On the same bed that I’ve slept on for almost 30 years I’ve woken up again today, it’s an old habit to stay in my bed after I’ve woken up, just to comprehend what day or time of the day it is, sadly I lose count as age slowly has taken away my sense of timely manner.

When I lay here on this worn-out bed, often odd feelings sweep through my system like where I used to be and where I am and in the time being I’m void of all of those surprisingly.

Nonetheless my backache feels lighter, and the more that these moments are being partaken of my life I see it’s not only that I feel, my whole body is the same, may if a feather like feature in me has been awakened, and in terms of non-physical presence I feel a spiritual apathetic paradise, now that I see is not the humanly guilt that is away, it’s different. A man of old sport like me can’t accommodate without knowing what he is facing and I rather name my newly found solemn paradise. But what name is worthy to it. All I ever felt was pain and now I feel nothing, well nothingness might be good.

Now thinking about the matter ‘nothingness’ it’s the name I’ve chosen for this feeling, simply it has only been mere seconds ever since I’ve woken up but today, and my apathetic heart empty is being pushed to feel the heat of passion through my brain of a refreshed man, what day I shall say.

Still though Free of all displeasure, out of pain and misery, with no anxiety or stress like I had felt throughout the long course of my existence, I wonder what’s this estrange day. Maybe God has finally noticed my prayers, yet in disbelief I am of his power, a full on atheist, but after all as a human being I need shelter, from everyone and everywhere, and for sure it’s a humanly destined path to follow only the greatness in the times of misery and pain, In a funny way an atheist like me tended the church a lot, I know that I’m vary of greatness, but I needed to be there, between people who are faithful, just to see their joys and ignorance just to feel better about everything, maybe this need of contrast slowly caused my solitariness throughout a certain part of my life, and in my prayers in those church days I remember asking God to turn me into a cat so I can live a short life being fed by human beings, loved and petted and in the end of day purring till I fall sleep, Maybe today that prayer have been answered, but instead of a cat I’ve become something greater, as I don’t feel no paws or fur anywhere on my body. As soon as I became aware of no fur or tail or anything situation, “for sure I’m still a human” I thought.

Then proceeded to get up using my hands, this time they weren’t swollen and useless as always, they were stronger than my hands when I was in my 20s, and when I look at them, they seem transparent.

I’m dead.

A dead man in his humbled Japanese house, light wooden pillars complimented with white cloth, darker wooden flooring, the simplest of home decoration as if They belong to years ago, and they indeed did. Look closely and notice the faded and ashen sofa, the small tv and unfamiliar big book shelf made out of dark oak and foreign in sight, safe to say a studio as a half wall separates my bed from the living room and kitchen. The cadence of my fear of greatness is to be seen here, even the house lacks everything to be comfy, as I even punished myself to feel nothing but discomfort, or maybe I’m just used to this discomfort and misery, that I feel like I want to be perhaps tied to be inadequacy forever.

Momentarily As I have changed my position into a sitting one, I think of my house in many ways that never have been done, it is indeed different from what it used to be, the air or lightings different in sense but same in sight, now I’m used to being dead I see it all as norm. anyhow this is where I have to be forever now, still there’s a small part of me that’s doesn’t accept it, I did mention my delusions, maybe it’s one of those. am I dreaming? It was in that moment that all of these thoughts collapsed with a soothing sound.

-no, you aren’t It was a woman, wearing a white dress, looking foreign, she has amazing dark brown hair and an arched nose though small in size, her built is quite slim and her skin looks a bit pale, though her lips are a cherry red tint just like a corpse that’s mummified, all pretty but there’s something off about her eyes, in the depth of her look I could see that she was honest, scaringly powerful her gaze is and then she starts to slowly smile, the hastened smile was freakish in a way that my deadened emotions over flew with fear and hysterical pulses.

The smiling woman was sitting down in front of the bed putting both of her hands on the front of the bed and her head on them, she also has tilted her head a bit, now more abolishing in sight she was, and more terrified I was of her presence.

-do you know who I am She said

Suddenly she looked familiar, my sense of terror vanished as soon I heard her voice, it was the most soothing sound known to me. Just like a lullaby that is sang to a kid, I was calmed.

-you seem quite familiar I answered.

-Because we are, isn’t it weird that you have a woman in your house who you don’t know, yet she strikes you with her kindness of offering a welcoming conversation?

Her words came to stun me even more now that I remember the face, as if never left my mind even a day until now.

-Are you dead too? I asked calmly

-She joined me 20 years ago, way before you would, but as she promised you would be reunited in afterlife.

In that mere moment I crumbled, I started to shiver unconstrainedly, the feelings that I felt as human were gone, yet much mores have started to form, like as you die you become more emotional as a ghost, I took a look at my hands and then It was the two old familiar hands I noticed on the sides of me, I jumped out of the bed in awe, and in that moment I saw my body was just the exact acceptance I knew of my death. Her smile started widening even more, knowing her eyes I just realized it’s not her but the resemblance was so on point that if she acted like her I might have believed it’s her.

-You’re either death or an angel I said calmly

-I’m both actually, in your case you’ve been a good person that’s why I look like this, I’m here to grant you one last wish.

-I wasn’t

-God, has he’s own system of judgement, you were in his judgement.

-I never believed in him then how?

-You didn’t yet you were honest, kind and respectful

-Still, I made bad decisions

-You were a human, that’s what your kind does.

looking up to her more precisely all of her appearance was fabricated, the honesty in her eyes was simply a demeanor of the inner goodness she had as an angel, and the scary smile came from her lack of humanly emotions, as we all know if you’re aerial, you don’t act humane in no possible ways.

We humans are incomplete creature as it’s the complete opposite for angels whom only crave the greater good they are way, they’re way more scient species than us human beings, I do indeed appreciate her effort in becoming more human for me to be more understanding.

-Takahashi Izumi, 85, former painter and now a living legend, you look nothing when you were young, tall handsome with a face not short of an angel, your life has been hard.

She said then proceeded to stand up, and stared into my eyes and continued:

-What’s your last wish? Izumi.

-Her, I want to be with her as my last wish.

as I spoke She sat there silently and kept smiling, saying nothing and in moments later we both were in Shibuya district, void of crowd with those bright lights as always partaking the night, knowing the district full of sounds and now it being hollow without a soul in miles I noticed is that everything here seems so easy to accept, as an alive person, panic is the most common reaction while as a dead person, feels like this is where I have been belonging to my entire life.

In the far exactly at the gate of the southern entrance where I first saw her I see a glare. The glare walking slow and steady towards me. And I await her more and more, I feel a warmth through my whole system noticing it’s her, if I could give her my life, I know I would’ve yet I was incompetence of that matter, now in all of our promise of meeting after life. I see her, as I imagined her once was I alive fully shining of light, as a star she was. Now a true one of course Now it’s the time for I to leave you.

this is your heaven, and you are the allcosm of existence here. Once as human you cried that everything is forced upon you and all you could ever do was to accept and prosper through courses, now here what your heart’s desire is true. Death said peacefully as she slowly faded her smile.

Death then acted on clapping her hands, blinding all of the lights even the stars and the moon and there I stood as if Shibuya was disappeared and then there everything was pitching darkness except for her my glowing light that was approaching me slowly and it was just a 300 ft far. In those moments I could see the young me exiting the same gate that she came out of, I was so occupied with thoughts of my meeting that day, just like every young man holding onto materials as I defied myself by status and wealth. that company that I worked for just created a new department assigning me as the director of that department and I was late, not a good picture to leave in the first day, buy indeed I was still happy, to become this successful in that age what was I longed for all of my life until then at least.

That day I remember I ran as fast as I could, going two stairs a step, I ran so fast that I hit her with all of my body falling all over her, I usually expect people to shout out of top of their lungs and insult me which even in a proper culture like Japan is just average, but all she did there was just smiling. In that mere moment I fell in love with her, those eyes, and that soul took mine into hers, she gives me a flier which she picked up from her bag, I became stunned it was her magic Afterall she just knew how to make me forget myself and become this person whose just calm in every sense and every place, even in that place where people were judging me at first and then her for being so nice over my improper behavior.

I looked at the flier it read, “flower shop, start your day with a flower”

-you specially could use a flower, I’m sure you’re late to somewhere which you don’t belong I knows that’s somewhere which stresses you out, at least bring some flowers there.She said gently Then she stood up laughing joyfully went on and took my hand and dragged me with herself, the flower shop was a bit out of place in Shibuya district, I used to get there all the time as our office was on the street aside from it, but never noticed her shop. Moments later we were in the store and she handed me a Boquete of lilies.

-Be my guest she said.

The timing of my memories matched perfectly with her arrival The light had finally arrived, and now standing in front of me, it was her, the one that I let go knowing it as my biggest mistake, now in front of me she stood.

-That was how we met do you remember? she said

I slowly offered her my hand and she accepted my offer by taking it.

-My Izumi, it’s all over now, we can be whoever we want, do whatever we can unlike our past lives she said.

-Yes, Megumi, here it’s only us, let’s be how we should’ve been as we were alive.