one Friend Han Han suddenly came to borrow money and didn't ask for much, but it sounded urgent. She said she could pay it back at the end of the month. I quickly transferred the account to her wechat. In the evening, she said, thank you, Xiao rail, but the money can't be paid back at the end of the month, because I borrowed it for ye. She is raising money to decorate the house for marriage. I was surprised and asked her, which leaf? Does she have anything to do with me? She said, you haven't seen it, but I told you that the girl who quarreled with her husband and went to my house to sleep in the middle of the night. We have a good relationship. I did listen to Han Han several times about this leaf. Ye Zijian built a fun wechat group and often asked a group of men and women in the group to treat in turn, eat together, climb mountains together and sing together. Han Han participated every time. She will go to the wedding of everyone in the group and give money along with it. She will always agree to the meals that others need her to make up. She doesn't need to make an appointment in advance and is on call. Han Han has worked for five years and has hardly saved any money. She has no boyfriend, house or car. She is a famous good man in our circle. Everyone says she is easy to get along with because she rarely refuses others, whether familiar or not. Han Han's legs are a little out of character. She is very afraid of being laughed at by others for her funny walking, but there are cheap people who like to make fun of her, especially those who are slightly close. They say that she walks like a duck on a frying pan. When others pointed to her pain and laughed, she just smiled awkwardly. I asked her why she didn't like the jokes made by others. Why didn't she tell them directly? 'I'm afraid people will say I can't joke and that I'm not gregarious,' she said. Well, many people are like this. Even though the chest is thunderous, the lips and teeth are still light. In order to be a group in the mouth of others, if you want to refuse but dare not say it, you'd rather sacrifice yourself and be friendly to others. So, do you think it's gregarious when you see a group? How many people, clearly hate social networking, but dare not go; How many people, obviously do not want to talk nonsense, but just open their mouths and force a smile; How many people fantasize about trying to maintain casual friends by helping others? Those who know you're not happy and want to intimidate you and embarrass you with "gregarious" are not good people at all. two When I was a reporter in a newspaper, I met a Canadian friend Darcy. He hired me to translate a project for him. After the project, Darcy invited all members of the project team to gather in a club to celebrate. Thirteen foreigners come from all over the world. I'm the only Chinese. I was given two editions on the newspaper schedule that day, and I still have four manuscripts on hand that need to be finished that day and wait for the last edition. So when I went to the celebration party, I said to myself, well, just play for an hour, and then get back to work. An hour passed and everyone was in high spirits. Someone wants to play archery. Let me help communicate with the staff; Someone wants to order a song for the hot singer on the stage. I need to ask how much it costs Because of the first cooperation, I hope to make a good impression on Darcy and them, so that I can be willing to come to me again if I have such a job with more money and less things in the future. Two hours later, they didn't mean to break up at all, and I was embarrassed to leave first, but because a pile of manuscripts were still waiting for me, I looked at the time anxiously every hour Four hours later, I began to be absent-minded and anxious. If I couldn't hand in the edition before 10 p.m., I would hang up. So I decided to brew reasons and various feelings of regret so that I could exit properly. At this time, Darcy noticed that I was wrong. He asked, is it necessary to leave in advance? I blushed and hesitated to say all kinds of reasons and reasons to express my shame and regret that I had to leave early. Before I finished, he immediately interrupted me and asked me with a surprised face, Xiao rail, if you need to leave early, why don't you just say it? You can go at any time. No one here needs your accommodation to make us happy. Moreover, no one has the right to interfere with your freedom. After Darcy's year in China, we have maintained a stable cooperative relationship. People in the same way, and not group; It's not what you want. three "Gregarious" is not a reliable value judgment. When you feel tired of interacting with a group, it means that you may not be the same kind of people. Not all groups, you have to cater to, coercive integration into the group is difficult to bring you any comfort and value. What's more, when you kidnap yourself to fit your shoes and forcibly integrate into a group you don't like at all, it often means the beginning of degeneration. In the book shouting in the drizzle, Yu Hua wrote this passage: Instead of pretending to have many friends, I returned to loneliness and began my life alone with the real me. Sometimes I can't stand the torture of emptiness because of loneliness, but I'd rather maintain my self-esteem in this way than exchange that kind of superficial friend at the cost of shame. There are many people who only socialize because they are afraid of others saying that they are lonely, and sacrifice their independent spirit and true will to appear in the group carnival, but those who have really achieved are using their "out of group" time to reshape their true self. Gregarious can indeed bring a sense of security to many people. Being lonely, not talkative and unable to play with everyone is indeed a very dangerous thing in real life. However, some mediocre groups are afraid of you. They just want to assimilate you and try their best to lower you to the mediocre level. Only in this way can they have the sense of security of mediocrity. You are afraid that people will despise you if you don't integrate into the group. However, people who coerce you into the group with "gregarious" are more afraid of being despised by you. Invincible is always lonely. It's hard for you to benefit a lot from a general friend who comes from compromise. Gregariousness does bring people resource opportunities, which is why some people are clearly unwilling, but they still have to cheer up and drink and spit. However, most people with independent spirit do not want those so-called network resources. General friends are mostly surface resources. Only by choosing good trees and making friends, making yourself strong and precipitating real skills, can we have equal dialogue with others and talk about win-win cooperation without being humble and arrogant, rather than kneeling down and asking for help. Friends birthday, come on; Whoever gets married, go; Come and have a drink in the evening. OK. Many people are not familiar with us, but because of the sentence "are all friends", they went away with face in their arms. How much time have we wasted in order to "get together"? How much friendship and resources can our "gregarious" at the expense of self will bring us? Sometimes, it's not others who kidnap your will, but you kidnap yourself with unrealistic expectations. Gregarious is very important, but what kind of group you want to join is more important. No one forces you to be a little cute. The purpose of gregarious is to exchange and learn, improve each other, or just for pure and true friendship. If you don't do either, just spend a lot of time to let others say you are "very good", then you have to accept the fact that such a group is useless and just helping you spend the rest of your life. Only by respecting your heart and making good choices can you have a clean and happy self in a down-to-earth manner. Gregarious is not a rule. You should be responsible for yourself after all.