A grey blanket of clouds covered the sky. The soil became wet from the drops that fell from them.
Bodhilama found himself in a different mood.
There was something to process.
Writing, he didn't feel at all.
At first he wanted to force himself to write.
But it did not feel right. So, he went to the Honey Queen.
"Ooh, Honey Queen, your majesty
My highest gratitude for holding space for me today."
"Ahh, my little Bodhi.
The appreciation is all mine.
My heart always skips a beat when you drop by.
So, tell me where does the shoe pinch?"
"I told myself, to write everyday for the next 365 days.
That is a challenge I have never set myself before.
I feel like I have to do it, that I really have to stick to it every day.
Something in me will change, once I break through this strong resistance within me.
Once, I get past that voice that says:
'Stay here in the comfort zone. It's cozy here.
Why do you wanna go out? You will only experience suffering.'
But I've found that sitting in this comfort zone is the real suffering.
I actually want to expand my comfort zone.
So I'm really telling myself to stick to what I said.
To write everyday.
But today I can feel some emotions coming up.
I have to process them, and I don't really feel like writing.
What I am feeling is unworthiness. That I am not good enough.
I don't enjoy anything I do.
I don't feel pleasure & joy. Even when I am writing.
I feel like I'm forcing myself, which causes me stress."
"Bodhi, sweetie!
Be gentle with yourself.
It is good what you are doing. Stick with it!
It takes a lot of discipline. A lot of willpower.
When you look back, your future self will be proud.
This process will change you as a person.
Yet, just remember what you wrote earlier.
Be kind and gentle with yourself.
And if you don't feel like writing.
Then just write two lines, that is enough.
You are enough.
You are always enough.
Even two lines are enough.
You don not do it for the quantity.
You do it for showing up, every day."
When she said those lines, he began to cry.
"Thank you. I think I needed to hear that.
I know that I am good enough.
But a lot of times I just forget that.
It feels good to hear it from someone else.
To hear it from you.
Thank you, your Highest, Your Majesty.
I will just write two line today, that's it.
That's good enough.
Tell me, oooh Honey Queen,
how can I show my gratitude to you?"
"Ach Bodhi, I do it because I am in service for my people.
There is nothing more I need from you than your smile.
But maybeeee......
...you can bring me some of the delicious honey from your wild bees next time,
will yah?"
"As Your Majesty wishes."
The rain stopped, but the clouds had not yet disappeared.
In deep Contemplation,
Bodhilama
These are the Letters of Bodhilama, a guy who lives in a time of transformation.
A guy who felt the urge to write, because nothing else made any sense.
A guy who is a student, teacher & creator of (wild)Planet108.
A solar punk finding his way on the game's journey of life.
Subscribe to become part of the stories he tells.
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