For years, I kept writing. Day after day, month after month. At first, I had different motivations. Over time, those motivations changed, but the act of writing itself remained. Sometimes I thought: what a shame it would be if I died and nobody ever read these words. A few people did, here and there, and they liked them. But publishing them publicly? That’s tough. Why? Because these notes are completely real. They are me—unfiltered.

Now I want to share them, year by year, memory by memory. These are the raw notes of a 30-year-old man. A man who has never had intimacy, never had a girlfriend, doesn’t know how to connect with women, and is even afraid of it. And now, for the first time, he has a girlfriend. She is a widow, and she was the one who first mentioned intimacy.

This is where it all begins.