The advent of the internet, and more specifically online dating, has fundamentally transformed sexual behavior and romantic relationships. While some changes may seem revolutionary, they are often an extension of long-term trends that have gradually evolved over decades. This analysis delves into how online dating has reshaped sexual interactions, the historical context of sexual norms, and the ongoing evolution of romantic and sexual relationships in the digital age.

Acceleration and Contextual Shifts

Online dating has undeniably accelerated the pace at which relationships become sexual. Relationships formed online tend to sexualize more quickly and often are short-lived. The primary reason for this is not the emergence of new attitudes towards sexuality but rather a profound change in the context in which interactions and relationship formations occur. Unlike traditional dating scenarios that happen within familiar social environments (work, school, parties), online dating occurs outside one’s immediate social circle and often in a more private, discretionary manner. This discretion alleviates the external control over sexuality, marking a deviation from the openness of everyday situations.

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The Privatization of Dating: Online dating occurs outside individuals' ordinary social circles and often without their knowledge. This marks a significant departure from previous ways of meeting potential partners. Historically, heterosexual dating has been closely tied to ordinary social environments such as neighborhoods, workplaces, churches, schools, community activities, and leisure pursuits. Love in one's daily life was an integral part of the romantic scenario; the first encounter was expected to be not something actively sought, but rather a matter of fate.

Today's online dating platforms signify a radical departure from this historical pattern. Meeting partners has now become a specific social practice with its own platforms, clearly defined in terms of time and place, and with a clear purpose. These platforms have privatized dating as a practice, moving many social activities that previously took place in public spaces into domestic spheres. As a result, social networks have become tighter and focused around intimate, close relationships. This means that bonding with strangers in public settings has become rare, while domestic and private socialization has expanded.

These platforms are accessible from home, thus transforming the act of meeting a partner into an indoor activity. Interactions are strictly bilateral, based on one-on-one conversations that a third party cannot see or overhear. Online dating draws a clear distinction between social networks and sexual networks; whereas people previously met partners through ordinary social settings and often through acquaintances, online dating involves bypassing one's social circles.

Historical Perspective: Gradual Shifts in Sexual Norms

Sexual behavior and norms have been evolving gradually since the mid-20th century. The sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s, characterized by the decline of marriage, increase in premarital sex, and the visibility and acceptance of homosexual relationships, serves as a reference point. However, many changes in sexual behavior occurred progressively rather than through abrupt shifts. For instance, the age of first sexual intercourse has been decreasing gradually over the years without a specific breaking point. Similarly, the increase in cohabitation, divorce rates, and out-of-wedlock births followed a soft curve rather than sharp changes.

The notion that norms have relaxed, leading to a new sexual "freedom," can be contested. While values and beliefs about sex have changed, leading to the normalization of previously unacceptable relationships, new norms around sexual liberation, gender equality, and sexual consent have emerged. Certain types of sexual behavior, such as non-consensual sex and pedophilia, are more heavily penalized today. Thus, rather than a dramatic turning point, we observe a series of deep, long-term transformations and a progressive shift towards ideals of self-fulfillment and mutual respect.

Uncertainty and Clarity in Online Dating

Online dating's most notable change in sexuality lies in the timing of interactions. Relationships that begin on dating platforms follow a different trajectory, often becoming sexual rapidly and being short-lived. Studies like the French EPIC survey show that couples who meet online tend to have sex sooner compared to those who meet in other contexts like work or social gatherings. This accelerated pace is primarily due to the clear and explicit nature of online dating platforms, where interactions are framed with an inherent romantic or sexual interest.

The Nature of Online Interactions

The distinct paradigm of online dating lies in its clear framework. Registering on such platforms publicly declares one's availability for romantic or sexual relationships. This clarity reduces the ambiguity common in traditional social interactions, allowing partners to proceed with greater confidence and less risk of misreading cues. Consequently, relationships initiated online quickly progress to physical and sexual intimacy.

Digital Social Networks: A Slower Pace

In contrast to dating platforms, relationships that begin on social media networks like Facebook or Snapchat develop at a slower pace. These digital interactions, closely tied to one's social circle, resemble traditional social interactions where relationships evolve more gradually. The key difference lies in the context and purpose of the platforms used for interactions.

The Perception and Reality of Online Dating

The perception of online dating as primarily facilitating casual sex often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. People expect online dating to lead to non-serious encounters, and thus, they approach it with lower expectations for long-term relationships. This expectation partly explains the transient nature of many online relationships. Additionally, the accelerated pace of courtship often leads to sexual intimacy before partners can assess their compatibility or future together.

Separation from Daily Life and Social Control

Online dating provides a degree of autonomy in managing one's personal life, allowing relationships to start and develop outside the scrutiny of one’s immediate social environment. This separation is similar to the temporary nature of holiday romances, which thrive on the basis of being disconnected from everyday life. Online platforms facilitate this by creating a context where starting and ending relationships is easier.

Online Dating and LGBTQ+ Communities

For the LGBTQ+ community, online dating has been particularly significant. Platforms tailored to LGBTQ+ individuals provide a safer environment free from homophobia and the need for "gaydar." They also allow a separation between sexual practice and self-presentation, which is crucial in contexts where homosexuality is stigmatized or criminalized. Even in more accepting societies, the ability to maintain a loose network of sexual connections is valued.

Online Dating and Gender Norms

The potential to separate one’s social identity from sexual behavior is significant for women as well. The sexual double standard subjects women to harsher judgment for casual sexual behavior compared to men. Online dating offers women the opportunity to engage in sexual experimentation with reduced risk of social stigma, maintaining a respectable image of sexual modesty.

The Transformation of Love

Some argue that online dating has killed love, citing the prevalence of casual hookups and the perceived threat to long-term romantic relationships. However, research shows that individuals who meet through online dating can develop commitments and marry more quickly, though findings are mixed and influenced by cultural differences. The key transformation lies in the growing separation between sex and couple formation.

Historically, first sexual encounters were closely tied to marriage or long-term commitment. Today, sexual intimacy often precedes the establishment of a formal relationship, serving as a way to confirm mutual interest rather than a definitive step towards couplehood. This shift has significant implications: relationships are no longer necessarily exclusive from the start, and the formation of a couple increasingly relies on explicit verbal commitment rather than physical milestones. In other words, people now establish connections with not just one but multiple individuals before entering into relationships. Relationships are shaped more by mutual conversation and agreement rather than physical closeness or romantic interactions.

Conclusion

Online dating is not a new sexual revolution but part of a long-term evolution of sexual and romantic norms. It has expanded the autonomy of sexuality from couple relationships, diversified heterosexual interactions, and allowed for relationships to form and end with greater ease and privacy. While social networks traditionally played a significant role in romantic and sexual relationships, their influence has diminished in the context of online dating. Despite the radical appearance of these changes, they do not signal sexual liberation but rather a shift in how sexuality is regulated and experienced.

Besides, alarmist writings about hookup culture portray it as a "cultural shift" where casual sexual encounters have replaced relationships. However, empirically, there is no evidence to support this claim. In other words, there is no indication that one form of relationship (couples) has been replaced by another (hookups); instead, there is evidence that the relational repertoire has expanded. There are now new forms of relationships with different definitions, names, and structures, indicating a broadening beyond traditional relationship norms.

Reference

Marie Bergström. The new laws of love: Online dating and the privatization of intimacy. John Wiley & Sons, 2021.