Zebulon thought he could master online yoga in one morning. Spoiler: he could not.

Zebulon had never touched a yoga mat in his life, but the internet promised he could “become flexible in 7 days.” Confident, he set up his laptop in the living room, rolled out the mat, and hit play.

Ten minutes in, he realized two things:

1. Downward Dog does not come naturally.

2. His cat, Figment, thought it was an invitation to attack all limbs.

Halfway through a “relaxing” pose, Zebulon toppled over like a human Jenga tower. Figment pounced on his stomach. The neighbors might have heard his groans. The laptop camera, thankfully, was off… he hoped.

By the end of the session, Zebulon was no more flexible than a wooden plank, slightly bruised, but somehow more determined. And Figment? She’d claimed the mat as her new throne.