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Ina
As some of you may know, I’m married to a Japanese man, while I come from Albania. Our cultures are so far away geographically and culturally, yet I would choose him in every lifetime ❤️. Why'm saying this is because today I will discuss about the etymology of the word 'wife' in Japanese. I have heard many convos how people refer to me when they ask my husband, or how his family refers to me as his wife and so on. I'm indeed a wife now with many names haha 😃.
Back when I worked for a chocolatier company in Japan, I was involved in sales and often had to visit the "labo"—the kitchen where recipes were developed. At that time, I was still new to both the Japanese corporate world and the culture itself. One day, I was chatting with a pâtisserie chef and casually asked about his wife, referring to her as tsuma (妻). He smiled and gently corrected me, explaining that when asking about someone else's wife, the polite term is okusan (奥さん).
Wait—so there’s more than one way to say “wife” in Japanese, I asked?
He laughed and said, “Yes. In fact, there are three commonly used words today, but historically, Japan had around 6 different terms for a wife. The words evolved alongside societal changes.”
That surprised me. In English, there’s just one word: wife. In my native Albanian, we have two words:
Grua – meaning “woman” in a broader sense.
Bashkëshorte – which, when broken down, means "the person I share my life with"—almost like winning the lottery of companionship.
I found it fascinating that Japanese had such linguistic depth in how they addressed a wife, reflecting the country’s shifting social norms and traditions. So, I decided to check the etymology of ‘wife’ in Japanese.
The most standard way for a man to refer to his wife today. It appears in Kojiki, Japan’s oldest historical text (Nara period), though back then, the marriage system was vastly different from what we know today. Originally, tsuma meant a companion or partner.
Kanji Breakdown: 一 (one) ｜ 女 (woman) → Suggesting a singular partner.
Kun’yomi (Japanese reading): つま (tsuma) and On’yomi (Chinese reading): サイ (sai)
Example Sentence:
ちなみに今日は６月８日、妻の誕生日です。
By the way, today is June 8th—my wife's birthday.
Over time, the word evolved from 連れ添う身 (Tsuresoumi) meaning "to be together" → 連れ身 (Tsumemi) → つま (Tsuma). During the Meiji period, as modern marriage systems took shape, tsuma became the official term in legal documents. Source
This term, literally meaning “inside the house,” reflects traditional gender roles where women were expected to manage the household. It became widely used during the Meiji period (1868–1912), a time when men worked outside while women stayed home. The Meiji government promoted a strict division of labor between men and women. The ideal wife was expected to stay inside the home, managing household affairs while the husband worked. Post-World War II, as more women entered the workforce and gender roles changed, kanai began to feel outdated and is now used mainly by older generations.
I have not heard this word to be honest even on older generations, perhaps in some areas they may still use it.
Kanji Breakdown: 家 (ie) – House and 内 (uchi) – Inside: Source
Example Sentence:
家内はアップルパイが大好きだ。
My wife likes apple pie a lot.
Traditionally, yome referred to a woman who married into a family, particularly from the perspective of her in-laws. It was not a term husbands typically used for their wives. During the Edo Period (1603–1868), marriage was often arranged to strengthen family alliances, and a woman was expected to assimilate into her husband’s household, serving both him and his parents.
Kanji Breakdown: 女 (onna) – Woman and 家 (ie) – House
Kun’yomi: よめ (yome) and On’yomi: カ (ka) Source
This term first appeared in Myōgoki, a Kamakura period dictionary (1275). Since the post-war era, when family structures shifted toward nuclear families rather than multigenerational households, yome has become less common. Today, it’s mainly used to refer to a bride or daughter-in-law rather than one’s own wife.
Example sentence:
嫁にやらなくてはならない娘が３人いる。
I have three daughters to marry off.
Derived from 奥 (oku) meaning "inner part," this term originated in samurai households, where the lord’s wife was called 奥方 (okukata). Over time, this evolved into okusama and later okusan. This remains the most polite way to refer to someone else’s wife today.
Kanji Breakdown: 大 (ō/oki) – Big and 奥 (oku) – Inner, deep
Example Sentence:
ムは奥さんに素直です。Tom is loyal to his wife.
Nyōbō originally meant “woman’s chamber” and referred to the female servants who lived in Heian-period aristocratic residences. Over time, the term expanded to mean the wives of noblemen, particularly in samurai households. During the Heian Period (794–1185), high-ranking aristocrats had multiple wives or concubines, and their female attendants managed household affairs. These women lived in designated chambers (nyōbō), and over time, the term began referring to noblewomen themselves. During Edo Period (1603–1868): Samurai wives were also called nyōbō. However, the term gradually faded as tsuma and okusan became more common.
Nyōbō is now archaic and sometimes used humorously by older men, but it’s largely disappeared from daily language.
Marriage was family-centered, and women were often defined by their roles within the household (yome, nyōbō, kanai). During the Meiji Era, as Japan modernized, gender roles became stricter, and words like kanai reinforced the expectation that wives should remain at home. After Post-WWII, the shift to nuclear families and increased gender equality led to the decline of terms like kanai and yome, while tsuma became the neutral standard. Today Tsuma and okusan are the most common words, while yome and kanai are becoming less frequent due to their traditional connotations.
In many families, there is a natural tendency to develop unique ways of addressing a partner. While most people around the world call their significant other by name or use affectionate nicknames, in Japan, it is also common for couples with children to refer to each other as Mama or Papa.
This practice reflects a balance between embracing their role as parents in front of their children while maintaining a romantic relationship in private. According to a survey, approximately 48% of people prefer calling their partner by name or nickname, a trend particularly popular among younger generations.
The second most common way couples address each other is by using Okaasan (Mother) or Mama. Many couples initially call each other by name, but after having children, they naturally transition to these terms.
Unlike in many other countries, where partners continue using names or nicknames, in Japan, calling one’s spouse Okaasan is not unusual. One reason for this is that Japanese families tend to be child-centered. Young children often mimic the language used by the adults around them, which can reinforce this habit. Additionally, Okaasan and Mama signify roles within the family, making them convenient terms that help define responsibilities and maintain structure in the household.
References:
"語源由来辞典" - Origins of Words and Phrases in Japanese. Retrieved from https://zatsuneta.com/archives/005991.html
"『嫁』という言葉の由来" - The Origin of the Word 'Yome'. Retrieved from https://nihongo22.jpn.org/note/kanji/where-word-yome-came-from/
"How to Say 'Wife' in Japanese" - Team Japanese. Retrieved from https://teamjapanese.com/wife-in-japanese/
"結婚相手の呼び方" - Different Ways to Refer to Your Spouse. Zexy Love News. Retrieved from https://zexy.net/contents/lovenews/article.php?d=20100122
"自分軸手帳" - How to Address Your Partner in Japanese. Retrieved from https://www.jibunjiku.com/partnernoyobikata
interesting
In English, there’s just one word for “wife.” In my native Albanian, we have two. But in Japanese? There are six! I was fascinated by how these terms reflect Japan’s evolving social norms and traditions. Curious about their origins, I dug into the etymology of “wife” in Japanese.
Nice article, but I still don't get why he would prefer you call his wife okusan rather than tsuma, looks like both are used similarly?