My parents and the generations above did not define their own worth. They built their happiness and well-being on others. They would feel depressed about other people's pain, and they would smile at other people's happiness, and they built their happiness and sorrow on other people, and they had no "own" world.

As long as it is for the good of others, they would rather suffer and call this "zeal", an act of kindness and virtue. Unfortunately, because of their deep-rooted values, they do not realize that it is their over-zealousness that leads to many conflicts and unhappiness in their own lives.

I've read quite a few articles about such good old boys. And the results are clear. The enthusiastic helpers are not rewarded (of course they consider it a virtue to help without being rewarded), and the fact that they are enthusiastic becomes more and more widespread, and more and more people ask for their help, and the recipients become more and more dependent and see the help as a matter of course, and are distant and cold when they are dissatisfied.

In my definition, to be nice to others is to be nice enough to run one's own life properly, and then to find the energy to grant reasonable requests from others. If you are a good person, it's not called being good and virtuous, it's called self-abuse. The kind of sacrifice in their own lives to meet the skinny needs of others, is to do evil to themselves, to train a group of incompetent people who are in need of help, is to do evil to others, how to talk about virtue. Helping others is not an obligation, it is your own need from the heart to make each other better and not to affect your own life. So to see if that person is worth helping, responsible for the value of their time, is also responsible for others, must be crowned with such names as good deeds and virtue to have to respond, to prove the value of their selflessness, this is the value of the sky is too deep poisoning, I pity them. (Naive habits are not easy to change, not to mention the three views, trying to change the parents with their own power? I do not see hope in the visible future. Just like people who have passed on so much experience, they still live like this, because experience is often carved into the brain only when they have suffered)

The representative example around me, my mother, usually work a free time to do matchmaking, to go to the family husband on a mistress of the relatives to do comfort work, to buy a house to provide others to choose the site to lead the field reference ...... Once she met a property developer because of someone else's introduction (two layers of relationship), apparently the work of the unit spread, a lot of people looking for her and then to ask for connections to the number, one of them is my mother's so-called best friend, busy for more than a month for her to get things done from start to finish, without any little worry, the results only mention a little consultation fee thing, colleagues immediately flipped out, thinking that my mother wanted the money, until she The colleague confirmed that it was the developer's side that had the intention, and only after sending the money, invited my mother to dinner together. It is I have long pulled black this person, and she is convinced that their own set of values, chanting, nonsense after a period of time, it is not on the mind, girlfriends or girlfriends, the relationship as before, discontented heart also dare not take any interpersonal loss to risk.

The family internal relationship is not prioritized, but instead racking their brains to plan every aspect of life for others. I just don't get it.

Good old people, in addition to work is the time is occupied by others for hours long to tell the sick, seek comfort, discuss the trivialities of life phone, they say that others have needs, refusal is rude, so the phone is always put around, with the answer to talk, unless people suddenly something to hang up, otherwise do half of the dinner can be delayed 2-3 hours before burning. As you can imagine, life at home has never been regular. Time is cut by a less important and urgent phone calls, which there is time to run their own family? A little bit of fuse, a word here and a word there, turning up old grievances against each other, old scores, the energy exhausted in other people's affairs is no longer enough to maintain reasonable emotions, but once the call comes, out the door or immediately to maintain the image of the good old boy. It seems exhausting to me that they live like this.

This chaotic home life is snowballing. The notion of getting satisfaction from others is further reinforced by the inability to find emotional comfort at home, and time and energy is spent more on the outside. A deeper disconnection between family members is then created. The increased imbalance between inside and outside makes life even worse. Yet they don't realize it.

Sacrificing themselves to help others because they have never paid attention to every aspect of themselves, and in the long run, they are not in good health.

Long-term unequal value transactions between people are reasonably unsustainable unless the value-exporting party takes the initiative to make sacrifices and belittle the value of their own lives to reach a balance point of value exchange.

Why bother?

My parents and the generations above did not define their own worth. They built their happiness and well-being on others. They would feel depressed about other people's pain, and they would smile at other people's happiness, and they built their happiness and sorrow on other people, and they had no "own" world.

As long as it is for the good of others, they would rather suffer and call this "zeal", an act of kindness and virtue. Unfortunately, because of their deep-rooted values, they do not realize that it is their over-zealousness that leads to many conflicts and unhappiness in their own lives.

I've read quite a few articles about such good old boys. And the results are clear. The enthusiastic helpers are not rewarded (of course they consider it a virtue to help without being rewarded), and the fact that they are enthusiastic becomes more and more widespread, and more and more people ask for their help, and the recipients become more and more dependent and see the help as a matter of course, and are distant and cold when they are dissatisfied.

In my definition, to be nice to others is to be nice enough to run one's own life properly, and then to find the energy to grant reasonable requests from others. If you are a good person, it's not called being good and virtuous, it's called self-abuse. The kind of sacrifice in their own lives to meet the skinny needs of others, is to do evil to themselves, to train a group of incompetent people who are in need of help, is to do evil to others, how to talk about virtue. Helping others is not an obligation, it is your own need from the heart to make each other better and not to affect your own life. So to see if that person is worth helping, responsible for the value of their time, is also responsible for others, must be crowned with such names as good deeds and virtue to have to respond, to prove the value of their selflessness, this is the value of the sky is too deep poisoning, I pity them. (Naive habits are not easy to change, not to mention the three views, trying to change the parents with their own power? I do not see hope in the visible future. Just like people who have passed on so much experience, they still live like this, because experience is often carved into the brain only when they have suffered)

The representative example around me, my mother, usually work a free time to do matchmaking, to go to the family husband on a mistress of the relatives to do comfort work, to buy a house to provide others to choose the site to lead the field reference ...... Once she met a property developer because of someone else's introduction (two layers of relationship), apparently the work of the unit spread, a lot of people looking for her and then to ask for connections to the number, one of them is my mother's so-called best friend, busy for more than a month for her to get things done from start to finish, without any little worry, the results only mention a little consultation fee thing, colleagues immediately flipped out, thinking that my mother wanted the money, until she The colleague confirmed that it was the developer's side that had the intention, and only after sending the money, invited my mother to dinner together. It is I have long pulled black this person, and she is convinced that their own set of values, chanting, nonsense after a period of time, it is not on the mind, girlfriends or girlfriends, the relationship as before, discontented heart also dare not take any interpersonal loss to risk.

The family internal relationship is not prioritized, but instead racking their brains to plan every aspect of life for others. I just don't get it.

Good old people, in addition to work is the time is occupied by others for hours long to tell the sick, seek comfort, discuss the trivialities of life phone, they say that others have needs, refusal is rude, so the phone is always put around, with the answer to talk, unless people suddenly something to hang up, otherwise do half of the dinner can be delayed 2-3 hours before burning. As you can imagine, life at home has never been regular. Time is cut by a less important and urgent phone calls, which there is time to run their own family? A little bit of fuse, a word here and a word there, turning up old grievances against each other, old scores, the energy exhausted in other people's affairs is no longer enough to maintain reasonable emotions, but once the call comes, out the door or immediately to maintain the image of the good old boy. It seems exhausting to me that they live like this.

This chaotic home life is snowballing. The notion of getting satisfaction from others is further reinforced by the inability to find emotional comfort at home, and time and energy is spent more on the outside. A deeper disconnection between family members is then created. The increased imbalance between inside and outside makes life even worse. Yet they don't realize it.

Sacrificing themselves to help others because they have never paid attention to every aspect of themselves, and in the long run, they are not in good health.

Long-term unequal value transactions between people are reasonably unsustainable unless the value-exporting party takes the initiative to make sacrifices and belittle the value of their own lives to reach a balance point of value exchange.

Why bother?