As a child, I was always taught by my Elders that one’s actions spoke louder than their words. I always found it hard to express myself using words growing up so I was one of those kids who who found themselves “acting out” often. As I grew older and my desire for growth and wisdom became permanent, I began to look inward. Despite the infinite ways to meditate, the endless methods of divination, and twitter astrology threads, I still found it hard to get a good look at my self. Eventually, it became obvious that my Actions were the clearest reflection of my mind. At this point, I really started to take a deep moral inventory and walked through the moments in my life and all the actions I’ve made. Letting go who I thought I was and what I convinced myself was the meaning and intent of my actions and zoomed in on why I decided to take the paths that led me to the part of my journey I currently trod. Even then... these moments of the past, are not who I am now, and no where near who I was yesterday. It seems to me that the only way to get a clear look at my mind is to look clearly at the current moment and focus on what I am doing in the with no expectations just focusing on being present and deciding to act with no attachments to the consequences in order to let my mind clearly reflect in those actions.
Well…In regards to my personal journey, I suppose I succeeded in convincing myself that I am a lot closer to my destination but really it feels as if I was never far from it but travel further away the more I try to swim against the tide rather than let the current take my where it feels. I don’t feel any more enlightened or wise than I was a child. It’s as if every time I feel as if I understand my Mind it changes. The reality, that I am constantly changing was something I couldn’t run way from. It had to be accepted, whatever person I thought I was, remained as long as my footprints on the seashore. I began to believe that as long as I remained aligned with love and committed to growing, whomever that person is, they would reflect my truest self; Regardless of the many masks and faces it chooses to express itself with.
I suppose it started long before this life even started. I like to believe I’ve been on this journey for hundreds of years. That I am who I am for longer than that. That I’ll always be and that there wasn’t a time where I wasn’t. I like to imagine that every life I live start is similar to a seed that grows into a Flower left behind as I repeat the process time and time again. I suppose this time my seed was planted in a concrete jungle. The love was warm… sometimes burning, compared to the cold streets that it was nurtured in. The smiles came and go like waves. Emotions flooded the community like an ocean that carried messages from distant times lost in their tides. I grew to trust people as much as I trusted their actions. I loved people but I did not love the things people did. Things fueled by anger and trauma. The people’s minds grow more idle and their vision became more narrow. Their actions became more shallow. Division and Imbalances are things I am very familiar with and things I have actively decided to work against. See it is to my understanding that even the most brightest and beautiful flowers grow from darkness. They spend periods of time away from any form of light and eventually grow into a being that is sustained by it. The rose that grows from a thorny bush. The sweet fruit bared by a tree with bitter leaves. That is me. A product of Alchemy and Love.
It doesn’t. LMAO nah fr though. I hope that one day I can look back and be able to digest my life and process all of my experiences to the extent that I am able to full alchemize and transmute my wisdom into something that may help, the generation or traveler that follows a similar path as me, grow and learn to live and love like I one day hope to do effortlessly in the end.
