I'm currently in the middle of busy season, working on 4 or 5 other projects right now, and currently on Day 22 of the 75 Hard right now (it's going well, but the 2x a day exercising can get exhausting, especially when you're traveling like I am now), and I know that I should forgive myself for not writing but I do feel a sense of guilt over not completing my daily writing assignments. Writing, as I've mentioned before, is a form of pressure release for me, and I feel a mental lightness when I'm done. However, these days, I've been experiencing a lot of dark thoughts that I am trying to reconcile.

I'm not sure why this happens to me, but I get these bouts of ugly thoughts once in a while. My go-to solution for something like this would be either exercise, weed, alcohol, writing, work, arguing, or some other way of managing it. However, the challenge calls for sobriety and I genuinely am trying to live a peaceful life without causing conflict, so I'm left with physical activity, mental anguish, or work. Work has been stressful as fuck lately, so that isn't exactly a solace, and honestly the 75 Hard takes the joy out of exercise. So mental anguish it is. Ipso facto, here we are: me writing to me about what's going on with me.

The dark thoughts that I have stem from a kernel (or, let's be very honest, a popcorn bowl) of realities. However, the thing I can't seem to reconcile is whether the things I'm concerned about are actually my fault. Jocko Willink has this amazing concept called Extreme Ownership, where everything that happens in your life, whether it's your fault or not, is your responsibility. This forms leaders, agreed, but the question that I have for you is that when it's truly on someone else, what is the line between leadership and bending to their will? When is it truly your fault and you can take ownership of the situation to turn it around to the best possible outcome, and when is it capitulation (is that the right word?) to the situation by saying "sure, I'll take the blame"?

This is but one little kernel in my popcorn bowl this rainy evening as I'm on the bus to Newark Penn from Newark Airport. Here's another.

When you run your own business, you inevitably come into more and more ideas that you know you can work on. Question: when should you pivot to those ideas before they become obsolete in the market or before someone else takes the idea? I know, I know: ideas are a dime a dozen and it's the execution that matters. Fair. But when is it good to stay steady and when is it good to be flexible, take a risk, and follow the direction of the wind?

I'm starting to sense a pattern here.

I've always had this theory that an organization should be like bamboo: flexible, yet strong. However, recently, I've come across the ash wood tree. Ash, as I've recently found out and which somewhat touched my heart, is what's commonly used to make baseball bats. Having played ball for 11 years when I was a kid, this made me interested. Ash wood, similarly to bamboo, is also flexible yet it's stronger than bamboo. It's not AS flexible, but it makes up for it with rigidity. However, unlike bamboo, it has a very interesting property: it's very absorbant to shocks and impacts. It's "springy", meaning that it will revert back to its original shape really quickly without splintering. It's also important to note that ash is a wood, while bamboo is a grass, giving them vastly different properties.

Perhaps that's the difference. Instead of thinking like I should be living like a piece of bamboo, I should be living like a piece of ash wood. Springy, flexible, rigid and strong, but unlike bamboo, I can withstand the impact. And that makes me feel better.

Let's get after it today and revisit out thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek.

I'm supposed to be using writing in order to release some of the tension that I've been feeling, to get some of the crap inside outside of my head, and to use it as an outlet. I've definitely not been doing myself justice in this regard, and today I've decided to just let fingers flow onto a slab of glass and just hit the road hard. I'm going straight out until I stop.

I've been listening to the great Tim Dillon on the Are You Garbage podcast. It's been hilarious to listen to what, as the hosts say, is classified as classy versus trashy and sometimes I find myself in between two things. America, as a whole, has a culture of quantity over quality, and that's one of the themes I have noticed on that podcast: trashy things are essentially cheap, overbloated, over-sugared, quantity-enhanced choices, while the quality choices are more expensive, thought out, et cetera.

Growing up in Staten Island in the early to mid-2000s without a car didn't really present with a lot of choices, but growing up in a South Asian household comandeered by strict business owners made us quite aware of the choices, at least numerically if not qualitatively, we made. I'm pretty happy to say that I was given a lot of love and care at home, but choices were, as I would probably be generous in saying, somewhat limited. Not in terms of procurement: on the contrary, sometimes there was too much choice, but some things were just not good. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I'd like to move on because my fingers are working faster than my brain.

Work has been tough: I feel like I have a billion things to do and a billion more on the horizon. Doing the 75 Hard is making me very aware of the level of stress I'm carrying but going through this process right now is making me very constrained in terms of what is and isn't allowed. I refuse to restart as is required by the rules, so I'm sticking with it, but Christ Almighty I can go for some chocolate right now (no sugar!). Also, a gallon of water really makes you want to pee.

I want to shower now but still want to keep the momentum of writing going so I'll keep at this for a few more minutes. I'm happy with the way in which I've been handling my exercise routines, in that I'm being conscious of going outside (again, another side effect of the 75 Hard). Going out for morning walks or morning bike rides really does have a positive start to the day: you feel the blood flowing, muscles loosening, fresh air, and good conversation if nothing else. I'm excited to keep this going, and I'll keep you posted on how my progress is going. Perhaps I'll post progress pics. Perhaps not. Let's see.

I'm cold and sweaty now, so I'm going to take a shower. Part of my to do list is to take a cold shower so I'll suck it up and get that done. Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek.

I traveled to Dubai and Munich for a week, Dubai for 7 days and Munich for one. I found both to be really nice places in different ways: Dubai is very much like Miami in the Middle East, while Munich felt like Christmas in a beer hall. I really enjoyed being in both places and learning about them, exploring them, and seeing what they had to offer. Travel really does expand the mind, and I will at some point talk more about my experiences there. However, today I'd like to talk about something else.

I'm currently in the middle of doing a challenge called the 75 Hard. It's difficult, but basically it has 6 simple rules:
1. You have to drink a gallon of water a day
2. You have to do two 45 minute workouts a day, and one must be outside.
3. You have to choose a healthy diet, any diet, and stick with it. No alcohol allowed.
4. Read 10 pages of a nonfiction self-help or educational book a day.
5. You have to take a progress picture daily.
6. If you mess up even one day, you have to restart.

(Note: I just noticed that it seems a little misleading to have "Travel Diaries" written on the header, but to be honest it feels right. Let's continue.)

The reason why this topic of the 75 Hard came up is, frankly, because a few friends and I are going on a bachelor party and we wanted to lose some weight.

Published as is.

No matter how many items you remove from your task list, more always seems to pop up and multiply. It's like Smith from the Matrix: the tasks never stop coming. I'm sure this is a reflection of a few things: prioritization, list management, delegation, team management, yada yada yada, yeah okay. The point is, no matter what the cause is, the task still needs to happen no?

When developing a system, why is there always "room for improvement"? What is the perfect system, one where things never have to happen and when things go wrong they are automatically and instantaneously handled. Yes, I'm sure there is a system with AI that you can implement, sure, but the problem with that is a. it still needs refinement because you can't replicate it, and b. the whole point of AI the way it is today is to interface with people like a human, so humans are gonna human. You still have the task that needs to be added to the list.

The question, I suppose, is why are tasks needing to be added to the list at all?

Why do the problems exist? Because someone did something wrong or something went wrong through no fault of anyone. Human error or systematic error. Fine.

Published as is.

I think one of the reasons why a) remote work culture, b) fitness, c) diet, and d) self-help as a culture for men has exploded so much over the past few years is because of him and his books. I remember feeling trapped during the pandemic, extremely overweight, feeling lost and overwhelmed, and newly broken up. I remember the sense of helplessness I felt thinking that the world as I knew it was the way my life was going to be forever. I remember the sense of loneliness that I felt come to life as a real monster and hanging onto my back, choking my breath like a monkey hanging onto my neck.

And then I found The Four Hour Workweek.

That book changed my entire life. Coming from a family of business owners who, for 30-some odd years, never deviated from the way they conducted their affairs, who regressed from the world into their business, who viewed their stores as a third child when their two sons never got another sibling, I found it extremely liberating. Especially since during the pandemic I was thinking THE EXACT SAME THING as what Tim Ferriss was talking about. I was asking myself, "Why can't it be the way that I'm thinking? Why are some people able to live a liberated life and others are doomed to be stuck? Why is the world this way?"

In my dispair, I was asking myself the "why". Tim Ferriss showed me the "how". Looking back, I seem to have stumbled upon existentialism without even knowing it. Ironically, reading Dostoyevsky was hell because I found it so boring and the characters so irritating. Perhaps I should read Kierkegaard. But I digress.

This isn't a love letter to Tim. My wife would be furious. Rather, it's an exploration (or, at least, an admiration) of what happens when you receive the right information at the right moment in the right way. I consumed the book as an audiobook, and I would listen to it in the car, on walks, and on runs (I got into running during the pandemic after listening to Jordan Peterson and Jocko Willinck's incredible series of podcasts: another piece of info that came to me at just the right time). What he said just made sense, and it was was exactly what I needed to know in order to approach the problems I didn't know I had. Whenever I had some free time, I started thinking about the problem in my head and architecting them on a notepad using the solutions in The Four Hour Workweek based on my life. I would literally fantasize about how I could escape the corporate hell I was in and feel... free. And now, years out from that time, I'm running a business on my own. It's challenging, but the challenge is rewarding. It's stressful, but a better stress than the corporate life I had. And it's hard, but I can feel happy BECAUSE it's hard.

I'm very grateful to Tim Ferriss for putting this book out, along with all the other books he's written. I think my main takeaway was this: rather than having this solution implemented once and moving on, I think that people need to ruminate on the things that they want and figure out the right way to get them. Once you find something, anything, that makes sense, implement it. Use it as a framework. Others have gone through what you're going through now. At least you have their wisdom.

I'm not sure if he will ever read this, but if he does, I just want to say thanks Tim. You showed us how to deal with the monkeys. You're the man.

Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek.

It's odd because things have been the most relatively stable and uncomplicated (or so it feels) in a while, but it feels wild and unpredictable. I'm not sure what it is, but there is a wild roller coaster going on inside the skull and mundane life happening outside it. I can start to understand why a lot of people go crazy when it comes to working from home, especially when they have a family: there's a few things that allow people some solitude, and weirdly a separation of work and life is a good way to ensure that you can have some time to yourself. This allows you to be able to have some semblance of calming down that internal storm.

I've once again crossed days while writing this, but I'm going to finish this today and publish it as much as I can.

Exercise, I am more and more convinced, is the key to being able to calm this storm. It's making me realize that Dan Martell (look him up) is very wise in his approach to business: exhaust the body, tame the mind. It's a very stoic and simple approach to being able to solve multiple problems.

I'm wondering if the opposite is also true. I feel it is: exhaust the mind, tame the body. Is that the secret to meditation? Meditation is the act of being able to still oneself, control the mind, and silence it. But what if the opposite is true? A person who smokes weed is generally making themselves so paranoid, so elevated in their thoughts, that they end up going through an entire journey, tiring themselves. How can you get to that form of elevated mindset whereby your body gets tired? Is that a good thing?

These are interesting thoughts, but ultimately I'm looking for a real life solution to calm down this crazy mind and heart that I carry with me (or live in, depending on your understanding of human consciousness). Exhausting the mind to tame the body definitely works, 100 out of 100 times. The opposite: I'd give it a 75% success rate, but it also comes with things that you don't want. Like the munchies.

Anyways, I've had a hard day at work, a hard workout, and now I'm sitting in the sauna. I'm hungry, and I'll go get a snack.

Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek.

Last night, I went on a writing spree (handwritten, so not shared here yet, if at all) about the concept of happiness vs. effectiveness. It ended up becoming an exploration about Tim Ferriss' excellent concept of efficiency vs. effectiveness, and from there into a further exploration of balance as a whole. I don't feel like I explored it enough, so I wanted to do that here. (Note: the matrix on the right hand side of the header image is some thing that I drew and was exploring. If Ferriss came up with this idea, all credit to him, but for some reason I remember being the first one to list it out this way in my head).

Balance is one of those tricky concepts that can mean a lot of different things in a single context, but what I mean more so is balance in the sense of tension between two opposing ideas. The weird thing is that any two ideas can have tension in between them (see the image above for two such examples). Even more confusing is if you throw in a third variable, but that's a different story.

It is said that people who want to do great things should take extreme actions. However, when you take a look at the relationship between two extremes, it seems to be that you want to be in between to get the best results. Even here there is tension.

I have a theory. I think that you want to be extreme in the micro but balanced in the macro.

It makes sense, if you think about it: the aggregate of opposing extreme actions in the long run should equal out to get you the best outcome, similar to how shades of grey are just mixes of black and white. Extreme actions tend to create extreme results, but it's the sum of those extremes that creates a sense of balance on the whole. This might seem like a silly example in the context but I'm saying this in a visual perspective: take for a moment a boxing match. There are two opposing actions in boxing (putting footwork aside for a second because that's manueverability rather than action): throwing punches and defending. It's the correct sum of these extreme acts that wins matches. I hope that visual is clear. If not, message me privately if you can find me and we can discuss further.

On a separate note, I have noticed that I've been drawing out some of these writings because I want to tackle a specific subject rather than free flow my thoughts. I've done the former with this piece, but now I feel like freestyling a little.

I've been thinking a bit about addiction, and how many different kinds of addiction there are. Many things that people don't think about can be addictive as well: food, lethargy, victimization, work, whatever. This is obviously a stark contrast from an outward perspective of the more common types, such as drugs, alcohol, exercise, you name them, but from the inside I think they are similar in terms of mental models.

Funny enough, I think I can now tie the freestyle to the topic of conversation at hand.

Addiction is just another extreme. It's going all-in on one thing, whatever the motivations might be. The reason I believe sobriety programs and the like work really well is because, as per my understanding, they pull addicts away from the extreme and show them that balance in life is really the thing that gives you value, that you want to strive for. The thing is: if you want to be balanced, you need to go all in the other way.

Something to think about.

Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek.

The really weird part about internal turmoil is what causes it. Sometimes, it can be a direct result of something, but oftentimes it's something so tiny that when you think back to what caused you to feel the way you do, it leads back to the tiny insignificant event. However, usually it's like a rolling stone that becomes an avalanche: you don't really know what began it in the first place. And like an avalanche, it usually starts quietly.

A lot of times when I try and talk to people about it, they tell me one of three things: 1. You're making a big deal out of things, or you worry too much, or let it go; 2. Oh, damn, yeah man that sucks; or, 3. You should talk to someone about this. None of these help, and the third one is especially idiotic because that's why I'm talking to YOU. It's one of the reasons I write these posts: I never expect anyone to read them, ever. But it is a good outlet to get stuff out of your head and into some form of physical achievement (i.e., a written post). Perhaps, though, the third option is correct: maybe I do need to talk to someone also. Maybe I need a therapist.

I've been to therapy before. It's helped. A lot. I remember the first time I had a session: after I was done, I literally felt the blood rushing through my veins. It was such a sensational feeling of not exactly lightness, but it did make me feel somewhat alive in a way. Alive because I felt heard, seen, and present. I'm conflicted about this, because sometimes in my head I think to myself "there are 8 billion people in this world: who the fuck are you to bother someone else with your problems?" Then I remembered the $300 price tag and thought "oh yeah. I'm the guy with the money."

That's such a fire rapper-like way to end this post that I'll leave it there, even though I feel like I may have more to say on this. Perhaps I'll revisit it at some point in the future after it's been better fleshed out.

Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek.

Also, I've been having weird dreams. This, I don't think, has anything to do with those dark thoughts. Or it does. I'm not sure. The dreams aren't dark, but they are odd, and with people who are in my life, people made up but whose faces I can clearly see. There's so much uncertainty in my life, and I feel that these thoughts and dreams are manifestations of my internal node reacting to external inputs, producing weird outputs.

Isn't it strange that the only thing between the thoughts and dreams that are within you and the outside world is, like, I don't know a 2 inch piece of bone and some skin on your head (and maybe some hair if you're lucky)? I was thinking about that the other day, and it's really weird to think about that as the barrier between the whirlpool that goes on in there and the complete sense of normalcy that you can portray outside.

As a side note before I continue: the image that I put as the header for this post has nothing to do with expressing any violence or anything of that sort that you think I may be feeling. I was drawing two towers that were connected and I thought to myself "let's add something freaky to this." Upon reflection the towers are kind of like the dichotomy I presented earlier: the inner workings and the outside world, and the sword represents the bleeding edge between the two. Nothing sinister I promise, hand on my heart.

I've noticed that a lot of the source of darkness within me comes from managing relationships: maybe as well as I can, or maybe quite badly. I'm not sure. I'm not saying all my relationships are bad. In fact, most are absolutely amazing that I'm super grateful for. It is more so the management of different relationships I have with each other that is difficult. Different people have different wants, and those wants are driven by incentives. However, how do you incentivize people who've gotten the reward of doing the hard work handed to them by others?

It'd be easy to throw my hands up and say "not my problem, not my problem." But such a laissez-faire approach doesn't really work well with people you love because you want what's best for them, and you can see a better life for them. Again, going back to the Mel Robbins quote of "let them": it's harder than it seems when the path they're going down leads straight to hell. How do you damn those you love?

Look, I'm tired because I had a solid workout just now and I wanted to write and finish this post. Again, I'm not in any sort of violent state of mind or depressed or anything like that, but I am under pressure and I do feel a lot of stress right now. Work is a lot at this time, and my life is a lot all the time. We'll get through it for the better, just like we always do when we put one foot in front of the other. But it helps to get things out. Thanks for listening.

Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek

I was born and raised in that city. I went to school there, my entire career before I went out on my own has been there. My best friends in the whole world are there (or close enough). New York City was my whole world, and I loved it. I got married when I was living there, and I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life there. But a year or so ago, I decided to move to Miami with my wife. This was certainly not an easy decision, but it allowed me to take on a new direction in our lives. I can honestly say that life, on an aggregate basis, has been so much better since we moved there.

How? How can a person who loved every single second of being in one place fall in love with a different place entirely?

I've personally come to the conclusion that loving being there was a function of comfort rather than emotion. What I mean by that is this: it's impossible to grow without discomfort. Rogan always says that the best way to get things done is to become comfortable being uncomfortable. It's certainly not an easy thing to do, nor is it something that can happen overnight. But I have to admit that the biggest leaps I've made in life were because I chose the uncomfortable path.

There's something I've been thinking about a lot over the past few days, and that's the concept of static vs. dynamic. We're used to things being static, or still. That doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing: being still allows us to develop relationships, allows us to plant roots, and allows us to delve deeper into things that take time. Most importantly, though, is the fact that things that are static in life are very much able to be worked in with dynamic things. Things that are dynamic are fluid, and by definition "un-sticky". They allow for personal growth, exploration, and flexibility. But the things that are the benefits of being static are strangely the things that are the detriments of being dynamic. So how do they work together?

In my estimation, you need to pick and choose the aspects you want to be static and the aspects you want to be dynamic. I can only speak for myself here, but if we dive into the move from a completely static lifestyle in New York and choosing to up and move to Miami and travel the world, that's a huge shift. However, the "static" parts of my life in New York are still sparking a fire within me and in my life: my relationships with my family and friends, the energy of the city, the culture I grew up with, and much more are all things that I take with me. They allow me to be a hard worker, to see the value in things both economically and morally, help me judge right from wrong, and guide me like the subway maps of the city to get to the right destination.

The dynamic aspects of my life, however, are all new and undeveloped, as it were: travel, meeting new people, and experiencing new things are all untested waters for me. But my "static" aspects of life help me navigate these waters with a sense of calm and with correct vision. I am grateful for the life that I lived in New York being surrounded by those I love not least because they influence me in living life to the fullest but in the right way. It allows me to be the person I grew up to become while allowing me to grow into the person I'm yet to be.

I love New York, and I'm forever grateful for the city (no matter what my opinion is of it now, but that's a separate conversation). Thank you for all you've done for me. I hope that one day, I can repay you back in the way you've given me everything. Though the time has come for me to not be there (for now, at least), I'll always be a New Yorker at heart.

I ❤ NY.

Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek.

People always say the expression "new year, new me". I think the intentions behind it are solid, but there's a time component to it which allows people to put off being the "new them". Why wait for the new year in order to be the new you? You're technically a new you right now: you always have the ability to make a choice to be the best version of yourself that you didn't make a moment ago.

Last night, I was at a New Year's party with some old friends and some new. I was having conversations with many different kinds of people and all different personalities. I really love being able to have these conversations because you learn about them as well as yourself: listening to someone else really can become a journey of self discovery. In any case, one person I spoke to was quite interesting. I'd never met them before, but they were coworkers/friends with some other good friends of mine (hey, a friend of a friend can be a friend too).

I had a chance to get some one on one time with this person, and I came to the conclusion that they seemed to be one of those people who liked speaking about their issues to a crowd but didn't want to change. Blaming others, blaming their background, blaming, blaming, blaming. Mind you, this isn't a knock on their personality, but rather something I noticed in the conversations we were having. Let's put a pin in this for a second.

I was texting a buddy of mine the other day and we were talking about this "let them" theory that is being popularized by Mel Robbins. Mind you, I haven't read the book, but I think I get the concept on a very surface level: if someone wants to go down a path that doesn't align with yours, let them because it's not your problem. I understand it, and fortunately or unfortunately I'm starting to become that way with people on a certain level. In trying to become more positive, I've always been encouraging and trying to get people to do better, but nowadays if someone doesn't want to put in the effort to change, let them be. It might be a tough pill to swallow sometimes, but hey: c'est la vie.

Back to the conversation at the party. This whole "let them be" thought was crossing through my mind as this person was speaking. But something pulled me in the opposite direction every single time they would speak negatively about themselves or someone else or a situation that happened. In my head (and I could be right or wrong), if it truly did happen the way this person said the things that happened to them happened, then no one would have told them that there is a different path in life, that you can make a choice to be happy. So even though the thoughts were running through my head to let them be, I still tried to be positive and tell them that they can be the best they can ever be starting right now.

New year, new you? Nah. Right now, new you. If you want it.

Anyways, I just wanted to put that out there. As an aside, I never make New Years resolutions but I did make one this year: that I will try and sleep early and prioritize my sleep. So I'm going to go ahead to bed, get lost in the pages of a good book, and drift off to sleep.

Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow. Happy New Year all: let's get to it in 2026 and beyond.

Vivek.

What is war? In its simplest and basic terms, it's a physically confrontational power struggle: vying for being top dog and gaining control over X resource. In today's day and age, war seems to be waged on the corporate battlefield, which is one of the reasons that The Art of War is read by so many CEOs and leaders. It's an excellent way to move forward with leadership of an organization, but I feel that this way of conducting affairs has an inherent quality that many people overlook.

In the book Masters of Command, the author wrote something tha I found to be quite profound:

Alexander the Great, Hannibal, and Julius Caesar are models and warnings. We ignore them at our peril, but we should imitate them only with caution. War will always be a sad fact of life, and they were too good at war for us not to learn from them. But a good society never lets war be guided by anything other than the public interest. What guided Alexander, Hannibal, and Caesar was their selves.

This is interesting to note because their way of warfare centered around their own egos. Ego is inherent in each of these leaders' actions, but their actions led to some of the most profound moments in history and to them becoming some of the greatest generals who ever lived.

They say that leaders have a responsibility to the people they lead. I agree, but I'd like to add an addendum to this: leaders also have a responsibility to the people they go against. This is because war (or conflict in any form) is a zero-sum game: someone will win and someone will lose. But really in any conflict those who lose are ordinary people, people whose lives are impacted by the actions of a select few. In my estimation good leaders (no, great leaders) are those who offer the people they win over to be in better positions than they were before.

Look. I get it: this can be taken as some form of "socialism is good" nonsense way. It is not, and I am a very staunch capitalist. Which is why if you find this to be objectionable, really take the time to read through this. You'll see that what I'm saying is by far the most capitalistic view because what this promotes is playing positive sum games: playing games where all parties involved are better off than they were before. This leads to fostering fertile grounds for innovation, collaboration, and further positive sum games. And that, I believe, is what led to these three men's ultimate falls: they played the wrong game. Please read the book to get more details of what I'm talking about, it's a fascinating read.

Alexander, Hannibal, and Caesar were great men who went on to become great leaders. After reading this book, I'm hoping to learn from them on how to become a good man who can go on to become a great leader. That's all I have for now. Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek.

As I mentioned in my previously unfinished post, the holidays are an extensively crazy time in my household. However, the past few days have been more hellish to say the least. I don't want to sound like some form of curmudgeon (seriously), but it's been tough dealing with the issues that are happening around me, from business to plumbing issues to a blizzard here in the Northeast where I am currently. The activity is nonstop, and to be very honest I'm glad I took some time yesterday to be able to reset and get done the things that I need to do rather than devote my really precious time to other things. I'm not trying to sound condescending here, but I really do have a lot going on (as do others who need help, but two things can be true).

I haven't written at all the past few days and I realized that I need to be more mindful to do so. My mind is somewhat like a pressure cooker: things happen around me, I get these insane inner thoughts that circulate in my head, and I need to find a release. Writing, exercise, cooking, being with family and friends, and other aspects of life that are non-stress inducing are my pressure cooker release valve, whereas things like work, bad weather (honestly!), and other shitty aspects of life add to the pressure. I thought about creating and releasing an audio program called Pressure Cooker where I would just speak what's on my mind and release it unfiltered. It might be a good idea. Let's see.

The thing about a pressure cooker is that it is actually useful for something: it makes food. It uses high amounts of force, it has a mechanism to release that force if it builds up too much, and out comes delicious sustainance that we can gratefully consume to live. We need the end result of its actions. But like everything in life, there are negatives to it's existence (look up the connection between the Boston Marathon and pressure cookers to see what I'm talking about): the thing that can allow people to have life also is the same thing that can take it away. Same with knives, same with water. There are always two sides to every story.

As such, in my mind, there are two sides to the coin. The first side is that I have these thoughts in my head, and I have this wonderful gift to be able to receive these thoughts from the environment I interact with. I can play with ideas, turn them over, twist them, and see what comes out. The other side is that when bad things happen, I get really deep, dark, bad thoughts. I mean REALLY dark.

I know what happens to people with dark thoughts. Turn on the news any one of these days and you'll see what I mean: people get hurt. I don't believe in being the aggressor in any situation, and as such my morals prevent me from taking on that kind of action. However, even good men turn. As such, I need that pressure release valve in my brain. For me, this is one of those ways.

Thank you, whoever you are out there (if anyone) reading this. I appreciate your being a part of my pressure release journey. At the end of these writing sessions I feel a sense of peace and calm, kind of like how you feel a sense of release after the gym. And for you to be a part of this meditative process means a lot to me. I'm grateful and thankful.

I hope you are all having a wonderful holiday season filled with joy and love. Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek

As such, I've been pondering something: who owns my time?

(Published unfinished)

I made a promise to myself that I didn't keep.

In a moment of either weakness, making a choice, or pure habit, I fell. I am not sure whether I meant to or not. But I did. And last night I decided to do something about it.

A few days ago, I spoke about the gamification of certain habits. I don't think I'm at the stage where I can not gamify things in order to see results. The internal voice in my head tells me that I'm weak. My internal voice in my head also was the one that led me to fall yesterday (to be honest, the internal voice in my head can be a real asshole, and I think he needs some therapy and self love but that's a story for a different day).

I'm not sure how to deal with this internal voice in my head. You know what the worst part is? That voice controls so much of my life and my body and my cravings, but it's also the one that gets me to write these on a regular basis, to make me exercise, to make me read difficult things, to do difficult things. It's both.

I think the internal voice in my head wanta both: he wants the extremes of having a disciplined life of rigour and exercise and whatnot, and he also wants the pleasure of an easy life eating ice cream whenever he wants.

It's me. The internal voice in my head is me.

Or is it? Is the person that's inside there me, really? Kapil Gupta has this idea of the monkey mind, which unfolds out to being something in the approximation of "you are not your mind". It's a fascinating concept, but it's difficult to grasp. Who am I if I'm not the voice inside my head? What am I if I'm not the voices inside my head?

It's deeply unsettling to me to think that the person who I can literally hear 24x7 is not me but rather someone or something else. The first image that comes to mind is Venom from Spider-Man: Venom is a parasite and speaks to Eddie Brock from within, controlling his actions and such. I know it can be a juvenile comic book concept but look it up, it fits here.

If I'm not the voice in my head, then did I not break that promise? Don't fall down that slippery slope. I made the promise and I broke that promise. And I'm going to work harder at keeping that promise to myself. Dust yourself off and keep moving.

Because it's me. The internal voice in my head is me.

Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek

It's been a while since I've felt good about the way my day has gone. Yes, yes, I'm fine: I just need to get out of a funk. It usually happens around this time of year since it's right before my own business' busiest season and smack dab in the middle of retail season, a time when I go back and help my parents at their work. To be honest more so than getting ready for my own insanity is doing this last bit.

I just came back from the gym: I did a routine of the Peloton, lifting, a 15 minute treadmill walk, the sauna, and the cold plunge (twice, but for like 10-15 seconds apiece... It physically hurts. Oh well, I'll work my way up to 3 minutes). I feel a lot better, and I feel like I want to take on my day.

Sometimes we need to just release, and thone of my favorite ways to do that is going into the gym, sauna or steam room, or honestly even for a walk or a run or a swim. It's a slow kind of a burn, and it really makes you face some realities about yourself when you're doing something difficult (walking is more of a relaxed enjoyment, to be honest). I had some experiences like that this morning when I was on the treadmill, and my mind started wandering into some dark places.

I do wonder, a,ctually not really wonder but more so am curious about the impact, of certain foods and how the] impact you in the hours after consuming them. There is a thing that whole foods give you more mental clarity than processed foods, which makes sense. I just feel also that while you're working out, they can help you finish stronger. When you're in the cold plunge, they can help you stay in there and embrace the suck longer. When you're in the sauna, they can help you withstand the heat longer. I think this is because they are exactly what were used to, and since we've been doing difficult things for hundreds of thousands of years, whole foods and non-ultra-processed foods are exactly what our bodies have adapted to consuming to get those things done.

Anyways I have a long day and I need to get a move on. Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek

REVIEW

How has this year gone? It's been a mixed bag. I've traveled, moved, seen new places, experienced new things. I've gone through good times and bad, happy and sad. I've done well in business and other times I've failed. But overall, my blessings have been greater than my sacrifices and trip ups, and for that I am always thankful.

What went well? I've grown as a person: as a husband, son, brother, friend, business owner, and overall human being. I've exercised a lot more and focused on my health, and I've done decently when it comes to business. I've entered into new arenas and areas in my life, both physically and metaphysically. I've accomplished a lot, and I'm proud of what I've done.

What went badly? I've fallen in the wayside in many ways. I certainly feel like I'm in a funk now. I think I've learned that as I grow older I lose more and more of who I was and am growing more into who I'm yet to become. It's a gradual process, not something that happens overnight. But there are a few things in my mind that come about when I reflect on this.

People who don't see you for a long time see the change in you immediately but you don't. However, those people don't see the actual change, so they don't get the full story. It's interesting: people like that are good gauges for how far you've come, but not how well or worse it's actually going.

On top of this, I've also realized that I'm currently in a funk, and the thing I'm working on now is seeing how I can be more in tune with my body and mind in order to see when things are and are not working. (btw, these answers may seem like they are abstract and not answering the questions, but they are if you read it.)

Why? I think the things that went badly for me went badly because I might be taking too much on, also because I am of two minds of what I actually do now. I also am a person who may not be comfortable with, even if I'm used to, the idea of change, and there may be certain things that I know I need to leave in the past that I feel like I am not ready to leave yet, or that want to stay with me that I want to let go. In short, I feel like things that go badly for me go because I'm trying to pull too many reins of too many horses precisely in too many different directions all at the same time.

What lessons did I learn? Let go.

What habit or system accounted for most of my success? Honestly? Being comfortable with allowing others to make decisions that are ultimately my responsibility but that I don't feel like I need to or I trust others enough to be able to make.

What are the most valuable ways I spend my time? Exercising, spending time with my wife and family and friends, calling and speaking to loved ones, reading new books, listening to new music, making new music, writing, creating new software projects, exploring new places, and trying new things.

How can I find more time for this? I would need to secure a certain level of success in my day to day life and my business that I would need in order to buy back my time whereby I can do the things that I want to do.

What brought me the most happiness? The thing that brings me the true most happiness while I am doing it is making music, but that has ebbs and flows.

How can I help these activities to happen more often? I can refuse to let work get in between my personal life. I can work on projects that are fulfilling to me more. In order to do this, I need to shift my perspective on what it is that actually is valuable in my day to day, in that what gives me the most value.

Who are the people that had the greatest impact on me? My wife and family, my friends, my colleagues.

How can I see and collaborate with them more? I try to see, work, and collaborate with them on a regular basis, whether it's a personal or business. I can continue that momentum.

What did I expect to complete, but didn’t? I expected to hit $25K MRR this year but I did not get to achieve this goal.

Is this still an important goal of mine? If so, how can I make future follow-through more likely? This is an extremely important goal for me. I can make this happen by a. developing systems which allow me to collaborate with the number of clients in the way that I want to that will help me achieve that, and b. make sure those clients are of high quality and are able to fit into my own systematic needs with whom I can develop a relationship.

What are the least valuable ways I am spending my time? I am spending too much time deciding on what to do, and, let's say, on things that are not the best things to do. I'll leave it at that.

How can I prevent myself from continuing to spend time in this way? Focus. Meditate. Keep my eye on the goal.

How have my goals or priorities shifted over the last few months? My goals and priorities have become less about attaining a specific goal than it has about attaining a specific day to day life. Also, I'm working less on trying to gamify things than I am to become the person who does that habit anyway.

Is there anything I am still doing that is no longer in alignment? Why? Probably many things, especially since I am trying to juggle so many things. In 2026 I want to hone my focus in on a few things.

MEMORIES

Best Surprise: New home

Best Meal: Not even close: Khao Soi in Chiang Mai

Coolest New Experience: Trying Luwak coffee in Bali

Favourite Weekend: When my entire family came to visit us in Miami

Favourite First Meeting: That's a good one, I'm not sure to be honest.

Favourite New City: Chiang Mai, Thailand

Favourite New Emotion: Serenity, probably

Favourite New Walk: Walking around Brickell Bay in the mornings

Favourite New Friend: Probably Marcelo? Good dude.

Favourite Tour: Elephant Tour in Chiang Mai (I really like Chiang Mai lol)

Favourite Day: The day we got our new home

Most Intense Week: It might have to be the week of my sister in law's wedding: that was hectic

Best Sex: I'm going to keep this private, thanks

Favourite Artist: I cycle through artists, but for now I'm listening to a lot of Westside Gunn so I'll keep that at the moment

Favourite Song: Victory Lap by Fred Again

Favourite Quote: "I have not yet grown wise enough to deeply enjoy simple things." - Visakan Veerasamy

PLAN

What would I do this year if I wanted to make 85 year old me miserable? Keep up the fat and lazy lifestyle that I am trying to run as far away from as I humanly can.

What would 85 year old me wish I did more of? Somehow I feel either work and spend time with my loved ones at the same time... Definitely more physical/sports things. I'm not sure to be honest. I've been trying to think of an answer for the past 20 minutes.

What are the things I do to make my day go great? Show gratitude, try and reflect and mediate, EXERCISE, read, write.

What things make my days go terribly? Smoke, drink, fall to bad vices, not exercise, overeat.

What do I think is productive that isn’t? I think they are productive but if you overindulge, then podcasts and audiobooks are truly attention grabbing time wastes. If done in excess. Which might happen more often than I think.

What is productive that I don’t realise? Silence.

What do I want to do less of with my time? Waste it.

What do I want to do more of with my time? Be more productive in my output. Also, forgive.

What does an ideal normal day look like? Write it out. Wake up. Go out for a nice long walk. Cold plunge/sauna. Exercise. Speak with friends and family. Have lunch or coffee with my family. Write/create/work. Make dinner. Eat dinner. Wind down with the family (read, watch a movie, etc). Sleep early.

What conversations do I need to have? I need to have honest conversations with people who I love about the things I want from my life and how it may impact their life. I left where I grew up for a reason.

What are the habits I’m committing to starting and stopping?

Starting: Not putting things off for tomorrow.

Stopping: Putting things off for tomorrow.

I know this seems like a cop out answer, but this is a real problem for me.

FINAL THOUGHTS

What would have had to have happened by the end of next year for me to look back on the year and consider it a success? Have six pack abs, $250K invested that I made on my own, and be able to step away from my business without worry.

Who do I need to become for next year’s chapter of my life story to turn out the way I would write it? I need to become a person who grabs life more by the horns and doesn't let things distract or sidetrack me.

Knowing what I know now, what advice would I give to myself 12 months ago? (pssst - you probably still need to hear this now) Don't say yes to all clients just because you want money. Say yes to the clients who actually want to give you money. This is the same for time: don't say yes to anyone because you want to spend time with them, say yes to people who actually want to give you their time.

MISCELLANEOUS NOTES & REFLECTIONS…

This was actually a lot more difficult than I thought it was going to be, but I am glad I did it. Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek

When did we, collectively, stop doing things for the sake of doing them?

It seems like everything is gamified these days. I touched upon this in my last post, and I'd like to go a bit further here. It seems like we optimize for everything in every way. Why do something if it brings no usefulness, no utility in your life, no supposed good?

I believe that life is made up of balance: for every good there is a bad, for every bad a good. Now, there are different terrains of good and certainly different terrains of bad: we can choose the good and choose the bad. Here's an example: a person who's 100% optimizing their health for the purpose of longevity and the fact that it's "good for you" will not enjoy the simple pleasure of meeting a buddy and having a conversation with a friend at a bar late at night after dinner. They'll never understand letting loose and having a cigar while on vacation, or enjoying a bucket of butter popcorn at the movies. There's a sadness in that, really.

These things, though "bad for you", have a profound impact in the moment. They heighten your experience, and they are there specifically because something else going on in that moment is bigger than that little indulgence.

Published as is.

As a child, I grew up in two households.

One of them was my home. It was a world in an of itself: sights, sounds, colors, vibrancy, culture, arts, and life. It was beautiful, but life was more musical with a frequency of chaos (frequently, too).

The other was my parents' business. This was a different world: drab, fluorescent lights, boxes everywhere, lots of sounds of brooms and sights of office supplies. Things didn't "flow" here as they did at home: rather, things were neat or dusty, black or white, ordered or chaotic.

My home was a Hindu household. We have pictures of many different deities, many different bhajans (prayer songs), foods, languages, songs, and overall feel. I also, however, went to Catholic school: it was way more "ordered" and "event based" compared to Hinduism. We also never went to the temple so I never got the experience that some of my friends who grew up with had (the only time we'd go is when we go to India. The temple we go to is literally a former mechanic's garage, so my idea of what a "place of worship" looks like was markedly different from the grandeur of the Church.

Niall Ferguson has this idea that Christianity is the operating system of the West. I tend to agree. I sense more about Christian life resonated here, especially where I grew up in the mostly Italian Bay Ridge. As I've grown older, I've been reflecting more on how I should bridge the two philosophies that have guided me throughout life, and I've come to the simple realization:

They're the same shit. (I'm choosing my words carefully here.)

Both religions are saying the exact same thing. Down to the core. The only difference here is the method by which that base-level idea is orchestrated to the world. Each religion brings positive aspects to life: a path, philosophy, points of reflection, and an honor of life. The ways in which we move throughout our lives are heavily dependent on the value systems that religion has the capacity to bestow upon you. The only thing that's different is the sounds and the images that people who practice these religions are resonating with. The "output that most people have when they go through their lives when interacting with religion. Their "shit", per se.

Anyways.

I think these interfacial differences are the reason why I am the way that I am. I interact with people and ideas differently, I find different things funny from others and different things sad from others, and I have different tastes. This, I think, is what people mean when they say "everybody's different".

So, yeah, this is something I was thinking about today. Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek

I've started posts but have not finished them. I start, and I get somewhere too. But I haven't finish them: my last two publications I published with the words (Published unfinished.) on the bottom. Also, the artwork is the same. Clearly I just wanted to get something done..

I think amongst many changes we look for solace in whatever gives us comfort. I'm not sure why, but I feel like for me whenever there's a lot going on I tend to dive deep, even at the expense of myself sometimes. I could have gone to the gym, I could have slept early, but there's so much to do. (Addendum: sometimes it feels like there's so much to avoid also, but that's a different story.)

One of the things I've done, or rather not done, these past few days is avoided the gym (or gone to the gym, based on the second part of the sentence. Whichever you prefer.) I was really looking forward to it today, and life derailed me. It's not an excuse, but you should know it's something I really look forward to. I feel amazing when I go and shitty when I don't. But again, there's work there that gets in the way.

I think if you're an entrepreneur there's a thing in your mind to quantify your wins, and it's that aspect that I think has been spilling into my personal life. Even small wins are wins, and if you can work on a smaller problem that provides you a bigger step forward you're more incentivized to select that over something like the gym, where small steady wins are in service of a longer term goal.

Mindset shift: are they?

What's the benefit of the gym? To look good? Achieve a fitness goal? To become a better athlete? Yes, yes, and yes. But I would argue that those "small steady wins" at the gym are not small steady wins at all: rather they are major victories that we don't see the payout for in large ways because we in fact frontload the payout.

Chris Williamson has this wonderful idea called "the pump preview":

​Going to the gym is one of the very few pursuits that you can do where in the act of doing the thing you get a brief window into what it will be like if you continue to do the thing.

​If I go on Duolingo and try to learn Spanish, I don't briefly become much better at Spanish—like where I'm going to be at in 6 months or 12 months time.

​But if I go to the gym and get a pump on, I go: 'Hey, that's me hopefully flat [at rest] in 9 months time.' Like how I look now at the end of the session is where I want to be toward the end of this year. The pump preview.

This is what I mean by frontloading the payout: the victory seemingly comes in drips. Seemingly, being the key word here.

I think the most rewarding thing about the gym is the mental clarity you get after an insanely difficult workout. I just got back from the gym now (note: I've been writing this over two days and I'm purposely not going back and editing this), and I can tell you certainty that I feel more clear now than I have all day. It's the main reason why I look forward to it, because it just feels so good to have gotten it over with, and how it makes me feel after having exerted an insane amount of energy and finishing every workout.

There's a habit these days to gamify going to the gym. If that works then it works, but I'm working hard on moving away from that mentality. The thing about gamifying something is to win the game.

But I'm just trying to love it.

Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek.