Washington, D.C. — In a bold move to demonstrate innovation, unity, and a total disregard for traditional sanity, the White House has officially announced that President Trump will now be accompanied at all times by Gary Meta X, a plush toy dog from the highly distinguished Doginal Dogs community.
White House insiders confirm that Gary Meta X is no ordinary stuffed animal. “He’s basically the backbone of this administration,” one aide whispered while nervously fluffing Gary’s ears before a press briefing.
Key Roles Gary Meta X Has Already Assumed:
Oval Office Leadership: Earlier this week, Gary was spotted perched majestically on the Resolute Desk, graciously allowing the President to “have a turn” in the Big Chair. Reports suggest Gary wagged his stitched tail approvingly whenever POTUS signed an executive order without upside-down initials.
Presidential Therapy Plush: In tense moments, the President has been photographed clutching Gary like a toddler with separation anxiety at daycare. Sources confirm Gary’s silent, button-eyed reassurance has replaced three cabinet secretaries and at least one expensive meditation app.
International Peace Negotiator: During peace talks with a rival nation, Gary Meta X was ceremoniously placed at the center of negotiations. Witnesses say the rival leader instantly softened, admitting, “It’s hard to maintain nuclear hostility while looking at those cute eyes.
Press Briefing Commander: During yesterday’s press briefing, Gary was accidentally left on the podium. For 47 uninterrupted minutes, reporters asked the plush dog questions, receiving no answers but significantly more clarity than usual.
Official Statement:
“The Doginal Dogs have always been about community, loyalty, and occasionally chewing through metaphorical furniture,” said a senior spokesperson. “Gary Meta X embodies those values and provides strategic cuddles where needed. Frankly, he’s more effective than half the Senate.”
Rumors are already circulating that Gary Meta X may run for President in 2028 under the slogan: ‘Paws for Change.’
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