23 hours ago

But only if you want to live without regret — My son said, “I’m ready for a dog.” “Okay,” I said. “You ready to feed it?” “Yes.” “Walk it every day?” “Yes.” “Pick up its poo?” “Yes.” “Maybe you didn’t hear me. If we get a dog, you’ll have to pick up tons of poo. By that I mean crap…

Dogs

5 min read

Feb 26

It takes me everywhere, but mostly back — I know riding my motorcycle is dangerous. When I pass actuaries, I feel them undressing me with their eyes then dressing me up again in a suit and coffin. Even so, I ride. I must. My bike, the iron flower of my midlife crisis, has given me a great gift…

Children

5 min read

Feb 19

I’d rather be forgotten than remembered this way — We need to go to smile school. Our teachers? Babies. Babies are the only people who know how to smile. If they’re feeling it, they smile. If they’re not, they don’t. Ever.

Family

5 min read

Feb 12

Welcome to the land of aging long before your time — English 101 is a big batch of unlucky. You have the dangerously-bright students, kids too bored to slay the college entrance exam and skip 101. These are business and finance majors to a fault, future Moby Dicks of capitalism. …

Teaching

4 min read

Published in Human Parts

·Feb 5

Damn you, remote learning — You grew up in snowy lands, hating school as nature intended. Therefore, you know the magic of your parents’ words at your door in the morning darkness: “Snow Day!”

Schools

4 min read

Jan 29

Be young with all your might — During our last snowstorm, a jeep slid to a stop in the middle of the street beside my house. A youth, a dude, emerged and used his sweatshirt sleeve to dig a small seeing-eye hole in the deep snow on his windshield. He hopped back in and drove away.

College

5 min read

Jan 22

I planned to share it on my deathbed, but you can’t wait — We all read badly-written novels. We know they’re bad after the first couple paragraphs, but we keep reading. We read to the bitter end. Why? Because not even the worst writing in the world is strong enough to stop the power of story. This is great news for the worst…

Writing

9 min read

Jan 15

Aging out of love — I love airports. Thousands of people, and I’m not required to talk to any of them. I can just watch and listen, unharmed. I was doing this one time, walking the beige mile and studying hot weirdos, when I passed by an older couple and caught a piece of their…

Love

5 min read

Jan 8

Or, The Day I Almost Died Of Fame — In graduate school, I lost my teaching assistantship and all my financial support because I didn’t open one effing email. I don’t remember the effing details, but the school sent out a message to all its grad students, saying something like, “If you want to keep your teaching assistantship and…

College

8 min read

Jan 2

How close am I to lost worlds? — I worked at a little bookstore in Louisiana during college, a store famous for the cats who roamed freely up and down the aisles, using their tails to touch customers, delivering blessings and curses.

Death

8 min read