I am still fixated on using explanations as a method of trying to lead people. That just doesn't work. You can't explain something to someone who doesn't want what you want and doesn't need to listen to you.

You can't explain something so someone who isn't ready to hear.

So why do I still get upset and try to figure out ways of convincing them before I prove it. I wish we where a team. I wish we were deepening our connection and our relationships. I want a better relationship next year with my sibling than I do this year.

I really bothers me that it seems like they don't care. They don't seem to do anything about our relationship. I go to see them they have never come to see me, they also don't treat me with any respect.

Why given their history would I expect them to change? I shouldn't and I don't. I just want them too. Same goes for amr and mic.

Okay damn. pattern. people don't change, until they do. i need to come to an understanding about this a deep one.

this has caused me tons of trouble. like it's not this only but this is a big one. people are what they are until they are not. why? I'm the same way. talking showers, cleaning my room, so many things. i just one day got it.

My sisters don't get it. talking to them about it wont help them get it. there is nothing to say. they either treat me with respect or they don't. End of story. They either are or they are not.

I want to put this behind me for good. I don't want to lie in bed or spend my days being frustrated they they are being so dumb. Not to mention I will end up being as dumb if I am frustrated about it and then that causes me to no perform and do what I need to do.

So that's why, I'm letting them affect me negatively. They just don't have it and that's okay. They are not like me. They are comfortable with the lens they have, and they don't want to change.

Thinking about them, particularly this version of them, is spending time with people you don't want to spend time with. I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to intentionally improve our relationship. I don't want to spend time with people that don't respect me, that go out of their way for me.

Be and create what you see in them, all they do is show you what you want for yourself.