Today I got for the first time in my life the meaning of the sentence “the truth will make you free”. In my mind was looking UP to this sentence like the happening that would have confirmed its veracity in my life. Well, I have always spoken the truth, my truth and from the bottom of my heart BUT the people were seeming upset by it, mysteriously for me — I never understood why when I was speaking my truth this was systematically neglected. Tons of pain, and confusion, in the exhausting search for someone to believe me, at least try to listen to what I was trying to tell or to explain. While just wondering in the dark of the mystery and the misery of the misinterpretation of my truth I never surrendered.

I have been used to the judgment even in places where it shouldn’t have been that way —- I just started to believe the stories about me BUT one day not knowing why I started to REACT by neglecting those stories. They were NOT mine and they were untrue so not worth my trust as the people telling them. I learned that when something or someone is telling a story concerning me with my voice BUT not my consent, this person is not trustworthy. It can be told on behalf and as the paladin of a culture, the hero of an ideology, or the undiscussed leader of a group of people, the biggest practitioner of a lifestyle, even the deepest pure monk of high ideals and will BUT if it’s told neglecting my truth and creating confusion, rage, resentment, darkness in me, well it’s not worth my trust. I was learning trust without knowing it, starting from the elimination of what I didn’t trust. Starting from bringing the “new story” taught by a real monk from the macro to the micro, to me. Which was the REAL story of my life, the story that mirrored the truth hidden behind all that confusion?

I slowly found it and started again talking about it just turning my shoulders to the ones not willing to listen every time, gently taking distance, turning my shoulders and telling myself “they don’t believe me, so they are not worth my trust”; while in the same time listening to their opinions and using those as a mean toward self-understanding. So my knowledge of myself grew proportionally to my isolation. BUT I was feeling better and better, more sure of myself, more able to trust myself, and more empowered in nourishing my truth. One day I told to a stranger just like that as almost a confession or a kind of strange opening, never experienced before like instinctually talking of a deep hurting truth buried in the darkness of the shades of my rage. The same rage that so many times have been neglected and actually was my defense together with its companion fear. That person helped me in digging deeper into that superficial angry truth he believed in and more truths came out and more and more and it was just like a cleansing. I talked with another stranger and then with some of my family members and then with some people from my wider family.

I was feeling freer and freer, the anger was disappearing, I was feeling safer and safer, appreciated, and I started even to love and respect myself more, to take care, to really understand the expression “stay safe” and when someone was telling this to me to feel the care. Words of people were resonating within in a different way, life had a different taste, I was free and I was having my social redemption at first in my eyes BUT —- the most important I finally understood the reason for all the unanswered “whys” of my times of pain…

I am walking the path of forgiveness now, slowly and respecting the timing of my healing process.

I can now state that for me with NO truth, NO understanding, NO social redemption, NO safety, FORGIVENESS couldn’t happen; it could transform just in an EGOIC acceptance of my possibly becoming a good martyr fighting against injustice while nourishing under the veil of my sedated subconscious rage, hate, anger —- I refused and I choose to speak my truth —- someone heard and maybe everyone understood.

REAL healing can happen now not only for me and this is the meaning I can recognize of “creating harmony”.

Forcing darkness on people trying to come out of it —- doesn’t create consciousness in my opinion but just tons of REVENGE feelings. Just a small feedback from an unaware simple humble human.

The truth will make you free and thankful — none can give a lesson to another not knowing the ROOT subject of the teaching.

Be still and know that day and night, be still and know that dark and light are one holy circle —- thanks to that man.