This topic is close to my heart because it affects everyone. Whether you build, market, sell, pitch or look for job. We all have meetings with "higher stakes" and the psychology works its tricks the same way for everyone.

There’s a fragile moment between doing the work and receiving the reward. A liminal space where the deal is done, the pitch meeting is over, interview is finished, the proposal has been sent, and all that’s left to do is wait.

That space - the one before success actually materializes - is where many of us sabotage ourselves.

We get anxious. We overthink. We start to spiral into protective mind-space.

The mind, in its twisted way of protecting us, begins feeding insecurity. “Maybe they didn’t like it.” “Maybe I said something wrong.” “Maybe I’m not that good after all.”

You have to realize: that spiral is not reality. It's in your head.

It’s fear wearing the mask of wisdom. It feels rational because your brain is doing exactly what it’s evolved to do - prepare you for disappointment.

But in doing so, it steals from you the only thing you truly control: your mental state. You don't control others, you don't control the world, but you can (and must) control yourself, your mental state.

The Science of the Spiral

What’s happening here is well-documented in cognitive psychology. When we encounter uncertainty - like waiting to hear back after a job interview, sales pitch, or investor meeting - our brain kicks into a state of “ambiguity distress.”

In his book Feeling Good, which heavily leans into cognitive behavioral therapy, Dr. David Burns describes this as “fortune-telling” - one of the ten classic cognitive distortions. The anxious mind starts predicting negative outcomes without evidence. And because the brain is trying to help you avoid pain, it convinces you these outcomes are real.

It’s emotional time-traveling: living in a future that hasn’t happened, reacting to a rejection that hasn’t come. This mind behaviour is also a reason why most things that mean "progress" feel painful - exercise, improving, learning, etc.

And when we sit in that emotional posture long enough, we become the rejection. So when the good news does come - or even a neutral request for clarification - we can’t receive it cleanly. We meet it with defensiveness, guarded tone, or even mistrust.

Because the version of you that "knew you were good" is now buried under three days of panic and imaginary failure - NOT GOOD!

You End Up Projecting Insecurity, Not Confidence

This is why it’s critical to guard your mental state after a good meeting or a strong performance.

Because when the client calls you back, or the investor follows up, or the recruiter pings with a question - how you show up in that moment will inevitably influence the outcome.

If your emotional state has shifted from confidence to neediness, from power to paranoia, you’ll act from that place.

You’ll read neutral feedback as criticism. You’ll hear “we need more time” as “we’re not interested.”

You’ll respond with subtle defensiveness. Your tone will be off. Your energy won’t match the confident person they first said YES to.

And the worst part? You’ll start blaming them - “why haven’t they called?” “Why are they making me wait?” “Why can’t they see my greatness?” ... sounds familiar? 🤔

That bitterness has nothing to do with them. It’s your insecurity trying to pin the feeling on something outside you. And you already know it's bad way to do business, or even live life.

The Identity Gap

Dr. Joe Dispenza, in his research on neuroplasticity and change, talks about how the brain resists becoming “someone new” because it’s addicted to the familiar feelings of the old self. I know this one very very well.

Let’s say you’ve just crushed a pitch. You were in flow. You felt powerful. That’s a "new self" emerging.

But in the silence that follows, the old you creeps back in. The one who’s been disappointed before. The one who’s not used to winning. The one who thinks success is a fluke. Yeap - we also call it imposter syndrome.

Dispenza is saying - your job in that moment isn’t to overwork the deal. It’s to hold the line emotionally. To protect that fragile emergence of the “next version of you.” Because if you let fear win, you regress.

And more practically — you lose the energetic thread that created the win in the first place.

Practical Moves to Keep Your Mind Clean

1. Label the Loop: When you feel yourself spiraling, just name it. “Ah, the post-pitch panic is here.” That little dose of mindfulness creates distance between you and the narrative.

2. Reclaim Your Power: Remember, you already did the thing. You gave the talk, you sent the email, you showed up. Let that version of you carry the moment. Don’t overwrite it with false drama.

3. Shift to Creation Mode: Waiting is reactive. Creating is proactive. Instead of checking your inbox 40 times, make something. A new article. A new connection. A product update. DM or call someone. Go for a run! Momentum builds confidence.

4. Self-Soothe with Truth: You’re not crazy to feel anxious. But you are responsible for your state. Remind yourself: “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I choose to trust myself anyway.”

5. Play the Long Game: Most people ruin relationships because they want a win right now. And I want that too, now! But the reality is that lasting success comes from building relationships that grow over time. Showing up like a pro even when you don’t feel like one - that’s rare. And that’s also magnetic!

The Moment Before the Win "is" the Win

The big mistake is thinking success starts when the outcome arrives. No. It starts in the moment you choose to trust yourself while waiting.

That moment - the clean mind, the calm posture, the refusal to spiral - is where power accumulates. That’s the mental gym most people skip. Just name it and you'll find the distance from the crazy spiral.

It’s not about “positive vibes” or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about owning your internal state so that you’re ready for whatever comes - the deal, the no, the delay, the yes - without needing it to validate you.

And remember - you don't control that part. So don't waste your life on it. Because here’s the truth: if you can’t handle waiting with grace, you won’t handle winning with grace either.

Some success guru said before: "Success isn’t just about talent or timing. It’s about who you become in the waiting room between action and result."

I certainly agree that it's about WHO YOU BECOME, not about talent or timing. So what can you do now?

Takeaways - remember:

1. Uncertainty triggers emotional spirals. Learn to recognize and defuse them before they shape your behavior.

2. The way you handle the silence after success matters just as much as the success itself.

3. Your mind is a projection machine - don’t let insecurity create imaginary enemies out of silent allies.

4. Hold your emotional line. The version of you that won the pitch deserves to finish the game.

5. Focus on mastering the “moment before the win” the same way you focused on "mastering the pitch.". Don't lose cool like most people. You don’t have to.

This one is bigger than it looks. I'd love to hear what you think. Did it give you perspective needed to build better? Shoot me an email or just DM.

Till next time, let's BUILD BETTER!

BFG

Coming Up Next:

In the upcoming letters I'll explore what are potential underdog themes and edge ideas that present opportunities for small, fast-moving Web3 teams.

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