- Steve Jobs

1. The concept of time

"THE CLOCK IS TICKING Our future is slipping away, moment by moment. One day, the final clock will strike and our time will be up. But when will we start to truly appreciate the gift of life? When will we awaken to the fact that time is running out? We're so busy with this and that, we're so busy that we don't even know why we're so busy. We have no time for anything or anyone, not even for ourselves. We've lost sight of what life is all about.

So I invite you to hit pause for a moment, and reflect. How much of your precious time this week have you wasted on things that don't really matter? How much of it have you spent worrying about things that never came to pass? How much of it have you spent doing things that won't bring you any closer to what you truly want?

What do you spend the majority of your time on? Take a moment to think about it. What do you spend the bulk of your life doing? One day, there will be no more time to pursue the things you've always dreamed of. No more time to say the things you've always wanted to say. So don't wait. Act now. Decide now that you and only you get to steer the course of your life. That, my friend, is the essence of personal mastery.

In this game of life, time is our opponent, and so far, time has always won. We wait until the last possible moment to take action. We procrastinate until the deadline is upon us, and then we scramble to get the job done just in time. But with each deadline, our time is running out. It's only when we're face-to-face with death that we realize our life has passed us by without truly living it.

But it's not too late. We're here now, and every decision we make, every choice we take today will shape our future. We still have time to make our dreams come true, to achieve our goals, and to get the most out of ourselves. So don't limit yourself. Don't give up before you've even begun. You don't need to know the how, just the where. What's your destination? What's on your bucket list? Money, happiness, personal growth? More time for yourself, doing what you love? Make your dreams a reality and unlock your full potential.

A vital side-note: time is a construction of the mind, a perception created by you as human, and it might not even exist. It is a story we tell each other, to make sense of the world around us. This is known as an institution, a story, and stories often dictate our life (like money is a story). If we let it. The notion of time loses it relevancy if you fully connect more to your present, and be fully aware of the now. It allows you to open up your senses, focus and give your all in the only ‘time’ that matters: now. But, more about that in later chapters :-)

Let’s dig in a bit more in the notion of the mind, stories and the importance of choices.

Your mindset, your choices, your story

MINDSET Your mindset is your way of thinking. And that way of thinking determines how you live. Whether you are happy and successful or not, how you treat others and yourself, how you treat with your feelings and whether you are living life the way you want it to be. You behavior is therefore a direct result of your mindset. Your mindset determines your vision of the world around you and of yourself, your self-image. At I will use countless examples and my own experiences give you insight into your way of thinking in this program. How it is originated and which invisible blockages you can now avoid prevent you from living your best life. Do you want something on improve yourself, your behavior and the quality of your daily life? Then it is necessary to change your mindset and your beliefs change.

THOUGHTS, OPINIONS AND BEHAVIOR

It is important that you are aware of your thoughts and of it fact that you are the cause of that mental activity. Realize you then that you give meaning with your intelligent brain to every thought and that it gives you a certain feeling. Also each judgment you have is the result of the meaning you give to it a thought. Now that you're reading this or listening to me, you'll get something out of it find, you have an opinion. You agree or not. Where does that opinion come from? Over the years, and during my research for my book Master Your Mindset, it became clear to me how the way we thinking occurs. It is the result of our perception and our perception is not an objective representation of reality. Not pure, but colored. It's your reality. These are topics that we will cover in subsequent lessons.

“You believe in your own story. That story is your reality. And that reality determines your vision on the world and the results that you achieve.”

WHAT'S YOUR STORY?

Your conditioning, your story, is a collection of beliefs. Your conditioning is your personal operating system. It is the map for your life. But if you have the wrong map (roadmap) you will never get where you want to be. So what does your card look like? And is the information on your card correct? Is your roadmap up to date? to get where you want to be? Change your beliefs (belief) and your existence will change. People live according to patterns. And those patterns have emerged. How?

WHAT THOUGHTS CHECK YOUR MINDSET?

There are certain common thoughts that haunt us a lot occupy. A large part of your energy then goes to this one thoughts. By giving that attention and meaning, you grow turn those thoughts into emotions which then turn into your behavior determine. That emotion can lead to tension, stress, uncertainty, turmoil, etc. The learning process of being positive (not just positive thinking) begins with the recognition of destructive thoughts. Once you are aware of the habit of thinking thoughts that lead to negative emotions, you can change them through positive ones replace thoughts.

“The emotional meaning you give to a thought, determines your behavior and your behavior determines the results you achieve.”

WHAT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PEOPLE? A. How we think B. What meaning we give to thoughts, situations and experiences C. What action we take

No matter how different we all seem to be, in essence we have we have the same basic needs. Tony Robbins names the six needs that every person has as follows:

1. Certainty, because we want a carefree existence.

2. Variety, because too much certainty becomes boring.

3. Consideration, because we want to be seen and heard.

4. Love and connection, because otherwise we feel lonely.

5. Growth, because development leads to satisfaction and happiness.

6. A contribution to others or society, because we want be of significance.

Your behavior and the choices you make are directly related to these six needs and to your personal values. Which needs weigh more heavily is different for everyone. That's why It's extremely important that you keep those personal values for yourself very clear. And that you also understand why exactly that one values are so important to you.

If you combine those values with the six basic needs, and you add your limiting beliefs, which will be covered later more, then you will be able to explain a large part of your behavior. Then you will understand how your mindset came about and that you have the key that gives access to your most beautiful life.

EVERY CHOICE YOU MAKE... Most people can't choose easily; the more choice, the harder it gets. The more there is on the menu a restaurant, the more difficult it is to choose. Doubters usually don't dare to make decisions. By When waiting, opportunities often pass by and in many cases the doubter ends up making the 'wrong' choice, which later leads to regret. People who go through life successfully usually choose quickly. She are confident, make choices quickly and usually stick to them. They will not doubt whether it is the right choice. So choose quickly, Don't hesitate and stick to your choice. Or you must be demonstrable and with certainty that it was not the right choice, or maybe it is circumstances changed; in that case you can rigorously do it turn around and choose a different course. Change starts with a decision. If you do something to yourself or to want to change your current existence, it starts with the decision that to do. Above all, you have to learn to ask yourself good questions. By asking good questions you gain clarity. By brightness you get insight. Through insight, fear and uncertainty disappear and you get more self-confidence. If you have confidence, you dare to make decisions. And every decision you make determines the course of your life. That's why I often say: ' With every decision you make now you determine your own future.”

HOW ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU NOW? Do you consider yourself vital at the moment? Do you live healthy? Or are you too fat and do you have too little energy? Are you in control of your emotions or are you lived by your emotions? Do you have a lot of negative thoughts? Are you easily bothered by criticism from others? Do you always have too much to do and not enough time? Are you happy in your relationship? Do you feel are you regularly lonely or do you experience a strong connection? How are your social contacts? How are you doing financially? Have do you ever worry about money? Do you have enough savings? Do you think that you earn enough? Or do you just need more money? Gives you do you work satisfaction? Do you take enough time to relax and to enjoy? Do you take enough rest for yourself every day or do you have to you all kinds of things and do you regularly feel stressed? And how busy are you with spiritual growth?

3. It’s all about your focus

The Pyramid of Life Art I also refer to these elements in our lives as the Pyramid of Life Art. An exceptional, grand, fantastic, successful, and happy life is the result of a determined commitment to constantly focus on improving these ten elements of life. All elements are important in achieving a balanced life. Then there is peace and harmony within yourself and that offers the perspective to further develop in a happy state of awareness.

The foundation is laid by vitality (life force) and how we deal with our emotions. Good health and a high energy level are the basis for a positive mental attitude and positive emotions. As we climb up the pyramid, you see that higher levels can only come into their own when the underlying levels are stable. In order to deliver optimal performance, each level must be stable and balanced. If this is not the case, it can have consequences for each level. For example, if you have no control over your energy level, you do not feel vital and you will have more emotional fluctuations. This makes you more insecure and distracted. This leads to restless thoughts that result in stress. Without realizing it, a lot of valuable time is lost because you worry and worry. Your negative attitude can be detrimental to your relationship and social interaction, can have business and financial consequences, and offers no room for relaxation. This situation creates a negative mindset that is reflected in daily reality. When you have trouble communicating and can't get along with others smoothly, that will have negative consequences in collaboration with colleagues, superiors, and customers. If you can't handle your time efficiently, you'll notice that in your work, in your social life, and you usually have too little time for relaxation. In short, you experience your existence as confusing or chaotic. Relaxation is not possible because you have worrying thoughts that affect your emotions. When a number of elements are not in order, you will almost always have problems in your daily life, sometimes with far-reaching consequences.

You can also see the elements of the Pyramid of Life Art as the spokes of your life wheel. If one spoke breaks, repair it directly before a second one breaks, causing the wheel to lose stability.

For each element of the Pyramid of Life Art, you can ask yourself what you would like to improve. And ask yourself at each element: what do I really want? What do I want with my health? What do I want with my relationship? What do I want financially? What do I want with my work or my business? How do I want to allocate my time? How do I want to develop myself spiritually? Don't take this too easily. Focus your attention on that one thing...

4. Where Your Mind Is, There You Are

Sometimes you feel on top of the world, while other times you're a mere shadow of your former self. What determines your state of being? How can you feel powerful, confident, happy, lively, and calm one moment, and then lost, unhappy, and overwhelmed the next?

Emotions shape how you feel, so they largely determine the quality of your being. An emotion is different from a feeling, although they are closely related. Feelings come from intuition, they can come from a sudden inspiration. You can "feel" that something is about to happen, without being able to explain it. You can sometimes feel if someone is pure and sincere, or not, without being able to factually prove it. Feelings of love, gratitude, something you can feel without being able to explain or trace it back to certain thoughts. These types of feelings come from somewhere or are created. Emotions are the result of the meaning we consciously and unconsciously assign to thoughts and events. That's my vision and explanation.

Therefore, emotions largely determine how we feel. Where your attention is, your dominant emotions form. What state of consciousness are you in? If you're in a negative state of consciousness, you make the wrong choices and do the wrong things (low energy, wrong focus, easily distracted, you focus on the negative, susceptible to fear and doubt).

In a negative state of being, you are more likely to worry, or be afraid of something. You regret things, you're angry, sad, or disappointed. "If only I had done this, then that..." "If only" doesn't exist. You didn't do it that way, so staying stuck in "how it could have been" is a complete waste of time. It only brings you more negative emotions and feelings.

Past and future are concepts in our thinking mind. They do not actually exist. They are memories or projections and they are always a result of your thoughts at this moment in the present. You cannot change the past. You can only change how you deal with your past, the facts are unchangeable. The future is a result of what you think, decide, and do today. So there is only: Now. Live Now.

PAST Sadness Anger Accusations Regret Pain

NOW Awareness Clarity Focus Happiness Trust

FUTURE Fear Worry Doubt Insecurity Unrest

How can I apply this in my life today?

1. What are you currently spending the majority of your time on?

2. What would you like to spend more time doing? And why aren't you doing it now?

3. What would you like to spend less time doing?

4. How much more time would you like and for what purpose?

5. What concrete steps are you going to take to better manage your time?

“In this game of life, time is our opponent, and so far, time has always won."

THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE What grade is the quality of your life getting right now? Honestly rate each element from 1 to 10 right now and where you are want to stand in a year:

1. HEALTH AND VITALITY __ __

2. DEALING WITH EMOTIONS __ __

3. COMMUNICATION SKILL __ __

4. TIME MANAGEMENT __ __

5. FINANCIAL __ __

6. LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP __ __

7. WORK (OR STUDY) __ __

8. YOUR SOCIAL LIFE __ __

9. RELAXATION __ __

10. SELF-DEVELOPMENT __ __

Which five elements do you want to improve? Put the most important at number 1.

CONNECTING THE DOTS What choices have led you to where you are now? Can you recognize a pattern in your life (behaviour/choices)? Write down some key moments and decisions that set the course of your life

This quote means that your beliefs shape your identity and determine the person you become. What you truly believe in, on a deep and intrinsic level, will shape your actions and decisions, and ultimately impact the person you become. It suggests that it's not enough to simply hope, wish, or want something; true change comes from a deep-seated conviction and belief.

Internal beliefs are personal and subjective convictions that shape one's thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. They are often unconscious and learned through experiences and cultural influences. Here are a few examples of internal beliefs:

1. I am not worthy of love and respect.

2. I am not capable of succeeding in life.

3. Money can't buy happiness.

4. I am not good enough.

5. I am in control of my own happiness.

6. Life is full of hardships, but it is also full of joys.

7. People can't be trusted.

8. I deserve to be treated with kindness and dignity.

9. I am responsible for my own success.

10. Everything happens for a reason.

These beliefs can have a significant impact on one's mental and emotional well-being, and can influence decisions, relationships, and overall life satisfaction. It's important to be aware of and challenge limiting beliefs, and work to replace them with more empowering ones.

Some tips to help you identify your beliefs:

1. Reflect on your values: What do you value most in life? What do you believe is right or wrong?

2. Examine your thoughts and behaviors: How do you think and act in different situations? What patterns do you notice?

3. Consider your experiences: What experiences have shaped your beliefs and values?

4. Seek feedback: Ask those closest to you what they think your beliefs are.

5. Read, learn and challenge yourself: Exposure to new ideas and perspectives can help you identify and challenge your beliefs.

Remember that your beliefs may evolve over time, and it's okay to question them and make changes. The goal is to be aware of what you believe and why, so that you can live in alignment with your values.

Models and frameworks

There are several models and frameworks that can help you identify and understand your beliefs:

1. CBT (Cognitive-behavioral therapy): CBT is a form of psychotherapy that aims to change negative patterns of thought and behavior. It can help individuals identify and challenge limiting beliefs that are holding them back.

2. REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy): REBT is a form of cognitive therapy that focuses on changing irrational beliefs to more rational and adaptive ones.

3. Mindfulness-based approaches: Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, can help individuals become more aware of their thoughts and beliefs. By being present and non-judgmental, individuals can learn to identify and challenge limiting beliefs.

4. The belief ladder: This model provides a framework for identifying and challenging limiting beliefs by considering the evidence for and against them.

5. The Johari Window: This model is a tool for understanding self-awareness and can help individuals identify and understand their beliefs, emotions, and behaviors.

These models and frameworks can be useful tools in exploring and understanding your beliefs. It's important to find what works best for you and to seek support from a trusted therapist or counselor if needed.

How to apply this in your life

Assignment: Exploring Your Beliefs

Introduction: Our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world around us shape our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. In this assignment, you will have the opportunity to explore your beliefs and consider how they impact your life.

Instructions:

1. Make a list: Make a list of your beliefs about yourself, others, and the world. Try to be as specific as possible. For example, "I am not good enough" or "People can't be trusted."

2. Categorize: Once you have your list, categorize your beliefs into two categories: limiting beliefs and empowering beliefs. Limiting beliefs are those that hold you back or limit your potential, while empowering beliefs are those that inspire and motivate you.

3. Reflect: Reflect on your beliefs and consider the evidence for and against each one. Challenge limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering ones.

4. Write a belief statement: Write a statement of your most empowering belief. This statement should be something you can read and remind yourself of daily.

5. Share and discuss: Share your belief statement with a partner or in a small group and discuss the impact that your beliefs have on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Conclusion: This assignment is designed to help you become more aware of your beliefs and how they shape your perceptions of yourself and the world around you. By categorizing your beliefs and challenging limiting beliefs, you can begin to replace them with more empowering ones.

Reflecting on Your Thoughts and Emotions

1. What's been occupying your mind lately? Are there any specific questions or thoughts that have been weighing on you?

2. How do these thoughts affect you and what do you believe to be the root cause of them?

3. What emotions have been dominating your experience recently and what impact do they have on you?

4. Who or what guides and controls your life? Who holds the most influence over your thoughts and behavior?

5. Do you make decisions based on assumptions, hearsay, or a combination of careful analysis, thinking, and facts?

Examining Your Relationship with Money

1. When you think of money, what words come to mind and what associations do you have with it?

2. What is your ideal monthly net spending budget?

3. How much money would it take for you to feel financially independent?

4. What would you do if you were gifted 2 million dollars (net) today?

Finding Your Path to Self-Improvement

1. Imagine the best version of yourself. Write down what changes you want to make about yourself and your life. What are the feelings you're struggling with? Are there any behaviors you want to change?

2a. Identifying areas of self-improvement and your living situation. What do you hope to gain from these changes and what sacrifices will you have to make in order to achieve your goals?

2b. Reflecting on your behavior and what changes you want to make.

3. Understanding the source of your limitations. Why haven't you made these changes yet, even though you know what you want to change and have the motivation to do so?

4. Considering the potential negative consequences of inaction. How will your life be impacted if you don't make changes now? What will your life look like in a month, a year, or five years from now if you don't take action now?

5. Focusing on the positive outcomes. What will be the benefits of making these changes, both emotionally and in terms of your life goals?

Remember, you are only limited by your own thoughts. Embrace change and make the most of your opportunities!

WHAT'S ON YOUR BUCKETLIST? What would you do if time and money were no object, if everything was possible, if no one would get in your way and you wouldn't have to take anything and anyone into account? How would your life would look like if there were no limitations that you have now prevent you from filling in that most ideal life as such? Give your imagination all the freedom. What would you do... If money was no object? If you couldn't fail? If you redo your life from now on could furnish?

ASSIGNMENT 16

1. Where do you want to go? What are your goals? What do you want to achieve?

2. What needs to happen to create your most ideal life?

3. What's stopping you from living your best life?

4. When is it OK? When are you happy and satisfied?

These methods can be helpful in managing your time and prioritizing your tasks, and they can be applied in a classroom setting by encouraging students to identify the most important tasks and assignments, and then to prioritize and focus on those tasks to maximize their productivity and achieve their goals.

The concept of a soul is a complex and highly debated topic that has been a subject of discussion in many different cultures and belief systems throughout history. In general, a soul is thought to be the immaterial part of a person, often considered to be the source of their consciousness, thoughts, and feelings. The concept of a soul is often tied to the idea of an afterlife, with the soul being the part of a person that continues to exist after their physical body has died. However, the concept of a soul is not well-defined, and different people may have different ideas about what a soul is and what it does. As such, it is a highly abstract and philosophical concept that is difficult to definitively define.

"You are not a human having a spiritual experience; you are a spirit having a human experience"

To be a spiritual being can mean different things to different people. In general, it may refer to the belief that humans possess a non-physical aspect or essence, often referred to as the soul or spirit, that is separate from the physical body and capable of existing beyond physical death. This belief is often tied to spirituality, which is the personal quest for meaning and connection to something greater than oneself, and may involve the practice of certain rituals or beliefs. Some people may consider themselves spiritual beings because they feel a sense of connection to a higher power or universal energy, or because they believe in the existence of the soul and an afterlife. Others may use the term to describe a deep sense of connection to nature or the universe, or to their own inner wisdom. The concept of being a spiritual being is often associated with religion and spirituality, but it can also be a personal belief or experience that is independent of any particular faith tradition.

4. “The secret to living is giving”

Ultimately, the relationship between spirituality and altruism is complex and multifaceted, and may vary from person to person. Some people may view spirituality as being fundamentally tied to altruism, while others may see it as a personal journey that may or may not involve helping others. A fundamental aspect of spirituality can be altruism, spirituality has nothing to do with self-help but with other help. It promotes connection and unity thinking.

Altruism is the principle of caring for and helping others, often without expecting any personal benefit in return. Some people may view spirituality as being fundamentally tied to altruism, as they believe that spiritual practices and beliefs should be focused on helping others and promoting unity and connection. This perspective may be based on the belief that all beings are interconnected and that by helping others, we are ultimately helping ourselves and the larger community.

However, it is important to note that spirituality and altruism can be independent of each other. Some people may be deeply spiritual but not necessarily altruistic, and vice versa. Additionally, spirituality can encompass a wide range of beliefs and practices that may not necessarily be focused on helping others. Some people may view spirituality as a personal quest for meaning and connection to something greater than themselves, and may not necessarily see it as tied to helping others.

5. Other belief systems from the spiritual realm

• Have you ever stopped to consider the purpose of your soul? Some people believe that the soul is here to collect experiences and grow through both the good and the bad. It is eternal and will be reborn, so if you've ever wondered if there's such a thing as eternal life, you might already have it!

• Enlightenment is all about understanding that you don't need to go anywhere or be anyone other than who you are right now. There is no "better you" in the future, there's just you and the choices you make in the present moment.

• One way to connect with the present moment is by doing less, but with all of your attention. This means learning to tune into the flow of now, rather than trying to do more. Trust that everything happens in a natural order and that by not doing, things will become clearer and the truth will be revealed.

• This isn't about being lazy, in fact it requires being very alert and attentive. It's about offering space to reality in each moment and observing any resistance you may feel. By doing so, you can fully participate in the natural flow of life.

• Rather than trying to control or influence external events, it's about asking yourself what choice you have right now and how you can best respond to the present reality. This is known as "creative participation" and is all about energy and connecting with a higher power. There is no separation between you and the rest of the world, there is only one flow of energy in the present moment. Time and division are just constructs of the human mind, but in the grand design of the cosmos, all is one.

• Think of your life like a game of Mario – the cosmos presents you with challenges that you are ready to handle. Karma is like your score, and you receive points for acting with honesty and love. As you progress to higher levels, new challenges will be presented.

• The spiritual realm is full of complementary opposites – light and darkness, yin and yang. You hold the spectrum of possibilities within you and to become whole, it's important to embrace the entire spectrum. Choose the path that best suits the needs of the situation and remember that you have the power to create and destroy.

• Examples of this cosmic energy can be seen in things like "the force" in Star Wars and the concept of "being in the flow" in everyday life. When connected to this energy, it's possible to transcend your humanity and become one with the universe. This is an extremely powerful experience, but it's not to be taken lightly. It may not be the place to start your spiritual journey, but rest assured, there are many paths to explore.

💡 How does the view that we are spiritual beings suggest that our actions should be guided?

The view that we are spiritual beings emphasizes the existence of a non-physical aspect of human nature, such as the soul or spirit. This view suggests that our actions should be guided by spiritual principles or beliefs.

Quiz Soul

1. What is the concept of a soul generally thought to be?

   A) The immaterial part of a person that is the source of their consciousness, thoughts, and feelings

   B) The physical body of a person

   C) The belief in the existence of an afterlife

   D) All of the above

   Answer: a) The immaterial part of a person that is the source of their consciousness, thoughts, and feelings. Explanation: The concept of a soul is generally thought to be the immaterial part of a person, often considered to be the source of their consciousness, thoughts, and feelings. It is not well-defined and different people may have different ideas about what a soul is and what it does. It is a highly abstract and philosophical concept that is difficult to definitively define.

2. What is spirituality generally defined as?

   A) The personal quest for meaning and connection to something greater than oneself

   B) The belief in the existence of the soul and an afterlife

   C) A sense of connection to nature or the universe

   D) All of the above

   Answer: a) The personal quest for meaning and connection to something greater than oneself. Explanation: Spirituality is generally defined as the personal quest for meaning and connection to something greater than oneself. It may involve the practice of certain rituals or beliefs, and may be tied to the belief in the existence of the soul and an afterlife. However, spirituality can encompass a wide range of beliefs and practices that may not necessarily be tied to any particular faith tradition.

3. What is altruism generally defined as?

   A) The principle of caring for and helping others, often without expecting any personal benefit in return

   B) The belief that all beings are interconnected

   C) The belief that spirituality should be focused on helping others and promoting unity and connection

   D) All of the above.

   Answer: a) The principle of caring for and helping others, often without expecting any personal benefit in return. Explanation: Altruism is generally defined as the principle of caring for and helping others, often without expecting any personal benefit in return. It may be based on the belief that all beings are interconnected and that by helping others, we are ultimately helping ourselves and the larger community.

4. Are spirituality and altruism always closely tied together?

   A) Yes

   B) No

   Answer: b) No. Explanation: While spirituality and altruism can be closely tied together, they can also be independent of each other. Some people may be deeply spiritual but not necessarily altruistic, and vice versa. Additionally, spirituality can encompass a wide range of beliefs and practices that may not necessarily be focused on helping others.

5. What is the purpose of the soul according to some belief systems?

   A) To collect experiences and grow through both the good and the bad

   B) To be the source of a person's consciousness, thoughts, and feelings

   C) To exist beyond physical death

   D) All of the above

   Answer: d) All of the above. Explanation: Some belief systems view the purpose of the soul as being to collect experiences and grow through both the good and the bad, as well as being the source of a person's consciousness, thoughts, and feelings. It is also often tied to the idea of an afterlife, with the soul being the part of a person that continues to exist after their physical body has died.

6. What is enlightenment generally defined as?

   A) The understanding that you don't need to go anywhere or be anyone other than who you are right now

   B) The personal quest for meaning and connection to something greater than oneself

   C) A deep sense of connection to nature or the universe

   D) All of the above

   Answer: a) The understanding that you don't need to go anywhere or be anyone other than who you are right now. Explanation: Enlightenment is generally defined as the understanding that you don't need to go anywhere or be anyone other than who you are right now. There is no "better you" in the future, there's just you and the choices you make in the present moment.

7. What is the concept of "creative participation" all about?

   A) Energy and participation with a higher power

   B) Observing resistance and participating fully in the natural flow of life

   C) Directing and influencing external events

   D) Asking yourself what choice you have in the present moment and how you can best respond to the present reality

   Answer: d) Asking yourself what choice you have in the present moment and how you can best respond to the present reality. Explanation: The concept of "creative participation" is all about asking yourself what choice you have in the present moment and how you can best respond to the present reality. It is not about trying to control or influence external events, but about participating fully in the present moment.

8. What does the term "spiritual being" generally refer to?

   A) The belief that humans possess a non-physical aspect or essence, often referred to as the soul or spirit, that is separate from the physical body and capable of existing beyond physical death

   B) A deep sense of connection to nature or the universe

   C) A personal belief or experience that is independent of any particular faith or tradition

   D) All of the above.

   Answer: d) All of the above. Explanation: The term "spiritual being" can refer to the belief that humans possess a non-physical aspect or essence, often referred to as the soul or spirit, that is separate from the physical body and capable of existing beyond physical death. It can also refer to a deep sense of connection to nature or the universe, or to a personal belief or experience that is independent of any particular faith tradition

9. What is the relationship between spirituality and altruism?

   A) Complex and multifaceted

   B) Always closely tied together

   C) Independent of each other

   D) Both b and c

   Answer: a) Complex and multifaceted. Explanation: The relationship between spirituality and altruism is complex and multifaceted, and may vary from person to person. Some people may view spirituality as being fundamentally tied to altruism, while others may see it as a personal journey that may or may not involve helping others.

10. What is the concept of being a "spectrum" all about?

    A) Holding the power to create and destroy

    B) Overseeing the entire spectrum of possibilities within oneself

    C) Picking the color that best suits the needs of the present situation

    D) All of the above

    Answer: d) All of the above. Explanation: The concept of being a "spectrum" is about holding the power to create and destroy, overseeing the entire spectrum of possibilities within oneself, and picking the color that best suits the needs of the present situation. It is about embracing the complementary opposites that exist within the spiritual realm and recognizing that there is no darkness without light, no yin without yang.

Introduction

Further reading

• Thinking fast and slow - Daniel Khaneman

Conclusion

Quiz

How can you apply this in life today

Food for thought

Expand your understanding

— Jim Rohn

1. How to find a mentor

Paragraph inspired by Tony Robbins source

Mark Zuckerberg considers Steve Jobs a mentor. Bill Gates mentioned Warren Buffet as a mentor. Maya Angelou mentored Oprah Winfrey. Sheryl Sandberg was mentored by her college professor Larry Summers. Tony Robbins even had mentors of his own. None of these powerful people would have gotten where they are today without the guidance of someone who had been there before. They knew the secrets of how to get a mentor, and you can, too.

Oprah said, “A mentor is someone who allows you to see the hope inside yourself.” It can be someone you work with, someone you meet through networking or even someone you follow on social media or whose content inspires you. Tony Robbins has mentored millions through his content, events, Results Coaching and more. The important thing about a mentor is that they inspire you to achieve – and give you the real-life advice you need to take action.

Looking for expert mentorship? Why do I need to get a mentor?

If you want to get ahead in your current profession, make connections and learn insider information that can give you a head start on the competition, you need to find a mentor. Business mentors are one of the most common types, but mentors can help you get ahead in any field, from writing to politics to engineering and computer science. Mentors can also help you start your own business or take a new product to market. Actors and entertainers have discovered the power of getting a mentor, as have sports stars and more.

Those who are just starting out often need a mentor – college students and professors are a mentor pairing as old as time and doctors’ residencies are a form of mentorship as well. If you are just starting out, it is essential that you learn how to get a mentor, but a trusted advisor can also help you at any time in your life. Hit a roadblock in your career? Can’t seem to smash that glass ceiling? Just want to try a new career path? Mentors provide invaluable guidance in all of these situations. How to get a mentor

Start by asking yourself the right questions to determine the mentor you need. Put yourself out there to find role models. Follow these steps, and you’ll find a mentor who is right for you.

1. Determine your needs

Getting a mentor who is aligned with your needs for personal growth is a vital step. A mentor cannot give advice – at least not good advice – about a problem that they haven’t solved themselves. Ask yourself why you want to find a mentor.

2. Create the opportunity

When you’re considering how to get a mentor, don’t just make a list and start calling people. Getting a mentor is about building relationships. Most people have potential mentors around them – college professors, higher-level executives or employees at your workplace.

3. Find the right person

Once you know what type of mentor you need and you’ve created the opportunities to meet this person, it’s time to narrow down your options. These traits make the difference between a good mentor and a great one:

• They are not threatened by your success; they are proud of it.

• They don’t try to compete with you; they lift you up.

• They are not just interested in your success, but completely invested in it. When you succeed, they succeed.

• They know how to motivate you and challenge you to achieve more. T

• hey see areas for improvement and are completely honest with you, but are always respectful.

• They don’t push you to fit a certain mold or to be more like them.

• Great mentors recognize your personal strengths and help you use them to become successful. They are trustworthy – a mentor’s advice is only good if you trust them enough to take it.

• Expertise: Look for a mentor who has expertise in the area you want to develop. This could be a specific industry, skill or subject matter. Make sure they have the necessary knowledge and experience to guide and advise you.

• Availability: A good mentor should be available to meet with you regularly and provide support and guidance. Make sure they have the time and willingness to invest in your development.

• Communication style: Consider how you prefer to communicate and look for a mentor whose communication style aligns with yours.

• Personal connection: Consider if you feel a personal connection with the mentor. A mentor-mentee relationship is built on trust and respect, so it is important that you feel comfortable and confident in the mentor's ability to guide you.

• Additionally, you can ask for referrals from people you trust, reach out to professional organizations or look for mentorship programs that match mentee and mentor according to their needs and goals.

4. Ask in the right way

Once you’ve chosen a potential mentor, you need to ask them if they are willing to work with you – and you must do it in the right manner. Remember, they are doing you a favor by taking time out of their busy schedule to meet with you. Don’t immediately make a big ask, like requesting they meet with you weekly for a year. Instead, just ask if you can take them for coffee or lunch. Be gracious and work with their schedule and don’t get impatient or demanding.

5. Evaluate the fit

Just because a mentor looks good on paper doesn’t mean your fit is guaranteed. When you find a mentor, you need to spend some time with them before you can decide if they are the right match. You may not know during the first meeting whether you connect successfully – it may take several meetings to know for sure. During this time, be aware of how this person makes you feel. Do they listen deeply to you or do they spend the entire time talking about themselves? Are they supportive or dismissive of your dreams? When your time with them ends, are you energized or disheartened?

6. Follow up

Whether you decide to pursue a potential person as a mentor or not, it’s up to you to follow up after your initial meeting. Always thank them for the opportunity to talk with them and for their time. If you think it’s a good fit, request another meeting. If you don’t, be honest and move on. When you find a mentor you deeply connect with, consider a hand-written card or small gift to accompany your ask for a continued partnership. This will show them you acknowledge the importance of your request and that you value them.

7. Commit to the partnership

When you find a mentor, you have to commit to working with them. This means making your meeting with them a priority and at least considering all their suggestions and advice. Whether you’re discussing the creation of a personal growth plan or how to be more assertive, you need to be ready for difficult discussions and not give up when things get tough. Remember, you wanted to learn how to get a mentor so you could change and grow – and growth does not happen without at least some discomfort.

2. How to find a mastermind group

Full original source

Successful people leverage the power of proximity and build inner circles that empower and uplift them. One way to do this is through mastermind groups - a group of peers who meet to give each other advice and support. Unlike mentoring, in a mastermind group, you will both give and receive advice. These groups can involve brainstorming, educational presentations and even discussing personal issues. The benefits of mastermind groups are vast: they hold each other accountable for their goals, provide a peer community that elevates your life, share business contacts and provide recommendations and references, brainstorm with you, provide a different perspective and poke holes in your strategies, bring together business people at different levels of success and with different strengths and weaknesses, and offer support, advice and celebration. Before joining a mastermind group, consider if you are willing to be honest and what your purpose is. Understand how it will help you fulfill your ultimate purpose in life and find a group that aligns with that.

3. Peer communities

Ever hear the saying, “You are who your friends are”? You might have heard it from your parents in grade school, when groups started to form around different personalities and interests. Cliques start to form, often centered around similar expectations and behaviors — watching the same television shows and movies, forming similar habits, and even speaking and dressing like each other.

This all seems fairly innocuous at first, but ultimately, you become who you hang around with, or “the company you keep.” We’ve all heard the story about the “good kid” who began hanging out with the wrong crowd, going down the wrong path, becoming a product of their environment, so to speak. They lowered their expectations to meet the level of the people around them.

And now, as adults, the same principle applies. The difference is we are no longer unaware of the influence our peers have on us; we know better than to fall in with the wrong crowd. We are responsible for being vigilant about our surroundings and choosing a group of people that will elevate us, not bring us down.

Here are some things to consider as you choose the company you keep: do you look up to the people you surround yourself with?

Do they embody qualities you want to acquire?

Sometimes we meet people that blow us away. Do you know someone with so much charisma and positivity that you are intrigued by their very nature, and maybe even crave their company? Or perhaps someone with a collection of positive habits and demonstrated discipline that you think, I wish I had that? Whatever qualities you want to acquire, surround yourself with people who have them.

Look at the group of people you spend the most time with

If you take a good hard look at the people you hang around with most, then do some self-reflecting on who you are, you will find you are the average sum of them all — almost as if you carry a little piece of each of them with you. Do you want all of those pieces? If not, it could be time to re-evaluate your decisions.

4. Innovate in your relationships

Business is all about marketing and innovation (and a bit of accounting). Marketing = getting someone to want to do business with you. Innovation = finding a better way to meet their needs than everybody else has. If you stop marketing and innovating, you increase your chances of failure. Same goes for relationships.

Conclusion

Quiz

How can you apply this in life today

Food for thought

Expand your understanding

• Quickie: watch your words today - without judgment! If you're serious partner, kid, friend, or coworker to raise their hands to the point of annoying every time you use words of dislike. Most of the time, you don't even hear yourself putting it in your mouth.

• Research shows that pronouncing negative words not only causes a stress response in the speaker but also in the listener. In him, more fear and irritation is observed, which undermines trust and possible cooperation. Source

  Note: words that you say often, you will also think more often and therefore say more often, and you will behave accordingly: you become your words. For example, you can easily cultivate a 'yes-but' attitude. One holds on to doubtful words like 'maybe', 'actually' and 'a bit', the other often uses words with a negative connotation, such as 'no', 'but' and 'however', a third is more positive and uses more often 'and', 'like' and 'like'.

• How do you speak more consciously? How do you choose your words instead of them attacking you? The mnemonic is: THINK. pause. Stop the impulse to speak, turn your attention to your breath and bodily sensation. And ask yourself what you want to say: Is that: True Helpful Inspiring Necessary Kind.

Different communication styles

Being a powerful communicator doesn’t mean you speak the loudest or most often; rather, you are getting your message across clearly and also taking in the messages you’re receiving from the people around you. You rely on deep listening tactics, such as maintaining eye contact and reading nonverbal cues, and you’re aware of the different communication styles and which one you naturally use.

So what is a communication style, and how can you leverage yours to launch your career to the next level? When you can identify your own communication style and those of others, you’ll not only maximize your own communication but also increase your ability to build rapport and influence others.

Communication styles are the characteristics and patterns we fall back on when we communicate with others, both verbally and non-verbally. Everyone operates on patterns – our daily rituals, our inner self-talk and our habits are all patterns. These patterns are all learned, including communication. No one is born knowing how to give an amazing TED Talk. Our communication styles are influenced by our personalities, experiences and beliefs about the world.

Some styles are toxic while others are healthy and positive. It’s essential to understand the different communication styles so that you can change yours if you’re stuck in a negative pattern.

Different communication styles

Now that we’ve answered the question “What is a communication style?,” it’s time to identify your own. There are four main communication styles that most of us fit into.

1. Aggressive

Of all the types of communication styles, aggressive communicators are the most recognizable. They’re the loudest person at the party. They talk over others and it seems to always be about themselves. They make intense eye contact and feel like they’re crowding your space. They speak in commands and never seek consensus. These people may get their way in the moment, but ultimately aggressive communication is a losing style because you never truly connect with others.

2. Passive

The passive communication style is the exact opposite of aggressive. These are the quiet “wallflowers.” They slouch, turn away and don’t make eye contact. They are agreeable and unable to say “no.” It’s not that they don’t have emotions and opinions – they’re not able to express them due to limiting beliefs that tell them their own thoughts don’t matter. While this may not seem bad, passive communicators often have built-up resentment that can pour out at any moment.

3. Passive-aggressive

When the resentment of passive communication styles comes out, you get the passive-aggressive communicator. These people often “joke around,” but are actually saying hurtful things. They avoid conflict at all costs. They roll their eyes and use sarcasm frequently. Rather than expressing their emotions, they expect others to read their minds and get upset when there’s a lapse in communication. Passive-aggressive communication is no way to go through life.

4. Assertive

Assertive is the healthiest type of communication style. Assertive communicators are able to recognize their own emotions and express them in a healthy, confident way. They use “I feel” statements instead of being accusatory. They let others speak and listen deeply when they do. They have a healthy ability to say “no” and take time for themselves. And they respect the opinions of others. It’s easy to see why the assertive communication style is the most effective in relationships and at work.

Metaprograms and communication styles

In addition to the different communication styles, our patterns of communication also include metaprograms. These are the different ways that people process information and they are the key to unlocking influence and getting what you want at work. These powerful internal programs influence our thoughts and directly affect our behavior. Once you understand the six different metaprograms, you can get a better read on your audience and immensely improve your communication style, which ultimately helps you to not only connect with others, but achieve your goals. Moving toward or away

Human behavior can be divided into two categories: Those who avoid pain and those who pursue pleasure. Which one are you? Are you moving toward something or away from something? Imagine two people who book train tickets for their next journey. The first person bought a train ticket to get to their destination because they’re extremely afraid of being in an airplane – they’re avoiding pain. The second person decided to travel via train because they want to enjoy the journey. They’re looking to gain pleasure from taking in the local scenery and enjoying a good book during the ride.

As you look at the types of communication styles, ask if those you’re speaking to are moving toward or away. A rule of thumb is to ask what that person wants. If they start listing things they don’t want – they don’t want to fail, they don’t want to be stuck in the same dead-end job – or talking about what they do want – a family, to succeed at their job – then you’ll know how to direct the conversation.

Internal and external frames of reference

What drives you? When you accomplish a goal, is it enough for you to tell yourself you did something amazing, or do you seek validation from those around you? Everyone looks at the world from either an internal or external frame of reference. Internal people are able to evaluate whether they did a good job or not themselves, while external people seek praise elsewhere.

When matching your communication style to someone who has an internal frame of reference, appeal to the things they know about themselves. Tie your communication to a personal fact you already know about that person. Those with an external frame of reference want to hear more about what their peers think about a given program or decision.

How people sort themselves

We all sort ourselves in two distinct ways: we either self-sort or sort by thinking about others. Self-sorters look at an interaction or decision and think, “What’s in it for me?” Someone who sorts by thinking of others responds to questions by wondering how it will affect those around them.

Both categories have their strengths and weaknesses. If your primary role involves hiring people, you need to think about these different communication styles during interviews. Is a self-sorter the right fit for a team-oriented position? Do you think they’ll stay with your company for the long run? Or does someone who thinks about others appeal more to your business and its future growth?

Matching or mismatching

When presented with new information, people can think of a variety of ways to interpret it. No matter how many references come into their mind, they will always do one of two things: match or mismatch. Matchers look for sameness in the world; they want to understand how things relate to each other.

Mismatchers, on the other hand, see how things are different. If you’re looking to be persuasive with someone, you want to see things through their eyes and adjust your communication style in a way they can relate to, whether it’s via matching or mismatching.

Possibility vs. necessity

The last metaprogram that dominates the different communication styles is the principle of possibility vs. necessity. Some people are driven by possibility; they make choices based on what they want to do and are hopeful about pursuing the unknown. Those who make decisions based on necessity do things because they feel they have to. People who are driven by a feeling of necessity are trustworthy and predictable. Both types of people have their virtues, but in order to get your message across to either one, it helps to identify who is who.

The key to getting what you want out of life is not only working toward your goals, but in communicating with those around you. Your message will resonate more intensely if you’re able to decipher which communication styles people rely on. You also can’t underestimate the power of body language. When you’re speaking to someone, think about your presence. Are you maintaining eye contact? Are you establishing a connection by leaning in and creating a welcoming space? Make it a habit to deliver firm handshakes and to stop fidgeting.

All of these nonverbal modifications, and a deep understanding of communication styles, will help to establish yourself as someone who is confident, smart and capable. Once you’ve refined your communication skills, you can utilize them to help you reach your goals.

2. The Marshall Rosenberg formula

The Marshall Rosenberg formula is a communication model developed by Marshall Rosenberg, a clinical psychologist, mediator, and founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC). The model is based on the idea that all human behavior is driven by a need to meet universal human needs, and that conflicts and misunderstandings can be resolved peacefully through empathic communication.

The formula consists of four components:

1. Make observations: Use objective and specific statements to describe what you have observed. For example, "I noticed that the trash was not taken out this morning" or "I saw that the dishes were left in the sink."

2. Express your feelings: Use words that describe your emotions, rather than evaluating or judging the other person. For example, "I feel frustrated" or "I feel hurt."

3. Identify your needs: Think about the universal human needs that are being met or unmet in the situation. Some common needs include connection, respect, security, and autonomy. For example, "I have a need for respect" or "I have a need for cooperation."

4. Make requests: Ask for specific, concrete actions that the other person can take to meet your needs or resolve the conflict. For example, "Could you please take out the trash?" or "Would you be willing to do the dishes?"

The formula can be summarized as "When I observe [observation], I feel [feeling] because I have a need for [need]. Would you be willing to [request]?"

The Marshall Rosenberg formula can be used to improve communication and resolve conflicts in personal and professional relationships. It is based on the principles of nonviolence and empathy, and it can help individuals to express their needs and desires in a clear and non-threatening way.

In this way you provoke as little defensive behavior as possible in the other person, you increase the chance that the other person is receptive to your wishes, and at the same time you create a clearer picture of what you actually want.

The giraffe model (loving)

In the context of the "giraffe" and "jackal" language, the Marshall Rosenberg formula can be thought of as a way to communicate in a "giraffe" manner. The giraffe is a symbol of nonviolent communication, and it represents the use of empathic and understanding language. In contrast, the jackal symbolizes aggressive or confrontational communication, and it represents the use of language that is evaluative or blameful. By using the Marshall Rosenberg formula, you can practice "giraffe" communication and avoid "jackal" behavior.

Marhsall Rosenberg talks about a giraffe model that consists of four elements. The elements are:

1. Observe

2. To feel

3. Need

4. Requests

An example: when I hear that you have been out with my boss (perceiving), I feel insecure (feeling). I need security and trust (need), please don't tell him what I tell you about my work (requests)?

The jackal model

In the context of the Marshall Rosenberg formula, "jackal" behavior refers to aggressive or confrontational communication that is characterized by blame, criticism, and evaluation. It is called "jackal" behavior because it is akin to the way a jackal might behave - attacking or confronting others in a negative or aggressive manner.

Examples of "jackal" behavior might include:

• Making statements that begin with "you" and that assign blame or fault to the other person, such as "You always forget to take out the trash" or "You never listen to me."

• Using evaluative language that judges or labels the other person, such as "You're selfish" or "You're lazy."

• Being confrontational or argumentative, rather than trying to understand the other person's perspective.

• e jackal model also consists of four elements:

1. Interpret/condemn

2. Quasi-feel

3. Mistaking Strategies for Needs

4. To demand

An example: why did you forget to bring bread again? (interpret) I don't feel heard (quasi-feeling). Now I have to go into the city again through this smallpox weather (mixing strategies and needs). In the meantime, you have to clean up the kitchen (requirements). At least you're doing something useful! (judgment)

Listen to your jackal

Be happy with the jackal, see the jackal as a bringer of emotional gifts. You have to unwrap those presents to see what feelings and unmet needs are in them. And be happy with the jackals of others too, so you get the chance to see their feelings and unmet needs! Comment on the contents, not the packaging. All this calls for alertness. Also listen quietly to your jackals, let him run wild.

Be real no matter what. Don't play giraffe, don't play jackal. feel. Keep your head-heart line pure. Don't try to convince others in a friendly so-called giraffe way. Follow your heart when conversing. How? Be sincere like a child.

Your four different types of ears

You have two types of ears, jackal and giraffe, that you can use in two ways:

1. Opening outwards (other)

2. Backwards (inside voice)

When talking visualize (train). Examples:

• Jackal, ears out: we hear accusations, manipulation, take down.

• Jackal, ears in: we're stupid too.

• Giraffe, ears out: we no longer hear reproaches and judgements. We hear the feelings and needs of the person speaking to us.

• Giraffe, ears inward: we hear what comes in from the outside and what goes on inside us. What do we feel? What needs do we have? We take the TIME to listen to ourselves and give us compassion.

In short, you could summarize the differences between giraffes and jackal language as follows. It's about: love from trust And Control from fear.

3. Social confirming

1. Source:

   https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/06/taming-mammoth-let-peoples-opinions-run-life.html

2. We are social animals, we ignore our authentic voice (for several reasons) to be social. This used to be vital 50,000 years ago, but nowadays becoming more authentic = survival. TLDR: Almost nothing you’re socially scared of is actually scary.

3. Example of a reason to conform/not be yourself: winning the approval of a Puppet Master in your life. A Puppet Master is a person or group of people whose opinion matters so much to you that they’re essentially running your life. A Puppet Master is often a parent, or maybe your significant other, or sometimes an alpha member of your group of friends. A Puppet Master can be a person you look up to who you don’t know very well—maybe even a celebrity you’ve never met—or a group of people you hold in especially high regard.

4. How to tame your social survival mammoth:

   1. Get to know your Authentic Voice - self reflection on true feelings. You spend time with a lot of people—which of them do you actually like the most? How do you spend your leisure time, and do you truly enjoy all parts of it? Is there anything you regularly spend money on that you don’t feel that comfortable with? How does your gut really feel about your job and relationship status? What’s your true political opinion? Do you even care? Do you pretend to care about things you don’t just to have an opinion? Do you secretly have an opinion on a political or moral issue you don’t ever voice because people you know will be outraged?

   2. Figure out where the mammoth is hiding.

      1. The most obvious way to find the mammoth is to figure out where your fear is—where are you most susceptible to shame or embarrassment? What parts of your life do you think about and a dreadful, sinking feeling washes over you? Where does the prospect of failure seem like a nightmare? What are you too timid to publicly try even though you know you’re good at it? If you were giving advice to yourself, which parts of your life would clearly need a change that you’re avoiding acting on right now?

      2. The second place a mammoth hides is in the way-too-good feelings you get from feeling accepted or on a pedestal over other people. Are you a serious pleaser at work or in your relationship? Are you terrified of disappointing your parents and do you choose making them proud over aiming to gratify yourself? Do you get too excited about being associated with prestigious things or care too much about status? Do you brag more than you should?

      3. A third area the mammoth is present is anywhere you don’t feel comfortable making a decision without “permission” or approval from others. Do you have opinions you’re regurgitating from someone else’s mouth, which you’re comfortable having now that you know that person has them? When you introduce your new girlfriend or boyfriend to your friends or family for the first time, can those people’s reaction to your new person fundamentally change your feelings for him/her? Is there a Puppet Master in your life? If so, who, and why?

   3. Decide where the mammoth needs to be ousted

Step 2: Gather Courage by Internalizing That the Mammoth Has a Low IQ

Five errors

1. Everyone is talking about me and my life and just think how much everyone will be talking about it if I do this risky or weird thing.

2. If I try really hard, I can please everyone.

3. Being disapproved of or looked down upon or shit-talked about has real consequences in my life.

4. Really judgy people matter.

5. I’m a bad person if I disappoint or offend the person/people who love me and have invested so much in me.

2) The mammoth’s efforts are counterproductive.

1. AVs are interesting. Mammoths are boring.

2. AVs lead. Mammoths follow.

3. People gravitate toward AVs, not mammoths.

Step 3: Start Being Yourself

Almost nothing you’re socially scared of is actually scary.

4. Fun read: the great perils of social interaction

https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/01/the-great-perils-of-social-interaction.html

Key takeaways:

• Fun read about social awkwardness. Not much value other than a few lauchs and:

• Family is most difficult, as stake are highest. An expectation of intimacy and comfort puts pressure on each interaction going well, your history together often leaves things highly charged, and since this is the arena where gossip and long-term memory live, the stakes are at their highest. Also, you’re probably kind of an awkward person and awkward people are never safe, no matter whom you’re with.

• In general, the main thing that makes interactions awkward is inauthenticity. Authentic is the enemy of awkwardness.

Conclusion

Quiz

How do you apply this in your life

Food for thought

Expand your understanding

Humans seem to be a social species. At least, in some parts I am and I have the need to connect. Relationships are in multiple ways very valuable. But how do you grow your relationships? Seems hard right? It really isn’t: just be silent and listen to them.

By listening and seeing them you will people better than you found them.

Have you ever spoken to someone who made you feel like you were the only person in the world at that moment? Who seemed truly engaged and interested in every word that came out of your mouth? How did that make you feel? Important? Understood?

This is the power of deep listening. Deep listening is more than a valuable social habit; it is a transformative communication tool. With deep listening, you are not only allowing yourself the time and space to fully absorb what your conversation partner is saying, you can actually encourage him or her to to feel heard and to speak more openly and honestly. And this is a key step in developing rapport with someone.

Eye Contact

“By maintaining good eye contact, you are demonstrating to your conversation partner that you are fully engaged and interested in what he or she is saying. A good guideline to follow is the 80/20 rule, in which 80% of the time your eyes are meeting your speaking partner’s, and 20% of the time, your eyes are roaming as you gather information to say.”

Presence

“The average person speaks between 135 and 160 words per minute, but the average person’s brain works between 400 and 600 words per minute. This means your mind is going a lot faster than your conversation partner’s mouth, which makes it easy for your mind to drift. It’s up to you to stop your mind from shifting away from the conversation and to be truly present. Not only will you be able to fully absorb what your partner says, you will be able to respond in kind, which makes them feel appreciated and understood.”

Nonverbal Feedback

“There’s nothing worse than speaking to someone who gives no verbal feedback. It’s like talking to a wall. Make the effort to give the occasional nod, smile, or other sign of recognition to your conversation partner. These nonverbal cues may seem trivial, but have tremendous impact by showing your interest, understanding and involvement in the conversation.”

Connection

“When you are speaking one-on-one with someone, position your body in a way that creates a safe and welcoming space for him or her to speak openly. Lean slightly in, open up your chest, pull your shoulders back, and fold your hands gently in your lap or on the table in front of you. If you are standing, form a reversed hand steeple, in which the fingers come together to form a point. When someone steeples in the lap area, it means they are confident about what they are hearing.”

Here are a few ways to practice deep listening:

1. Set aside distractions: Turn off your phone, remove any other distractions, and give the speaker your full attention.

2. Reflect back to the speaker: Paraphrase what the speaker has said to show that you are understanding and paying attention.

3. Ask open-ended questions: Encourage the speaker to share more by asking questions that cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or "no."

4. Avoid interrupting: Allow the speaker to finish their thoughts and feelings without interrupting.

5. Practice non-judgment: Suspend your own judgments and biases while listening to the speaker.

6. Be present: Focus on the present moment and the speaker's words and emotions.

7. Show empathy: Try to put yourself in the speaker's shoes and understand their perspective.

Remember

Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another - Napoleon Hill

People as miracles?

In a moment of depth: see people as miracles. Melt the fear with wonder and love, and be like an explorer searching the depths of your fellow peer. Yes, their choices, lifestyles, cultures, beliefs, and perspectives can be different, they will be different. The closer people look, act or believe like you, the easier it is to connect.

Do not search for opposites, but for similarities: at the core, you are both driven by either love or fear. You are both energy and came from the same source.

Do not judge, you have not walked in their shoes: you do not know their inner talk, you do not know their battles. It’s quite easy actually: more listening, less talking, less judging. Estimation: you have two ears, and one mouth, so listen twice as much as you speak. This same concept applies to children: when we talk less to our children, and listen to them more, we gain access to that infinite wisdom. Connect at an emotional level: really listen. This is not easy, it requires selective attention (focus) and no inner voice. Always say less than necessary. You can reduce the annoyance of someone’s stupid belief by increasing your understanding of why they believe it. You learn more when you listen.

Social change only happens through individual change. Your behavior has a ripple effect: like a drop of ink in clear water you change your entire environment with your actions (like your talk). Train on this, delay your reaction. You are somebody else’s environment. The effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is. In conversation: humility, presence, and genuine attentiveness. This may allow you to see the perfect and complete core of every person you encounter.

I can imagine this poses some difficulty. So some practical tips:

• Good questions must come from a sincere desire to learn, rather than as a veiled means of stating your own opinion. Starting point: what does this really mean? It’s not about ‘How can I use this?” or “why is everyone else excited?”. Can you understand the basic principles? Questions are an opportunity to be humbled. Asking good questions is indistinguishable from practicing humanity.

• In conversation: refrain from solving the problem. Less action mode, more listening. If you hear yourself think ‘good’ or ‘bad’ , or categorizing/analyzing, you are not focusing on the other. You are thinking and judging. Note: it is harder for men to listen as they are wired to jump in action mode. Train, and you will find balance.

• If you have problems with no judging or listening: use the rule of 3 in conversation. To get to the real reason, ask a person to go deeper than what they just said. Then again, and once more. The third time’s answer is close to the truth.

• If you have problems with no judging or listening: don’t speak. Say nothing as long as you can (let it become awkward sometimes, refrain from filling those awkward silences with small chatter because in those awkward silences you give room for the important things to surface). Remember: growth is pain, and awkwardness is the pain in your growing relationship with the other.

• Before responding negatively, wait a while and respond later. Perhaps you could word it a little more kindly and respectfully (lovingly). How would your best version respond?

• If you want to help yourself gossip, lie, slander, or condone less, try this trick from communication trainer Shiraz Khan. Imagine the conversations you have are being recorded on camera and then shown at a party where all your loved ones and the people you hold high are present. That person you really want to impress is watching the video as well: how’s that for a powerful visualization? Note: if that person is impressed by you being negative, this might be a fair warning signal: do you really want to become like this person? You become with who you surround yourself.

• Those who hurt others, silently loathe themselves. Don’t get mad, or pity them (= judging), but listen. Discover the core needs that are neglected, creating their pain and causing them to hurt others. When someone is nasty, rude, hateful, or mean to you, pretend they have a disease. That makes it easier to have empathy toward them which can soften the conflict. Remember: it is not you that is soft, the approach is soft. But a soft approach is one of the hardest things to do, it is not for the weak-minded (act mad, or shut down entirely, in ape mode is easy; listening and caring from the care system takes focus). Do it on your own calculation: in general, I do suggest searching for like-minded spirits to enhance your growth, but you cannot escape people that are tuned in on other energies. So if you do; listen, really listen. Learn to discover.

• A guideline: leave everyone better than you found them. You only need to listen, this doesn’t mean ‘change them’. One of the basic needs of humans is to be heard and seen. Hear them, see them, you have no idea how powerful this is. Listen to them, hear them, feel them, and possibly; help them IF they ask for it and IF you feel like it. Do not offer unsolicited advice (especially not if you feel awkward and want to fill the silence gap = you destroy magic).

• If you are still judging: contemplating the weaknesses of others is easy; contemplating the weaknesses in yourself is hard. But it pays a much higher reward.

• If you act badly, it is only a temporary slip-up because you believe in your core you are good. If another acts badly, you think it is a bad character trait (and not a temporary slip-up). This has been the foundation of wars.

• Be strict with yourself and forgiving of others. The reverse is hell for everyone.

• In general, just apply the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule is the principle of treating others as one wants to be treated. It is a maxim that is found in most religions and cultures. It can be considered an ethic of reciprocity in some religions, although different religions treat it differently.

• Being able to listen well is a superpower. While listening to someone you love, keep asking them “Is there more?” until there is no more.

Do this and you create a loving (most powerful) network surrounding you. Bonus: you also get to know new things about others, and yourself in the process. Every person you meet knows an amazing lot about something you know virtually nothing about. Your job is to discover what it is, and it won’t be obvious. Don’t treat people as badly as (you think) they are. Treat them as good as you are.

2. Different types of listening

• The average communication training only consists of 7 percent on the subject of listening. source Do you want to be heard? Then you should listen.

• The key to learning to listen effectively is letting go of your own right and opinions. Thoughts and judgments are helpful, but a problem arises when we cling to them, whether they are positive or negative. Notice how quickly you classify something or someone with your inner voice: beautiful or ugly, interesting or uninteresting, good or bad, agree or disagree. We do not look beyond the edge of our own standpoints. Positions are not fixed, so let them go a little more often and try to listen completely open to other people's stories

• To increase your listening attention, it is important to check what your listening style is. Are you usually only concerned with yourself? Or just with the other? Or perhaps you often focus on both parties. Roughly speaking, there are four different styles of listening, which you could also view hierarchically.

  1. Automatic listening. You listen on autopilot and are mainly looking for confirmation of what you already know or think you know. The communication that goes with this is superficial chatter.

  2. Distinctive listening. You check whether the information is in line with your own world view and you mainly listen to what deviates. The focus is usually on what is wrong or what is missing. Lawyers mainly use this form of listening to their advantage. The accompanying form of communication is the debate, the discussion.

  3. Listen empathically. You put yourself in the perspective and feelings of the other person, without judging them. The appropriate form of communication is dialogue.

  4. Generative listening. With the other listening styles you are either concerned with yourself or only with the other. In generative listening you use open attention. There is room for the perspective of yourself and then of the other, and for the big perspective. You optimally combine the previous listening skills. You feel the atmosphere, you also listen between the lines and to the real message that lies behind the words. You are open to whatever arises, without judging. Often this form of listening leads to a shared perspective and cooperation.

  Quickie: Listen to other people today like a sponge; absorb everything that is said without directly reacting to it or finding anything about it. Only formulate an answer in your head if you are asked or necessary. Try to switch between the different levels. Find out which listening style you are usually inclined to bet on. Also notice how difficult it is to listen without judgment.

3. To avoid when you listening to others

Avoid the advice exit

Other people's misery is sometimes wonderful. At least, if you can take it indirectly: by means of an order or stretched out on the couch with a bowl of popcorn while the drama splashes off the screen or the pages. But in real direct contact we prefer to avoid the pain of another. You may recognize this: You avoid the discomfort you experience when confronted with someone else's grief by chatting around the hot mess or literally by hiding behind a car when you see the terminally ill neighbor coming. Another well-known coping style for not allowing such empathic pain is the advice turn. if your approach is to actually support someone else, counseling can be very helpful, but most of the time it is aimed at minimizing your own discomfort. It takes courage and stamina to listen empathically to someone's pain, without immediately choosing the easy way of 'If I were you...'.

In the early years of my work as a psychotherapist, I asked myself the question: how can I treat, cure or change this person? Now I would formulate the question like this: how can I build a relationship that this person can use for their personal growth? - carl rogers

People prefer to be understood. Sometimes it is enough to just be present and listen in silence, without 'advising'. When you can bear the pain and empathic discomfort with compassion, you have a stronger listening ability. This makes the other person feel heard and seen. E often thieves come up with their own advice for themselves. Usually the answer is already inside him or her and it only needs to be experienced with someone else's listening ear.

1. Interrupting: Allow the other person to finish speaking before you respond. This shows respect and helps create a sense of understanding.

2. Talking over others: Let the other person have their say without talking over them or trying to dominate the conversation.

3. Being judgmental: Avoid judging the other person or their thoughts and feelings. This can make them feel unheard and unsupported.

4. Being inattentive: Avoid distractions like checking your phone or looking around the room while you are having a conversation. This can make the other person feel like you are not fully present or interested in what they have to say.

5. Dismissing their feelings: Try not to dismiss the other person's thoughts or feelings. This can make them feel unsupported and misunderstood.

6. Making assumptions: Avoid making assumptions about what the other person is going to say or what they mean. This can lead to misunderstandings and create conflict.

7. Offering solutions too quickly: Sometimes people just want to vent or be heard, rather than seeking solutions. Avoid jumping to offer solutions too quickly and try to understand their perspective first.

8. Being defensive: Try not to become defensive or feel attacked when the other person is speaking. This can make it difficult to have a productive conversation.

9. Changing the subject: Avoid changing the subject or steering the conversation away from the other person's thoughts or feelings. This can make them feel unheard and unsupported.

10. Avoid multitasking: Avoid doing other tasks or activities while you are listening. This can make it difficult to give the other person your full attention.

11. Practice good body language: Use nonverbal cues like eye contact, nodding, and leaning in to show that you are engaged in the conversation.

12. Reflect back what you hear: Repeat back to the other person what you have heard them say to show that you are listening and understanding.

13. Take breaks if needed: If you start to feel overwhelmed or like you are not able to give the other person your full attention, it's okay to take a break and come back to the conversation when you are feeling more focused.

By following these tips, you can become a more effective listener and build stronger, more positive relationships.

1. Silence

2. Mixer (count the different sounds)

3. Savoring (the hidden choir)

4. Listening positions: active | passive, reductive | expansive, critical | empathetic

5. RASA: Receive, Appreciate, Summarise, Ask

Conclusion

Quiz

How can you apply this in life today

Food for thought

Expand your understanding

Prompts are stimuli that trigger a specific behavior or response. They can come from a variety of sources and can be external (such as environmental cues) or internal (such as thoughts, feelings, or memories). Remember that prompts can come from a variety of sources, and it's important to pay attention to the different types of prompts that influence your behavior. By doing so, you can gain a better understanding of the factors that trigger your habits and develop strategies to change unhealthy habits and establish new, healthier ones.

Here are some examples of different types of prompts:

1. Environmental cues: These are external stimuli that trigger a behavior. For example, the smell of coffee might prompt you to make a cup of coffee in the morning, or seeing a bag of chips on the kitchen counter might prompt you to eat a snack.

2. Emotional prompts: These are internal stimuli that are related to your emotions. For example, feeling stressed or anxious might prompt you to engage in a coping behavior such as eating comfort food, smoking a cigarette, or procrastinating on a task.

3. Social prompts: These are prompts that come from other people or social situations. For example, a friend might prompt you to go out for a drink after work, or a co-worker might prompt you to take a break and chat.

4. Time-based prompts: These are prompts that are related to the time of day, day of the week, or other temporal factors. For example, you might have a habit of going for a run every morning at 6am, or you might have a habit of watching TV every night before bed.

5. Physical prompts: These are prompts that are related to your physical sensations or needs. For example, feeling hungry might prompt you to eat a meal, or feeling thirsty might prompt you to drink water.

6. Psychological prompts: These are prompts that are related to your thoughts, beliefs, or motivations. For example, a belief that you need to be productive all the time might prompt you to work excessively, or a thought that you are not good enough might prompt you to engage in negative self-talk.

7. Cognitive prompts: These are prompts that are related to your mental processes or cognitive functions. For example, seeing a math problem might prompt you to start solving it, or hearing a question might prompt you to think about the answer.

8. Sensory prompts: These are prompts that are related to your senses, such as sight, sound, touch, taste, or smell. For example, the sight of a beautiful sunset might prompt you to take a photo, or the sound of music might prompt you to dance.

9. Memory prompts: These are prompts that are related to your memories or past experiences. For example, seeing an old photo might prompt you to remember a past event, or hearing a familiar song might prompt you to reminisce about a past experience.

10. Identity-based prompts: These are prompts that are related to your sense of self or personal identity. For example, feeling like you are not living up to your values might prompt you to make a change in your behavior, or feeling like you don't fit in with a group might prompt you to try to change your appearance or behavior.

11. Goal-oriented prompts: These are prompts that are related to your goals or aspirations. For example, wanting to achieve a certain level of fitness might prompt you to start exercising regularly, or wanting to improve your financial situation might prompt you to start saving money.

12. Belief-based prompts: These are prompts that are related to your beliefs or convictions. For example, believing that you have a responsibility to protect the environment might prompt you to recycle, or believing that education is important might prompt you to pursue further study.

13. Value-based prompts: These are prompts that are related to your values or priorities. For example, valuing family time might prompt you to spend more time with your loved ones, or valuing personal growth might prompt you to pursue new learning opportunities.

14. Need-based prompts: These are prompts that are related to your basic needs or desires. For example, needing to feel safe and secure might prompt you to lock the doors at night, or wanting to feel loved and appreciated might prompt you to express affection to your loved ones.

15. Reward-based prompts: These are prompts that are related to the anticipation of a reward or positive outcome. For example, wanting to feel good about yourself might prompt you to engage in activities that are fulfilling or meaningful to you, or wanting to feel successful might prompt you to set and pursue challenging goals.

16. Consequence-based prompts: These are prompts that are related to the potential consequences of a behavior. For example, wanting to avoid punishment or negative consequences might prompt you to follow rules or regulations, or wanting to avoid regret or guilt might prompt you to make a different decision.

17. Routine-based prompts: These are prompts that are related to your daily routines or habits. For example, waking up at the same time every morning might prompt you to start your day with a set of specific tasks or activities, or going to bed at the same time every night might prompt you to follow a bedtime routine.

18. Conflict-based prompts: These are prompts that are related to conflicts or dilemmas. For example, wanting to please everyone might prompt you to compromise your own values or desires, or feeling torn between two options might prompt you to seek advice or guidance.

By paying attention to the different types of prompts that trigger your habits, you can gain a better understanding of the factors that influence your behavior. This can help you develop strategies to change unhealthy habits and establish new, healthier ones.

The are three different types of prompts that can influence behavior: spark, facilitator, and signal.

A spark prompt is a stimulus that immediately triggers a behavior. In your example, the spark prompt is a level of fear that prompts you to open mail or Discord.

A facilitator prompt is a stimulus that helps make it easier for a behavior to occur. In your example, the facilitator prompt is high motivation, coupled with low ability. This means that you are motivated to engage in the behavior, but you may struggle to actually follow through because you lack the necessary skills or resources.

A signal prompt is a stimulus that indicates that it is an opportune time to engage in a behavior. In your example, the signal prompt is high motivation and high ability. This means that you are motivated to engage in the behavior and also have the necessary skills and resources to follow through.

By paying attention to these different types of prompts, you can gain a better understanding of the factors that influence your behavior and develop strategies to change unhealthy habits and establish new, healthier ones.

2. Categories of prompts

There are many different ways to categorize prompts, and the specific categories you use will depend on your goals and the context in which you are trying to change a habit. Here are a few additional ways you could categorize prompts:

1. External vs. internal prompts: External prompts come from the environment or other people, while internal prompts come from within an individual (such as thoughts, feelings, or memories).

2. Positive vs. negative prompts: Positive prompts are stimuli that encourage a desired behavior, while negative prompts are stimuli that discourage an undesired behavior.

3. Automatic vs. controlled prompts: Automatic prompts are stimuli that trigger a behavior automatically, without conscious thought or intention. Controlled prompts are stimuli that require conscious thought or intention to trigger a behavior.

4. Specific vs. general prompts: Specific prompts are stimuli that are closely related to the desired behavior, while general prompts are stimuli that are more broadly related to the desired behavior.

5. Weak vs. strong prompts: Weak prompts are stimuli that are less likely to trigger a behavior, while strong prompts are stimuli that are more likely to trigger a behavior.

3. How to recognize prompts

To recognize the prompts that trigger a habit, it can be helpful to pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors before, during, and after the habit. Here are some specific things you can do to identify the prompts that trigger a habit:

1. Keep a journal: Write down the specific thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur before, during, and after the habit. This can help you identify patterns and common triggers for the habit.

2. Pay attention to your surroundings: Notice your surroundings when the habit occurs. Are there any specific people, places, or things that seem to trigger the habit?

3. Reflect on your emotions: Pay attention to how you feel before, during, and after the habit. Search your triggers: how do you feel if you see a photo of person xxx? Or how do you feel if you are in the location (buildings, rooms, areas) xxx? Songs? Smells? Tastes? Visuals? Do certain emotions seem to trigger the habit?

4. Consider your past experiences: Think about any past experiences that may have contributed to the habit. For example, if you have a habit of reaching for junk food when you're stressed, think about any past experiences that may have taught you to cope with stress in this way.

Example 1: You want to change the habit of procrastinating on work tasks.

• Keep a journal: Write down the specific tasks you need to complete, as well as your thoughts and feelings before, during, and after you procrastinate. This can help you identify patterns and common triggers for the habit.

• Pay attention to your surroundings: Notice your surroundings when you procrastinate. Are there any specific people, places, or things that seem to trigger the habit?

• Reflect on your emotions: Pay attention to how you feel before, during, and after you procrastinate. Do certain emotions seem to trigger the habit?

• Consider your past experiences: Think about any past experiences that may have contributed to the habit of procrastination. For example, have you always struggled with time management, or do you find certain tasks particularly difficult or boring?

Example 2: You want to change the habit of overeating.

• Keep a journal: Write down what you eat, as well as your thoughts and feelings before, during, and after you overeat. This can help you identify patterns and common triggers for the habit.

• Pay attention to your surroundings: Notice your surroundings when you overeat. Are there any specific people, places, or things that seem to trigger the habit?

• Reflect on your emotions: Pay attention to how you feel before, during, and after you overeat. Do certain emotions seem to trigger the habit?

• Consider your past experiences: Think about any past experiences that may have contributed to the habit of overeating. For example, have you always struggled with emotional eating, or do you find it difficult to resist certain types of food?

By paying attention to these prompts, you can start to understand the circumstances and factors that lead you to engage in the habit. Once you have a better understanding of the triggers for the habit, you can work on replacing the habit with healthier behavior.

Conclusion

Quiz

How to apply this in your life?

Food for thought

Expand your understanding

1. Learning how to learn - start here:

https://www.coursera.org/learn/learning-how-to-learn

2. Examples of what to learn at Koios.world

1. Free Blockchain program

2. Free Trading program

3. AI program

Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going - Jim Rohn

Achieving success through motivation: understanding and implementing intrinsic and extrinsic motivation

Welcome to the journey of self-discovery and success! In this text, we will delve into the world of motivation and explore the keys to unlocking your full potential. Whether you're working towards a long-term goal or just looking to improve your daily life, motivation is the key to unlocking your true potential.

You will discover:

1. The two types of motivation: intrinsic and extrinsic

2. How to evaluate and improve your mood and energy levels

3. Techniques to stay motivated and achieve your goals

1. What motivates you in life?

When was the last time you smiled, not because you felt like it, but just for the sake of smiling? You’d probably do it more often if you knew that smiling was making you happier. That’s right! If you made all the facial expressions you make when you’re excited, elated and thrilled, even when you don’t actually feel those emotions, the truth is that you’d see an immediate improvement in your mood. Why does this matter? Because your mood is everything, especially when it comes to what motivates you to succeed in life.

In fact, take a moment to smile right now. Why does something like a grin have so much power to dictate what motivates you? How do you feel, physically and emotionally, when you allow yourself to smile?

Growth is addictive is supported by the idea that the more we learn and grow, the more we want to continue doing so. The process of mastering new skills or knowledge can be fulfilling and satisfying, leading to a desire to continue that process. Additionally, incorporating growth into daily habits and routines can make it a natural and consistent part of one's life. This can lead to a positive feedback cycle where the more one grows, the more they are able to master and the more they want to continue growing. It's good to make growth a priority in your life and make it a habit as it leads to dynamic improvement in your life.

Your mind interprets the events we experience within the framework you set for yourself, meaning that whether an experience is positive or negative is largely determined by our mood and state of mind. Think about it: The emotion and meaning our minds attach to events ultimately count more than the experiences themselves, because they condition our willingness to experience and pursue them. This is the key to uncovering what motivates you in life and how to use it to achieve your dreams.

But how do you motivate and jump-start yourself to achieve those dreams?

‘If you’re not growing, you’re dying’

- Tony Robbins

Learn the keys to what motivates you to succeed in life

Researchers generally split motivation into two different types: intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation comes from your own personal desire to meet your Six Human Needs. When you are intrinsically motivated, you want to do something because of the way it makes you feel – not for someone else. Example: contribution. Extrinsic motivation comes from people outside of yourself, like your boss, coworkers or partner. When you’re extrinsically motivated, you want to earn a reward from someone outside yourself. Example: Money.

Both types of motivation play a part in what motivates you in life, depending on what it is you want to achieve. For example, extrinsic motivation like monetary rewards is surprisingly not effective when it comes to workplace achievement like completing tasks or being more innovative. But it can also be highly effective – for example, the power of proximity is an extrinsic motivator that can drive you to raise your standards.

How to get motivated

Whether you’re working toward a long-term goal or want to learn how to motivate others to take action, it all begins with you. “Changing an organization, a company, a country – or a world – begins with the simple step of changing yourself.” As you consider what motivates you to succeed in life, get and stay empowered for success with these motivation tips.

Q/What are the two types of motivation? A/Intrinsic motivation and extrinsic motivation

1. Examine your mood

A positive state of mind can be what motivates you in life, and a negative state of mind can be what holds you back. Mood is affected by two different things: your physiology and your energy.

What does it mean to say that your mood is partially determined by your physiology? Consider the signs and vibes that a motivated person radiates. They smile, laugh and more often than not shine with unbridled optimism. They often have better posture and more approachable body language than someone who’s not as motivated.

It’s true that certain goals and experiences cause these reactions, but this is only half the truth. Thanks to the law of attraction, being happy, open to change and optimistic also work the other way – making you predisposed to positively evaluating the task at hand, your life and what the future brings if you accomplish your objectives. This can help you get motivated and discover what drives you.

2. Evaluate your energy levels

Mood is influenced by energy levels, too. It’s important to eat right, exercise and to otherwise take great care of yourself. Think about it: How can we expect our minds and bodies to tackle our responsibilities and ambitions when we starve them of nutrients and TLC? When you make the commitment to maintain your energy levels through natural means, like healthy eating and exercise you enjoy, you’ll find that your state of mind will improve over time as well.

Good energy levels, got it – but how exactly do you maintain them? Treating your body and mind right via exercise and diet plays a big part in finding out how to be motivated. There are other factors as well, like making sure to breathe correctly. You’d be surprised how much of your energy comes down to breathing and to giving yourself enough time to reflect through morning meditation. If you really are serious about restoring that passion, that motivation, to succeed — not just professionally, but within all aspects of your life — you can start by taking the 10 Day Energy Challenge, which is built to comprehensively tackle this part of improving your mood and your day-to-day drive.

If you want to get motivated, you have to start by being in the mindset that you already are motivated. Remember the emotions you feel when you’re passionate about something and bring those to mind when tackling new projects and objectives. Finally, treat your body right — keep your chemical balance in line, eat the right foods and remember to breathe. Now you’re ready to turn your experiences into beliefs, and your beliefs into convictions.

Q/What are the ways to evaluate and improve your mood and energy levels? A/By examining your mood and energy levels, eating right, exercising, taking care of yourself, and breathing correctly.

3. Turn beliefs into convictions

What motivates you to take action level of beliefs triangle“Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives.” – Tony Robbins

Our beliefs create our world. They have varying levels of emotional intensity and they possess the power to change our actions. There are three categories of beliefs with varying abilities to motivate you. Understanding each of the three types of beliefs – and how to adjust them – will empower you to make the link between action and motivation in every area of your life.

1. Opinions are something we feel relatively certain about, but the certainty is only temporary and can be changed easily. For example, you might think that the head of your company’s accounting department is not qualified for his position, but your opinion may change quickly when you see how effectively he manages his staff.

2. A belief, on the other hand, is formed when you develop a much larger base of reference, one that’s often associated with strong emotions and based on experience. Beliefs can create such a level of certainty that they close people off to new ideas. For example, some people believe that money equals success. Other people may have a different — yet equally passionate — belief as to what success truly means.

3. A conviction, however, eclipses a belief, primarily because of the emotional intensity a person links to the idea. A person holding a conviction feels so certain that he or she will be completely resistant to new input, often to the point of obsession. One of the best things you can do to create mastery in any area of your life is to raise a belief to the level of conviction. Convictions are at the core of what motivates you to succeed in life.

Because conviction inspires passion, it has the power to drive you to action and push you through all kinds of obstacles. For example, the conviction to never let yourself become out of shape will compel you to create consistently healthy eating habits, empowering you to get more enjoyment out of your life in the long run. The conviction that you are an intelligent and resourceful person can become what motivates you in life during incredibly tough times.

So how can you reinforce a belief and turn it into a conviction that will help you make a positive, lasting change in your life?

• Identify the basic belief that you want to elevate.

• Reinforce your belief by adding powerful references. To create a conviction around a healthy lifestyle, you might research the medical consequences of gaining weight. Then talk to people who have lost weight and kept it off. The more references you develop, the stronger your conviction.

• Then find a triggering event — or make one of your own. You need to raise the emotional intensity of the belief. If you want to give up smoking, you might visit the intensive care wing of a hospital to see the effects of emphysema firsthand.

• Finally, take action. We know that action and motivation are closely linked: Each action you take strengthens your commitment and raises the level of your emotional intensity and conviction.

Pick one of your beliefs and create an action plan using the four steps above to influence what motivates you. Remember to put dates on your plan to keep yourself moving forward and track your progress. Learn goal-setting strategies

We all have the same amount of hours in the day – successful people just know how to use them better. You may feel deeply inspired and ready to take action, but without effective goal-setting and time management strategies, you’ll never be able to capitalize on what motivates you to succeed in life.

• Set specific goals. If you want to write a book, set a concrete objective, such as, “I want to write 200 pages.” Don’t lose steam tracking undefined goals. By setting metrics, you can better gauge your progress and get the positive feedback you need to feel motivated to continue. When you reach your goals, celebrate! Happiness and optimism breed productivity, so the more you achieve, the better you feel and the more you can do moving forward.

• Chunk your tasks into manageable, actionable goals. This way, you resist feeling overwhelmed, but even more importantly, you attach emotional significance to your goals.

• Turn shoulds into musts and make your goals a priority. If you don’t, they won’t get done. As Tony says, “Don’t should all over yourself.” Stay committed. When you achieve a goal that is part of your action plan, reward yourself with something meaningful — and don’t skip it.

• Still not feeling motivated? Use a commitment device: Penalize yourself monetarily if you don’t complete your task. Whether you donate the money to charity, your kids or a friend, you’re out $50 (at least for a good cause). Follow through!

4. Adopt healthy habits

It is often the ability to take action that leads to motivation, not the other way around. In order to have that energy and vitality, you must take care of yourself. Create a cycle of action and motivation by adopting healthy habits:

Feed your mind as you consider what motivates you in life. Every day, ordinary people do extraordinary things. Read success stories, books, blogs and inspirational quotes to keep your motivational fire burning bright. Tell yourself that if people you admire can accomplish their goals, so can you.

Recharge your batteries. Deep breathing can release toxins and flood your cells with oxygen. Additionally, get the sleep you need to perform at your peak level.

Get results coaching. Sometimes it’s tough to get a neutral perspective on your goals, your progress and your strengths and weaknesses. A Results Coach can give you the sound feedback and motivation you may be missing now, and can also serve as an objective sounding board.

Remarks

One argument is that not everyone is motivated by growth and self-improvement, and that for some people, the idea of constantly striving to improve and achieve more can be overwhelming and exhausting. Additionally, some people may find that the pursuit of growth and self-improvement can lead to feelings of inadequacy and a sense of never being good enough. Additionally, some argue that a focus on growth can lead to neglecting other important aspects of life such as relationships and mental and physical health. Additionally, some argue that seeking growth for the sake of growth can be a form of escapism, avoiding dealing with underlying issues or traumas.

It is important to have a balance and consider the cost and benefits of constantly striving for growth.

Q/What are the techniques to stay motivated and achieve your goals? A/Remembering the emotions you feel when you're passionate about something, treating your body right, maintaining your chemical balance, eating the right foods, and remembering to breathe.

Conclusion

Motivation is the key to unlocking your full potential and achieving your goals. By understanding the different types of motivation, evaluating and improving your mood and energy levels, and implementing techniques for staying motivated, you can set yourself up for success. Remember, as Jim Rohn said, "Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going."

As we move forward, we will delve into the power of transformative thinking and explore the Framework of Complementary Opposites. This new chapter will provide you with tools and strategies to help you think differently and achieve even more in your life

Quiz

1. What are the two types of motivation?

   A) Intrinsic and Extrinsic

   B) Positive and Negative

   C) Individual and Group

   D) Good and Bad

   Explanation: The correct answer is A) Intrinsic and Extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation comes from internal desires and personal satisfaction, while extrinsic motivation comes from external factors such as rewards or recognition.

2. What is the most important factor in maintaining good energy levels?

   A) Eating right

   B) Exercising

   C) Getting enough sleep

   D) All of the above

   Explanation: The correct answer is D) All of the above. Eating right, exercising, and getting enough sleep are all important factors in maintaining good energy levels.

3. Why is a positive state of mind important for motivation?

   A) It improves focus

   B) It increases creativity

   C) It leads to better decision making

   D) All of the above

   Explanation: The correct answer is D) All of the above. A positive state of mind can lead to improvements in focus, creativity, and decision making.

4. How can you improve your mood?

   A) By eating healthy foods

   B) By exercising

   C) By practicing mindfulness

   D) All of the above

   Explanation: The correct answer is D) All of the above. Eating healthy foods, exercising, and practicing mindfulness are all ways to improve your mood.

5. What is the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation?

   A) Intrinsic motivation comes from internal desires and personal satisfaction, while extrinsic motivation comes from external factors such as rewards or recognition.

   B) Intrinsic motivation comes from internal desires and personal satisfaction, while extrinsic motivation comes from internal factors such as self-esteem or self-worth.

   C) Intrinsic motivation comes from external desires and personal satisfaction, while extrinsic motivation comes from external factors such as rewards or recognition.

   D) Intrinsic motivation comes from external desires and personal satisfaction, while extrinsic motivation comes from internal factors such as self-esteem or self-worth.

   Explanation: The correct answer is A) Intrinsic motivation comes from internal desires and personal satisfaction, while extrinsic motivation comes from external factors such as rewards or recognition.

How do I apply this in my life today

1. Take some time to reflect on your current goals and what truly motivates you to achieve them. Are they intrinsic or extrinsic?

2. Next, evaluate your mood and energy levels. Are there any changes you can make to improve them? For example, try to eat healthier, exercise, or practice mindfulness.

3. Choose one goal that you have been procrastinating on and implement a technique for staying motivated to work towards it. This can be setting a deadline, breaking the goal down into smaller tasks, or finding an accountability partner.

4. Reflect on your progress after one week and make any necessary adjustments.

5. Share your experience with someone close to you and ask for their feedback and support.

Food for thought

1. Can extrinsic motivation ever be as effective as intrinsic motivation?

2. How do cultural values play a role in motivation?

3. Can motivation be learned or is it innate?

4. How does one balance intrinsic and extrinsic motivation in achieving their goals?

5. In what ways can you maintain your motivation in the long term?

Expand your understanding

1. "The Science of Motivation" by Harvard Business Review https://hbr.org/2017/03/the-science-of-motivation

2. "Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation: What's the Difference?" by Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brain-babble/201502/intrinsic-and-extrinsic-motivation-whats-the-difference

3. "The Power of Proximity: How to Unleash the Motivation Within" by Forbes https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesbusinesscouncil/2021/01/19/the-power-of-proximity-how-to-unleash-the-motivation-within/?sh=1f0cdb7c6a1f

Welcome to Chapter 4 of your journey! In this chapter, we will be discussing the various tools that can help you manage your time, plan efficiently, and increase your performance and productivity. Whether you are a student, a working professional, or an entrepreneur, the skills and techniques covered in this chapter will be invaluable to you as you navigate your way through life. With the right tools, you can achieve your goals faster, work smarter, and make the most of your time and resources.

Learning goals

1. Learn to effectively manage your time through various techniques and strategies (Evaluation)

2. Learn how to plan and prioritize tasks and projects to achieve your goals (Analysis)

3. Learn how to increase your performance and productivity through various methods and tools (Application)

4. Learn quick reading techniques (Comprehension)

5. Learn how to take effective notes (Comprehension)

6. Learn how to improve writing skills (Application)

7. Learn how to improve storytelling skills (Application)

8. Learn how to improve presentation skills (Application)

9. Learn how to improve memory (Application)

10. Learn how to journal effectively (Application)

11. Learn how to improve creativity (Evaluation)

12. Learn how to improve critical thinking skills (Analysis)

13. Learn how to optimize your personal space (Application)

14. Learn how to use music to improve focus and productivity (Application)

15. Learn how to use technology to improve efficiency (Application)

Chapter overview

Efficiency

7.1 Manage time

7.2 How to plan

7.3 Increase performance and productivity

Skills

7.4 Quick reading

7.5 Taking notes

7.6 Writing skills

7.7 Storytelling

7.8 Presentation

7.9 Memory improvement

7.10 Journaling

7.11 Improve creativity

7.12 Improve critical thinking

Tools

7.13 Your space

7.14 Music & Sound waves

7.15 Interact on social media

7.16 Small life hacks

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/ask-tony/effective-communication/

The key to effective communication is understanding how communication models actually work. How are you connecting with those around you? Are you practicing good communication or just projecting an unimportant message? Is your message really being received? What communication style are you using to convey your message?

Step 1: Build identification and rapport

• Establish a connection with your audience by finding common ground and asking questions to learn more about them.

• Use small talk and personal anecdotes to make a connection with your audience and make them more receptive to your message.

Step 2: Logic & reason

• Present the facts and reasoning behind your message to justify an emotional decision.

• Use storytelling and natural integration of information to provide logical justification for your message while maintaining engagement with your audience.

Step 3: Attack & confess

• Anticipate and address possible objections to your message.

• Highlight the consequences of not following through with your suggestion and use personal anecdotes to make yourself relatable.

Step 4: Solution

• Outline the solution to the challenges discussed in the previous step.

• Highlight the positive outcomes and benefits of following through with your suggestion.

Step 5: Ask for the action (final inches)

• Clearly ask your audience to take the desired action.

2. How to get through to someone

The text explains how understanding the "metaprograms" of the person you are communicating with can help to effectively solve communication problems. Metaprograms are the basic strategies that people use to process information, such as whether they focus on similarities or differences, or whether they have an internal or external frame of reference. The text states that when you fail to get your message across to someone, you don't need to change the content of the message, you just need to be able to adjust the form of the message to fit the other person's metaprograms. The text also gives an example of how the author used this understanding of metaprograms to solve a communication problem with a business partner.

Fun story Listen deeply – then adjust your approach

3. How to get anything you want

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/leadership-impact/five-steps-for-getting-anything-you-want/

Five Steps for Getting Anything You Want - A Guide to Manifesting Your Dreams"

Step #1: Ask Specifically - The first step in getting anything you want is to be clear and specific about what you want. This means defining exactly what you need, why you need it, and when you need it. It also means being able to show the person you're asking what you'll do with what you're asking for.

Step #2: Ask Someone Who Can Help You - The next step is to find someone with the resources you need and ask them for help. This doesn't mean relying on them to do the work for you, but by getting another perspective and examining someone else's success, you might succeed, too.

Step #3: Prime Yourself for Success - Even if you're feeling a lack of self-confidence, you can prime yourself for success by bringing your thoughts, feelings, and physical body into harmony. By building a practice of mindfulness, you can use physical and mental exercises to center yourself, and set yourself on the path to understanding how to manifest anything you want.

Step #4: Leverage Your Resources - If you're feeling overwhelmed trying to reach a goal, it could be that you're not using your resources to their full potential. Your existing network, career training, and life experiences are valuable sources of information and support, so use them wisely. This is the power behind leveraging, when you're resourceful, you can accomplish far more than you think is possible.

Step #5: Ask Until You Get What You Want - Learning how to manifest anything you want requires persistence and determination. This final step is all about taking action and continuing to ask until you get what you want. Whether you're looking for a better job, a better relationship, or more time with your family, keep asking until you get the outcome you desire.

4. Persuasion

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/leadership-impact/finding-the-right-key/

The three elements of persuasion

In our quest to avoid pain and feel pleasure, we are constantly answering the question, “What’s in it for me?” Will this action help me avoid pain? Will it bring me enjoyment or fulfillment? Why do I need to do it right now? The answers to these questions fall into three categories – and they’re the key to how to convince someone to do something.

DRAB: Dominant reasons to avoid buying

Humans may want to avoid pain and maximize pleasure, but we also don’t like being told what to do. It’s so common, it has a name: psychological reactance. When we sense “threats to freedom” – like the freedom to choose what to do with our money, our time and our lives – we often do the opposite. It’s part of the reason people always seem to be able to come up with reasons to avoid buying your product or otherwise doing what you want them to do. DRAB can also include logical reasons, such as not having enough time or money. You can overcome all of these reasons using the next two elements of persuasion.

ERBN: Emotional Reasons to Buy Now

Emotional reasoning is pathos, from the Greek word for feeling or experience. Emotional pull is the most essential part of how to persuade someone to do something. With a friend or partner, you might explain how meaningful a certain action would be to you. In advertising and sales, this includes techniques like using cute animals, inspirational music and great storytelling, like beating overwhelming odds or finding true love. ERBN leaves prospects with a “want” – they want to feel the way you’re describing.

LRBN: Logical reasons to buy now

Have you employed all your best ERBN, but you still haven’t uncovered how to convince someone to do something? It’s time for LRBN. Logical reasoning is known as logos, from the word for reason or plan. It appeals to prospects’ “needs” by explaining directly and logically how they will benefit from your product, plan or idea. It’s often a great antidote to DRAB, because this reasoning speaks directly to real concerns. Will your product or idea save the person money or time? Will it help them lead a healthy lifestyle? Appealing to logic can be an influential component of persuasion.

To learn how to convince someone to do something, you must tailor your argument to speak to their DRAB, ERBN and LRBN. In his program Mastering Influence, Tony dives into eight questions that every prospect – or friend, relative or coworker – has on their mind as you’re persuading them.

1. What is this?

2. What’s in it for me?

3. Can you prove it?

4. Will this really give me what I want and need?

5. If I do this, will it be worth it?

6. Can I justify it?

7. What will other people say?

8. Do I really need it now?

Answer these questions for your prospect using ERBN and LRBN, and you’ll ease their DRAB and make the sale. That’s how to convince someone to do something in an ethical, empowering way.

5. Gain the upper hand in negotiations

This part only describes the communicative parts of negotiations.

• Watch for facial expression: One of the best negotiation tactics is to observe the other party's facial expressions, as they can indicate whether their words are genuine or not. If their facial expressions don't match their words, then it is likely that their words are not genuine.

• Assess body angle: Another important negotiation tactic is to assess the other party's body angle. This can indicate their level of interest and engagement in the conversation, as well as their intentions or desires. For example, if their body is angled towards the door, it may indicate that they want to hurry up and finish the conversation and leave.

• Observe foot angle: Observing the other party's foot placement is another effective negotiation tactic. If their foot is pointed towards you, it usually indicates that they are engaged in the conversation. If their foot is pointed towards the door, it may indicate that they want to quickly make an exit.

• Notice arm position: Noticing the other party's arm position can also provide insights into their intentions or feelings. If their arms are crossed, it may indicate that they are defensive or closed off, while open arms can indicate openness or willingness to negotiate.

• Pay attention to hand gestures: Hand gestures can provide clues about the other party's level of confidence or uncertainty. For example, if they are fidgeting or fumbling with their hands, it may indicate nervousness or lack of confidence.

• Notice the other party's vocal cues: The tone of someone's voice, the speed at which they speak, and the volume at which they speak can all provide insight into their intentions or feelings. For example, a low, slow voice can indicate a lack of confidence, while a high, fast voice can indicate excitement or enthusiasm.

• Pay attention to proximity: The distance between you and the other party can also provide clues about their intentions or feelings. For example, if they are standing close to you, it may indicate that they are comfortable and confident, while standing far away can indicate discomfort or uncertainty.

• Notice the other party's breathing: Paying attention to the other party's breathing can provide insight into their level of stress or calmness. For example, if they are breathing deeply and steadily, it may indicate that they are calm and in control, while shallow or rapid breathing can indicate stress or nervousness.

• Notice the other party's blink rate: The rate at which someone blinks can also provide insight into their intentions or feelings. For example, if they are blinking rapidly, it may indicate that they are nervous or lying.

• Do your research and prepare thoroughly Before entering into a negotiation, it's important to do your homework and gather as much information as possible about the other party, the issue at hand, and potential outcomes. This will give you a stronger foundation for negotiating and allow you to be more confident and decisive in your approach.

• Set clear goals and priorities Before entering into a negotiation, take some time to identify your own goals and priorities. This will help you stay focused and make better decisions during the negotiation process.

• Use objective criteria to support your position When negotiating, it's helpful to use objective criteria to support your position, rather than simply relying on your own subjective preferences or opinions. This can include things like market data, industry standards, or past precedent.

• Build rapport and establish trust Establishing trust and building rapport with the other party can be crucial for a successful negotiation. This may involve finding common ground, showing empathy and understanding, and being open and honest in your communication.

• Stay flexible and open to compromise Negotiations often involve give and take, and it's important to be open to compromise and consider different options. This may involve being willing to split the difference, trading one thing for another, or finding a mutually beneficial solution.

• Use effective communication and active listening skills Effective communication and active listening skills are essential for successful negotiation. This involves being clear and concise in your messaging, and also paying attention to and acknowledging the other party's perspective and needs.

• Use positive body language and nonverbal cues Nonverbal cues such as eye contact, facial expressions, and posture can be important indicators of how the other party is feeling and can help to build rapport and trust.

• Use power and leverage wisely Power and leverage can be important factors in a negotiation, but it's important to use them wisely and ethically. This may involve finding ways to build consensus or persuade the other party rather than resorting to threats or coercion.

• Be aware of and manage your emotions Emotions can be a powerful force in negotiations, and it's important to be aware of and manage your own emotions as well as those of the other party. This may involve staying calm and composed, even in difficult or stressful situations.

• Observe the other party's use of physical space. Pay attention to how much space they are taking up in the negotiation as it can indicate their level of power and control in the situation. If they are taking up a lot of space, it could mean they want to be in control of the room.

• Listen more than you talk. Instead of focusing on what you want to say, try to listen and understand the other party's perspective. This will help you discover the nuances of what they are hoping to gain, and prevent you from creating a dynamic of dominance.

• Frame the negotiation to create mutual appeal. Instead of framing the negotiation as an argument, try to frame it by what both parties are looking to gain. This sets the stage for a smoother dialogue and gives you the upper hand.

• Know when to fold. Even the best negotiation tactics can fall flat when one or both parties are unwilling to compromise. Be willing to walk away if the other party isn't willing to budge or if their offer doesn't meet your needs.

• Know when to walk away

6. Reasons nobody listens to you

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/limiting-beliefs-guide/nobody-listens-to-me/

There are three likely reasons that no one listens to you – and four things you can start doing today to work on how to get people to listen to you.

1. Your limiting beliefs are holding you back

Limiting beliefs are negative beliefs we hold about ourselves that prevent us from achieving our dreams. When it comes to thoughts like, “Nobody listens to me,” you may believe that your communication skills aren’t good enough, so you don’t make the effort to get others to listen to you. A belief that you don’t actually deserve to be listened to can cause you to come off as unsure or indecisive – two traits that won’t inspire others to follow you.

“No one listens to me” is a frequent thought for introverts, who may believe they are just not loud enough to be heard. The truth is that you don’t have to be the loudest one in the room. You just need to work on being assertive – and that starts with replacing your limiting beliefs with empowering ones.

2. You’re not speaking with passion

Have you ever heard someone explain a complicated, boring topic and make it sound fascinating? They were likely very passionate ­– and people respond to passion, no matter the subject. You can speak with all the confidence in the world, but if you don’t have passion you will not keep your audience interested.

If you find yourself asking, “Why does no one listen to me?,” you must connect what you’re talking about to your purpose. When you deeply believe in what you’re saying and are able to see how it contributes to your ultimate goals and dreams in life, you’ll be much more convincing.

3. You’re not adding value

Do you find yourself talking just to talk? Do you interrupt others or repeat what they say? Communication is about more than confidence – it’s about adding value. If you’re not contributing to a discussion meaningfully, you will be ignored.

Great leaders know that to get people to listen to you, you must put them first. They’re able to adapt their talking points to the needs of the other person and adjust their communication style to get their point across. Combined with passion, this ability to add value is what allows them to influence people. How to get people to listen to you

No matter the reason you’re thinking, “Nobody listens to me,” there are strategies you can use to fix the problem and build your communication skills.

1. Know when to talk

Leaders like Elon Musk never think, “No one listens to me.” They have a habit of pausing when they are asked tough questions. They know when to talk and when to take a moment and think. In fact, the people who talk the most are often listened to the least because they are easier to tune out. When you pause and then provide a thoughtful answer, you’ll come across as smarter and more confident.

2. Send the right signals

Your body language also helps you look more confident and attentive. Sit up straight and throw your shoulders back. Make eye contact, mirror the movements of your audience and provide nonverbal feedback like nodding. Practice deep listening to make others feel heard before you start talking. When you do speak, approach the problem or topic with positivity, passion and authority.

3. Make it about them

The best leaders are able to uncover what inspires others and then use that to communicate their own ideas. When you think, “No one listens to me,” you’re making it about yourself. But when you listen deeply and ask the right questions, you’re making it about the other person. That’s how you’ll encourage them to open up to you. Then you can look for common ground and start building a connection.

4. Provide solutions

If you’re thinking, “Nobody listens to me,” that may not be the problem at all. People may be listening – they’re just not sure what you want from them. Tony says, “Identify your problems, but give your power and energy to solutions.” Don’t complain without thinking about what comes next. Get to the point. Then be clear about next steps – and have a solution ready to go.

7. 48 laws of power

The 48 Laws of Power is a bestselling book written by Robert Greene in 1998. The book is a collection of laws that are intended to help individuals gain and maintain power in their personal and professional lives. While the book has gained widespread popularity and has been praised for its insights, it has also faced criticisms for its controversial and sometimes manipulative advice.

One of the main criticisms of the book is that it promotes unethical behavior. Many of the laws outlined in the book involve manipulating, deceiving, and exploiting others in order to gain power. This has led some critics to accuse the book of promoting a Machiavellian philosophy, which prioritizes the acquisition of power over ethical considerations.

Another criticism of the book is that it is overly focused on the acquisition of power and does not provide enough guidance on how to use that power responsibly. Some have argued that the book is primarily focused on gaining power at any cost, rather than on how to use that power ethically and for the greater good.

Some also criticize that the book is out of date as it was written more than two decades ago and the world has changed a lot, the laws are more on the traditional aspect and not really applicable to the modern world.

Additionally, some people have criticized the book for being overly simplistic and not providing enough nuance or context for the laws outlined. Some argue that the book's advice is too general and does not take into account the specific circumstances and personalities of the people it is intended for.

In general, The 48 Laws of Power has been both praised and criticized for its advice and insights on how to gain and maintain power. While it has been a popular and bestselling book, many have raised concerns about the ethical implications of its advice and the need for more nuanced and context-specific guidance.

It does however hold some powerful insights, perhaps not for yourself but on how some power-hungry person might think.

1. Never outshine the master

   Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite - inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.

2. Never put too much trust in friends, learn how to use enemies

   Be wary of friends - they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire one whose services are exactly what you need, and reward them well.

3. Conceal your intentions

   Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense. Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelop them in enough smoke, and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late.

4. Always say less than necessary

   When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less.

5. So much depends on reputation - guard it with your life

   Reputation is the cornerstone of power. Through reputation alone you can intimidate and win; once it slips, however, you are vulnerable, and will be attacked on all sides. Make your reputation unassailable. In the end, you will be defined by the way you handled yourself when you were wronged.

6. Court attention at all costs

   Everything is judged by its appearance; what is unseen counts for nothing. Never let yourself get lost in the crowd, then, or buried in oblivion. Stand out. Be conspicuous, at all costs. Make yourself a magnet of attention by appearing larger, more colorful, more mysterious than the bland and timid masses.Never outshine the master

7. Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit.

   Make use of the talents and resources of others to further your own goals. Allow others to take on the burden of responsibility and work, while you take the credit for their efforts. This not only allows you to accomplish more, but also makes others feel valuable and appreciated.

8. Win through your actions, never through argument.

   Arguments and confrontations can be draining and ultimately lead to a loss of power. Instead, use your actions to demonstrate your superiority and skill. Let your successes speak for themselves and avoid getting caught up in petty conflicts.

9. Infection: avoid stepping in a great man's shoes.

   When taking over a powerful position, it is important to establish your own identity and make changes to avoid being compared unfavorably to your predecessor. This will help to avoid any negative associations and allow you to establish your own power.

10. Learn to keep people dependent on you.

    Creating dependency in others is a subtle form of power as it ensures their loyalty and willingness to assist you. By providing valuable resources or knowledge, people will come to rely on you and work to maintain the relationship.

11. Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim.

    By appearing honest and generous, others will let their guard down and become more vulnerable to manipulation. Use this to your advantage by offering them something they want or need in exchange for something you want.

12. When asking for help, appeal to people's self-interest.

    When seeking assistance from others, it is important to make it clear how helping you will benefit them. This appeals to their self-interest and makes them more willing to lend a hand.

13. By infiltrating the inner circle of your enemy, you gain valuable information and insight that can be used against them. But be careful, as this strategy also puts you at risk of being discovered.

14. Crush your enemy totally. When faced with an enemy, it is important to completely defeat them, leaving no chance for retaliation or resurgence. This not only eliminates the threat, but also sends a message to others who may challenge you.

15. Use absence to increase respect and honor. By being scarce and difficult to reach, you become more valuable and sought-after. People will begin to miss you and your presence will be more appreciated.

16. Keep others in suspended terror: cultivate an air of unpredictability. By keeping others on edge and unsure of your next move, you maintain the upper hand and control the situation. They will be less likely to challenge or oppose you, as they never know what to expect.

17. Do not build fortresses to protect yourself- isolation is dangerous. Isolating yourself from others may seem like a way to protect yourself, but it actually makes you more vulnerable. Building strong relationships and alliances is a much more effective defense.

18. Know who you're dealing with - do not offend the wrong person. Before taking any action, it is important to understand the power dynamics and potential consequences of offending someone.

19. Do not commit to anyone. Maintain your independence and freedom of action by not committing to any one person or group.

20. Play a sucker to catch a sucker - seem dumber than your mark. By playing dumb and appearing less skilled than your target, you can lure them into a false sense of security and gain the upper hand.

21. Play on people's need to believe to create a cult-like following

22. Never break your word

23. Concentrate your forces

24. Play the perfect courtier

25. Re-create yourself

26. Keep your hands clean

27. Play on people's weakness

28. Law 28: Enter action with boldness Act with audacity and become a master of timing. Strike quickly, strike hard, and take control of the situation. Never hesitate or doubt yourself, and never give your opponents the chance to catch their breath.

29. Law 29: Plan all the way to the end Think ahead and plan for every possible outcome. Anticipate the moves of your opponents and be prepared for any eventuality. Always have a fallback plan and be ready to adapt to changing circumstances.

30. Law 30: Make your accomplishments seem effortless Don't brag about your accomplishments or boast about your successes. Instead, make them seem effortless and make others think that they could have done the same thing if they had your natural talents and abilities.

31. Law 31: Control the options: get others to play with the cards you deal Control the options available to your opponents and force them to play with the cards you deal. Limit their choices and guide them towards the outcome that you desire.

32. Law 32: Play to people's fantasies People want to believe that something is possible, even if it's not. Use this to your advantage and play to people's fantasies and desires. Make them believe that they can achieve their dreams and they will follow you blindly.

33. Law 33: Discover each man's thumbscrew Find out what motivates each person and use it to your advantage. Discover their weaknesses and fears and use them to manipulate and control them.

34. Law 34: Be royal in your own fashion: act like a king to be treated like one Be regal and commanding in your own way, and people will treat you like royalty. Don't imitate others or try to be like them, be true to yourself and let your unique qualities shine.

35. Law 35: Master the Art of Timing

    Timing is everything in life, and it is no different when it comes to gaining power. Knowing when to act and when to wait can be the difference between success and failure. Be patient and wait for the right moment to strike, and you will be more likely to achieve your goals.

36. Disdain things you cannot have: ignoring them is the best revenge

37. Create compelling spectacles

38. Think as you like but behave like others

39. Stir up waters to catch fish

40. Avoid stepping into a great man's shoes - it is too big for you to fill and you will have to live up to his reputation, which can be difficult.

41. Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter - target the leader of a group, organization or movement and the rest will fall apart.

42. Work on the hearts and minds of others - it is easier to persuade people to do what you want if they like and respect you.

43. Disdain things you cannot have: ignoring them is the best revenge - do not waste energy on things or people you cannot have, instead focus on what you can attain.

44. Preach the need for change, but never reform too much at once - change should be gradual so as not to disrupt the status quo too much and cause resistance.

45. Never appear too perfect - perfection is intimidating and people will not relate to it. Showing flaws makes you more relatable and approachable.

46. Do not go past the mark you aimed for; in victory, learn when to stop - know when to stop pushing for more power and success, as going too far can lead to downfall.

47. Assume formlessness - be adaptable and change your approach and tactics as needed to fit the situation. Do not become too predictable or set in your ways.

8. Become a master of influence

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/career-business/become-a-master-of-influence/

In today's fast-paced business world, it's essential to understand your buyers and their needs in order to stand out and get noticed. One of the key ways to do this is by being active online and in social media. It's important to remember that buyers don't care about your products and services, but rather how your organization can solve their problems and make their lives better. Instead of focusing on hyping your products and services, create something interesting that people will want to talk about online.

Another important aspect of reaching buyers is to educate them rather than just trying to sell to them. Share valuable content that they will enjoy consuming, such as videos, e-books, and blog posts. Interact and participate in conversations on social media and review sites to showcase your expertise and build trust with potential buyers.

In today's real-time 24x7 world, it's crucial to engage with the market on their time, not yours. This means being ready to act on opportunities as they arise and monitoring real-time news feeds and social channels.

Finally, it's important to manage your fear of new ways to communicate. Fear can prevent us from reaching our true potential, but by facing it head-on and trying new things, we can break out of our comfort zones and truly stand out in the marketplace. To truly succeed, it's essential to understand your buyers, educate them, and be ready to act in real-time.

Conclusion

Quiz

How do I apply this today?

Food for thought

Expand your understanding

Welcome to Chapter 6 of our course on Connecting with Others. In this chapter, we will explore various ways to build and maintain strong relationships. From creating connections to mastering the art of body language, we will delve into different strategies and techniques that can help you connect with others effectively.

Learning Goals

6.1: Understand the principles of building and maintaining strong relationships, and apply them to your own life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Application)

6.2: Learn about the formula of Marshall Rosenberg and how it can be used to improve communication in relationships, and apply the techniques to your own life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Application)

6.3: Develop the skill of interpreting and utilizing body language to improve communication and relationships, and apply the techniques to your own life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Analysis)

6.4: Learn about different ways to build trust in relationships, and apply the strategies and techniques to your own life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Synthesis)

6.5: Learn about different ways to build empathy and compassion in relationships, and apply the strategies and techniques to your own life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Synthesis)

6.6: Develop the skill of paying attention to communication and how to improve it in a relationship, and apply the techniques to your own life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Analysis)

6.7: Learn about how to deal with toxic people in relationships, and apply the strategies and techniques to your own life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Synthesis)

6.8: Learn about the key elements and strategies of leadership in building and maintaining relationships, and apply them to your own life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Synthesis)

6.9: Learn about key elements and strategies of building and maintaining relationships with kids, and apply them to your own life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Synthesis)

Chapter overview

6.1 Creating Connections: How to Build and Maintain Strong Relationships

6.2 The formula of Marshall Rosenberg

6.3 Mastering the Art of Body Language

6.4 Ways to Build Trust in Relationships

6.5 Ways to Build Empathy & Compassion in Relationships

6.6 Attention to communication

6.7 How to deal with toxic people

6.8 Leadership

6.9 Kids

Learning Goals

5.1: Understand the principles of habit formation and how they relate to success, and apply them to your own life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Application)

5.2: Learn how to create a morning ritual that can set a positive tone for your day, and apply the ideas and tips to your own life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Application)

5.3: Learn how to create daily rituals that can enhance your daily life and special occasions, and apply the strategies and techniques to your own life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Application)

5.4: Learn how to create an evening ritual for overall well-being and create a calming pre-sleep ritual, and apply the strategies and techniques to your own life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Application)

5.5: Understand the benefits of a good night's rest and its connection to success, and apply the strategies and techniques to your own life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Application)

Chapter overview

5.1 From Habits to Success: A Practical Guide

5.2 Create your Morning Ritual: Ideas and Tips for a Positive Start to Your Day

5.3 Create your daily rituals: Creating Positive Routines for Daily Life and Special Occasions

5.4 Create your Evening Ritual for Overall Well-Being. Creating a Calming Pre-Sleep Ritual.

5.5 Sleep Your Way to Success: The Surprising Benefits of a Good Night's Rest

Learning goals

4.1: Understand the principles and practices of the Quantum Approach to Achieving Success and apply them to your own life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Application)

4.2: Learn about the concept of Ikigai and how it can be used to find purpose and meaning in life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Understanding)

4.3: Develop the skill of asking more questions and understand how it can lead to a more fulfilling life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Analysis)

4.4: Learn about the key elements and strategies of a world-class life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Synthesis)

4.5: Develop your own blueprint for life and understand how to apply it to your own life. (Bloom's Taxonomy: Evaluation)

Chapter overview

3.1 Find your way with The Quantum Approach to Achieving Success

1. Introducing the quantum field

2. How to apply this?

3. Feel (flow) vs. Think (force)

4. Dr. Joe Dispenza

5. How to put mind over matter

6. Start close in

3.2 Find your way with Ikigai: A Japanese Concept for Finding Purpose and Meaning in Life

1. A Japanese Concept for Finding Purpose and Meaning in Life

2. The model

3. Find your Ikigai

3.3 Find your way with Questions: How Asking More Can Lead to a More Fulfilling Life

1. Start with your end in mind

2. Your dominant questions

3. Are you asking yourself the right questions? How to spark catalytic questions that lead to breakthrough insights

4. Living your primary question

5. Final gut check

3.4 Find your way with a world-class life

1. A world-class life according to an AI (ChatGPT)

2. A world-class life according to the four interior Empires by Robin Sharma

3. The Rituals of Daily Geniuses

4. The life structures

5. Different forms of wealth

6. Focuses of History Makers

7. How to create the life you want

8. Inspiring Quotes

3.5 Find your way with blueprint for life

1. Examples

2. Tie it all together: create a personal growth and development plan

3.6 Go left, right and both at the same time

3.6.1 The power of transformative Thinking: The Framework of Complementary Opposites

1. Complementary opposites

3.6.2 Complementary opposite 1: Focus on Now vs. plan for the Future

1. Recap: what was ‘success’ again?

2. How does a quest come about / how do you start a game?

3. Let’s start with now: ‘wanting what you have’ and the importance of being in Today

3.6.3 Complementary opposite 2: Be flexible and agile versus fixed and have perseverance

1. Find your place on the inertia spectrum

3.6.4 Complementary opposite 3: Follow your heart but also your mind

3.6.5 Complementary opposite 4: Rest but also work hard

3.6.6 Complementary opposite 5: Laser-focus, but also open attention

3.6.7 Complementary opposite 6: Intent and control vs acceptance and surrending

3.6.8 Complementary opposite 7: Be Ego but also all-one

- Victor Hugo

Welcome to chapter 1.5, where we will dive deeper into the topic of happiness. You may have heard that happiness is a state of mind, and that it's something you can create for yourself. But, how exactly do you do that? You will discover:

1. The 90:10 ratio of happiness and how much is determined by your internal state of mind.

2. The four circuits of happiness, including attention, resilience, positivity, and altruism and how they can be trained to boost your overall happiness.

3. The four archetypes of happiness, and how they pertain to your life attitudes and the pursuit of happiness.

4. A quick trick to witness the power of happiness in your life, and how it can open up new possibilities.

Join us as we explore these key components and discover new ways to create your own happiness.

1. What is success?

Success and Happiness: A Journey to Personal Mastery

Have you ever taken a step back and really pondered what success and happiness mean to you? Sure, the dictionary might say that success is a positive outcome and happiness is a feeling of joy, but there's more to it than that. When I talk about success, I don't just mean the conventional definition of success in business or finance. And when I mention wealth, I'm not talking solely about money or material possessions. Money definitely has its place in making life comfortable, but true wealth can also be found in freedom, wisdom, inner peace, meaningful relationships, and spiritual enlightenment.

As for happiness, the dictionary says it's about good fortune and feeling blissful. But for me, my quest for success and happiness is intertwined with my pursuit of wisdom. At first glance, these three things may seem disparate, but I've realized that they all stem from a common source and mentality. The path to wisdom and happiness is spiritual, steeped in centuries of tradition and teachings.

Take the Buddha, for instance. He taught that our happiness doesn't rely on what we own or our social status. Instead, it's tied to our thinking and life energy. He also warned against desire, which he believed was the root of suffering. To be happy, we must desire less, be more mindful, and strive less. Achieving balance between our physical, spiritual, and material worlds is the key. This means taking care of our bodies, cultivating a clear mind, and turning our intentions into actions.

On the other hand, Napoleon Hill believed in persistence as a means to achieve one's goals. In contrast, the Buddha taught letting go. These two philosophies may seem at odds, but they actually have a lot in common. Both encourage pursuing what you love, following your heart, and living from your inner desires and passions. The common denominator is the mind and spirit.

According to Buddha, we are a reflection of our soul and spirit. Our thoughts shape our existence, and our imagination creates our reality. We become what we truly believe, not just what we hope or wish for. James Allen echoes this idea in his book "As a Man Thinketh." He explains that we don't attract what we want, but what we are. In other words, if you want to be successful, you must first believe that you are successful.

This realization was a game-changer for me. I was a millionaire in my thoughts and beliefs long before I became one in reality. The same goes for athletes. No one wins a gold medal unless they first see themselves as champions. It's not just a desire or a wish, but a deep conviction that makes all the difference. Every action and feeling stems from a thought, and as James Allen says, a person is essentially what they think, and their personality is the result of their accumulated thoughts.

In my new book, "You Are As You Think," I've combined and updated James Allen's "As a Man Thinketh" with "The Science of Getting Rich." The book is part of my Mastermind Academy, where I'll share my insights on success, happiness, and personal mastery. This course isn't just about business and money (although, let's be real, you'll love the lessons on those topics too). It's about the art of living, reaching your goals, and making your dreams come true.

Most importantly, I want to take you on a spiritual journey of self-discovery and consciousness. After completing this course, I hope that you'll be able to design your life as you please, making the most of your spaces, whether it's your home, office, or any other area. You'll learn the principles of interior design, such as color theory, texture, and space planning, and how to use them to create functional and aesthetically pleasing environments. The course will also cover various design styles and how to mix and match different elements to create a unique look. You'll learn about lighting, furniture selection, and accessorizing, as well as how to choose the right accessories to complement your design. And by the end of it all, you'll be equipped with the skills and knowledge needed to tackle any interior design project with confidence.

Think of it as a journey to decorate not just your physical spaces, but your life as well. To truly achieve success and happiness, it's not just about what's on the outside, but what's on the inside too. That's why this course is a combination of not just interior design principles, but also personal development and mindfulness. It's about finding balance, not just in your designs, but in your thoughts and actions.

This is an epic adventure, folks. And I'm excited to be your guide on this journey to personal mastery. So come along and let's embark on this journey to success, happiness, and a beautifully decorated life.

2. A bit about happiness

• The essence of happiness is feeling at home in one's own mind. Being content with who I am and what I have at this moment (now), while having a relaxed desire for growth and development in the future.

• So a better world starts in your head.

• A Harvard study shows that only 10 percent of long-term happiness can be derived from the circumstance. That means that no less than 90 percent lies within yourself. Sonja Lyubomirsky, one of the best-known happiness scientists, also arrived at this 90:10 ratio. She also established that about 50 percent of your happiness is fixed at birth. And that no less than 40 percent is determined by your internal state of mind.

• So a better world starts in your body and head. As you will later learn, most recent research has shown you can reform your body and even your DNA with your mind. Hence, once again: a better world starts in your head

• Do I always need to be happy and always get my way? No, maybe happiness isn't about getting your way at all. Perhaps it has more to do with how you handle the waves of joy and sorrow. Perhaps happiness is the ability to be happy with the happy things and sad with the sad things

• Even in extreme circumstances, your point of view determines how happy you are. Neurologist, psychiatrist, and concentration camp survivor Viktor Frankl wrote in his book 'the meaning of existence' about how differently his fellow inmates dealt with the more than appalling conditions. Because one thing cannot be taken away from man: the freedom to express his own attitude in every situation.

Flashcard question: Q: What is the essence of happiness? A: The essence of happiness is feeling at home in one's own mind, being content with who I am and what I have at this moment (now), while having a relaxed desire for growth and development in the future.

2. The four circuits of happiness

Richard Davidson - the happy brain: four circuits are responsible for happiness:

1. Attention - our ability to maintain focus; a distracted mind is an unhappy mind

2. Resilience - our ability to recover quickly from negative moods

3. Positivity- our ability to create and nurture positive emotions and thoughts

4. Altruism - our ability to give unconditionally; generosity

These circuits can operate independently from each other. You can be good in one, terrible in another. You can train these circuits, and you can boost happiness through training. And while it may not always be easy to find happiness and contentment in yourself, it is impossible to find it anywhere else. Happiness is an inside job. The mind creates its own place and can turn heaven into hell, from hell into heaven.

I will focus on each one during this Quest, we will find them in other steps of your journey.

Flashcard question: Q: What are the four circuits responsible for happiness according to Richard Davidson? A: The four circuits responsible for happiness according to Richard Davidson are: Attention, Resilience, Positivity, and Altruism.

3. The four archetypes of happiness

Harvard psychology professor Tal Ben-Sahar distinguishes four mindsets or archetypes concerning life attitudes and the pursuit of happiness. They are based on whether you are chasing profits and, if so, which ones:

Balance the now with the future. Watch with both eyes and 100% of your focus at the next step, but while also watching the horizon. To feel and reconcile your future in the present. It is possible and I’ll show you later how this can be done.

Flashcard question: Q: What are the four mindsets or archetypes concerning life attitudes and the pursuit of happiness according to Harvard psychology professor Tal Ben-Sahar? A: According to Harvard psychology professor Tal Ben-Sahar, the four mindsets or archetypes concerning life attitudes and the pursuit of happiness are: balancing the now with the future, chasing profits, and which ones.

4. A quick trick to witness the power of happiness in your life

Happiness allows you to see and feel more possibilities, as you open. An exercise to witness this for yourself.

1. Go to a news website and read some bad news about topics that affect you. Let the message really sink in. Connect with the feelings that make you feel sad.

2. Then make a list of solutions to the traffic jam problem in 3-5 minutes. You don't have to pitch them on national tv, so your ideas can be weird and impracticable.

3. Take a short break.

4. Think about a pleasant moment in your life that automatically makes you smile for a few minutes. Enjoy the emerging feeling, feel the joy and warmth.

5. Then see if you can expand the list of solutions for the file problem.

Chances are, new ideas came to you. Negative emotions constrict attention, your mindset narrows. Negative emotion is like a water lily closing to the dark. The hunt-or-danger systems are at work. Positive emotion is like a water lily that opens to the sun. The rest & digest system gives space to your attention and broadens your mindset (broaden aspect). Even at the micro level, this aspect exists: cells grow with positivity, while negative emotions generally inhibit cell growth.

You hold the power to create or destroy within.

Flashcard question: Q: What is the exercise to witness the power of happiness in your life? A: The exercise to witness the power of happiness in your life is to go to a news website and read some bad news about topics that affect you, let the message sink in, and connect with the feelings that make you feel sad. Then, make a list of solutions to the problem in 3-5 minutes and take a short break. Think about a pleasant moment in your life that automatically makes you smile for a few minutes, enjoy the emerging feeling, and see if you can expand the list of solutions for the problem.

5. Positivity ratio

Positive emotions reduce or prevent the harmful effects of negative emotions; this is the so-called undoing effect (source https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/026999398379718). Training in positive emotions, for example, is beneficial for depressive symptoms. But not only the absolute number of positive emotions you experience is essential. Also, the ratio of the number of positive emotions to the number of negative emotions: your positivity ratio. The higher that ratio - the more uppers to downers - the more you feel like you're thriving.

On average, people have a positivity ratio of 2:1 (two positive emotions to one negative). You usually function in this state of mind. The tipping point is 3:1, then comes the feeling of flourishing. In relationships, this point is at 5:1. It takes five fun, happy, or connecting moments versus one negative to experience the friendship or relationship as flourishing. For teams, that ratio is even 6:1. These ratios have come under fire mathematically, but the hypothesis that people with a high positivity ratio thrive remains (source https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/026999398379718)

Flashcard question: Q: What is the positivity ratio and why is it important for happiness? A: The positivity ratio is the proportion of positive to negative emotions that a person experiences. Research has shown that a ratio of 3:1 positive to negative emotions is associated with optimal well-being and happiness. The importance of the positivity ratio lies in the fact that it helps to balance negative emotions and promote overall well-being and happiness.

6. How to supplement the positivity ratio

1. By weakening (the impact of) negative feelings. For example, through compassion training.

2. Experience positive emotions for longer.

Rick Hanson is a neuropsychologist and author who has written extensively on the topic of well-being and emotional balance. In his book "Be Home," Hanson offers various tips and exercises for cultivating positive emotions and reducing the impact of negative ones. Some of these include having a positive experience, enhancing it, and installing it in your mind. Additionally, he suggests practicing compassion and mindfulness, as well as engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. By adopting these practices, you can improve your emotional well-being and foster a greater sense of happiness and contentment in your life.

can you give more examples exercises from this book be home

Sure! Here are some examples of exercises from Rick Hanson's book "Be Home" that you can try to cultivate positive emotions and reduce the impact of negative ones:

1. The "Three Good Things" exercise: Every day, take a few moments to write down three good things that happened to you. These can be big or small, but they should be things that you are grateful for or that brought you joy. Take time to savor each one and really allow yourself to feel the positive emotions that they evoke.

2. The "Soothing Breath" exercise: Sit in a comfortable position and take a few deep breaths. As you inhale, imagine that you are breathing in calm and peace, and as you exhale, imagine that you are releasing any tension or stress. Continue to breathe in this way for a few minutes, focusing on the sensation of the breath and letting go of any thoughts or worries.

3. The "Loving-Kindness" meditation: Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Bring to mind someone you care about, and silently repeat phrases of loving-kindness to them, such as "may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be at peace." Then, bring to mind someone you don't know well, and repeat the phrases to them. Finally, bring to mind yourself, and repeat the phrases to yourself. As you do this, try to feel the warmth and compassion that these phrases evoke in you.

Here are some additional examples of exercises from Rick Hanson's book "Be Home" that focus on practicing compassion and mindfulness, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment:

1. The "Compassion Break" exercise: Take a few minutes to focus on your breath and let go of any thoughts or worries. Then, bring to mind someone you care about who is struggling or in pain. Imagine what they might be feeling and send them a sincere wish for their well-being. You can silently repeat phrases of compassion to them, such as "may you be free from suffering, may you find peace and joy." As you do this, try to feel the warmth and compassion in your heart.

2. The "Mindful Eating" exercise: Choose a simple, familiar food that you enjoy, such as a piece of fruit or a small snack. Take a few moments to focus on your breath and let go of any thoughts or distractions. Then, slowly and mindfully eat the food, paying attention to its appearance, texture, and taste. Notice any sensations or emotions that arise as you eat, and try to let go of any judgments or expectations. Simply be present with the experience of eating.

3. The "Self-Care" exercise: Take some time to think about activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. This could be anything from going for a walk or listening to music, to spending time with friends or engaging in a hobby. Make a list of these activities and try to incorporate at least one of them into your day every day. As you engage in these activities, focus on the present moment and let go of any thoughts or worries. Allow yourself to fully enjoy the experience and feel the positive emotions that it brings.

The important thing is: which emotions do you need right now? Every need you feel falls under one of the three core needs: security (avoiding harms), contentment (approaching rewards), and connection (attaching to others). Only when you know where your shortage is you can start replenishing.

How to enhance the experience? From Rick Hanson - Be Home

• Have a positive experience (small or big)

• Enhance the experience and enrich it - give the guest a seat. Open fully and hold for 10 to 15 seconds longer than usual, focusing mainly on your senses; that makes the experience more intense. Also, explore new insights during this step, especially those that make the experience personally relevant to you. This will make the experience more memorable. The answer, the different view or the new perspective, only comes in when you stop and magnify the experience.

• Install the positive experience - let these lands in your mind. Then, visualize embedding or storing the experience in your heart with ctrl-S. You may feel the positive experience flowing through your body or imagine your brain putting on its wool sweater for this. Find an image that helps you. The more intensely you experience emotions in your body, the more deeply they become embedded in your brain. Hold this step for 15 to 20 seconds.

• Sometimes negative memories arise unsolicited and without function. Then letting go is difficult. But did you know that you can overwrite a negative memory with a positive experience? Neurons that wire together fire together. In this step, you link the negative experience to a positive experience. In this way, you recognize the fear and helplessness, acknowledge woodiness or sadness, and no longer let yourself be carried away. Instead, you bring in the welcome guest and put them in the spotlight. Hold this for 15-20 seconds.

• Realization: the little things in the little moments. They aren't little.

Flashcard question: Q: How can we supplement our positivity ratio to promote happiness? A: One way to supplement the positivity ratio is to focus on positive experiences and emotions. This can be achieved through practices such as gratitude journaling, mindfulness meditation, and spending time with loved ones. Additionally, engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment can also help to supplement the positivity ratio.

https://www.rickhanson.net/be-home/

7. How to make your own happiness

No matter what your life looks like right now or how far you are from the blueprint you thought you should follow, you can still create your own happiness. Here are 10 tips to help you get started:

1. Do what you love

It’s nearly impossible to find your own happiness when you spend eight hours a day doing work you are not passionate about. If you’re unhappy at work, it’s time to find a new job or a completely new career. Even if that means going back to school or taking a pay cut, it will be well worth it to follow your passion.

2. Stop comparing

Your life is not like anyone else’s, which is why you need to find your own happiness rather than relying on others to tell you what happiness means. Stop comparing yourself to others because you never know what’s truly going on behind closed doors. Get off social media, stop looking at what everyone else has that you don’t and focus on what truly brings you joy.

3. Make a list

When we’re feeling down, it can be difficult to remember what has made us happy in the past. Next time you do something that brings you joy, add it to a list. Then, the next time you need a mood boost, look at the list and choose one of the activities.

4. Be around those who bring you happiness

It can be tough to make your own happiness when everyone around you is miserable. Proximity is power – you will eventually rise to the level of those you spend the most time with. Choose positive, supportive people to be in your inner circle and you will be much more likely to find your own happiness.

5. Adopt a gratitude mindset

Whether you’re looking for the good or bad in any situation (or person), you’re likely to find it. To create your own happiness, you need to constantly look for the good and be thankful for it. This simple shift in mindset will improve your mood, your relationships and your success.

6. Do something for others

There’s a reason why Tony says “The secret to living is giving.” Giving your time, talents or money to others feeds your soul in a way nothing else does. Whether you volunteer at a homeless shelter, bring a grieving friend a homemade casserole or give a compliment to a stranger, you can create your own happiness by making others happy.

7. Always have something to look forward to

Knowing there is a reward in the future helps you get through even the most stressful situations. Make your own happiness by scheduling upcoming lunch dates with friends, mini vacations or relaxing massages.

8. Create experiences

Once you truly know what brings you joy, enhance it by experiencing it with others who share your version of happiness. This might mean joining a book club or getting involved in a philanthropy group. Having pleasurable experiences with others creates meaningful connections and helps you more deeply enjoy activities you love.

9. Know when to say no

Developing healthy boundaries will help you find your own happiness without letting others dictate it for you. Before saying yes to requests, think about if it’s something you really want to do or if it aligns with your values. If it doesn’t, politely decline.

10. Take time to yourself

You can’t create your own happiness when you don’t know yourself deeply. You need regular “me time.” A weekly warm bath, a night in with a favorite movie or a regular yoga class will help you stay connected to your inner needs and give you the energy you need to give to others.

When we let go and follow our pull of passion, we open up the space for happiness. We realize that life is not happening to us, it is happening for us. When you reach this realization, you have achieved the mindset shift that will allow you to create your own happiness. You will realize your path has become clearer and obstacles have fallen away. And most importantly, no matter what happens in life, you are always more than that moment – and more than the story you have created. How will you make your own happiness?

Q: What are some tips for creating our own happiness? A: Some tips for creating our own happiness include: doing what you love, stopping comparisons, making a list of things that bring you joy, being around those who bring you happiness, adopting a gratitude mindset, doing something for others, always having something to look forward to, and taking care of your physical and mental health.

8. A powerful lifehack for happiness: gratitude

Gratitude is one of the most effective and powerful happiness strategies because it evokes many positive emotions.

• Gratitude helps you enjoy beautiful moments more and makes the dull-everyday more sparkly.

• Gratitude motivates and empowers action in yourself and in others. It makes you more energetic and stimulates positive emotions.

• In addition, gratitude increases your coping skills in difficult situations.

• Grateful people do not ignore the difficulties in life but choose to highlight the positive sides as well.

• Gratitude also encourages prosocial behavior, such as giving and showing compassion.

• Gratitude is the medicine against social comparison and the accompanying destructive emotions such as jealousy.

• Finally, it reduces the chance that you will become depressed, lonely, and anxious.

What are you grateful for in your life? See if you can think of something small or big for each finger of your hand that you are grateful for. You can do gratitude at any time of the day.

If you find yourself complaining or grumbling, follow up the thought or statement with "and" and immediately add something for which you are grateful. This is also fun to do with others.

Q: How can gratitude be used as a powerful lifehack for happiness? A: Gratitude has been shown to be a powerful tool for promoting happiness as it shifts focus towards the positive things in life. Practicing gratitude through journaling, writing thank-you notes, or simply reflecting on the things you are thankful for can help to increase feelings of well-being and happiness.

9. Buying happiness?

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/wealth-lifestyle/how-to-buy-happiness/

The article discusses the relationship between money and happiness, stating that while the correlation between the two is not as drastic as one may think, money does bring happiness if used correctly. A study by Princeton University in 2010 found that the change in happiness is seen up to $75,000 in annual income, after which the level of happiness evens out. The article suggests that this amount of money gives a sense of financial freedom, allowing one to enjoy life instead of worrying about how to provide for oneself. The article also suggests that low income intensifies the emotional strain of life's challenges, causing compounded pain from financial insecurity. The article goes on to suggest that one way to use money effectively is to spend it on others and witness the impact, and to spend it on experiences rather than material things.

3 ways to spend money that will actually make you happier

1. Spend it on others – and witness the impact

2. Spend it on experiences

3. Buy back your time

On your journey to financial freedom, be sure to cultivate gratitude. One of the main reasons that collecting more things doesn’t make us happy in the long run is because we adapt quickly to it. Sonja Lyubomirsky, psychology professor at UC Riverside, says,” If you have a rise in income it gives you a boost, but then your aspirations rise too…You’ve stepped on the hedonic treadmill. Trying to prevent that or slow it down is really a challenge.”

10. A bit of guidance along the way: create a fulfilling life

"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions."

- Dalai Lama

Learn how to thrive, not just survive.

Feeling down and questioning what's missing in your life? Searching for a way to feel fulfilled and content? Going through a tough time and don't know how to navigate it? We've all been there. Happiness isn't just about reaching a certain level of success or achieving a specific goal. Sure, these things can contribute to a fulfilling life, but they may not provide the deep sense of satisfaction you're seeking. The good news is, there's no secret formula for happiness. It's about taking care of your body and mind, focusing on the needs of others and learning from those who have already walked in your shoes. And remember, what works for one person may not work for another. Creating ground rules for a happy and fulfilling life is a personal and dynamic process. In this chapter, we'll share examples of ground rules that have worked for us, but remember it's up to you to find what works best for you and make it a part of your daily routine. Let's build meaningful experiences and start feeling happy together!

1. Be kind

   Be kind to yourself and others. Understand your emotions and those of others, compassion is the key to success. Start with compassion for yourself, only then will you be capable to take care of others. Even if you fail, or if all you do is for naught, you have at least spread kindness in your life and that of others.

   Here are a few ways to be kinder to others:

   1. Practice empathy and try to understand others' perspectives. This can help you connect with them on a deeper level and respond to their needs in a more compassionate way.

   2. Be a good listener. Give others your full attention when they are speaking and try to really hear what they are saying. This can help you build strong relationships and show others that you care about them.

   3. Show gratitude and appreciation. Acknowledge the good things that others do for you and let them know that you are thankful for their help and support.

   4. Help others without expecting anything in return. Look for ways to lend a hand or make someone's day a little bit brighter, even if it's just in a small way.

   5. Be patient and forgiving. Avoid judging others harshly and try to give them the benefit of the doubt. Remember that everyone makes mistakes and that we all need a little understanding and compassion from time to time.

2. Simplify. Simplify all

   Less truly is more. I can't stress this enough. Do less, own less = make room for your truly important things in life. The less you do, the more you can allow it to express itself. The telephone line is not always occupied, so you give life the chance to get to work for you. Keep things simple and do the most important things today. Known as ‘Wu Wei’ and the art of inaction, making life work for you. Practical tip: don't aim for 'more' but for 'less'. Simplify.

3. Dial down on the ego

   Take care of yourself and your inner circle first. But keep in mind: by helping others, you help yourself. It is not zero-sum. Less me, more we: consistently serve society instead of gratifying the ego hunger of your smaller self. A migration from FFA (fame, fortune, applause) to JPF (joy, peace, freedom).

   If you want to lose your shackles of self:

   1. Develop the unity mentality. See the connection between all around you: you are not in the world, the world is in you. Fun fact: you are made out of the same material as planets. If you are up for it, start this spiritual road with the story of the Bhagavad Gita.

   2. Self-realization. You cannot come to know your purpose and what you are meant to do unless you first know yourself. Get outside your comfort zone. Self-mastery. Don't be a creature of complacency, complacency is like a disease. Nature does not intend you to sit idle.

   3. Personal heroism. Become a risk taker. A spiritual warrior. You can't go to third base, with one foot on second. See the sacred in the ordinary. Practice dying while still alive.

   4. Consistently empower your holiness. Being holy is all about being whole. It is to act with integrity and character power. Do what's right and justly, and help others. Make life your prayer. Be humble.

   5. The Gandhi factor: become a force of good. See yourself as a divine instrument, here to touch the lives of others. To help others, you must first help yourself and mine your inner gifts. If you want to lead a country, you first must lead yourself.

   6. Practice humility. Humility means recognizing your own limitations and imperfections and being open to learning and growing from others. Instead of trying to be the center of attention or always needing to be right, focus on serving others and being a good listener.

   7. Cultivate empathy. Empathy means being able to understand and share the feelings of others. By taking the time to see things from others' perspectives and truly listening to their experiences, you can learn to let go of your own ego and focus on what's best for the people around you.

   8. Reflect on your motivations. Ask yourself why you do the things you do and what you're trying to achieve. If your actions are driven by a need for validation or recognition, it's a sign that your ego is in control. Instead, try to focus on making positive contributions and helping others, rather than seeking attention or praise.

   9. Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness means being present in the moment and focusing on your thoughts and actions without judgment. By being mindful, you can become more aware of your own ego and learn to let go of the need to control or impress others.

   10. Seek feedback from others. Ask for honest feedback from people you trust and be open to hearing what they have to say. This can help you gain a better understanding of how your ego is impacting your relationships and give you the opportunity to make changes for the better.

   11. Let go of your need for perfection. Perfectionism is often driven by the ego and can lead to unnecessary stress and disappointment. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on doing your best and being kind to yourself when things don't go as planned.

   12. Be open to change and new ideas. The ego often resists change and clings to familiar ways of doing things. By being open to new ideas and perspectives, you can let go of the need to control every aspect of your life and be more flexible and adaptable.

   13. Don't take yourself too seriously. The ego often leads us to take ourselves too seriously and take offense at things that aren't a big deal. Try to lighten up and see the humor in situations, and remember that you're not always right and it's okay to be wrong sometimes.

   14. Practice gratitude. Gratitude helps to shift our focus from our own ego and problems to the things we are thankful for. By regularly expressing gratitude, you can let go of the need to constantly compare yourself to others and focus on the good things in your life.

   15. Seek help when you need it. Sometimes, the ego can prevent us from asking for help or admitting when we need support. If you're struggling to dial down your ego, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support.

   16. Don't take things personally. The ego can often make us take things personally and feel hurt or angry when someone says or does something that we don't like. Instead of reacting emotionally, try to take a step back and see the situation from a more objective perspective.

   17. Be willing to admit when you're wrong. The ego often leads us to defend ourselves and our actions, even when we know we're in the wrong. By being willing to admit when you're wrong and apologizing, you can let go of your ego and show others that you value their feelings and opinions.

   18. Don't try to control others. The ego often leads us to try to control others and their actions, but this is rarely effective and can damage our relationships. Instead, focus on controlling your own actions and reactions and let others make their own decisions.

   19. Be compassionate and understanding. The ego often makes us judgmental and critical of others, but compassion and understanding can help us let go of those negative tendencies. By showing compassion and empathy to others, you can let go of your ego and connect with others on a deeper level.

   20. Remember that you're not better than anyone else. The ego often leads us to believe that we are superior to others, but this is not true. We are all equal and deserving of respect and kindness. By remembering this, you can let go of your ego and treat others with the same respect and compassion that you would like to receive.

4. Learn – earn – return

   "Learn, earn, return" is a phrase that is often used to describe a philosophy of education and personal development. The idea is that by investing in yourself and learning new skills, you can increase your earning potential and eventually use that increased income to give back to your community or to support causes you care about. This approach to education and career development emphasizes the importance of not only achieving personal success, but also using that success to make a positive impact on the world.

   Each one, teach one. If you teach, you learn twice. In other words: the teacher learns the most. Find your topic, and teach to those around you. Teaching is the highest form of art.

   Explaining complex materials in simple terms is true mastery. So to test your understanding, follow Einstein’s lead: if you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough. The lessons you teach are the life you live. Times have changed, and society evolves at a pace never shown before. We now accept the fact that learning is a lifelong process of keeping abreast of change. And the most pressing task is to teach people how to learn. Become a teacher, and create value for yourself and others.

5. Develop a mentality of abundance

   Develop an abundance conscience: an attitude of gratitude combined with giving. Get away from the Midas mentality (more me), abundance must circulate (more we). Move from all-for-one to one-for-all. The more you give, the more you receive.

   

   Concentrate your mind on the true values that feed your core (dharma, karma, family, etc.). Work on the four interior empires: heart, soul, mind, and health. You will otherwise always remain in hunting mode. Material objects are fleeting, but not sustaining your soul because as soon as you have it you will concentrate on the next one.

   Developing a mentality of abundance is all about shifting your mindset from one of scarcity or lack to one of abundance and possibility. Here are a few steps you can take to cultivate this mindset:

   1. Focus on abundance in all areas of your life, not just money. This can mean having an abundance of time, love, relationships, health, or anything else that is important to you.

   2. Let go of the need to compete with others. A mentality of abundance means believing that there is enough success to go around, and that you don't need to compete with others to achieve it.

   3. Practice generosity. When you give to others, you create abundance in your own life. This can be in the form of money, time, or other resources.

   4. Take responsibility for creating abundance in your own life. A mentality of abundance means believing that you have the power to create the life you want, and taking action to make it happen.

   5. Start by recognizing and challenging any limiting beliefs you may have. Do you believe that there is not enough success, love, or wealth to go around? These beliefs can hold you back and prevent you from achieving your goals.

   6. Practice gratitude on a daily basis. This can help you to focus on the good things in your life and to let go of any feelings of lack or scarcity.

   7. Take action to support your beliefs. If you believe that there is plenty of success to go around, start taking steps to create it for yourself and others.

   8. Surround yourself with people who have a mentality of abundance. This can help to reinforce your own beliefs and can also provide support and encouragement on your journey.

   9. Be open to new opportunities and possibilities. A mentality of abundance means believing that there are always more opportunities out there, and being willing to take risks and try new things.

6. Pain and fear mark borders

   Pain can guide you, but you need to build up grit. Consistency is how you will build grit. Never skip twice.

   The word "passion" is derived from the Latin word "pati," which means "to suffer." This connection to pain is often interpreted as meaning that passion requires sacrifice or struggle in order to be achieved. While it is true that pursuing a passion can sometimes involve challenges and difficult moments, it is not necessarily true that pain is a necessary part of the process.

   Grit, on the other hand, is a trait that is often associated with perseverance and determination. It is the ability to continue working towards a goal despite challenges or setbacks. Consistency is one way to build grit, but it is not the only way. Other ways to develop grit include setting clear goals, seeking feedback and support, and staying motivated even when things are tough.

   It is also important to remember that not skipping twice is not a rule that applies to everyone. Everyone is different and what works for one person may not work for another. It is important to find a balance that works for you and to be flexible and adaptable in order to achieve your goals.

7. Live by a high moral blueprint

   Living by a high moral blueprint means following a set of principles or values that guide your actions and decisions. These principles can be based on your personal beliefs or on a code of ethics that you choose to follow. A high moral blueprint can help you to make choices that are fair, honest, and compassionate, and can also help you to avoid actions that may harm others or yourself.

   To live by a high moral blueprint, you can start by identifying the values and principles that are most important to you. This may involve reflecting on your beliefs and experiences, and considering what you consider to be right and wrong. You can then use these values and principles to guide your actions and decisions, and to hold yourself accountable to a high standard of behavior.

   It is also important to remember that a high moral blueprint is not something that is set in stone. Your values and principles may evolve and change over time, and it is up to you to continue to reflect on and update your moral blueprint as needed.

   Here is an example of a high moral blueprint:

   1. I will always act with integrity and honesty, even when it is difficult.

   2. I will treat others with respect and compassion, regardless of their background or beliefs.

   3. I will use my talents and resources to help others and to make the world a better place.

   4. I will take responsibility for my actions and choices, and will always strive to do the right thing.

   5. I will seek to understand and learn from others and will be open to new ideas and perspectives.

   6. I will strive to be fair and just in all of my interactions, and will always seek to avoid harming others.

   7. I will be accountable to myself and to others and will hold myself to a high standard of moral behavior.

8. Make honesty your go-to

   Making honesty your go-to means that you prioritize honesty in all of your actions and interactions. This means being truthful, transparent, and sincere in your words and actions, and avoiding deception or manipulation. Here are a few ways to make honesty your go-to:

   1. Practice self-awareness. Take the time to reflect on your own thoughts and actions, and consider whether they align with your values and principles.

   2. Communicate openly and honestly. Be transparent and sincere in your interactions with others, and avoid withholding information or being deceptive.

   3. Own up to your mistakes. If you make a mistake, admit it and take responsibility for it. This shows that you are honest and accountable.

   4. Be consistent. Consistency is key when it comes to honesty. If you are consistently honest in your words and actions, others will learn to trust and believe you.

   5. Seek feedback and support. If you are struggling to be honest, reach out to others for feedback and support. This can help you to stay on track and to continue making honesty your go-to.

   Remember, making honesty your go-to takes time and effort. It is not always easy, but it is worth it. Honest communication and behavior can improve your relationships, build trust, and create a positive impact on the world around you.

   Honesty acts as a bridge, inward and outward. This might be your hardest challenge.

9. Journal

   Journal, journal, journal. Don't know what to write?

   1. Easy: write down one thing you are grateful for each day that is the cheapest possible therapy ever.

   2. Easy: write down what gives you energy (seek more) and what consumes your energy (avoid more).

   3. Easy: Write down your goals for the day.

   4. Difficult: reflect like a Navy Seal. Write down your intention (what do I want), then reflect (did I get it), analyze (why not, get to the root problem), and create improvement (what to do or not to do next time).

   5. Very difficult: history teaches us that 100 years from now some of the assumptions you believed will turn out to be wrong. A good question to ask yourself today is "What might I be wrong about?"

   More in later sessions journaling.

10. Intention > output

    The purpose is not to solve problems, as the universe has no problems. You are not here to save the world in some distant future with a grandiose plan, the universe will take care of that, you are here to solve the challenge presented by the universe at this moment with the utmost love and spirit you can ('magic'). You can solve a personal challenge or a challenge experienced by somebody else. Let your love for yourself and others guide you in your actions.

11. Nurture loving relationships

    We are all connected to the same eternal source. We are here for the human experience, so participate with others. Cherish and love the people around you. Don't sacrifice the big things in life for the small things in life. After a long personal journey inwards, some parental advice as well: the best thing you can give your children is yourself. The same concept might apply to other people around you as well.

12. Feed and condition your mind

    Jim Rohn said, “Every day, you have to stand guard at the door of your mind.” Why? Because what you let into your mind – your beliefs – creates the meaning that you give to everything else in life. What are you thinking about most often? What you feed your mind is what you become. As Tony says, where focus goes, energy flows. Put your focus on feeding your mind nutritious content and you’ll give it the fuel it needs to learn how to feel happy.

    To feed your mind, read at least 30 minutes a day of something substantive. Social media doesn’t count. Try reading biographies of people who have achieved amazing things or books about science and history. You should be challenged and excited by what you’re consuming. Not much of a reader? Try audio books or even podcasts to provide the same level of brain nutrition. This will help immensely as you explore how to make yourself feel happy.

13. Strengthen your body daily

    No matter how much you feed your mind, it’s difficult to make an actual change in your life and discover how to feel happy if your body is telling you it’s unhealthy. Your mind and body are one unit. Whether you feel uncertain or fantastic, your physiology changes. When you are feeling physically strong and powerful, your mind follows suit.

    To strengthen your body, adopt a sustainable, healthy diet that incorporates whole grains and the nutrients you need for energy and cuts out sugars and additives that harm your health. Aim for five days a week minimum of exercise. Push yourself so your heart is racing for at least 10 minutes to get the full cardiovascular benefit. Aside from exercise, create a daily ritual to help make you strong. Tony uses a cold plunge. Your daily ritual might be a session of yoga, time in the sauna or light weightlifting.

14. Get a role model

    Whether we’re seeking career success or inner happiness, role models and mentors can show us the right path. As Jim Rohn often said, “Success breeds clues.” Find someone who has overcome obstacles to feeling happy or think of someone you admire who is wildly happy. What mindsets or empowering beliefs do they have that allow them to feel happy? You might also consider getting a Results Coach who can provide you with tips on how to feel happy as well as how to increase fulfillment in your personal and professional life.

    Tony Robbins is an example of a role model who learned how to feel happy. He came up with the concepts behind 5 to Thrive after he’d been kicked out of his house by his angry mother on Christmas Eve. He was still in high school, had no money and going home was no longer an option. An action plan for feeling happy was born, one that Tony has used in his own life and has expanded on over the years.

15. Elevate your peer group

    Many of us stay around people who are at our level of happiness or below it, partly because it makes us feel good about ourselves and partly because they don’t present a challenge. When we stay around people who are comfortable, there’s no impetus to grow. As Tony says, who you spend time with is who you become.

    If you hang around people who are consistently negative and only look at the downsides of life, chances are you will, too. Opt to surround yourself with those who have an abundance mindset instead and see how much easier it is to find ways to feel happy. You need to be around people who do what you want to be doing. If you keep putting yourself there, something positive will happen. If you want to know how to feel happy, spend time with others who share your passions or who can teach you something new. You should also work on your ability to make new and meaningful connections. The more people you connect with, the more likely you are to find how to feel happy.

16. Give more than you expect to receive

    Giving will change your state of mind in ways you can only imagine. In fact, Tony says that giving without expecting anything in return and just trying to be a blessing in the lives of everyone you meet will give you the energy to do the previous four things and will inevitably lead to being happy.

    No matter how bad things may seem, find someone who’s worse off than you and help them. Even if you can’t give a lot of money, there are plenty of ways you can make a contribution. You can give them food, have a conversation or help them solve a problem. Whether it’s large or small, offer something to others and don’t expect anything in return. Remember: the secret to living is giving. When you’re grateful for what you have and always on the lookout for how you can improve someone else’s life, you’ve truly discovered how to feel happy.

17. Spend more time outdoors

    Living near green spaces and regular exposure to fresh air is associated with a better mindset and is one of the ways to feel happy. Sunlight produces vitamin D, which is important to fight depression, and nature sparks curiosity and wonder.

    Schedule time to spend outdoors. You should enjoy nature with your family and friends as well as spend time alone outdoors to process thoughts and reconnect with yourself. Regular exposure to fresh air, green grass and the sounds of water is a sure path to how to feel happy.

18. Get plenty of sleep

    When we’re exhausted, we may give up on figuring out how to feel happy – we just want to zone out in front of the TV or go to bed. Feeling happy is much easier when you’re well-rested and able to face the day with optimism and energy. If you have trouble sleeping or if you’re so overcommitted that you don’t take the time for seven to eight hours of sleep per night, you need to make some changes.

    Create some healthy habits that help you power down in the evening and prepare your brain and body for sleep. Say no to commitments that keep you from adequate rest. Turn off electronics an hour before bedtime and read by a dim light instead of watching TV or scrolling Facebook. Try aromatherapy or play relaxing music or white noise to help you fall asleep. When you get quality sleep, learning how to feel happy becomes easier.

19. Listen to upbeat music

    Music activates the brain’s reward system and is one of the most powerful ways to feel happy. Music can act as medicine, a mood enhancer and a powerful form of self-expression. Slip on your headphones and crank up an upbeat playlist. You can do this while you work out, as you’re making dinner or anytime you’re struggling with your mood or feel like your world is spinning out of control.

20. Practice letting go

    One reason so many people struggle with how to feel happy is the inability to let go. Whether you can’t let go of traumatic experiences in the past or can’t let go of an imagined slight from a co-worker, holding on to negativity leads to unhappiness. Identify emotional patterns that are preventing you from letting go and feeling happy, then make a conscious effort to change those patterns.

    Have you experienced a life event that makes you wonder how to make yourself feel happy again? Remember that blame is a recipe for unhappiness. Whether you blame your ex or yourself for the end of your relationship, blame a higher power for letting your loved one die or blame your former boss for firing you, letting go of that blame and finding a way to forgive is the key to how to feel happy.

21. Practice self-care

    Those who continually do for others without taking care of their own needs often end up wondering how to feel happy. Practicing self-care on a daily basis is the key to how to feel happier because we cannot live a full life unless we treat ourselves well.

    Take some time every day to do nice things for yourself. It can be as little as getting an espresso at your favorite café or taking a 30-minute nap before going out to meet friends. Then, schedule bigger self-care activities like massages or vacations on a weekly or monthly basis. When you start taking care of yourself, you’ll find yourself feeling happy and better able to help others.

22. Disconnect from social media

    Though it has many positive uses, social media can hurt you and keep you from discovering how to feel happy, especially if you’ve just been through a break-up or divorce. Whether you are constantly checking your ex’s status on Facebook or dwelling on pictures of all the other people who look happier than you, staying away from social media when you feel sad or are looking for ways to feel happy can help you improve your mood.

23. Avoid blame

    Blame is a recipe of unhappiness and staying stuck in negative feelings. Whether you blame your ex or yourself for the end of your relationship, blame a higher power for letting your loved one die or blame your former boss for firing you, letting go of that blame and finding a way to forgive is the key to how to feel happy.

24. Find activities that keep you busy

    Being too idle can lead to overthinking and rumination. When you’re trying to learn how to feel happy, you may find it difficult to get interested in things you used to love. However, the more you isolate yourself and avoid activities, the more you risk falling into a depression. Stay busy with hobbies you used to enjoy and you’ll eventually find they start bringing you happiness again.

25. Realize that life happens for you

    It’s easy to fall into a victim mentality when you see life as a series of negative events that happen to you. Change your mindset: Life is happening for you, not to you. Every situation in your life happens for a reason and is a stepping stone to the next level of growth.

26. Connect with others

    Life takes on more meaning when you connect and share experiences with people. This may be more difficult for introverts or those who experience social anxiety; however, it’s important to put yourself out there and form new connections as well as create deeper connections with loved ones already in your life. Something as simple as a half hour lunch with someone you enjoy talking to is one of the easiest ways to feel happy and enrich your life.

27. Plan a fun activity

    You may not be able to get in the car and take that day trip or hit the beach right now – but even penciling it into your calendar can boost your mood. Part of how to feel happy is having things to look forward to, so go ahead and plan that weekend getaway or friend’s birthday party, even if it’s not happening for weeks.

28. Write it down

    Writing helps to process emotions. Whether you’ve had a particular experience that’s left you wondering how to feel happy, like a break-up, or you’ve just been feeling down, write it out. You may discover a new perspective or a solution you never thought of before. As another exercise, write down five things you’re grateful for. The benefits of adopting an attitude of gratitude are proven.

29. Final friendly reminder: migrate from all-for-one to one-for-all mindset.

Conclusion

In conclusion, 1.5 a bit about happiness highlights that true happiness is found within ourselves and can be cultivated through attention, resilience, positivity and altruism. It also emphasizes the importance of understanding how money and happiness are related and how to effectively spend money to increase fulfillment and happiness. Remember that a better world starts in your head and that you have the power to create your own happiness through actions such as doing what you love, adopting a gratitude mindset and giving to others. As you move on to the next chapter, keep in mind the importance of making positive decisions and taking action towards creating a happier and more fulfilling life for yourself.

Next chapter: the power of decisions and movement: Just start. But how?

Quiz

1. What percentage of long-term happiness can be derived from one's circumstances according to a Harvard study?

   A) 10%

   B) 25%

   C) 50%

   D) 75%

   Explanation: The correct answer is A) 10%. The study shows that only 10 percent of long-term happiness can be derived from one's circumstances, meaning that 90% of happiness lies within oneself.

2. According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, a well-known happiness scientist, what percentage of one's happiness is fixed at birth?

   A) 10%

   B) 25%

   C) 50%

   D) 75%

   Explanation: The correct answer is C) 50%. Lyubomirsky established that about 50 percent of one's happiness is fixed at birth.

3. What are the four circuits of happiness according to Richard Davidson?

   A) Attention, Resilience, Positivity, Altruism

   B) Mindfulness, Self-care, Gratitude, Empathy

   C) Success, Wealth, Power, Fame

   D) Love, Friendship, Family, Community

   Explanation: The correct answer is A) Attention, Resilience, Positivity, Altruism. Davidson states that these four circuits are responsible for happiness: the ability to maintain focus, the ability to recover quickly from negative moods, the ability to create and nurture positive emotions and thoughts, and the ability to give unconditionally.

4. According to Harvard psychology professor Tal Ben-Sahar, what are the four mindsets or archetypes concerning life attitudes and the pursuit of happiness?

   A) Balance, Growth, Success, Wealth

   B) Mindfulness, Self-care, Gratitude, Empathy

   C) Love, Friendship, Family, Community

   D) Profit, Now, Future, Horizon

   Explanation: The correct answer is D) Profit, Now, Future, Horizon. Ben-Sahar distinguishes four mindsets or archetypes concerning life attitudes and the pursuit of happiness based on whether one is chasing profits and, if so, which ones.

5. According to Rick Hanson, what is the first step in enhancing a positive experience?

   A) Installing the positive experience

   B) Overwriting a negative memory with a positive experience

   C) Having a positive experience

   D) Enhancing the experience and enriching it

   Explanation: The correct answer is C) Having a positive experience. Hanson states that the first step in enhancing a positive experience is to have a positive experience, whether it be small or big.

6. What is one way to cultivate positive relationships?

   A) Surround yourself with negative people

   B) Build strong and healthy relationships

   C) Avoid building relationships altogether

   D) Only associate with people who have the same interests as you

   Answer: B) Build strong and healthy relationships Explanation: Surrounding yourself with supportive and positive people can help you feel more fulfilled and happy. Building strong and healthy relationships involves actively putting in effort to connect with others and developing trust, respect, and understanding.

7. What is one way to practice gratitude?

   A) Focusing on what you lack

   B) Complaining about your circumstances

   C) Comparing yourself to others

   D) Focusing on what you have

   Answer: D) Focusing on what you have Explanation: Focusing on what you have, rather than what you lack, can help you feel more content and satisfied with your life. This might involve keeping a gratitude journal or simply taking time each day to reflect on the things you are thankful for.

8. How can you be kind to yourself and others?

   A) Treat yourself and others with disrespect and disregard

   B) Be patient and forgiving when things don't go as planned

   C) Criticize and blame yourself and others when things go wrong

   D) Hold grudges and dwell on negative feelings

   Answer: B) Be patient and forgiving when things don't go as planned Explanation: Treating yourself and others with respect, compassion, and understanding can help create positive and fulfilling relationships. This might involve being patient and forgiving when things don't go as planned, rather than criticizing or blaming yourself or others.

9. What is one way to take time for yourself?

   A) Overcommit to activities and responsibilities

   B) Neglect your own needs and well-being

   C) Set aside time for rest, relaxation, and self-care

   D) Prioritize others' needs above your own

   Answer: C) Set aside time for rest, relaxation, and self-care Explanation: It's important to make time for rest, relaxation, and self-care in order to recharge and prioritize your well-being. This might involve activities like reading, going for a walk, or taking a relaxing bath.

10. What is one way to practice forgiveness?

    A) Holding grudges and dwelling on negative feelings

    B) Letting go of resentment and finding peace

    C) Blaming and criticizing others

    D) Refusing to move forward and forgive

    Answer: B) Letting go of resentment and finding peace Explanation: Holding grudges and dwelling on negative feelings can weigh you down and prevent you from moving forward. Practice forgiveness and letting go of resentment in order to find peace and happiness. This might involve actively working to let go of negative feelings and finding ways to move forward and forgive those who have caused harm.

Food for thought

1. Reflect on the idea that only 10% of long-term happiness is derived from circumstances, with the remaining 90% coming from within yourself. How does this shift your perspective on the role of external factors in your happiness?

2. Consider the four circuits of happiness (attention, resilience, positivity, and altruism) and which ones you feel strongest in and which ones you may want to focus on developing.

3. Reflect on the four archetypes of happiness (balancing the now with the future, chasing profits, etc.) and which one aligns most with your current mindset and which one you strive to embody.

4. Think about how you can incorporate the practice of "be home" into your daily life to enhance positive experiences and install them into your mind and heart.

5. Consider how you can make your own happiness by following the tips provided such as doing what you love, adopting a gratitude mindset and spending money on experiences and giving to others.

6. How do you define happiness in your own life? Are there certain experiences or actions that bring you a sense of fulfillment and contentment?

7. How do you think society's definition of happiness compares to your own? Are there societal pressures or expectations that influence your idea of happiness?

8. How do you think the principles outlined in this chapter could be applied in different areas of your life, such as work or relationships? Are there any that you think would be particularly challenging to implement?

9. How do you think the concept of a "high moral blueprint" could be applied in a professional setting? How could it impact decision-making and interactions with colleagues?

10. How do you think the idea of "making honesty your go-to" could be applied in both personal and professional relationships? How do you think it could improve communication and trust?

11. Reflect on the idea of "journaling" and how it can be used for self-reflection and goal-setting. Are there any specific journaling techniques or prompts that you would like to try in your own practice?

12. Consider the concept of the "positivity ratio" and how it can affect overall well-being and happiness. Are there specific actions you can take to increase your own positivity ratio?

13. How do you think the idea of "buying happiness" applies to your own life? Are there certain material possessions or experiences that bring you a sense of joy or fulfillment?

14. Research the concept of "flow state" and how it relates to happiness and fulfillment. How can individuals enter a flow state and what are the benefits of doing so?

15. Explore the idea of "self-actualization" and how it relates to achieving personal fulfillment. What are some common obstacles that prevent individuals from reaching their full potential, and how can they overcome these obstacles?

16. Investigate the concept of "positive psychology" and its impact on mental health and well-being. How can individuals use positive psychology techniques to improve their mood and overall well-being?

17. Learn about the concept of "eudaimonia" and how it relates to happiness and fulfillment. What are some of the key principles of eudaimonia and how can individuals apply them in their daily lives?

18. Study the relationship between mindfulness and happiness. How can individuals use mindfulness techniques to improve their mental well-being and overall happiness?

19. Research the impact of social connections on happiness and well-being. What are some ways individuals can cultivate positive social connections and how do these connections contribute to overall happiness?

20. Investigate the concept of "gratitude" and its impact on happiness and well-being. How can individuals cultivate a sense of gratitude in their lives and what are the benefits of doing so?

21. Study the relationship between exercise and happiness. How does physical activity impact mental well-being and how can individuals integrate exercise into their daily lives to improve their mood and overall happiness?

22. Explore the concept of "purpose" and its relationship to happiness and fulfillment. How can individuals find their purpose in life and what are the benefits of having a sense of purpose?

Expand Your Understanding

Expand Your Understanding

1. James Allen's "As a Man Thinketh"

2. "The Science of Getting Rich."

3. “The How of Happiness” by Sonja Lyubomirsky - A comprehensive guide on the science of happiness and practical strategies for increasing joy and fulfillment in daily life.

4. “The Happiness Advantage” by Shawn Achor - An exploration of the connection between happiness and success, and how prioritizing well-being can lead to greater success in all areas of life.

5. "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale. This classic book explores the power of positive thinking and how it can help individuals achieve their goals and live a happier life. https://www.amazon.com/Power-Positive-Thinking-Norman-Vincent/dp/0451166289

6. "Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill" Matthieu Ricard - A book that examines the nature of happiness and provides practical advice for cultivating inner joy and well-being.

7. "The Art of Happiness" by Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler. This book provides a unique perspective on happiness from a spiritual leader, and offers practical advice for living a happier life. https://www.amazon.com/Art-Happiness-Dalai-Lama/dp/1439195412

8. "Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment" by Tal Ben-Shahar. This book provides a scientific approach to happiness and offers practical strategies for living a happier life. https://www.amazon.com/Happier-Secrets-Daily-Lasting-Fulfillment/dp/0307351897

9. "Positive Psychology: The Science of Happiness and Human Strengths" by C.R. Snyder and Shane J. Lopez. This book provides an overview of the field of positive psychology and offers research-based strategies for increasing happiness and well-being. https://www.amazon.com/Positive-Psychology-Happiness-Human-Strengths/dp/0805850703

10. "The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom" by Jonathan Haidt. This book examines the wisdom of the ancients and its relevance to modern life, including the pursuit of happiness https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Hypothesis-Finding-Modern-Ancient

How to apply this in your life today?

1. Every person has a natural desire to be happy. That's why it's important to first clearly define what we mean by happiness. In order to achieve happiness, we must first understand what we mean by a happy life. Write down your definition of a happy life. What are your conditions for feeling happy? And what does success mean to you?

   1. What is your definition of success?

   2. What is your definition of happiness?

   3. When do you feel happy? What brings you joy?

   These questions are like a roadmap to finding true contentment. It's time to put pen to paper and uncover what success and happiness really mean to you.

2. 2. Which archetype of happiness do you have?

3. Start a gratitude journal. Every day, write down at least one thing you are grateful for. This simple task can help shift your focus from negative thoughts to positive ones, and can improve your overall sense of well-being.

4. Practice honesty in your interactions with others. This means being transparent, sincere and truthful in your words and actions. Take the time to reflect on your thoughts and actions and ask yourself if they align with your values and principles. Own up to your mistakes and admit when you are wrong. Prioritizing honesty can help build trust and improve relationships.

5. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a deep dive into the mind, where we explore our thoughts, feelings and emotions. Today, we're going to reflect on our current situation and answer some hard-hitting questions.

   1. What is making you absolutely elated and content right now?

   2. What aspect of your daily life is not quite up to your standards?

   3. What changes would you like to see and how would you go about making them happen?

   These questions can be difficult to answer, but fear not my friends, for this is an opportunity for self-discovery and growth. So buckle up and let's get introspective!

If today was your last day on earth, what would you say to your loved ones?

There is a lot of emotion around the area of our lives that we call relationships, and the reason for all that emotion is because we tend to make relationships life and death.

We do that because whenever we enter into a relationship we come face-to-face with our deepest fears.

Our partners, intimate and familial, our dearest friends, our kids, our parents — those for whom we care most deeply — are the most vivid mirrors life has to offer. Relationships reflect back to us our conditioning, driving needs and our belief systems. That’s why the quality of your life really is the quality of your relationships.

So it’s no wonder relationships are so critical to us, and also the reason our relationships carry with them such strong charge. If there is one thing that Sage and I want to do, it’s to help neutralize the charge we bring to pure love.

The truth is, you can solve anything with the ones you love if you drop the charge of blame. Every relationship offers us the opportunity to learn something, including the things that make us angry, frustrated or afraid. Those upsets aren’t coming from our partners, they’re coming from our conditioning, past impressions and our models of the world. (Including the models we don’t even like.)

From those models of the world come all of the expectations we hold of ourselves and our partners. The upsets come from our own rules and expectations and the stories of blame we tell. So here’s something to think about EVERY DAY of the YEAR:

If you knew today was your last day on earth, what would you communicate to your beloved ones?

How would you love?

What stories would you let go of?

If you had the luxury of knowing it was the very last time you would see them, what wouldn’t be worth the upset anymore?

Wouldn’t all the upsets you have with the ones you love disappear if you knew this was the last moment you’d ever have with them? We challenge you to live from this place of a higher truth today and every day. The hurt comes from the love we force our heart to withhold. The pain comes from punishing our partners. That’s not love. A relationship is a place we go to give something, not a place we go to get our needs met. Let LOVE wake you up to the GIFT of LIFE.

DECIDE how YOU will SHOW UP. Who are YOU willing to BECOME for the ones you love. What STATE would you be in if this was the last moment you had together?

2. Is your partner your #1 fan?

One of the most important goals you can strive for in business is to understand, anticipate and consistently fulfill the deepest needs of your clients. Because the more value you are able to add to your customer, the more success you will have. We call this creating a “raving fan customer,” and it’s one of Tony’s 7 Forces of Business Mastery. But did you know this principle can also be used to better your relationship?

By focusing on creating a raving fan culture at home, you can put yourself into the positive, loving and relationship-focused mindset that is necessary to build a strong, committed, secure partnership. This is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your partner — and to yourself. Because your partner will in turn reciprocate, and the relationship will enter a positive cycle that allows your bond to strengthen and grow.

1. Exceed expectations

It’s easy to get lazy in a relationship, to grow complacent and merely meet the minimum requirements of being a “good partner.” But creating a raving fan culture at home means always giving more than your partner would expect. Whenever there is a chance to go the extra mile, surprise and delight your partner, they will reciprocate in kind with loyalty and adoration. 2. Recognize your partners’ needs

Recognizing and meeting your partners’ emotional needs fosters a sense of intimacy, trust and a feeling of true love. Make it a point to discover what your partners’ love language is. Ask her what she needs in her life to feel loved. Ask him what he needs you to do, or to say. Even the attempt of having this conversation will help you start to better understand your partner’s inner world. And this type of compassion and caring can only help your partner feel more safe and more secure in the relationship. 3. Reward your partner

Being in a serious relationship with someone doesn’t mean you get to stop dating them. Planning dates for your partner or even surprising him or her will help you keep the spark and excitement alive. And so will verbalizing your appreciation for having your partner in your life. Let your partner know that you like having her around. Tell your partner how lucky you feel to be with him. Share with her what she brings to your life. Compliment him, notice her, let your partner know that he is a priority for you. Your partner deserves to be your number one priority and that includes receiving personalized communication. 4. Constantly be evolving

Change is inevitable, and all too often, It can lead to disagreements and arguments. This is especially true when people feel unheard, disrespected and not acknowledged. Different stages in life mean different emotional needs. This is why you must always be striving to improve yourself and find how to effectively meet your partners’ needs (and wants) in unique and powerful ways.

3. Why is love blind? How we love from our heads and our hearts

Love: It’s one of the few things in life that can create intense pleasure or intense pain in our lives. It’s the one force that has the power to put you on top of the clouds or in a deep, dark hole. Yet, no matter how much experience we gain in love, it seems like we’re all still figuring it out as we go.

Is love blind?

As neuroscientist and best-selling author Abhijit Naskar once said, “The brain becomes illogical in the throes of new romance.” Something that makes it hard to figure out how to build healthy expectations and a sustainable connection is that in the beginning, love is blind. When you are in the midst of deep love, when the world is filled with rainbows and butterflies, everything your partner does is right. This is where the term “love is blind” comes from. You are so “blinded” by love that you cannot see any of your lover’s flaws.

Why is love blind? Why do we feel this way? Why do we act as though our partner doesn’t have any perceivable flaws or shortcomings? Because in the beginning, we are loving from our hearts, not our heads.

When you first get together with a romantic partner, it’s easy to block out any red flags or character flaws. You’re in the lusting phase of your relationship. In this heightened state of attraction, we tend to give our partners more leeway. There’s more space for them to make mistakes because the rules we have created within the relationships are different, and we have fewer of them. And in many cases, you don’t have any rules — you’re just thrilled to be in the same room with them. You feel lucky to have the opportunity to make them happy. No matter what they do or what they say, you are infatuated with the idea of them.

Why love is blind

When you’re at the beginning of your relationship, you’re fully loving from the heart, instead of the head. You’re throwing caution to the wind and fully embracing this feeling of love and infatuation. This is why love is blind. When someone is loving from the heart, their thought process sounds like this:

“What would make my partner happy? What would turn them on? I am going to go to the ends of the earth to find out – and I’m going to have fun doing it. I’m going to have fun learning about them and enjoy exploring all kinds of things together. I’m going to feel alive, I’m going to make this relationship perfect.”

This experience happens to many of us. That’s why there are so many love is blind quotes and stories about this exact topic – it is incredibly relatable. At some point in our lives, almost all of us will meet someone who sweeps us off of our feet.. We will want to do everything in our power to keep the relationship going, regardless of the price on our mental or emotional health.

Where are the doubts? Where are the rules? If relationships were truly this easy, then every person on the planet would be in a happy union.

Where is the measuring of how much you are doing for your partner? How much are they doing for you? That’s right — it’s not there. When you are loving from your heart, in the “blind” stage, you don’t think about how much you are giving, and you don’t create ideals of how your partner doesn’t match up to the perfect partner in your mind.

So what brings that stage to an end? Why do we stop loving from the heart? When is love no longer blind? Loving with your head

Rabbi Julius Gordon said, “Love is not blind. It sees more and not less, but because it sees more, it is willing to see less.” Once your head takes over, you start to become more aware of the traits you ignored in the beginning of your relationship. You start to use logic more as you fall out of the honeymoon stage. Logic is a valuable intellectual trait but it can also be destructive, especially in relationships.

Here is the train of thought of someone who is in their head, instead of fully loving with their heart: Loving with your head

The answer is: Your head takes over. Logic is a valuable intellectual trait, but in the realm of relationships, it can be destructive. Here is the train of thought of someone who is in their head, instead of fully loving with their heart:

“I wonder what they’re going to do for me for my birthday. I planned such a great day for their birthday, and they loved it. But they haven’t even mentioned my birthday yet this year. What if they forget completely? Like they forgot to congratulate me when I got that promotion. Or like how they forget even the little things, like the fact that I don’t like ginger. How can I have a partner who doesn’t know I don’t like ginger?!”

At this point, the rules that you’ve made up in your head about how a partner will behave, what your relationship will be like and what you deserve have completely overtaken all of the positive emotions you had before when your love was still blind. Things our partner does are no longer thrilling. Their flaws are no longer “cute.” Instead, their flaws become annoying when love is no longer blind.

When we start to let the little things stack up, we begin feeling resentment or built-up tension toward our partners. We start to punish our partners for their flaws. That can escalate into a series of rejections that become toxic or abrasive – and ultimately simmers into a general feeling of repression, or learned helplessness, where you lower your expectations so much that you no longer feel any needs being met in the relationship. When this happens, you turn to other outlets for your love and attention, like your work, children, friend group or hobbies.

Sounds terrible, right? The good news is that you can learn the five disciplines of love and learn how to maintain a feeling of attraction to your partner through the power of polarity.

As Tony says, when you’re in attraction, love is easy. Love is blind. When you’re not attracted, you get in your head. You leave your heart and your body and you go to your head.

To get a deep dive into polarization and what it means for your relationship, consider attending Tony’s marquee event, Date With Destiny. You can also gain clarity on how to build a passionate and strong relationship with Tony’s Ultimate Relationship Program. If your relationship matters to you, it’s not too late to save it. Love may be blind early on in new relationships, but with the proper insights and principles, you can find a way to clearly see and appreciate your partner as time goes on.

Conclusion

Quiz

How can you apply this in life today

Food for thought

Expand your understanding