For over 20 years I have been drinking way too much alcohol. I’ve had too many blackouts, too many arguments, too many mistakes and regrets. Enough is enough.

While writing this post I am drinking a very large glass of red wine. I’ve already had a large straight Vodka and three cans of beer. After this large glass of wine I have a new bottle primed … I won’t go to bed until the bottle is empty. Unless I fall asleep on the sofa in a stupa, there never is anything left in the bottle.

I’m ashamed of my actions, the countless nights I have ruined for the family. The awful moods that have followed a heavy night on the booze. I’m ashamed of the professional lier I have become. How I buy two bottles of wine from the supermarket and conceal one on my return, so I can swap out the 3/4 one I have already drunk.

I will have no problem getting off to sleep tonight, I never do … but come 4:30 tomorrow morning I will be tossing and turning in bed, switching from left to right on my pillow before laying on my back and then onto my front, before starting the process again.

At only 47 I am already on the maximum amount of blood pressure tablets plus a beta blocker. My GP said I am a heart attack or stroke waiting to happen. I am over weight, unhealthy and unfit.

I have a beautiful wife, whom I love and prey she still loves me. I do not know why the hell she had put up with me for all these years. I feel awful in admitting I don’t think I would have stuck with her should the shoes be on the other foot.

Tomorrow brings change. I am determined to stop drinking, fix the things I have broken, make amends and sort my life out.