I turned the corner and looked up. A slurry of umbrellas, worn down tables, and dirty jewel tones came into my line of sight at a particular height on the second story.

There are not too many second story bars located at that height with those umbrellas and worn down tables and dirty jewel tones in Laguna Beach.

It didn't cross my mind I would see it though I was only twenty steps away.

Kai had taken me on a date. Well, I hadn't known it was a date, until we drank wine and he paid for it. When he paid, I figured. Looking down I had enjoyed the view, and thought, hey, this is a good life. I wasn't particularly comfortable or happy but there was a peace there. More importantly, I knew what a good life should look like, and by then I was giving up on happiness as the summit of my mind. Kai was competent, the view was satisfactory, and the wine bitter but effective.

Two years later, we broke up on Zoom. He would have broken up with me earlier he said, but my birthday had been coming up.

I am quick to speak of Kai in positive terms in my memory and to my partners. I defend my judgement. You could say I'm desperate to believe my choices have led me on a perfectly suitable path of self development. So why am I left with a sour face?

The bar came into view. I thought and turned away simulataneously. My dad didn't notice. There were people around us living their lives, thank god. We kept walking. More thoughts generated and inserted themselves at their convenience over the next few weeks, all because I looked up on that stupid day.

I turned the corner and looked up. A slurry of umbrellas, worn down tables, and dirty jewel tones came into my line of sight at a particular height on the second story.

There are not too many second story bars located at that height with those umbrellas and worn down tables and dirty jewel tones in Laguna Beach.

It didn't cross my mind I would see it though I was only twenty steps away.

Kai had taken me on a date. Well, I hadn't known it was a date, until we drank wine and he paid for it. When he paid, I figured. Looking down I had enjoyed the view, and thought, hey, this is a good life. I wasn't particularly comfortable or happy but there was a peace there. More importantly, I knew what a good life should look like, and by then I was giving up on happiness as the summit of my mind. Kai was competent, the view was satisfactory, and the wine bitter but effective.

Two years later, we broke up on Zoom. He would have broken up with me earlier he said, but my birthday had been coming up.

I am quick to speak of Kai in positive terms in my memory and to my partners. I defend my judgement. You could say I'm desperate to believe my choices have led me on a perfectly suitable path of self development. So why am I left with a sour face?

The bar came into view. I thought and turned away simulataneously. My dad didn't notice. There were people around us living their lives, thank god. We kept walking. More thoughts generated and inserted themselves at their convenience over the next few weeks, all because I looked up on that stupid day.