(originally posted 5/29/23 to theitinerant.io)

Earlier today a veteran friend of mine, Cameron Armstrong shared an article he wrote (here) about what he calls “Veteran Imposter Syndrome.” The TL; DR, veterans need to stop downplaying their service.

It’s incredibly well written, with a high level of raw authenticity and vulnerability mixed with truth. It unintentionally catalyzed in me a recognition that probably applies to most civilians: we can – and must – do better, if only for ourselves.

Beginning this Memorial Day let’s commit, as civilians, to starting a different rhythm, one that pushes beyond the pleasantries of attending a parade, making a social media post or two thanking servicemen and women, and attending the proverbial BBQ.

I’m not going to recap Cameron’s article. You should read it for yourself. It will take no more than 10 minutes.

Allow me to explain.

(Image Credit:  Shutterstock)

How often do we really take time on either Memorial Day or Veteran’s Day (or the 4th of July) to reflect on, acknowledge, and truly appreciate what our past and present service members have done and continue to do for us personally? Not collectively under the auspices of the hard-to-actually conceptualize ‘nation-state’, but personally. If we’re honest…for most of us, the answer is ‘not much.’

For most of us, these days mean time off from work, time outdoors with family, and perhaps a bbq and a parade or two. Some of us may say a quick thank you to any veterans or service members in our lives. We may include a word of gratitude in prayer, extend positive wishes into the universe before lunch, or perhaps post on social media. That’s the extent of it.

“What more would you have me do?”

These things are fine. They’re certainly better than nothing at all. But I think we can do better. I know I can do better. We simply haven’t been challenged to go beyond the ingrained social habits of how we honor our veterans.

When we think about diversity, we often think about racial, religious, or gender identities. Our minds gravitate less immediately to other forms of diverse lived experiences, like military service. I think we’re missing out. There's so much richness to discover about the human experience in opening deep, genuine curiosity and inquiry into the lives of others who have experiences vastly different from our own. When we do so, we invariably extend a far deeper sense of appreciation for and gratitude towards who they are and what they’ve done.

If there's ever a day for service members to feel comfortable “bragging” about what they did and how it shaped who they are today (read Cameron’s post for context), it should be on days such as today. If there’s ever a day for civilians to intentionally seek out and enable sharing those lived experiences, it is today.

Open space and mindshare for discussion in a way that is likely challenging for most servicemembers to do themselves. Extend and encourage “permission to brag” (context in Cameron’s post).

To begin opening this space, here are three questions for the servicemembers in your life:

1. What is the biggest misunderstanding civilians have about what it is like to serve?

2. What are you most proud of (really, no downplaying) about your service time?

3. How can I (we) more thoughtfully learn from your experience such that we become individually and collectively better humans?

If you’ve read this far, thank you for your time. Seriously.

Consider also sending this article to any active servicemembers or veterans in your life. Ask if they’d be open to sharing more of their diverse experience with you.

My hunch – and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong – is that the seemingly simple act of genuine, self-interested inquiry also projects a deeper appreciation of what they have done for you personally and the value that their experience brings to the world, even long after the active service has concluded.