Many of us are familiar with the concept of compassion: to feel someone else’s pain and want to do something to help. Seeing someone suffering can instill in us the need to be kind to others, to show understanding, and consideration. To help in any way that we can.

However, it can be difficult to find that level of compassion for ourselves. The saying is to “treat yourself as you would a friend,” but even with conscious effort, we can find ourselves unable to recognise our own suffering, to help ourselves.

It often means that we are harsh when we make mistakes, quite unforgiving. When we’re unable to reach a goal, or find ourselves down on our luck, it can seem as though compassion is too soft to gain the results we want, so we punish ourselves even more.

A question that provides some insight is “has being harsh towards myself ever worked?” Has it helped me? Has it brought about change? Am I being harsh towards myself and by extension perhaps harsh towards others in some way?

For me, being harsh towards myself hasn’t worked, but being compassionate has. When I find ways to be compassionate, I find a sweetness that encourages me to be more open, to let down my defenses, and allow the flow of loving kindness. If I am harsh I tense up, I retreat into myself, and I make less progress- often ending up back where I started.

Finding compassion for ourselves can help to us to heal if we’re suffering and potentially allow others to treat us compassion too.