As part of my goal to take back mornings, over the last few days, I purchased running gloves, a running hat and a headband to help get me back into morning runs. Despite running very little in 2024, I’ve been a runner on and off throughout my life and even did a weekly running club for Senspace in 2023 as a way to keep me and my friends active.

Ren Stern

@renstern_eth

2025 Personal Goals:

1. Take back mornings
2. Get back on the bball court
3. Reconnect with close friends
4. Make new friends
5. Drink even less
6. Finish 1 book/month
7. Go to ~1 new Asian country or revisit 1
8. Thrift more
9. Take more pics
10. Cut noise/Say no

Details

8

1:58 PM • Jan 3, 2025

I tried to run in 2024, but for whatever reason, whenever I tried to get out there, it felt like the right gear just didn’t turn on. I would get dressed, stretch, put on music and the Nike run app, and start running, but after a minute or two, I would just lose focus, stop and after a few seconds pacing around, walk or jog back home. As mentioned in the post above, some of that was driven by the lack of time was one issue but not the sole issue. As someone who has run the NY marathon and a few other races in my day, it’s been pretty shameful and I haven’t talked about this issue publicly to anyone outside of my parents and wife to this day. 

The one time I was able to run without stopping was a few months ago in Redondo Beach, CA with my dad, when he rented a bike from the hotel we were staying at and I ran along side him along the beach—something that we’ve done since I was in the 5th grade, running the “Jogathon” at my elementary school/middle school, St. Luke’s. The Jogathon was a fundraising event where students would run around the school block, raising money for charity by pledging the numbers they would run with family and friends donating for every mile they ran. My dad would make up songs as he rode along side me, giving me mile counts and cheering me on. It’s one of my favorite memories from growing up.

So here I am, the morning of January 8th, 2025. With new resolutions in mind, I start to run up the hill next to my house but after I got up to the top, I stopped. It was the same feeling as 2024. I paced around for a bit before walking down the hill, feeling defeated. Head down, I walked back into my house, took off my shoes, sat at my desk and asked myself, “why do I want to run?”

Back in college and when I ran the New York Marathon, I ran to compete—not at a professional level, but with my own times and the clock. I didn’t run as a way to consciously make a lifestyle choice for my own sake—it was in service of some form of competition or at times, to get in shape to get girls (not proud, just true).

During COVID, I used running as a way to meet up with friends, scheduling long runs to their houses and waving from a safe distance, each run getting progressively farther, going up to 22 miles. Most recently the running club I started for Senspace was not about me getting faster, but instead was about being excited about my friends and colleagues getting more active and into running.

But happily married and though I might consider it some day, running a race is not on in my purview and I wasn’t going to be able to get a group of friends together on a moments notice to meet me for a run. I instead I picked up my basketball. I was so focused on running, because I felt like that’s what I should do and had forgotten that basketball was something I’d also lost in 2024. My usual run dissipated towards the end of 2023 and despite waking up every morning and watching the Knicks game, sometimes on the monitor in front of me while working, I got on the court less than 10 times in 2024. 

I don’t need a reason to play basketball. Growing up at The Cage in New York City, basketball runs in my blood and there’s a little tingle down my spine and slight anxiety that I get whenever I pass a basketball court but am too busy/not dressed to play.

When I got to Yoyogi Park in Tokyo, where the local basketball court is near my house, one other person was shooting around so I went to shoot with them. It was still early in the morning, around 7:30AM, and no one was playing half or full court games. After 30 minutes or so of shooting, I did something that I’d never done in Japan in the 8 years I’ve lived here: I asked someone to play 1 on 1 that I didn’t know. Growing up in New York, playing 1 on 1 with people I didn’t know was pretty common, but being in Japan, striking up this sort of conversation was not. 

The person expected and introduced themselves as “Yujin.” We want on to play one game to 11, which I won (woohoo!) after which Yujin invited me to play again in the mornings when his other friends come to play. Yujin pronounced in Japanese with a slightly different intonation than the name actually means “friend,” and after a morning of moderate anxiety, I jogged back to the house with a smile on my face.

I tabled running for another day: maybe for a day with friends or dad, or maybe to get in better shape to play basketball. I took the pressure off of myself to get back into solo running so quickly. This conscious decision made me feel realigned and connected to myself, like I was doctor prescribing myself medicine. I've self diagnosed myself with a variety of maladies throughout the ups and downs of life but self-medicating in this way somehow felt new.

I still want to get back into running in some capacity soon, but I go to sleep today knowing that I gave myself love vs. doubt and thinking maybe tomorrow I might learn something about myself too.