IMPORTANT BRACKY WEATHER ALERT 🌨
Forecast models indicate that ongoing snow and cold conditions may significantly reduce visible butt-tap activity during tonight’s game.
Historical data from the last snow game recorded only 3 confirmed taps, well below seasonal averages. Experts warn that cold hands, frozen emotions, and general shivering vibes can lead to fewer celebratory taps.
Please invest accordingly. Bundle up, lower expectations, and remember that a slick field is the natural enemy of the confident post-play tap.
This has been your official Butt Tap Market Weather Advisory.